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“Nice Guys” on parade

NG1

So, “Nice Guys” are causing a stir on the Internet again, thanks largely to a new(ish) Tumblr blog called “Nice Guys” of Ok Cupid, which posts selected highlights from the OKCupid profiles of self-proclaimed “nice guys” who make it very clear, in their profiles and in their answers to OKCupid’s “match” questions, that they are in fact anything but nice.

Some of them are actual or potential date rapists, convinced that women that they’re “nice” to owe them sex. Others are bitter from too many rejections, and launch long tirades in their profiles about how women are bitches and whores. Still others are clueless on a more fundamental level, declaring that women have “an obligation to shave their legs” and otherwise prettify themselves for men while noting that they themselves only shower or brush their teeth occasionally.

It’s not clear how any of this is supposed to convince the women of OKCupid  that these angry, ranting, hapless-yet-entitled “nice guys” are indeed as “nice” as advertised, much less convince any rational human being to have sex with them.

The site is a goldmine of unintentional self-revelation — as is a similar site with the name of, er, OKCupid Goldmine —  and I’ve spent hours looking through the pictures on both sites and discussing them with friends. The only reason I haven’t linked to it in the past is that neither of them blur out the faces of the people they feature, which seems to me a pretty major invasion of privacy. (As you no doubt have noticed, I’ve taken the liberty of somewhat creeepily disguising the faces of the guys in the pics I’m posting here.) But “Nice Guys of OKCupid has been pretty widely discussed, linked to by Jezebel (1, 2) and The Guardian and even the Men’s Rights subreddit, to mention merely a few examples; Ok Cupid Goldmine is also provoking discussions. Posts on both sites regularly get dozens if not hundreds of comments and reblogs on Tumblr. The cat’s already out of the bag.

Here are a couple more of these “Nice Guys” with their faces all spiral-ized:

ng2ng4ng6ng7

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atomicgrizzly
atomicgrizzly
8 years ago

I’m assuming that Dio’s teaching career went a little something like this:

http://youtu.be/18t5V3gvfa4

LBT
LBT
8 years ago

Oh god, neti pots. For all my experience with sinus troubles, I could never bear to use such a thing. I was a swimmer as a small child, and it gave me a strong aversion to water going up my nose. D:

Also, damn, missed the language geekery. I took French in middle school for a bit, but couldn’t keep up. People act like Japanese is hard, but no way, French was WAY tougher for me. I could manage the Rs, but god damn, so many vowels.

lauralot89
8 years ago

I wish Neti Pots worked for me. I have awful allergies and the worst sinuses, and I guess they’re too bad for the water to get through. It just sits in my nose and drips out…one…drop…….at………a…….time and I sit there feeling like I’m drowning as I wait. Maybe I should try the squeeze bottle type of pot instead of the teapot kind.

LBT
LBT
8 years ago

RE: lauralot89

Hey, if you have upper respiratory tract kind of allergies like me, you can try raw local honey. It sounds doofy, and it doesn’t work for everybody, but it was a godsend for me. I used to get whacked with a sinus infection every year, and now, whenever I move, I shell out to get my hands on raw local honey. (The local is important so the bees are working with the same pollens and such you’re allergic to, raw because it keeps the pollens intact.) Stir some into my tea or yogurt every day, and within a month or two, my allergies are gone.

lauralot89
8 years ago

For a second there I thought you meant use honey in a Neti Pot, and I was very confused.

ostara321
ostara321
8 years ago

Not to mention the whole business of stubble being fashionable. Way to make less grooming a bonus point for men. You don’t see that happening for women.

That too. My beau generally tries to keep stubble free, which suits me more because stubbly kisses tend to make me laugh more than they turn me on, but it’s not a requirement, it’s not even something I asked him to do, he just generally likes to stay clean shaven because he doesn’t like the way his face feels with hair on it. And funnily enough, I don’t feel the need to spend my days negging men with facial hair about how horribly unkempt they are and how it’s totally way harder to make out with a bearded dude.

I don’t know if I wouldn’t have dated my beau if he’d had facial hair, I like him quite a bit, so I’m loathe to think it would have had that much of a bearing, but even if it had, I’m pretty sure I would have been able to either decide it wasn’t a drawback at all because he’s awesome or decide I didn’t like him enough and moved on. You know, like an adult, who respects other adults, instead of trying to manipulate them into being what I want them to be.

And damn, I am being way nicer than I should be, considering we’re all supposedly just a bunch of mean mean meanies who HAAAAAAATE all teh white menz.

Anyway, lowquacks, glad to hear things are looking up your way, fire is some super scary stuff.

Also, hellkell, I wish I could claim the internet for myself, but that prize belongs to Melissa McEwan of the Shakesville blog, who’s used it for a while, I think.

