It’s official: Men’s Rights Activists are more obsessed with their “precious bodily fluids” than Dr. Strangelove’s General Jack D. Ripper. Over on the Men’s Rights subreddit, many of the regulars are celebrating Boxing Day by sitting around on their computers worrying about evil predatory succubi burgling their sperm. Check out this little post, which has gotten 90 upvotes so far:
Yes, he really did just say “It’s as if your penis shoots magic IOUs every time you ejaculate.” If this is true, a lot of guys owe millions if not billions of dollars to a lot of old socks.
In the comments, other Men’s Rightsers shared their deepest concerns about the specter of spermburgling. SuicideBanana warns that the enemy may already be in your bed:
Reconstrucht worries about the money-hungry sperm-hunters lurking in bars:
And one future veterinarian contemplates giving up dating, in order to protect himself from the hypothetical women — sorry, soul sucking succubi — who might hypothetically use his future sperm in order to cash in big on his future vet money. Ca-ching!
Gentlemen: To fully protect your Essence, I suggest you ejaculate directly into a paper shredder, douse the results with hot sauce and arsenic, and pour the entire concoction into the nearest garbage disposal. Then flee the country.
John, you are completely full of shit and possibly booze.
As a feminist, I have exactly zero MRA friends.
“The lifetime numbers didn’t make sense to me because if men are 50% of current victims, how are they 20% of past victims. but whatever.”
Simplest answer is that the meaning of current there was a specific 12 month period, and it’s always possible that the year in question was an outlier — either more men than average were raped in that year, or less women were. And the margin of error on that was nothing like “let’s double it”, more likely it was (substantially) less than 5%. So we’ll say that 1 in 20 men are raped in their lifetime, which is 5%, plus 5% of that is 5.25%
Let’s pretend that all those rapes are without any birth control. At any given time 1 in 4 women are close enough to ovulating to get pregnant, so 1/4th of 5.25% works out to 1.3%
Considering that the only thing you mentioned that isn’t total BS is that women could lie about being on birth control and get pregnant that way, assuming that to be half as likely as men being raped, that’d happen to 2.5% of men. Accounting for the 1 in 4 odds that she’s ovulating, works out to 0.6%. Add in the 1.3% above and you get ~2% which works out to 1 in 50.
Mind you that’s a lot of assumptions, and with 1 in 4 women being raped in their lifetime, with 1 in 4 ovulating at the time, there’s a 6.25% chance of a woman being impregnated via rape. This ignores the rates of reproductive coercion by men. So yeah, bigger risk to women, by a factor of three.
“If a man has on average 1,000 social interactions with women where she might acquire his sperm surreptitiously…”
Let me finish that sentence — he should be more worried about STDs. Those rates run about 1 in 6 for herpes, 75-80% lifetime risk of HPV (generally clears without treatment), 0.015% for syphillis, 0.22% for gonorrhea annually and 0.5% for chlamydia. Assuming, say, 40 years minimum for STD risk, that works out to 0.6% for syphillis, 8.8% for gonorrhea, and 20% for chlamydia
Translation for the non-mathematically inclined – all of those but syphillis are higher than 1 in 50 – our high estimate for sperm jacking. One thing to say to that…
My math apparently took to long, *sigh*
I don’t know about you guys, but whenever my magical Atlantis-seeking vagina wants to burgle sperm, I do it in the middle of a Starbucks. I don’t even take him to the bathroom to fuck, I just use my magical succubus powers to do it.
Mis ter An der son, you’re a fucking idiot. Someone explain to him what’s wrong with that filthy hot mess.
“I don’t know why it was that particular line out of all the made up statistics that made me lol.
It just did.”
Despite all the math, yes, the nailed it for me.
Man: Hey, why is your hand down my pants?
Woman: Uh… you were walking funny, so I guessed your underpants were all bunched up. Thought I’d fix ’em. Make ’em more comfortable.
Man: Okay. (pause) You know, you’re taking your time about it,
Woman: Uh… You remember that scene in Fast Times at Ridgemont High where Phoebe Cates… and we’re done!
(Exit woman, fiddling with a zip-lock bag.)
Man: Well whaddaya know. That is more comfortable.
(nine months later)
Man: Bill… bill… flyer… what’s this? Demand for child support! She wasn’t adjusting my undies at all! She was acquiring my sperm! And surreptitiously so, no less!
(pause)
Man: That really just doesn’t make any economic sense.
“As a feminist, I have exactly zero
MRAfriends.”-hellkell
FTFY
“Better at what? Groveling for female attention. They’re better at that because they have to be. ”
Grasping that women are human beings and treating them as equals = grovelling for attention. Who knew?
Oh look, Diogenes the Dumbass is trying his “neener neener neener you don’t have any friends” line again! What are you, six?
@ CassandraSays
“If a man doesn’t feel comfortable just accepting that then, like the woman in my hypothetical above, he should probably insist on using a condom too.”
I have no problem with this as long as there is consistency of thought, but I think what happens a lot of times is that people take the position that men are required to protect themselves and that this is reasonable, but that it is unreasonable to expect the same of women.
So telling a man who is concerned that a woman might not be truthful or accurate in birth control to use a condom is considered OK, but telling a woman not to send certain signals if she doesn’t intend to have sex, not to partake in certain behaviors like drinking because it increases the chance something bad will happen to her is considered misogynistic because a woman shouldn’t have to.
I’m not disagreeing. Simply advocating for consistency of thought.
As for your friends there John, you think the rest of us haven’t had some weird ones? Dude, I’ve got an ex who spent some time in jail for sexual contact with a minor, Megan’s list, all that. Two rapist ex’s, one of whom was still stalking me as March (if any of y’all were wondering why I’ve been so paranoid about my location/ID/etc, this is why)
Getting the picture here? Everyone knows assholes, MRA, feminist, neither, assholes happen.
So… Why is saying the sun is male is “ludicrous” but saying god is male is a totally reasonable proposition?
You can relax, DtC, you are likely to win dumbass of the year by a landslide.
“As a feminist, I have exactly zero
MRAfriends.”Fuck, I left my phone upstairs, while texting with the not-an-ex. Thanks for reminding me though!
Oh Bodsy’s scenario, so much laughage!
Yes, I am six. Astute of you.
Your penis is pony-shaped and made out of baloney? Interesting…
Aw, lookit. Diogenes thinks he’s being cutting. Dance, monkey, dance!
Diogenes, you are a frothing dingleberry.
No hellkell, its you who can cut to the quick.
I mean frothing dingleberry. How can I compete with that?
You can’t.
Diogenes the Insipid, the sad thing is that you can’t compete with a frothing dingleberry, even though you are one metaphorically. An actual frothing dingleberry is loads more interesting than you are, and probably has a higher IQ.
hellkell you ninja — you frothing ninja!
“Why is saying the sun is male is “ludicrous” but saying god is male is a totally reasonable proposition?”
Beive?
The Frothing Dingleberry needs to be a band name.
cloudiah: great frothy minds froth alike!