So, “Nice Guys” are causing a stir on the Internet again, thanks largely to a new(ish) Tumblr blog called “Nice Guys” of Ok Cupid, which posts selected highlights from the OKCupid profiles of self-proclaimed “nice guys” who make it very clear, in their profiles and in their answers to OKCupid’s “match” questions, that they are in fact anything but nice.
Some of them are actual or potential date rapists, convinced that women that they’re “nice” to owe them sex. Others are bitter from too many rejections, and launch long tirades in their profiles about how women are bitches and whores. Still others are clueless on a more fundamental level, declaring that women have “an obligation to shave their legs” and otherwise prettify themselves for men while noting that they themselves only shower or brush their teeth occasionally.
It’s not clear how any of this is supposed to convince the women of OKCupid that these angry, ranting, hapless-yet-entitled “nice guys” are indeed as “nice” as advertised, much less convince any rational human being to have sex with them.
The site is a goldmine of unintentional self-revelation — as is a similar site with the name of, er, OKCupid Goldmine — and I’ve spent hours looking through the pictures on both sites and discussing them with friends. The only reason I haven’t linked to it in the past is that neither of them blur out the faces of the people they feature, which seems to me a pretty major invasion of privacy. (As you no doubt have noticed, I’ve taken the liberty of somewhat creeepily disguising the faces of the guys in the pics I’m posting here.) But “Nice Guys of OKCupid has been pretty widely discussed, linked to by Jezebel (1, 2) and The Guardian and even the Men’s Rights subreddit, to mention merely a few examples; Ok Cupid Goldmine is also provoking discussions. Posts on both sites regularly get dozens if not hundreds of comments and reblogs on Tumblr. The cat’s already out of the bag.
Here are a couple more of these “Nice Guys” with their faces all spiral-ized:
In-grown hairs really hurt right above your eye too!
I will never understand how guys think that half their face somehow balances out with a decent portion of the face, including a sensitive area, and the entire lower body, including a massively sensitive area. (And even that excludes underarms, forearms, tummy hair, darker chest hairs – I have 4 I regularly pluck because I am self-conscious- and probably more that it is not uncommon for women to remove and for men to expect an absence of hair.)
I actually know a woman whose boyfriend told her that he’d prefer it if she shaved her legs and various other body parts, and she responded that she’d start shaving these if he did as well. And he said “okay, fair enough”, so they both started shaving like everything. They would sure consume lots of razors and/or batteries in that household, but to each his own.
I had naturally super thin eyebrows until my thirties, when they expanded. However, since I’m blond with gothy make-up, I simply paint only as much of my eyebrows as I want visible, and don’t care that some blond hairs you gotta stand two centimetres from the mirror to see grows outside of the painted lines. Blondes have more fun! Because we don’t have to pluck eyebrows!
@timetravelingfool ; )
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Turtles_all_the_way_down
I totally realize that I’m being overly sensitive to what was almost surely meant as a very funny and cute statement about some kids playing with a doggy, but MAN do I not like statements that make it sound like someone “kicking the crap out of” a dog is totes adorable.
That said, I looooooove boxers. Smart doggies.
Also, HI HEATHENBEE!
@ Dvarg- Yeah, high fives!!
Haha, thanks heathenbee!
@ Dvärghundspossen
That’s awesome! I’m a blonde, but only on the top of my head. Eyebrows, armpits, arms, legs, etc. are all dark. It was hard because my mom and sister are both light hair all over and that added to the pressure from friends to shave and “look right.”
JSSSing. Just Saying Stupid Shit. I think you all can infer how it should be pronounced.
Woah, this thread! First, on the least relevant topic: tortishells are always female because black and ginger are both on the x chromosome. So the only way for a male cat to be tortishell is either XXY (tend to die young 🙁 ) or in some cases genetically black with mutated cells that turn hairs ginger, causing them to appear torti.
Ginger males are more common because a female cat with a ginger gene on one chromosome will tend to have black on the other, so they need two of the ginger genes to show ginger. Hence lots of litters with ginger boys and torti girls. But it’s just less common, not virtually impossible like torti girls.
hellkell, I luff your kitty! I was all sad the adoption page wasn’t working for me, but then I got hoodie pictures. =^.^=
I find the whole construct totally bizarre. There does legitimately seem to be a small number of teenagers that do this… but it’s not really any different to dudes exaggerating their interest to fit in. *shrug*
Plus, you’re going to establish very quickly by talking to someone if they’re actually interested, so being pre-emptively rude is just dickish, on top of the obvious sexism. It is frustrating as shit to see these douches alienate the women who are interested in “geeky” things, at the same time as whining that no women like them. O_o You’re hard done by for being a geek… you think it’s better being a lady geek that doesn’t fit in regular social groups but is ostracised by geek communities? Arseholes.
Cynic is really irritating me this thread. Mostly because it’s annoying having to scroll past 1/2 a page of his shite. Go away, we don’t care, you’ve admitted you’re not here in good faith so stop wasting our time.
