It’s official: Men’s Rights Activists are more obsessed with their “precious bodily fluids” than Dr. Strangelove’s General Jack D. Ripper. Over on the Men’s Rights subreddit, many of the regulars are celebrating Boxing Day by sitting around on their computers worrying about evil predatory succubi burgling their sperm. Check out this little post, which has gotten 90 upvotes so far:
Yes, he really did just say “It’s as if your penis shoots magic IOUs every time you ejaculate.” If this is true, a lot of guys owe millions if not billions of dollars to a lot of old socks.
In the comments, other Men’s Rightsers shared their deepest concerns about the specter of spermburgling. SuicideBanana warns that the enemy may already be in your bed:
Reconstrucht worries about the money-hungry sperm-hunters lurking in bars:
And one future veterinarian contemplates giving up dating, in order to protect himself from the hypothetical women — sorry, soul sucking succubi — who might hypothetically use his future sperm in order to cash in big on his future vet money. Ca-ching!
Gentlemen: To fully protect your Essence, I suggest you ejaculate directly into a paper shredder, douse the results with hot sauce and arsenic, and pour the entire concoction into the nearest garbage disposal. Then flee the country.
Clairedammit,
Me: “I have commented on this blog only a very small number of times before today, always under the names “M” or “Melissa”.”
Claire: “This sets of my sockpuppet detector like whoa. First of all M(elissa), you made the effort to post in this thread tonight under two different usernames. Second, your comment here doesn’t seem to be in reply to anyone, so why bring this up?”
It didn’t take effort. M was already auto filled in the box the first time, and I expanded it to Melissa as soon as I read back my first comment. I did not try to make it look like those comments came from separate people.
Yes, my comment was a reply to some people; Hellkell speculated that I might be Dee, and The Kitteh’s unpaid help commented that my statement reminded her of Schticky.
David,
my IP addresse(s) are owned by a company called Plussnet (my broadband provider). When you trace it you get their location rather than mine. I think a significant fraction of the UK population will be connecting through them.
Everyone,
I accepted Kittehs’ point that the excessive and disproportionate attention those people pay to the extremely rare issue of “spermburgling” is misogynistic. So I’ve sorta already admitted defeat on that..
Tabby Lavalamp wins the thread!
Please accept your prize of one internet being sent to you by post.
@John Anderson
>So basically a guy says that men should be careful not to impregnate women and that has the feminists panties in a bunch.
To me it seems that at least two posters in this very thread said they’d be glad if men took greater care not to impregnate women, but that’s probably a feminist ruse.
Not that you care, but there was that link on page one in which a feminist scholar in a feminist magazin attacked the strict liability standards men are held to, even in case of having been raped.
But you’re here to rant, right?
@ David Futrelle
“John, Tom Martin had six threads devoted to him, five of them devoted to his comments here. You, I had completely forgotten about.”
Let me make my case for TOTY
1. I’m half white and half Asian. That means I draw ancestry from the majority ethnic groups both inside and outside the United States.
2. I’m a CIS male, who is straight. Not only do I have straight and male privilege, but it matches my gender identity.
3. TOTY is a misogynist. I’m not, so that means I’m unqualified.
4. Tom Martin has shown himself vastly more deserving than I, so I don’t deserve it.
Who is more ENTITLED to win than a person from the majority ethnic groups both inside and outside the U.S., who is a member of the hegemonic gender with the socially accepted and recognized gender identity and who is also unqualified and undeserving?
I am the perfect MRA candidate.
“I’m late to the party but anyone else notice Melissa using the V word?”
Titanblue
I don’t understand. Why not use that word. I don’t think it was offensive in the manner in which I used it.
$5,000 a year, totally worth spending the better part of a year as an incubator and the rest of my adult life responsible for a child who I have to spend much more than $5,000 a year feeding. clothing, housing, educating, etc. Not to mention the way more than 40 hours a week cooking, cleaning, nurturing, etc. I would be a fool NOT to sperm jack some dude at a bar. What have I been doing with my life up until now?! Imagine the lack of freedom I could be enjoying!!!!
I still can’t mock. These guys are so damned worried about their money and now their sperm that they’re scaring each other but still haven’t seemed to figure out: stop having sex with women you don’t want children with; keep your pants on and zipped up (leaving rape out of this; this is consented for only). I’m not trying to spoil anyone’s fun here. But I cannot nor will not forget the double standard these guys set: women with high numbers equals sluts but men, cuz of their biology, must mate with as many females as possible. Women with high numbers are sluts with no value, a used up ugly vayjayjay who will cuckhold a man with another man’s kids..or some such bullshit. But men! Oh, the men…who want 14 year old virgins for wives but only after they (the men) have fucked hundreds of women…oh, their high numbers are of value! It must be the skills of lovemaking they learn by fucking and dumping hundreds of women that give them value…to each other. Still can’t conjure an image of a self respecting virgin, who still plays with dolls, being grateful that his penis has been in hundreds..ew. Don’t think these guys have much to worry about in the “spermburgling” department.
Women raping men? Wrong, needs to addressed, talked about more, men given support and believed.
Six forty five am, can’t find the numbers keys…and now sufficiently grossed out.
The actual act of “sperm burgling” is the exception, not the rule, and that’s the problem with MRAs flipping a shit about it because the likelihood of it happening is very low, but they treat it like it’s the majority of women doing it.
That woman mentioned is disgusting and should be jailed for what she did, absolutely. But how is any of this the resulting child’s fault? Ultimately, the reason to award child support is because there is a child who would otherwise go hungry without a second source of income. So while men want to stick it to women by not paying, they’re really just neglecting a child.