LBT
LBT
8 years ago

RE: Lauralot89

D: NEVER SAY SUCH THINGS

Wetherby
Wetherby
8 years ago

I stand by my statement, that oral is harder on a hairier woman.

Repeating a ridiculous statement doesn’t make it any less ridiculous.

Although, as Hellkell pointed out, your original statement was in fact “Oral is impossible on a woman who doesn’t trim well.” So you’re already backtracking.

But what you’re saying still doesn’t make physiological sense, unless you have an oral technique that’s more focused on the mons veneris than the clitoris and labia.

Argenti Aertheri
8 years ago

“If you have questions, talk to Argenti.”

You actually want me to play Spot That Fallacy!! on him? I suppose it might scare him off with the tedium…

Re: neti pots — I could never use one for the same reason as LBT, to much time swimming and argh water up my nose! My anti-histamine as sleeping pill dries my sinuses into oblivion though, so I picked up cheap saline nose spray, works well.

eline
eline
8 years ago

This topic has inspired me to skip shaving for a month. Normally I do it if I want to but not now.

My partner will be happy about less time spent showering.

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

But what you’re saying still doesn’t make physiological sense, unless you have an oral technique that’s more focused on the mons veneris than the clitoris and labia.

I was thinking that Dumbass’s original statement probably indicates inexperience or downright incompetence. Neither would surprise me. Nothing wrong with inexperience, of course, only with making sweeping BS statements about things you don’t know about, ignoring the statements by those who do know what they’re talking about, and then lying about your original statement. Which is of course Dumbass’s approach to everything.

pecunium
8 years ago

re grooming. At brunch I had my hair down, and someone asked me if I realised the amount of time/work I spent on it (mostly moving back over my ears).

When we left I mentioned it, because he never would have noticed a woman doing it… she’s supposed to have long hair.

pecunium
8 years ago

As to Diogenes: <a href =http://ethnographymatters.net/2013/01/08/ethnography-and-the-troll-space-workarounds-discipline-jumping-and-ethical-pitfalls-1-of-3/ Part one, of three, of an ethnographer’s study of trolling

You may recognise some of the behaviors.

Argenti Aertheri
8 years ago

…epic link fail, do you need the code or did you just get ahead of yourself?

As for hair, try growing it as long as it’ll go, forget getting in the way while eating, I’ve got to rein it in to play or it ends up in my strings! (I’m lazy, hair cuts cost money, and involve people touching me, and on my head, tend to look terrible, so I said fuck it and let it grow)

DannyJane
DannyJane
8 years ago

The sad thing is that not one of these human scum realizes that the reason they’re striking out is the very crap that keeps coming out of their mouths. When I was a member of OK Cupid I shot down more than a few of these self-entitled creeps. Not a single one of them ever got the message that the problem was in himself. Instead they go from bad to worse.

This, however, is not a reflection on OK Cupid, which was a dating site I used with some success until I met a REAL man on another excellent site: Zoosk.

Just shows, if you want to find a prince you have to go through a lot of frogs (with apologies to frogs everywhere).

Melody
8 years ago

When I was a member of OK Cupid I shot down more than a few of these self-entitled creeps. Not a single one of them ever got the message that the problem was in himself. Instead they go from bad to worse.

Yeah. Sometimes when you don’t respond they attack your inbox with swears. And say they didn’t think you were attractive and blah blah blah. All I think is why the hell should I care if they found me attractive or not.

I’ve met guys from okcupid that I liked, but sometimes we had differences that weren’t gonna magically resolve themselves.

Okcupid is a lot of misses and occasional hits.

pecunium
8 years ago

Looks like I forgot to close the tag. I was rushing, since I needed to get to work.

An ethnographer’s study of trolling, part one of three

pecunium
8 years ago

As for hair… My last haircut (basically to my scalp) was on 06 Jun, 2007, at about 4 in the afternoon. I did it myself, because my barber failed me, and I had to be in regs for formation the next morning.

Two weeks later I, effectively, quit the Army.

Argenti Aertheri
8 years ago

“Two weeks later I, effectively, quit the Army.”

Well that was a waste of a haircut! 5 years ago, yours must be to your waist now as well. Gotta love the “damnit, I’m flossing with my hair again” moments!

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

Gotta love the “damnit, I’m flossing with my hair again” moments!

I used to use my hair for sewing on occasion. Deliberately, that is.

Argenti Aertheri
8 years ago

Lol, mine’s way too thin for that!

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

My hair is my one good genetic inheritance from my father! 😀

Argenti Aertheri
8 years ago

Lol, unfair! I failed to get the red head gene from mine! (Not that this stops me from dying it red tinged)

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

I got the merest hint of the red gene from my mum’s side. She’s blond but most of her siblings were various degrees of red (Irish trumps Sorb, lol). My natural colour could best be described as mousy brown, but the red shows in a nasty tendency to turn ginger at the ends when it’s coloured. I have a dark brown colour through it that’s violet based rather than any reddish tones. Rather necessary to combat teh ebil sun!

pecunium
8 years ago

No waste. The quitting was a bit unexpected, and I dithered about it for about four months. During that time (it’s complex) I didn’t have to get a hair cut.

