So, “Nice Guys” are causing a stir on the Internet again, thanks largely to a new(ish) Tumblr blog called “Nice Guys” of Ok Cupid, which posts selected highlights from the OKCupid profiles of self-proclaimed “nice guys” who make it very clear, in their profiles and in their answers to OKCupid’s “match” questions, that they are in fact anything but nice.
Some of them are actual or potential date rapists, convinced that women that they’re “nice” to owe them sex. Others are bitter from too many rejections, and launch long tirades in their profiles about how women are bitches and whores. Still others are clueless on a more fundamental level, declaring that women have “an obligation to shave their legs” and otherwise prettify themselves for men while noting that they themselves only shower or brush their teeth occasionally.
It’s not clear how any of this is supposed to convince the women of OKCupid that these angry, ranting, hapless-yet-entitled “nice guys” are indeed as “nice” as advertised, much less convince any rational human being to have sex with them.
The site is a goldmine of unintentional self-revelation — as is a similar site with the name of, er, OKCupid Goldmine — and I’ve spent hours looking through the pictures on both sites and discussing them with friends. The only reason I haven’t linked to it in the past is that neither of them blur out the faces of the people they feature, which seems to me a pretty major invasion of privacy. (As you no doubt have noticed, I’ve taken the liberty of somewhat creeepily disguising the faces of the guys in the pics I’m posting here.) But “Nice Guys of OKCupid has been pretty widely discussed, linked to by Jezebel (1, 2) and The Guardian and even the Men’s Rights subreddit, to mention merely a few examples; Ok Cupid Goldmine is also provoking discussions. Posts on both sites regularly get dozens if not hundreds of comments and reblogs on Tumblr. The cat’s already out of the bag.
Here are a couple more of these “Nice Guys” with their faces all spiral-ized:
And this, “I was a nice guy, but it didn’t get me anywhere, ’cause bitches be crazy,” horseshit. I guess it’s like a personal PSA to themselves that they run on a continual loop inside their heads. If it ever stopped, introspection could possibly happen, then the logic circuits may kick in as well. Then they’d be forced to recognize that thinking women didn’t like you because you were too nice is like saying you’re too famous to get a table at a restaurant. Then the final realization: “I wasn’t nice! I was a totall asshole, and I’m a bigger asshole now!”
And well, ahem, they might follow-up by jumping off a bridge or something.
whataboutthemoonz — it’s okay, ze sent me some excellent MLP corset photos the other day, so I have an antidote for the sad. Sorry about your rape, your rapist sounds a bit like my second one. All “I treat you great” // “but ignore that I’m hurting you” — real piece of work >.<
LBT – that’s interesting, I haven’t heard singleton used in that context. I’ve only heard it (and not that often) in reference to people not dating or marrying or whatever. Though a quick Google shows it has other much more specific meanings, like in set theory and IT design.
Then of course there’s that turd John Singleton ::hurrrk::
“Singlets. Worst. Xmas. Present. Ever.”
Gawd, that outdoes socks. 😀 Though I was quite happy when my sis and I were shopping and I saw a really pretty singlet-and-pants combo in my favourite colours and she bought ’em for me as a faux-birthday present.
I know the term “singleton” from trick taking card games.
Heidihi — thanks.
LBT — did I properly greet y’all? Missed you while I was on hiatus! Pass on a hello to my favorite super hero please?
I’ve been messaged by pretty psycho sounding guys in Okcupid before.
And then when I don’t respond they freak out. Luckily I have it so they can’t im me without fitting the criteria for them.
And pretty much EVERY guy on okcupid who states they are a nice guy on their profile is lying. And most guys who say that about themselves tend not to be nice guys either…..Weird.
Yeah, I think that’s why ‘singlet’ became vaguely more popular. (‘Sniglet,’ to express mild derision.) And I actually did get long underwear for Christmas once! (Not the worst present I ever got, though. That still remains the Christmases alone.)
RE: whataboutthemoonz
I think that says more about your rapist than you. Sounded like he FELT insecure, and didn’t realize that just because he felt it didn’t mean it’s so.
RE: Argenti
Sneak gives you a glee face. And no worries, we were away a while ourself, only recently made a comeback!
That’s the thing that gets me about Nice Guys — when you’re legitimately nice, you don’t go around introducing yourself as the nice guy. People who are nice don’t think everyone who is not them is an asshole. Genuinely nice people think being nice is a minimal standard for human decency. Which it is.
If the ONLY thing you have going for you on OKC is “I’m nice”, you’ve got nothing. TONS of people are nice. “Date me if you want a nice guy” is fucking useless on a dating site because it says literally nothing about you other than “I meet minimal requirements for interaction”.
Real profiles say things like “I like mountain biking” or “message me if you watch a lot of Disney movies” or something.
This is so weird…I actually follow that blog. It’s just bizarre when internet worlds overlap like that.
Yeah, I don’t really get most of these guys. It’s like, even if you do feel that way, God forbid, you must understand that SAYING it is the most unappealing thing ever. Except these guys don’t, I guess. It’s probably the whole “internet anonymity” thing.
Sniglet sounds like the perfect name for a cute piglet. 🙂
Seems to me that a person who’s genuinely nice wouldn’t need to say so, or maybe even think of saying so. It would, you know, show.
AAAAAHHHH ninja’d by whataboutthemoonz!
P.S. – sorry you went through that, whataboutthemoonz.
LBT: Sneak — ^.^ I saw some favorite super hero quiz/vote not long ago and was tempted to put you. Most just aren’t nearly prone to SQUEE enough. (I do hope that “LBT: Sneak” is an acceptable form of address, sorry if it isn’t)
God, that last one is fucking disgusting.
That’s what it’s about, isn’t it? The control you need to have over her. You need to be powerful, and she needs to know her place. This guy sounds like an abuser. If he thinks like that, I hope to god he never has a relationship.
It’s like they think women are sex vending machines or something. “I put the kindness coins into the machine, why won’t the sex come out? This one’s broken!”
Saying “I’m nice” on a dating site is like saying “I like food”, rather than “I like Mexican food” or “want to meet up for sushi some time?”. It only makes sense from the perspective of an embittered weirdo who thinks of any man more appealing to women than himself as not-nice by default.
It’s particularly funny when they start wanking about how all conventionally attractive men are assholes. In fact I’m kind of surprised that nobody has shown up to do that yet.
sabreguy – exactly. And when the vending machine doesn’t work, they start kicking it.
Well, “I like food” could at least indicate some intense gourmet-type general culinary fondness…
Also, they think that the machine has broken itself just to be spiteful.
And that it worked FINE for that alpha asshole.
No, the fact that the alpha asshole was able to get it to dispense a beverage just proves that ALL THE VENDING MACHINES ARE BROKEN AND WHO DO I HAVE TO TALK TO TO GET SOME SERVICE AROUND HERE?
What charming fellows. No wonder I stopped using dating sites ages ago. *shudders*
If these *cough*nice guys*cough* really want to attract women, or anyone, they should take a lesson from lyrebirds. Or better yet, turn into lyrebirds.
http://youtu.be/VjE0Kdfos4Y
RE: Argenti
Sneak: That is totally fine! ^_^ Eeee, I am a favorite.
RE: the nice guy conversation
Rogan: Yeah. I mean, niceness is a common enough trait that it’s odd to me when people go on spouting off about it. Like, yeah, no shit guy, I generally don’t want to hang around folks who’re dicks all the time. Can you tell me something more CONCRETE about you?