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“Nice Guys” on parade

NG1

So, “Nice Guys” are causing a stir on the Internet again, thanks largely to a new(ish) Tumblr blog called “Nice Guys” of Ok Cupid, which posts selected highlights from the OKCupid profiles of self-proclaimed “nice guys” who make it very clear, in their profiles and in their answers to OKCupid’s “match” questions, that they are in fact anything but nice.

Some of them are actual or potential date rapists, convinced that women that they’re “nice” to owe them sex. Others are bitter from too many rejections, and launch long tirades in their profiles about how women are bitches and whores. Still others are clueless on a more fundamental level, declaring that women have “an obligation to shave their legs” and otherwise prettify themselves for men while noting that they themselves only shower or brush their teeth occasionally.

It’s not clear how any of this is supposed to convince the women of OKCupid  that these angry, ranting, hapless-yet-entitled “nice guys” are indeed as “nice” as advertised, much less convince any rational human being to have sex with them.

The site is a goldmine of unintentional self-revelation — as is a similar site with the name of, er, OKCupid Goldmine —  and I’ve spent hours looking through the pictures on both sites and discussing them with friends. The only reason I haven’t linked to it in the past is that neither of them blur out the faces of the people they feature, which seems to me a pretty major invasion of privacy. (As you no doubt have noticed, I’ve taken the liberty of somewhat creeepily disguising the faces of the guys in the pics I’m posting here.) But “Nice Guys of OKCupid has been pretty widely discussed, linked to by Jezebel (1, 2) and The Guardian and even the Men’s Rights subreddit, to mention merely a few examples; Ok Cupid Goldmine is also provoking discussions. Posts on both sites regularly get dozens if not hundreds of comments and reblogs on Tumblr. The cat’s already out of the bag.

Here are a couple more of these “Nice Guys” with their faces all spiral-ized:

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katz
8 years ago

LMAO at “cold glass of piss.” Like someone took a piss and then took the time to carefully refrigerate it.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
8 years ago

I understand why someone who was feeling bitter about their past relationships would post ranty shit on, say, their own blog. What I don’t understand is why they’d post it as part of their profile on a dating site. Do they actually want to get dates? If so, how do they think addressing potential dates by telling them that you think they’re all bitches and sluts is going to achieve that goal?

blitzgal
8 years ago

all I want you to do is bleed like I have

Erm, he put that on his dating profile?

The last guy is fucking terrifying.

Creative Writing Student
Creative Writing Student
8 years ago

Well, at least the last guy is honest about how he wants to control and abuse his partners. Creeeeeeeeeepy.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
8 years ago

Allow me to summarize the last dude and his friend who wants potential dates to bleed.

WANTED – WOMAN WITH DEATH WISH. MUST SHAVE LEGS DAILY. IF YOU DON’T HATE YOURSELF I WILL HURT YOU.

blitzgal
8 years ago

OMG, that tumblr is hilarious!

blitzgal
8 years ago

Seriously, it’s really hilarious:

http://niceguysofokc.tumblr.com/image/39253703625

kartuschsnake
kartuschsnake
8 years ago

Creepy is not the same as nice, most “nice” guys don’t get that.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
8 years ago

I’m seriously asking. What would make anyone who was looking for a platform on which to expound on their dumbass theories about the Nature of Woman thing “I know – OK Cupid!”?

LBT
LBT
8 years ago

Gaaaah, David, that spiral thing only amps the creepy. It’s like, Uzumaki, Manboobz edition! (Though I still prefer that to having their faces shown.)

And… uh. Wow. DAMN, guys, put a bow on it, will ya?

Some Gal Not Bored at All

@blitzgirl

That’s a great one. A proud, arrogant homophobe. And proof that college sometimes teaches people nothing.

YesVirginia
YesVirginia
8 years ago

The last one is legitimately terrifying. The thought that this guy has women in his life, as friends or family or co-workers, actually scares me.

Some Gal Not Bored at All

Sorry, blitzgal. You’d think I’d get that one right.

cloudiah
8 years ago

What would make anyone who was looking for a platform on which to expound on their dumbass theories about the Nature of Woman thing “I know – OK Cupid!”?

Probably the same thing that drives trolls to come here and complain that David is not following the best practices of investigative journalism. People can be amazingly dense.

