It’s official: Men’s Rights Activists are more obsessed with their “precious bodily fluids” than Dr. Strangelove’s General Jack D. Ripper. Over on the Men’s Rights subreddit, many of the regulars are celebrating Boxing Day by sitting around on their computers worrying about evil predatory succubi burgling their sperm. Check out this little post, which has gotten 90 upvotes so far:
Yes, he really did just say “It’s as if your penis shoots magic IOUs every time you ejaculate.” If this is true, a lot of guys owe millions if not billions of dollars to a lot of old socks.
In the comments, other Men’s Rightsers shared their deepest concerns about the specter of spermburgling. SuicideBanana warns that the enemy may already be in your bed:
Reconstrucht worries about the money-hungry sperm-hunters lurking in bars:
And one future veterinarian contemplates giving up dating, in order to protect himself from the hypothetical women — sorry, soul sucking succubi — who might hypothetically use his future sperm in order to cash in big on his future vet money. Ca-ching!
Gentlemen: To fully protect your Essence, I suggest you ejaculate directly into a paper shredder, douse the results with hot sauce and arsenic, and pour the entire concoction into the nearest garbage disposal. Then flee the country.
katz
Emailed someone with a blog on getting a better resolution copy.
Emailed the NSA Public Relations Bureau for advice.
Went to some Voynich websites.
Even if I don’t succeed in proving its music, I will have succeeded in proving one possibility that it is not.
Katz – it’s like some jerk who thinks The Three Musketeers is history. Clueless doesn’t begin to describe it.
Dude, you know that real research involves more than emailing people and looking at websites, right?
… I wonder if Pierre ever worked at the NSA Public Relations Bureau …
I can only imagine how Mr. Kitteh would react to that.
katz, yeah but I have to start somewhere.
And I have to get a better resolution copy. I can barely “read” mine.
@ Some Gal Not Bored at All
“You are aware that you just described the choice between a surgical abortion and a child,”
The only required surgical abortions I’m aware of are the one’s necessary to save a woman’s life where the fetus has actually already died. I guess it technically wouldn’t be an abortion. I think even dilate and extraction pulls the fetus through the vaginal canal and isn’t that a late term abortion method. I know some babies can’t make it through the birth canal and so women undergo a c-section, but I would think that in the first two trimesters, they should be able to get it through. If there are any cases were it would be required, I would concede the point. I’m just not sure a woman didn’t have other options and simply didn’t take them.
Still not quite the same as a vasectomy as a vasectomy stops POSSIBLY having a child, while an abortion stops DEFINITELY having a child. I think it would be more accessible as a requirement for abortions as the alternative is more certain.
Even if I don’t succeed in proving that it is Queso Manchego, I will have succeeded in proving one possibility that it is not Queso Manchego. The life of the Aspiring Frothy Dingleberry is full of such tiny steps towards greatness.
What’s with the unnecessary quotation marks?
That was directed at Dingleberry the Frothy’s “I can barely “read”” comment.
Write a script!
I’ve written one for Tom Martin, but I’m not totally happy with it; it’s REALLY hard to condense him into a coherent script. I also want to write one where he’s at Radioshack and Brandon comes to buy stuff to surveil his girlfriend.
And John Anderson proves that he doesn’t know what “surgery” means.
John: all abortions except for those done with RU486 are surgical abortions, You really don’t know how any of this works, do you? Too bad that lack of knowledge doesn’t shut you up.
katz, I’ll try, I’ll try. Maybe we need a thread in the forums to workshop some of these scripts. XD
Pierre: Hello! You’re having a great day with the NSA!
Dingleberry: Yeah, it’s about the Voynich Manuscript.
Pierre: Is that some some sort of terrorist document!
Dingleberry: No! Don’t you even watch “In Search Of…”? It’s an undeciphered, possibly fraudulent manuscript!
Pierre: I see. Y’know, we at the NSA mostly deal with National Security…
Dingleberry: But I need to decode it! You guys know about codes and stuff!
Pierre: (reluctantly) Yeah…
Dingleberry: I think it’s music!
Pierre: … We don’t decode a lot of music here. Like I say, it’s mostly security stuff…
Dingleberry: If I can decode it, then some people on the Internet might actually be impressed with my mental prowess!
Pierre: There have to be easier ways of doing that. Have you tried taking the MENSA test while drunk?
Dingleberry: Yes, Mother I tried that. Well, you’re a fat lot of good!
Pierre: I’m sorry you feel that way. Perhaps if you stay on the line, you could take two minutes to complete our customer service satisfaction… Hung up! What rude kids these days!
Frothingly ninja’d by cloudiah!
In the wise words of the Scarecrow of Oz: “Some people without brains do an awful lot of talking.”
Well, now I want cheese. We bought some delicious Wensleydale with cranberries for Christmas. So sweet and creamy!
I [heart] Bodsy.
Should be a question mark in line 3.
I also [heart] cheese. It helped bring my mother’s post-surgery weight back up from a low of 81 lbs to nearly 100 lbs. We Scandihoovians are the opposite of lactose intolerant — if we don’t have at least one piece of cheese a day, we waste away to nothing.
buggrit
@ The Kittebs’ Unpaid Help
“So, are there places in the US where men can’t get condoms or vasectomies?”
Are there any places where women can’t buy birth control or have their tubes tied? When women complain about being denied birth control, it’s because they’re angry that it’s not free.
Before you give me that conscientious objection crap. If a store didn’t have condoms or was closed, am I really being denied the opportunity to buy them or does it mean I have to get them someplace else or at another time. What about an IUD? It doesn’t have to be a pill and I’ve never seen those banned anywhere. I’ve also never seen or heard of a woman being denied the ability to purchase a condom even though she theoretically can’t use one.
It really is embarrassing when dingleberries mansplain how the Bible is totally a history book.