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“Nice Guys” on parade

NG1

So, “Nice Guys” are causing a stir on the Internet again, thanks largely to a new(ish) Tumblr blog called “Nice Guys” of Ok Cupid, which posts selected highlights from the OKCupid profiles of self-proclaimed “nice guys” who make it very clear, in their profiles and in their answers to OKCupid’s “match” questions, that they are in fact anything but nice.

Some of them are actual or potential date rapists, convinced that women that they’re “nice” to owe them sex. Others are bitter from too many rejections, and launch long tirades in their profiles about how women are bitches and whores. Still others are clueless on a more fundamental level, declaring that women have “an obligation to shave their legs” and otherwise prettify themselves for men while noting that they themselves only shower or brush their teeth occasionally.

It’s not clear how any of this is supposed to convince the women of OKCupid  that these angry, ranting, hapless-yet-entitled “nice guys” are indeed as “nice” as advertised, much less convince any rational human being to have sex with them.

The site is a goldmine of unintentional self-revelation — as is a similar site with the name of, er, OKCupid Goldmine —  and I’ve spent hours looking through the pictures on both sites and discussing them with friends. The only reason I haven’t linked to it in the past is that neither of them blur out the faces of the people they feature, which seems to me a pretty major invasion of privacy. (As you no doubt have noticed, I’ve taken the liberty of somewhat creeepily disguising the faces of the guys in the pics I’m posting here.) But “Nice Guys of OKCupid has been pretty widely discussed, linked to by Jezebel (1, 2) and The Guardian and even the Men’s Rights subreddit, to mention merely a few examples; Ok Cupid Goldmine is also provoking discussions. Posts on both sites regularly get dozens if not hundreds of comments and reblogs on Tumblr. The cat’s already out of the bag.

Here are a couple more of these “Nice Guys” with their faces all spiral-ized:

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whataboutthemoonz
11 years ago

The “BOSS. I AM THE BOSS.” bit makes me think of small children for some reason.

LBT
LBT
11 years ago

Maybe it’s some weird thing like some of them think they’re issuing a challenge. “Well, all women are bitches. Now convince me otherwise.” I can see that working on a select subset of people, frighteningly enough.

Also, oh god eugenics guy. NO. NO. Why won’t the eugenics meme DIE ALREADY?

whataboutthemoonz
11 years ago

Argenti, do you mind me asking why you refer to your person as ‘not-an-ex’? That’s a rather unusual phrase and I’ve seen you use it a few times.

CassandraSays
11 years ago

Funny, I thought that he was claiming to be possessed by the spirit of Bruce Springsteen, which was odd since the man in question isn’t dead yet.

whataboutthemoonz
11 years ago

I can see that working on a select subset of people, frighteningly enough.

*raises hand*

It’s okay, though, I’m better now.

MordsithJ
11 years ago

@cloudiah It’s a basic Photoshop filter.

MordsithJ
11 years ago

and that’s what I get for not refreshing before posting.

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

“Funny, I thought that he was claiming to be possessed by the spirit of Bruce Springsteen, which was odd since the man in question isn’t dead yet.”

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Argenti Aertheri
Argenti Aertheri
11 years ago

“Argenti, do you mind me asking why you refer to your person as ‘not-an-ex’? That’s a rather unusual phrase and I’ve seen you use it a few times.”

We were FWB before I moved back in with my parents — it’s a 500 mile difference, so wtf our relationship might be currently is kind of moot. We haven’t really broken up or anything, but on my more depressed days I’m altogether too sure that I’ll never see zir again. And ze’s awesome so now I haz a sad 🙁

In short, it’s complex. “My FWB” doesn’t really feel right, but ze really isn’t an ex either (and TMI ALERT our emails are still NSFW, so yeah)

cloudiah
11 years ago

Aha, photoshop. I don’t have it, but luckily I have very little need to swirlify peoples’ faces. Thanks!

Argenti Aertheri
Argenti Aertheri
11 years ago

And I do mean awesome, you’d love zir taste in music — EA, Abney Park, Voltaire, Creature Feature. So yeah, we’re kind of still a thing, but long distance and complex…and we weren’t dating for complex reasons.