Those swirly faces creep me out. How did you do that? (I’m sure it’s something everyone knows but — as you can tell by looking at my posters — graphic arts are not really my thing.)

LBT
LBT
8 years ago

RE: David

I don’t think piss would be pleasant at ANY temperature. (If I HAD to take it, I’d take it warm, but then again, it’s fucking winter here, I’m cold enough.)

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

That last guy … strewth. If I knew someone like that I’d be having a word to the police about him.

Creative Writing Student
Creative Writing Student
8 years ago

@CassandraSays

Maybe they just have women on the brain? It is a dating site and I assume they’re their to get laid/validate their theory that they will never get laid because blah blah blah I am a twit look at me blah blah arglebargle.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
8 years ago

Also, why is the first guy showing the women of OK Cupid his tummy and his sad little tattoos? Is that meant to make them change their bitchy ways?

whataboutthemoonz
8 years ago

Seriously I was just on niceguysofokc and then I came here to this joy.

My first thought about the cold glass of piss was that hey, at least it wasn’t fresh. And that last guy… like, how do people even think that it’s okay to think that way, let alone admit to it? On a DATING site?

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

The swirly faces are creepy but no more so than the ones they’re disguising … you could say they’re more accurate portrayals of these men. And rather Dr Who-ish at the same time.

thebewilderness
8 years ago

Look at the pic of the guy who wants to see you bleed. There is a person and a cat in the background. I wonder if he realized it when he posted it to okc.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
8 years ago

OMG, he has what could be either a really poorly rendered dragon or some sort of insect above one of his nipples in crappy faded ink. I must stop being a slut immediately now that I’ve seen that.

Creative Writing Student
Creative Writing Student
8 years ago

@cloudiah

Get a photoshop program. GIMP is free, but the non-windowed one is annoying.
Select the bit you want to swirlify.
Filter – hunt for ‘swirl’ or similar.
Apply filter.

TA-DAH! Swirlies.

Argenti Aertheri
Argenti Aertheri
8 years ago

“The last one is legitimately terrifying. The thought that this guy has women in his life, as friends or family or co-workers, actually scares me.”

Yeah, I just forwarded that to the not-an-ex, that dude is legitimately terrifying >.<

whataboutthemoonz
8 years ago

The “BOSS. I AM THE BOSS.” bit makes me think of small children for some reason.

LBT
LBT
8 years ago

Maybe it’s some weird thing like some of them think they’re issuing a challenge. “Well, all women are bitches. Now convince me otherwise.” I can see that working on a select subset of people, frighteningly enough.

Also, oh god eugenics guy. NO. NO. Why won’t the eugenics meme DIE ALREADY?

whataboutthemoonz
8 years ago

Argenti, do you mind me asking why you refer to your person as ‘not-an-ex’? That’s a rather unusual phrase and I’ve seen you use it a few times.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
8 years ago

Funny, I thought that he was claiming to be possessed by the spirit of Bruce Springsteen, which was odd since the man in question isn’t dead yet.

whataboutthemoonz
8 years ago

I can see that working on a select subset of people, frighteningly enough.

*raises hand*

It’s okay, though, I’m better now.

MordsithJ
8 years ago

@cloudiah It’s a basic Photoshop filter.

MordsithJ
8 years ago

and that’s what I get for not refreshing before posting.

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

“Funny, I thought that he was claiming to be possessed by the spirit of Bruce Springsteen, which was odd since the man in question isn’t dead yet.”

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Argenti Aertheri
Argenti Aertheri
8 years ago

“Argenti, do you mind me asking why you refer to your person as ‘not-an-ex’? That’s a rather unusual phrase and I’ve seen you use it a few times.”

We were FWB before I moved back in with my parents — it’s a 500 mile difference, so wtf our relationship might be currently is kind of moot. We haven’t really broken up or anything, but on my more depressed days I’m altogether too sure that I’ll never see zir again. And ze’s awesome so now I haz a sad 🙁

In short, it’s complex. “My FWB” doesn’t really feel right, but ze really isn’t an ex either (and TMI ALERT our emails are still NSFW, so yeah)

cloudiah
8 years ago

Aha, photoshop. I don’t have it, but luckily I have very little need to swirlify peoples’ faces. Thanks!