I do find the analysis of expectations on women to shave interesting. I remember I HATED my pubic hair from as soon as it grew in. Brazilians were starting to come into fashion but it wasn’t really big. I was seriously uncomfortable with pubic hair though. I strongly suspect because a combination of trauma and transness makes me deeply uncomfortable with my vulva, somehow the extra texture just made me more conscious of my female genitals than I’d prefer? I am currently getting laser, but I don’t bother to shave in between because nothing I’ve done stops my skin getting super irritated. I don’t especially like how nakedness looks on me, or on other women, nor does my [male] partner prefer it but it’s my body and I am super happy when I’m totally smooth so there you go.
It is fucking weird how much stuff gets under your skin. I identify as transmasculine but present as a mildly butch woman and I doubt I’ll ever transition. I’ll go in public with hairy legs and armpits but despite wanting to be read as androgynous (it happens very occasionally) I am more comfortable with depilated legs and armpits. Zero care about my arms because it was never a thing around me. Never cared about eyebrows until I started getting them shaped and now it bugs me. I also love femme men so like shaped eyebrows from that perspective as well.
tl;dr: even when your gender identity leans masculine, living as female until you’re an adult gets under your skin big time.
“I totally realize that I’m being overly sensitive to what was almost surely meant as a very funny and cute statement about some kids playing with a doggy, but MAN do I not like statements that make it sound like someone “kicking the crap out of” a dog is totes adorable.”
Yeah, probably badly worded. They were both about 2-3 years old while they did it though, if that helps the mental image. They didn’t know better.
Re female ‘staches:
JD Samson makes me drool.
“It is fucking weird how much stuff gets under your skin.”
I’m constantly amazed by the lengths women go to to feel socially acceptable. I almost never think about how I look when I go out to run errands or something, but for many women it’s completely different.
Oo, and CWS, if you ever get your staffie pictures up do share! I believe in the US people often use “staffie” to refer to American Staffordshire Terriers rather than Staffordshire Bull Terriers, and while ASTs aren’t that big they’re considerable bigger than SBTs (or APBT).
Nepenthe– perhaps “Just Sayin'”, or JSing (“jizzing”)
I see Diogenes has been stinking up the joint with talk of his fee-fees and how mean we are. OH BOO-HOO, ASSHOLE, LEARN TO ACT RIGHT OR FUCK OFF.
Atomicgrizzly, I love your nicknames for him.
Here’s more kitty, all tuckered out after a supervised visit with his sisters and house exploration.
Ok, I am slowly catching up —
drst — “@Argenti – from last night, I love the Odyssey mostly because I wrote a paper on how the Wizard of Oz is the same story.
(Dorothy/Odysseus go into a dream state, encounter strange creatures, a powerful sorceress, monsters, wise elders who help them get home, etc.)”
I may have to reread it (eventually) with that in mind, it just bored me so much, but I read it for a class that was already boring beyond belief.
Shiraz — “Oh, by the way, my Tardis is in the shop for repairs.” — Italian Renaissance painters when you get it back? (Yes, I have actually pondered wtf I’d do with time travel, and watching Da Vinci and Michangelo work top the list)
timetravellingfool —
“Oh how sweet, the child presents his expectations of how people around him should behave, and when he is told it is inconvenient and unreasonable he responds by calling them socially inept. Dear Stupid Cynic Guy: if there is more than one person in a social setting i.e. here, on the internet, saying you are wrong for your silly media driven expectations on whatisacceptable to proclaim to women, you are the one in the wrong. Do you imagine we all live on an internet island together where we conceive of these ideas just to frustrate you? No, you egotistical three year old, we all live in the outside world, and go about our daily business and manage to have happy, fulfilling lives without one asshole demanding we shave our whatevers for his sexual pleasure. So if you want to have a foot stomping cry about how there are women out there who aren’t shaving their legs despite the (VERY) outside possibility you may one day see them naked (VERY as in wow did you make yourself absolutely unfuckable in the last several pages or what), i invite you to find an isolated corner in some dank, musty basement to cry cry cry away. Or if you are the other one, the lady who wanted to feel superior because she shaves her legs like a good little girl, um, gross? Enjoy your obedience biscuit elsewhere?”
Our own island, Diogenes reminding you of a small child…where to begin? *cheers*
Katz — “Well fuck, I drew you Asian. What color is your hair?” — that’s ABNOY that’s Asian, an easy mistake!
talacaris — “Another strange question that seems to be on OKC (i’m not a member so I don’t know)
‘For you personally, is abortion an option in case of accidental pregnancy’
What is this question supposed to for a cis man? Like, if you were impregnated by the intervention of aliens with supertech or a wizard did it, would you consider abortion? Or something else?”
Something else = if you impregnate a girl would you let her abort? It’s über creepy. (Hey, I can do ü now!)
Creative Writing Student —
“To paraphrase NWOslave: because women get orgasms from not having sex with men, which is totally contrary to all my (and presumably most of the multi-gendered commentariats’) orgasmic experiences, but apparently NWOslave is correct because of his NWOcock. *eyeroll*”
Confirming that — wtf you have in your pants really isn’t much of a factor in wtf gets you off.
