So, “Nice Guys” are causing a stir on the Internet again, thanks largely to a new(ish) Tumblr blog called “Nice Guys” of Ok Cupid, which posts selected highlights from the OKCupid profiles of self-proclaimed “nice guys” who make it very clear, in their profiles and in their answers to OKCupid’s “match” questions, that they are in fact anything but nice.
Some of them are actual or potential date rapists, convinced that women that they’re “nice” to owe them sex. Others are bitter from too many rejections, and launch long tirades in their profiles about how women are bitches and whores. Still others are clueless on a more fundamental level, declaring that women have “an obligation to shave their legs” and otherwise prettify themselves for men while noting that they themselves only shower or brush their teeth occasionally.
It’s not clear how any of this is supposed to convince the women of OKCupid that these angry, ranting, hapless-yet-entitled “nice guys” are indeed as “nice” as advertised, much less convince any rational human being to have sex with them.
The site is a goldmine of unintentional self-revelation — as is a similar site with the name of, er, OKCupid Goldmine — and I’ve spent hours looking through the pictures on both sites and discussing them with friends. The only reason I haven’t linked to it in the past is that neither of them blur out the faces of the people they feature, which seems to me a pretty major invasion of privacy. (As you no doubt have noticed, I’ve taken the liberty of somewhat creeepily disguising the faces of the guys in the pics I’m posting here.) But “Nice Guys of OKCupid has been pretty widely discussed, linked to by Jezebel (1, 2) and The Guardian and even the Men’s Rights subreddit, to mention merely a few examples; Ok Cupid Goldmine is also provoking discussions. Posts on both sites regularly get dozens if not hundreds of comments and reblogs on Tumblr. The cat’s already out of the bag.
Here are a couple more of these “Nice Guys” with their faces all spiral-ized:
G’night, Pecunium!
Hey, psuedo star, you’re not really one of us until you bork the blockquotes.
Yeah, the difference between an obligation and a personal preference within a relationship is that the obligation means we’re all supposed to do it because one guy prefers it. So one guy thinks we have an obligation to shave my legs, another thinks we’re obligated to wax our pubes, another thinks we’re obligated to straighten our hair, get our nails done, etc, and we’re out hours and hours and dollars and dollars. I’m not doing shit for someone I don’t know.
Also the guys who don’t like shaved pubes sometimes REALLY don’t like them, so what to do? I guess we just ask the guy who’s nearest at the time, and get some miracle-gro if his answer is “abundant bush” and we are currently bald.
Goodnight everybody! Goodnight moon.
TTF, did you stuff them with legos?
Fifthed (?) on banning Dumbass.
And that’s before we get to Dude A says “women should have long straight hair”, Dude B says “women should have long curly hair”, Dude C says “women should wear makeup,” Dude D says “women shouldn’t wear makeup”… and so on. What is one to do to conform to all these
strangers’ personal preferencesunbreakable social minimal hygiene norms?Well, Cassandra, the point is we’re supposed to make all their dreams come true. And many times that means looking just like the girls in their porn collection.
I love how Frothy stuck “unwashed” in there too, like it’s impossible for a woman to bathe without shaving at the same time.
Kitteh, don’t you understand? You should have long hair that you can make straight or curly on a whim, and wear makeup that doesn’t look like you’re wearing makeup. It’s hygienic!
If your hair responds to humidity by getting curlier that’s a sign of your innate misandry. Unless the dude next to you prefers curly hair, in which case your hair being straighter in dry weather is also a sign of misandry.
Hair curling in humidity = misandry!
Yay, I win!
I suppose the next thing to figure out is how to make my hair blonde or brunette or red instantly, without using hair dye (because only dishonest bitches do that) or a wig (because only disgusting bald bitches do that).
Sigh. Being Everydude’s Perfect Fantasy is difficult. But it must be done, because HYGIENE!
Is pecunium Eastern Orthodox? Or Russian? Hmmmmmmmmm.
timetraveler
Not trying to rile anyone up. Honest. You think I’m that overt?
pseudo
I have 2 sisters, so I have an idea of what it takes after a childhood of kicking the bathroom door because my sister couldn’t wax in her room, and I needed to pee. Or having to share very limited bathroom counter space. Or how long it took us to get ready for a family function.