It had been 16 years since I’d last been at liberty to let it go. It’s been four, and a half, years, and it’s near my waist, and not yet (so far as I can tell) at terminal length. I braid it most of the time, so it doesn’t dread.

Argenti Aertheri
8 years ago

To each their own I guess? I like the red, gives my boring brown some color!

Argenti Aertheri
8 years ago

“During that time (it’s complex) I didn’t have to get a hair cut.” o.O? If I wasn’t at like 30+ hours awake, I might ask, but complex would probably just confuse me currently anyways.

“It’s been four, and a half, years, and it’s near my waist, and not yet (so far as I can tell) at terminal length. I braid it most of the time, so it doesn’t dread.”

Mine took probably the better part of five years, at least, and it’s really thin fine strands, so it took for-fucking-ever to grow out. Braids? 😛 cheater, brush mine out every damned day, braids are for when I’m too depressed to bother. Flipping it up and braiding upside down over my head is pretty hilarious though!

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

Argenti – I like reds, as in completely-not-natural hair colour or real red hair, but mine is just a gingery faded blah look at the end of dark brown hair, which is not a good look at all. The hair colours that make me go WOW in admiration are the crimson/magenta/plum varieties. They wouldn’t work on my skin colour, though; I’ve a touch of rosacea redness which really doesn’t need emphasising. Plus having the hair dark brown and layered to bring out the curls makes it just right for photos to do pics of Mr K’s luscious locks! 🙂

Melody
8 years ago

I was growing my hair out. I get regular hair cuts though.
My hair falls to my midback. I think I may grow it out to my waist, but am indecisive.

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

I wish I could grow my hair longer and keep the curl in it! It only seems to grow to about armpit level before it gives up, and by then it’s got a measly sort of wave rather than curls – neither really straight nor properly curly.

Argenti – you braiding your hair upside down reminds me of that scene in Black Books where Manny pops up with his hair in pigtails and Bernard sporfles his wine everywhere … 😀

pecunium
8 years ago

My hair is hella fine, and if I wear it loose in wind/while wearing a coat, or a knapsack/rucksack, it’s a felted mess. The only way I can keep it long is to braid it when I go out.

But I do like it long, and the way it feels, and it’s a glorious red in the sunlight.

Also, I don’t want to have any of it end up in my yarn, while it’s still on my head.

Argenti Aertheri
8 years ago

Kitteh, not sure this link will work for no-mobile, but my hair is this color — http://www.lorealparisusa.com/_us/_en/mobile/iphone/default.aspx?page=top{main:m_pdp//objectid+HCo7_8;category+F1_Haircolor_AllOverColor;previd+F1_Haircolor_AllOverColor;pagenum+1;perpage+25//}

At least, it’ll be that color until going grey is reasonable, my fucking hair decided to start that at 16!

I don’t get they Black Books reference though, sorry!

Pecunium — I’d thought yours looked red! And yeah, mine ends up a total mess, a hair tie is Not Optional, but braiding it is work and (shh don’t tell ABNOY) I’m a masochist. (Makes dating fun >.< but that’s probably TMI sorry)

The mental image of spinning with still attached hair is both hilarious and painful — I’ve caught mine while sewing, it hurts — thank the gods I sew by hand!

Argenti Aertheri
8 years ago

Damn, it did break! It’s feria #50.

Melody — the only real difference I remember between mid-back and waist length is that I can now manage to accidentally sit on my hair, which is interesting!

cloudiah
8 years ago

Rosacea in the house! [fist bumps with Kitteh’s]

Nearly every time I get my hair cut, people remark that I have two completely different types of hair on my head. The top layer is light blonde, mostly straight, and made of lots of rather fine strands. The bottom layer is light-dark brown, much thicker strands, much more wavy. I think I’m a mutant, but without any attendant superpowers. 🙁

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

::returns fist bump::

Cloudiah, are you my sister? Because that’s exactly what her hair’s like! Does the name Nar Nar Goon mean anything? (No it’s not a relation of Jar Jar Binks.) 😉

Do you have any trouble with makeup or skincare because rosacea? I ask because I found the best advice on the Paula’s Choice website, and changing products made all the difference.