Argenti Aertheri
Argenti Aertheri
8 years ago

And I do mean awesome, you’d love zir taste in music — EA, Abney Park, Voltaire, Creature Feature. So yeah, we’re kind of still a thing, but long distance and complex…and we weren’t dating for complex reasons.

It’s messy in other words, but ze was/is one of those once a decade or less things…

Viscaria
Viscaria
8 years ago

Why do assholes always seem to think all other men are assholes too? “In the guy world, we refer to girls like this as SLURS SLURS ALL IN CAPS BECAUSE THAT’S THE MOST BADASS WAY TO USE SLURS.” Nono, that’s not the guy world. That’s you and your asshole friends.

Shiraz
Shiraz
8 years ago

Hey ladies, ever have a guy yell something scary at you, something confrontational or just stare creepily — I know I have. They’re not trying to get a date, they know they’re bothering us, but for them it’s better than nothing. Seriously. It’s a way of saying, “Yeah, you may not want me, but I’m going to establish my dominance anyhow.”
The funny thing is they’re probably not getting a flood of hate mail. They’re secure enough to do this because they have male priviledge. Whereas if a woman posed in an online picture with her favorite book, random posters will accuse her of wanting to get F****ed.

pecunium
8 years ago

I realise that it’s only a courtesy, because going to the parent post will show the faces, but a simple spiral on photoshop is reversible; as a number of pedophiles found to their dismay.

pecunium
8 years ago

I’m seriously asking. What would make anyone who was looking for a platform on which to expound on their dumbass theories about the Nature of Woman thing “I know – OK Cupid!”?

Because they know some woman will read it, and they hope to scare/offend her.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
8 years ago

The thing is though, it’s so easy to block people on OK Cupid, or just click the nope don’t want this match option. It’s not like street harassment where it can be hard to get away from the person.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
8 years ago

It’s like the gong show. All you have to do is read one sentence and then, next!

MordsithJ
8 years ago

I realise that it’s only a courtesy, because going to the parent post will show the faces, but a simple spiral on photoshop is reversible; as a number of pedophiles found to their dismay.

I tried un-spiraling these photos a little while ago, but didn’t get too far. There must be a special trick to it.

LBT
LBT
8 years ago

RE: Shiraz

I will admit, reading this post, a lot of it I just read as, “I WILL NOW HUMP YOUR LEG TO ESTABLISH MY DOMINANCE.”

RE: whataboutthemoonz

Yeah, my system member had a similar issue. It was part of what led to my existence.

hellkell
hellkell
8 years ago

I bet that last guy is wondering why no one’s offering to date him. He’s frightening.

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

LBT – off topic and silly, but I did a double take when you mentioned singlets before. I don’t know if the term’s used in the US but here it’s long meant underwear! 🙂

LBT
LBT
8 years ago

RE: Kittehs

Haha! Yeah, ‘singlet’ is used here sometimes, but it usually means an undershirt, and it’s not in common use. I might only know that form from my time in NZ…

I’ve heard ‘singleton’ as well.

whataboutthemoonz
8 years ago

Argenti, sorry for giving you a sad. I can totally empathize with you, though; I recently had a non-breakup with a non-partner partner. I think it’s why the phrase not-an-ex intrigued me so much.

UUUUUUGH, these guys!

I just realized what bothers me so much about these guys, and that is that they remind me of this very bizarre thing my rapist did. He was absolutely controlling and manipulative and hurtful in every way he could possibly be, but he also went out of his way to remind me that I was the one who had him “wrapped around my finger”, even though I totally didn’t even.

I think the Nice Guy thing about ‘treating you like a Princess’ is a smokescreen for ‘but I expect to be treated like a King’.

heidihi
heidihi
8 years ago

@Whataboutthemoonz I’m so sorry you went through that and i’m glad to hear you’re doing better. I wish you every happiness you want!

@Argenti, i’m sorry to hear that you’re 500 miles from the ‘not-ex,’ and I wish you all the happiness too 🙂

now, these ‘nice guys’ i wish zero happiness. no good things for them.

Kiwi girl
Kiwi girl
8 years ago

Singlets. Worst. Xmas. Present. Ever.

I’m so pleased I don’t date any more. Are all internet dating sites that bad, or is OC a particularly nasty example?

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