As to what I said to you at first; it would be hypocritical for me to expect certain standards while not maintaining commensurate ones myself. But then again, I go to the gym regularly, eat healthy, dress well, and smell nice. So I think its ok to have my expectations. If however, I was a fat slob, then yeah, I see where the anger would come from.
There’s a Hebrew phrase that comes to mind in this. “Ani ledodi, v’ledodi lee.”
Hair dye is unhygienic. Your hair should change color via the magical power of your wish to please your man.
Shiraz, you’re really good at defeating strawmen arguments, and reframing what other people think totally outside of their context.
That takes talent.
Even if a sandwich is a disappointment, it only sets you back a few dollars. But… I should not have said that. I made myself sad now.
::sigh:: I know, I know. I’m obviously not trying hard enough. How Mr K copes with the disappointment I don’t know.
Diogenes, you’re good at showing your ass, then trying to redefine what you actually meant in the first place. Also, you’re good at willful ignorance, being entitled, and overall. being unpleasant.
I am talented, actually… I have the AP trophies to prove it. Do you honestly think you can fuck with me? You’re a pissant and everyone here knows it. We’re just waiting for the eventual ban to kick in.
I hope for your sake that you’re doing those things for yourself and a not out of obligation. Especially they first two.
@Diogenes
You go to the gym regularly, eat healthy, dress well, and smell nice. Huzzah. I do not care if you prefer a partner who also does those things*. But (and I can’t believe I have to clarify this): gym-going/healthy-eating/dressing-and-smelling-nice =/= keeping your legs shaved. If you expect your partner to keep their legs shaved to accommodate you, are YOU willing to keep your legs shaved?
You know, like when you said “The extent to which one wants to be accommodated, they should accommodate” (or some such)?
*Actually I do not care if you prefer a partner who shaves their legs. I mean, I think you’re a tool for thinking it, but I don’t CARE about any of your preferences. This is just you being ignorant (maybe willfully?) of how it is an absurd double standard.
Good night to the rest of you! I think you’re awesome. Imma sleep instead of continuing to repeat the same goddamn argument I made in my first post this thread.
And Diogenes slams closed the other half of the women’s grooming trap. It’s the half that’s marked: “Why are women so shallow and self-obsessed? They take FOREVER to do their stupid women things and they get in the way of men and boys doing necessary things, like urinating or leaving the house at an appropriate hour!”
Grumbly Tumbly:
I have no idea what you’re referencing. Sex that isn’t the best sex I’ve ever had in my whole life only sets me back… like, an hour? Sex that I am not enjoying costs me much less time, because I ask my partner to stop. What is sex that isn’t “perfect” (i.e. with women with visible leg hair) costing you, exactly?
Niters pseudo_star!
Viscaria – he hasn’t even told us what makes sex perfect, apart from how it has to have so much preparation and (I suspect) performance anxiety involved. Or, at the least, constant glances in the mirror to make sure one doesn’t get one’s hair mussed.
Notice how it has to be “perfect” or it’s some sort of terrible rapid fumble that has to take place in the dark? There are no alternatives, apparently. Sex that’s impromptu or a bit of fun or outright silly or just for comfort (cuddles plus) doesn’t get a look in. Which is kinda sad, given how much pleasure and love can be shared those ways.
Heaven forbid a child or a pet come in and interrupt things, too!
*Waves* I unlurked a few hours ago and have been trying to catch up on this thread but I gave up like half-way through. Don’t know what I missed but I wanted to say wish I’d had this blog a year ago when my (now ex-)BF pulled a big guilt trip on me for shaving my armpits…..
Oh, he kept insisting that sure, it was my body and all, but shouldn’t I have taken his feelings into consideration?
My armpit hair.
Not as if his controlling, entitled behavior ended there…. The more I read, the more I realize what a borderline NiceGuy™, MRA, truly manipulative, narcissistic person he was. I thought it was just him. I thought I was going crazy.
Btw, thanks to those of you who wondered about the fedoras; they’re one of my favorite hats too and it was pissing me off that NiceGuys™ had put the taint *cough* on them.
Also I like tea.
@Kitteh: “…a bit of fun or outright silly or just for comfort…” Those moments are the best! Pity those who have no idea what we’re talking about.
Shut up, Cynic.
Another bee commenter! What can be attracting you all? It must be our sweet dispositions! (Pause for laughter and applause).
Sorry you had to deal with that guy, ugh. It sounds like you’re well rid of him.
*snortle*