Sir Dull —
“A white cis-normal male who likes working on cars is terribly hurt at being called pathetic in this corner of the internet.”
Nice try, but clearly it bothers you enough that you keep trying to prove yourself to us.
“I enjoy the manipulation I get to do around here.”
Mr. Al is that you?
“And… answer the questions which were put to you. What is the oldest verifiable accurate oral history of a single event? Something which happened on a single day.”
There is an answer, and I’ll even give a tiny hint: my guess was partially correct. Go on, guess!
“My best guess is the battle of Troy. I don’t know if it occurred on a single day, but it existed as a legend, and in poem until someone dug up the city.”
Think older, a lot older.
Raise your hand if you don’t give a rip what Sgt. Grumbles or asses like him like
Seconding whataboutthemoonz’s motion to ban.
Hi pseudo_star_17, heathenbee, AliasC and Fibinachi!
Heathenbee — “Can you say Mind Fuck?” — I can also say gas-lighting, been there, done that >.<
Re: tea — I have this en route. Apparently a good thing too, she sold out of it again!
I love both JSSSing and JSing. How about a compromise? Just Saying Shit, JSSing?
Last kind-back to back post. 😛 Bear in mind, the pressure on women to look a certain way does seem to be less in NZ. Women wearing makeup on a daily basis is fairly uncommon – certainly if by makeup you include foundation. I was shocked by how much makeup women seemed to wear when I visited Canada, and I believe the US is more again. It is becoming more common though. 🙁
There certainly doesn’t seem to be the same pressure to wear heels in office jobs or skirts. I’ve only ever heard the phrase “pantsuit” from the US. It’s just a suit. >_> The bizarre fixation on the looks of female politicians and male politician’s wives in the US is totally alien here. People bitched about how our last [female] Prime Minister wasn’t pretty enough but it didn’t mean she actually wore skirts or heels or makeup most of the time.
@hrovitnir- Part of me wonders if it’s just that, because the pressure to depilate starts so young, we never learn to adjust to hair on our bodies, and then it’s just viscerally weird. Going through puberty creeped me out in a big way. In more or less a year and a half I went from this tall skinny kid to this hippy, breasty, hairy pre-woman, and it creeped me out because the change was just so FAST, not because of any inherent gender dysphoria. I couldn’t get rid of my boobs so I got used to them and grew to like them. But my leg hair I could get rid of, and it was socially acceptable to do so, and so I did. I think it was less about “must look like a proper woman” than “omg I am 11 and hairier than many of the guys in my class and wtf.” So I never had a chance to get used to the idea that my legs are hairy. As a result, I can be lazy about shaving my legs up to about a week and a half, and then it gets too long and I start feeling like it looks “wrong,” and off it comes. But if there hadn’t been that pressure to shave, I might have gotten used to my leg hair the way I’m used to my breasts.
*Reading back*
I see some people still fail utterly to understand the difference between personal preference of aesthetics in a sexual partner, and the belief that potential partners are required to fulfill that personal preference or be dismissed as unworthy of social acceptance. But no, that couldn’t be a form of entitlement, noooooooooo….
I shave what body hair I do because I like how it looks *on me*, and how it feels *on me*. Now I’m not personally attached to shaving or not shaving, and often don’t for weeks at a time because I can’t be bothered, esp in the winter. Bathe, however, I do, daily, without fail. And if I’ve had a partner who had a body hair preference one way or the other, I’ve often gone with it, because their heightened excitement adds to the general fun.
But the *minute* my body hair (or hair length, or color, or heel height, or lipstick, or tattoos) becomes on obligation on my part to fill anyone’s personal need, or to be accepted socially, a line has been crossed that I don’t accept.
This isn’t a matter of hygiene, it’s a matter of autonomy.
Getting sick (mono and now fibrous) really made me change how I felt about my leg hair. I just don’t have the energy to do anything with it most if the time and so (after more than a year) eventually hairy became the default. When I have the energy, I sometimes shave and it is a special treat kinda thing like painted nails or pigging out at the holidays. I wish I’d always felt this way about it.
I am sure that’s a huge part of it. I started shaving my legs, sneakily (?? yeah, I’m sure Mum had noooo idea lol) at around 12. I had fine white blonde hair and I felt like it was gross not to. Armpit hair I remember only starting a lot later because I actually felt I had to and I felt really sad at first. I anthropomorphised my armpit hair! Poor hair. 🙁 Haha. But once you’re used to it it just feels WRONG to have hair there.
I do think it feels straight up nice to be silky smooth, it’s just that who would do that much work without external pressure? My partner has known guys that shave for bodybuilding comps and that means full body; lots of them just keep it up year round because once you’re used to it hair feels wrong.
“Offensive? Seriously?
You think I’m offensive? I’m too even mannered for that.”
NWO!?
Heathenbee — stack of turtles! D’AWWW!
And neither the not-an-ex nor I shave more than what’s required/expected for the gender performance of the day, eg. ze shaved for a Princess Celestia costume.