So, “Nice Guys” are causing a stir on the Internet again, thanks largely to a new(ish) Tumblr blog called “Nice Guys” of Ok Cupid, which posts selected highlights from the OKCupid profiles of self-proclaimed “nice guys” who make it very clear, in their profiles and in their answers to OKCupid’s “match” questions, that they are in fact anything but nice.
Some of them are actual or potential date rapists, convinced that women that they’re “nice” to owe them sex. Others are bitter from too many rejections, and launch long tirades in their profiles about how women are bitches and whores. Still others are clueless on a more fundamental level, declaring that women have “an obligation to shave their legs” and otherwise prettify themselves for men while noting that they themselves only shower or brush their teeth occasionally.
It’s not clear how any of this is supposed to convince the women of OKCupid that these angry, ranting, hapless-yet-entitled “nice guys” are indeed as “nice” as advertised, much less convince any rational human being to have sex with them.
The site is a goldmine of unintentional self-revelation — as is a similar site with the name of, er, OKCupid Goldmine — and I’ve spent hours looking through the pictures on both sites and discussing them with friends. The only reason I haven’t linked to it in the past is that neither of them blur out the faces of the people they feature, which seems to me a pretty major invasion of privacy. (As you no doubt have noticed, I’ve taken the liberty of somewhat creeepily disguising the faces of the guys in the pics I’m posting here.) But “Nice Guys of OKCupid has been pretty widely discussed, linked to by Jezebel (1, 2) and The Guardian and even the Men’s Rights subreddit, to mention merely a few examples; Ok Cupid Goldmine is also provoking discussions. Posts on both sites regularly get dozens if not hundreds of comments and reblogs on Tumblr. The cat’s already out of the bag.
Here are a couple more of these “Nice Guys” with their faces all spiral-ized:
@DannyJane
Why so serious?
@lowquacks
Just wanted to say that my thoughts are with you guys man. Hope your mother gets through this.
Shaggy Boob sounds like a beauty salon for Yetis.
My sister has a basic sort of bob type bob, cloudiah! 😀
I think that men and women being able to have a conversation together about something that men and women don’t traditionally talk to each other about (which is what most of these derails are) is as important to the fight against misogyny and oppressive patriarchy as anything else we do here.
As well as, you know, being good fun.
@Shadow
Thanks! Mum’s actually had the best sort of breast cancer to have really – detected early and not very present in the lymph nodes. Having very large breasts saved her from having to have a full masectomy, just needing the lump cut out, and the initial prognosis was that she’d just need a bit of radiotherapy, but more tests came back and she needed chemo.
She’s on one of the harshest chemo drugs but going unusually well and keeping a good attitude. She’s still got eyebrows and some head hair left, and at this point it seems unlikely they’ll fall out.
We’ve had really supportive friends and family and Dad shaved his head in solidarity when we clipped Mum’s short, which have all helped.
Oh, and there’s fun to be had clipping a chemo patient’s hair. Remember gonks? I had an idea.
@Kim
It’s not as if mockery is some sacred and important part of the feminist process anyway. This blog is essentially David curating an excellent selection of the most out-there misogyny to point and laugh at, and sometimes feel a little sick with, and it’s natural that that sort of atmosphere would invite digression.
Kim – that’s a damn good point. I’ve done more talking to guys about Stuff here than most of my life; all my friends have been women; the only men I’ve socialised with were their partners.
Lowquacks – it’s good to hear your mum’s got a good prognosis. Chemo’s bloody awful, my BiL had it for throat cancer a couple of years back. Lost his eyebrows but since he’s worn a rug for decades his head wasn’t affected. 🙂
Gonks, OMG! Mum made a couple for us when we were kids. Weird things.
Hmm, the gonks I just found online aren’t nearly as fluffy as I remember gonks being. That said, I only ever had/saw the one and it was a lot past the heyday (a Sydney Olympics thing given to my dad, IIRC) so perhaps designs change a bit. Mine was basically a big ball of fluffiness, like those hair ones.
Ours were just cloth ovals with flaps for feet and strands of wool for hair. And buttons for eyes … man did that creep me out.
@drst:
I tried it this way tonight and got extra curl, so thank you! 🙂
(Yes there are three kitty pictures in this photo. That doesn’t include the kitty then rolling around on teh shoes.)
lowquacks: best wishes to your mom. Fuck cancer (just had an ex co-worker pass over the weekend from very aggressive stomach/colon cancer).
On curl maintenance – I recommend trying a microfiber towel, creates much less frizz. I also recommend finding a stylist who can do the Deva cut if there’s one near you. Not just for the cut, but because as part of being qualified to do that they’ll have received all kinds of other training, so they can give you useful tips. They’ll usually carry curl-specific products too.
Also, leave-in conditioner. Leave-in conditioner is your friend.
I recommend everyone try one, regardless of hair type. I love mine so much. (I have three: one nice, pricier one, and two cheap, gym towel-type ones. The pricier one is a lot nicer, but they all work better than normal towels at drying hair.)
@lowquacks
My thoughts are with you and your mom.
I’d quite like a bigger microfiber towel, since my hair is pretty long when it’s wet, so if you have recommendations I’d love to hear them. The one I have now came from Deva.
Also, random tip to encourage curl formation. Take sections of hair and twist them round your finger, starting at the scalp and moving towards the end. Let air dry. When hair is dry, put your fingers through your hair at the scalp and gently shake it out. This works particularly well if you tend to wash your hair at night and then go to sleep with it wet, since it’s less likely to frizz overnight.
(Obviously this will only work if your hair has some natural curl or wave to it. For reference, my hair is super fine and about a 3a if you’re using the Deva system.)
(Actually I think Deva now calls my hair type Botticelli.)
My mom, who follows a curly hair regimen, swears by these ‘curl cloths’ that she asked for for Xmas. Apparently if you don’t have those, a t-shirt works pretty well.
@CassandraSays
All of mine are hand towel-sized. I have a lot of hair, but as it is heavy and straight, I just wring it out, then wring it into the towel and pile it on my head, so the small size is fine for me. If I spot one, I’ll pass it on though.
“Wow are you all off topic. The subject is mysogyny–an important topic these days– and you’re all nattering on about your hair. Way to go.”
*dies laughing* and here I just braided mine because Pecunium does have a point about it ending up everywhere!
“My hair is straight as a sunbeam. I braiding it wet gives it some curl, for a couple of hours, but that’s it.”
…so you have my hair, but it’s red? *über jealous*
“(Anyone get a socky smell of “What you’re talking about isn’t important! You should talk about what I want to talk about!” mansplaining from this concern troll?)”
Yes.
Thinking good thoughts for your mother, lowquacks! And seconding hellkell’s “Fuck cancer.”
Hope everything goes well for your mom, lowquacks.
These guys always amaze me. If women are so bad then why are most men capable of finding women to be with and engage in long term relationships with and have meaningful friendships with? Do they honestly believe that the problem isn’t with them? Do they honestly believe that every woman in the world is wrong?
It gives a really interesting insight into how these abusive and controlling kinds of guys don’t actually see women as entirely human, but more as a pleasure object; the more you put into said object the more it pays out.
The photoshop swirls really accentuate the horror of these things.
You know I met my partner of five years on OKCupid, it’s not hard-just be honest and don’t talk like (or be) a raving psycho.