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

Argenti – this is the Black Books episode in question. Bernard and Manny are house-sitting and have got it totally wrong about what wine they can and can’t drink; naturally they’re drinking incredibly rare special wine that was meant to be given to the Pope. The scene with the hair starts at about the 14 minute mark.

http://youtu.be/GeOgfvaZzFY

cloudiah
8 years ago

I do not live in Australia, so the chance that I am The Kittehs’ Unpaid Sister are slim to none. 🙂

My dermatologist had me on some prescription topical thing for the rosacea, but I thought it actually made things worse. I’m using pretty good OTC stuff now, but will check out Paula’s Choice.

cloudiah
8 years ago

Wait, Kittehs’, those Paula’s Choice products aren’t made out of foreskins! How can a self-respecting feminist man-hater use them! [harumphs]

#seriouslypaulelamit’sjustajoke

Argenti Aertheri
8 years ago

Lol little girl pigtails! I’d meant that it’s easier to flip it straight up and lean forward than try to twist around once I reach about shoulder blade level, but yeah, that’s hilarious!

Pecunium, am I missing some trick here? It ends up all lopsided if I just braid it to one side or the other and since my spine things a 20°~ curve would be fun, last thing I need is to be more lopsided! (Oh gods is the violin hell on my neck and spine, I sound like some combo of gravel and rocks hitting each other…I am way too young for this shit!)

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

Didn’t think you lived here, lol! Another of those separated-at-birth things.

I had the same problem with topical stuff for mine. The doc said it would take about six weeks to work and I might have to go onto oral meds as well, because so many patients did. It took longer than that and only cleared up (and hasn’t come back, fingers crossed) after I changed my makeup. I don’t know if that’s causation or correlation, but I’m not arguing!

The thing I like about the PC site (look up the actual article on rosacea in the search facility) is that it’s specific about what active ingredients in makeup and sunscreen to look for and what ones to avoid.

Argenti Aertheri
8 years ago

“The Kittehs’ Unpaid Sister”

…um… o.O?

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

LOL foreskins!

Didn’t think you’d be trying the Manny look, Argenti! 😀

If you get time, check out that episode. The way they replace the wine at the end is a classic. A horror classic …

pecunium
8 years ago

I work it straight up, and then as it gets longer I pull it forward. If it gets too long (below my hips) it might get awkward to have it pulled so far in front of my face that it squishes my nose.

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

It’s code! My sister just quit her job so she really is unpaid.

::side-eyes cloudiah in case she’s my sister playin’ ebil troll tricks::

cloudiah
8 years ago

Wow, that’s weird! I was just playing on your name; I promise I’m not your sister. That would really be the long-game troll, since I’ve been posting here since early last year! XD

Argenti Aertheri
8 years ago

Pecunium, sounds like the same method. Ad since I’m frikken short, and weirdly proportioned, my hair comes down to mouth level that way, it’s actually pretty handy, I can hold it in my lips while I fight with a hair tie.

Wait til you can wrap it around like a noose, I find that hilarious…less funny when you wake up with it twisted that way (or caught in an armpit!)

The things short haired people never even think about!

drst
drst
8 years ago

@kittehs – my hair is more wavy than curly, but the key to keeping it that way for me is only use shampoo a couple times a week (and when I do, rub the shampoo gently into the roots only, then rinse and put conditioner in the strands immediately) and otherwise just use water or water and conditioner to clean it. When you dry it, be very gentle. No scrubbing your hair with the towel. Carefully scrunch the ends up with the towel, not too tightly, and don’t wrap the towel around your head. Your hair will be very damp but that’s okay. Air drying is the best option, and if I have to use a hair dryer I use a diffuser. Don’t use a hairbrush and don’t ever brush your hair out completely. If you need to comb anything, use a wide spaced comb or one designed for curly hair, never a straight hair brush.

(All of this is from “Curly Girl” by Lorainne Massey, who is a stylist who specializes in curly and wavy hair.)

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

LOL cloudiah, don’t worry, I don’t really think you’re my sister! Unpaid Sister was a great pun and nice coincidence.

drst – yup, all that’s pretty much exactly what I do, apart from “be gentle with the towel”. My hair only gets blowdried once a month when it’s been coloured/shampooed etc. Haven’t brushed it for years and I use a wide comb except for my fringe. There’s a very nice leave-in conditioner called Rejuven8 for the ends (they do a few types of conditioners, I think). Works nicely and smells good, too.

Some Gal Not Bored at All

Long hair is so much work. Even just washing it is a lot of work.

My hair was down to me waist until about a month ago. I typically braid it and wear it in a bun so I can leave it alone for days at a time (sometimes a week, but by then there knots all along the nape of my neck). I had no idea exactly how much work doing hair is until my pain started and I had to pay attention to every little thing. Anyway, a month ago I realized it was stupid to keep braiding those extra inches when they were just going up in a bun and haphardly chopped it off at my shoulders. It looks ridiculous when it is down, but as it is never down, I couldn’t care less. 🙂

I shaved my head for funsies about 6 years ago and wish I’d done it again when the pain started, but who knew it would still hurt this much years later? Now, it seems that I’ve put too much work in to quit, which isn’t logical, but is holding me back…for now.