It’s messy in other words, but ze was/is one of those once a decade or less things…

Viscaria
Viscaria
11 years ago

Why do assholes always seem to think all other men are assholes too? “In the guy world, we refer to girls like this as SLURS SLURS ALL IN CAPS BECAUSE THAT’S THE MOST BADASS WAY TO USE SLURS.” Nono, that’s not the guy world. That’s you and your asshole friends.

Shiraz
Shiraz
11 years ago

Hey ladies, ever have a guy yell something scary at you, something confrontational or just stare creepily — I know I have. They’re not trying to get a date, they know they’re bothering us, but for them it’s better than nothing. Seriously. It’s a way of saying, “Yeah, you may not want me, but I’m going to establish my dominance anyhow.”
The funny thing is they’re probably not getting a flood of hate mail. They’re secure enough to do this because they have male priviledge. Whereas if a woman posed in an online picture with her favorite book, random posters will accuse her of wanting to get F****ed.

pecunium
11 years ago

I realise that it’s only a courtesy, because going to the parent post will show the faces, but a simple spiral on photoshop is reversible; as a number of pedophiles found to their dismay.

pecunium
11 years ago

I’m seriously asking. What would make anyone who was looking for a platform on which to expound on their dumbass theories about the Nature of Woman thing “I know – OK Cupid!”?

Because they know some woman will read it, and they hope to scare/offend her.

CassandraSays
11 years ago

The thing is though, it’s so easy to block people on OK Cupid, or just click the nope don’t want this match option. It’s not like street harassment where it can be hard to get away from the person.

CassandraSays
11 years ago

It’s like the gong show. All you have to do is read one sentence and then, next!

MordsithJ
11 years ago

I realise that it’s only a courtesy, because going to the parent post will show the faces, but a simple spiral on photoshop is reversible; as a number of pedophiles found to their dismay.

I tried un-spiraling these photos a little while ago, but didn’t get too far. There must be a special trick to it.

LBT
LBT
11 years ago

RE: Shiraz

I will admit, reading this post, a lot of it I just read as, “I WILL NOW HUMP YOUR LEG TO ESTABLISH MY DOMINANCE.”

RE: whataboutthemoonz

Yeah, my system member had a similar issue. It was part of what led to my existence.

hellkell
hellkell
11 years ago

I bet that last guy is wondering why no one’s offering to date him. He’s frightening.

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

LBT – off topic and silly, but I did a double take when you mentioned singlets before. I don’t know if the term’s used in the US but here it’s long meant underwear! 🙂

LBT
LBT
11 years ago

RE: Kittehs

Haha! Yeah, ‘singlet’ is used here sometimes, but it usually means an undershirt, and it’s not in common use. I might only know that form from my time in NZ…

I’ve heard ‘singleton’ as well.

whataboutthemoonz
11 years ago

Argenti, sorry for giving you a sad. I can totally empathize with you, though; I recently had a non-breakup with a non-partner partner. I think it’s why the phrase not-an-ex intrigued me so much.

UUUUUUGH, these guys!

I just realized what bothers me so much about these guys, and that is that they remind me of this very bizarre thing my rapist did. He was absolutely controlling and manipulative and hurtful in every way he could possibly be, but he also went out of his way to remind me that I was the one who had him “wrapped around my finger”, even though I totally didn’t even.

I think the Nice Guy thing about ‘treating you like a Princess’ is a smokescreen for ‘but I expect to be treated like a King’.

heidihi
heidihi
11 years ago

@Whataboutthemoonz I’m so sorry you went through that and i’m glad to hear you’re doing better. I wish you every happiness you want!

@Argenti, i’m sorry to hear that you’re 500 miles from the ‘not-ex,’ and I wish you all the happiness too 🙂

now, these ‘nice guys’ i wish zero happiness. no good things for them.

Kiwi girl
Kiwi girl
11 years ago

Singlets. Worst. Xmas. Present. Ever.

I’m so pleased I don’t date any more. Are all internet dating sites that bad, or is OC a particularly nasty example?