What should have happened in this case is that child protective services should be taking that child away from a mother who is very obviously unfit, and that child should be adopted, and the father wouldn’t even have to worry about child support. Unfortunately that wasn’t the case, but I still don’t see how punishing the child by withholding the money needed to keep it alive is the right thing to do in the eyes of the MRAs.
QFMFT
How long does sperm last outside the human body without special conditions?
If she thought the guy might get her pregnant and then steal the baby to use in a ritual sacrifice because she heard that was something guys do, then she would be an equivalent level of paranoid.
Even then it’s not the same, because these guys are claiming that women steal their sperm for the purposes of making money.
The Mayo clinic says: Sperm ejaculated outside the body might survive in semen — the fluid released during ejaculation — up to a few hours.
OK, with regard to my last comments in the previous thread, John Anderson has definitely scooped the Most Pathetically Desperate Attention-Seeking award at the last minute. But I don’t think we should give it to him, because that would really piss him off.
Tabby Lavalamp wins the thread!
And bonus points for using ‘ejaculate’ as a noun. It always sounds amusingly Victorian.
Warning, iPad posting in progress, I apologize in advance if I break anything.
“First of all I don’t think that that is the real problem. I have already said several times that I consider MaunaLoona’s concerns about “spermbergling” to be exaggerated and disproportionate.” – Then what’s the point of all your comments?!
“Full disclosure: I am a soul-sucking succubus. I take the form of a woman in order to seduce a man, and I steal his sperm in order to impregnate human women. So I suppose hating succubi isn’t strictly speaking misogyny, since succubi aren’t women. Misdaimony?” – *dies* you rock, as usual!
“Here is the history with links (do all trolls not realize we can scroll up and read their shit?):” – Some have been particularly terrible at that, yes. My glossary troll springs to mind.
HOLY SHIT FUCK DAMN! Where to begin? Ah, I know – “Feminists continue to judge a man’s masculinity by the amount of sex he has and then wonder why some guys might not take no fir an answer.” – Feminists, in the real world, idk about your straw-feminists, do NOT judge men by the number of their sex partners. You’re a virgin and ok with that? Well good for you then! Not okay with that? Try a dating advice site!
As for “might not take no fir (sic) an answer”, it’s called rape, not some magical “failure to take no” the way one might fail to take medicine, or fail to answer the phone.
Next up! Use a condom, please! By all means get a vasectomy if you’re sure you won’t ever want kids. By all the gods, where ever did you get this notion that feminists are anti-birth control?!
And feminists encourage raping men?! Only in Toy Soldier’s mind, in reality feminists (by and large) support rape victims, gender is not a factor here. We don’t believe a woman I entitled to a man’s sperm, we believe y’all are seriously exaggerating the odds of “spam jacking”. That is, car jacking is more likely, rape I more likely, being hi by lightening is more likely. And I, for one, am allergic to terrible math and made up statistics!
I’ll finish with the stupid after breakfast, I’m supposed to be making coffee!
“Well, I can’t and won’t speak for men from your part of the world, but I personally have no problem if women seek to have MY children, even if they have to use such sneaky techniques to do it. In fact, it’s quite flattering actually.” – Good for you ABNOY? Clearly you don’t speak for all men.
And not having PiV sex is certainly an option, as would be condoms or a vasectomy. What shouldn’t be an option, or at least not a sensible on is going off online about how all women are sperm jackers.
Well yes, but since when are feminists saying men can’t “take themselves out of the dating game”?
No, slut shaming // virgin shaming is not okay, regardless the gender(s) involved. “why are men not afforded the same right?” Men are, unless your on reddit apparently.
Except all of those things happen to >1% of people. Which sperm jacking does not. Being paranoid about sperm jacking makes less sense than being paranoid of shark attacks, or death by lightening, or, hell, death from falling down stairs. Or alcohol poisining, or getting a serious illness (the death rash, SJS? “In the United States, there are about 300 new diagnoses per year.” – making it far more common than sperm jacking [source])
“Everyone who would not be remotely upset if the kind of men who’re terrified of being spermburged decided not to have sex with a woman ever again raise your hand.”
*raises hand*
Succubi, according to Acchan:
Let’s see MRAs top that drama.
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YAAAAY I ROCK! o/
Btw, Argenti (and Pecunium) — you have no idea how much I hate you both. My life could’ve been much easier without the knowledge of what SJS is. 😀 I’m currently on a very high dose of ibuprofen for inflammation, and NSAIDs are high there on the list. And then a few days back I woke up with a cold sore and almost wet myself with fear.
Is there any particular MRA push/interest in a male birth control pill, or other forms of contraception that are useful for and controlled by owners of penises? Because, if your big concern is “spermjacking” but you don’t want a vasectomy (for whatever reason), it stands to reason you’d fight like hell for other effective, reversible contraception methods that don’t expose your sperm to the world outside your scrotum.
Yet I don’t feel like I’m seeing a big MRA interest in alternative birth control methods for men – but I may have missed them. Does anyone know?
(If anything, I feel like I’m seeing a lot of “birth control is a ladyproblem! I’ma stick my penis where I want!” from MRAs, actually. But the most vocal in the movement also seem to be the most stupid, and I still hold out hope there are dudes quietly working for useful stuff behind the scenes.)
I can imagine Guitarshed’s heartwarming proposal now:
“Jane, we’ve known each other for a while now and I’m thinking you’re the one. Before we make the final commitment, there’s just one thing I need to know. Are you a soul-sucking succubus?”
(Naturally, Pierre is in the background, sitting too close to be able to avoid overhearing the romantic moment).
OK, I have to ask: who is Pierre?
Who is John Anderson, and why is he so pathetic?
Guys, stop trying so hard for TOTY. It’s pretty much down to Martin or Steele. Better luck next year.
@Emilygoddess
This is Pierre. (you are in for a treat!)