So, “Nice Guys” are causing a stir on the Internet again, thanks largely to a new(ish) Tumblr blog called “Nice Guys” of Ok Cupid, which posts selected highlights from the OKCupid profiles of self-proclaimed “nice guys” who make it very clear, in their profiles and in their answers to OKCupid’s “match” questions, that they are in fact anything but nice.
Some of them are actual or potential date rapists, convinced that women that they’re “nice” to owe them sex. Others are bitter from too many rejections, and launch long tirades in their profiles about how women are bitches and whores. Still others are clueless on a more fundamental level, declaring that women have “an obligation to shave their legs” and otherwise prettify themselves for men while noting that they themselves only shower or brush their teeth occasionally.
It’s not clear how any of this is supposed to convince the women of OKCupid that these angry, ranting, hapless-yet-entitled “nice guys” are indeed as “nice” as advertised, much less convince any rational human being to have sex with them.
The site is a goldmine of unintentional self-revelation — as is a similar site with the name of, er, OKCupid Goldmine — and I’ve spent hours looking through the pictures on both sites and discussing them with friends. The only reason I haven’t linked to it in the past is that neither of them blur out the faces of the people they feature, which seems to me a pretty major invasion of privacy. (As you no doubt have noticed, I’ve taken the liberty of somewhat creeepily disguising the faces of the guys in the pics I’m posting here.) But “Nice Guys of OKCupid has been pretty widely discussed, linked to by Jezebel (1, 2) and The Guardian and even the Men’s Rights subreddit, to mention merely a few examples; Ok Cupid Goldmine is also provoking discussions. Posts on both sites regularly get dozens if not hundreds of comments and reblogs on Tumblr. The cat’s already out of the bag.
Here are a couple more of these “Nice Guys” with their faces all spiral-ized:
I’m pale with dark hair. It isn’t a problem for me. I have fairly fine leg hair though……It isn’t coarse the way my dads beard is.
Were both of those supposed to link to the same .gif?
Me me me, that’s me!
I can only guess that it’s because facial hair might be stronger and denser than leg hair? Though I’m comparing my own leg hair to a man’s, so it probably isn’t helpful.
Thinks: where’s the king of five o’clock shadows when you need him? 😛
Okay, ninja’d twice … 🙁
And if a man wants to date me (in theory, I’m happily married now), he can’t have a Gandalf beard, and I’m gonna side-eye anything that’s not short and trimmed if not bare. But I don’t yell at the guy in the psych lab who has a forest growing on his face, because that’s not my biz . Preferences are not bad.
The whole problem with the OKC guys is that they’re saying that all women everywhere should conform to their desires, whether they’re trying to get the specific guy or not.
Were both of those supposed to link to the same .gif?
No, it was a badly closed tag. Only the middle sentence was supposed to a link.
Addendum; if you know your partner has certain preferences, then you should try to conform to them. If you don’t want to, you can always leave. This does not apply to natural aging processes (including weight gain) or unexpected health problems.
Never mind, Marilyn waving twice is no bad thing.
Grumbles…dude, seriously, I know you’re not this dim. That question is designed to do exactly what you almost figured out for yourself – make it clear which guys believe that women are obligated to meet their personal preferences. It’s a test for unthinking, reflexive sexism, basically. If people choose to add a personal comment like “It’s just courtesy” then it becomes a very revealing question indeed.
I shave my legs, but I wouldn’t date a man who thought that I was obligated or required to.
Cassandra: He did figure it out, and then he decided to lie about his actual position.
Entitled scumbag.
:cat:
(Just testing to see if the cat smiley from the forums works here.)
No! That’s MISFELINEDRY!
Should? There is no “should” in the case. You may choose to discuss them with your partner. You may choose to conform to them. It’s all about choice.
Yeah, it’s about choice. And everyone has the choice to not stay with someone who has stupid expectations.
I’m seeing more heat than light from lumi.
It’s also weird when people say it’s wrong to have physical expectations for your partner but it’s ok to not accept personality defects.
And stupid expectations should be mocked.
pecunium, I have lurked here a long time and have grown to respect the regulars, including you . I just see someone (Grumbles) being attacked for what seems to me a reasonable opinion. Perhaps there is history I missed.
My leg hair is not a personality defect. Nor is it a physical one.
It is a little like when people claim they are not racist, but they prefer white girls. Or Asian. They are racist. Guys who prefer certain things can have RACIST preferences. Here, we are mocking a misogynistic one.
The guy who brought up leg shaving in the OK Cupid post above…he’s freaking hilarious:
“I’ve been on this site on found that for some reason it’s a joke. This entire online shit is stupid. It’s the first and last time I’ll ever have profile on some site.”
Jesus, do you promise?
“Then why I’m I taking the time to even write this you ask?”
No one did. No one will. I thought you said this “online shit” was stupid. Why bother clarifying your, um, position? Oh wait, here it comes…
“For the sole purpose of telling all you stuck up bitches FUCK YOU! You know who you are…”
Well, you showed us, sparky. But you’re not bitter, are you? Pssst, come closer, I have to tell you something: You don’t seem to like women very much, so it makes oodles of sense that you’re not chin deep in ass. But hey, you got your revenge, Dr. Evil, by calling us all bitches — and no, that won’t get you laid either. Thanks for driving it home, to all the bitches who dared ignore you, that they were absolutely justfied in not getting involved with you. You just highlighted your own problem, then underlined it…then put shiny star stickers next to it.
Or one partner could decide that they used to be OK with those expectations and now no longer are, and just wait to see how their partner reacts. I see no particular reason to put the onus on the person who doesn’t have the rigid expectations.
I think the real reason that Grumbles is mad is that he knows that it’s a test for sexism and doesn’t like the fact that OKC built some of those into their system. Even though it really does help with the matching process.
If.
I want you to want to shave your legs. I don’t want someone who grudgingly does it for my sake; I want someone who enjoys the feeling of having smooth legs. I want someone who legitimately enjoys a lot of the same things I do, not someone who feigns interest to keep me happy.
Would you shave you balls for her?
…your balls