It’s official: Men’s Rights Activists are more obsessed with their “precious bodily fluids” than Dr. Strangelove’s General Jack D. Ripper. Over on the Men’s Rights subreddit, many of the regulars are celebrating Boxing Day by sitting around on their computers worrying about evil predatory succubi burgling their sperm. Check out this little post, which has gotten 90 upvotes so far:
Yes, he really did just say “It’s as if your penis shoots magic IOUs every time you ejaculate.” If this is true, a lot of guys owe millions if not billions of dollars to a lot of old socks.
In the comments, other Men’s Rightsers shared their deepest concerns about the specter of spermburgling. SuicideBanana warns that the enemy may already be in your bed:
Reconstrucht worries about the money-hungry sperm-hunters lurking in bars:
And one future veterinarian contemplates giving up dating, in order to protect himself from the hypothetical women — sorry, soul sucking succubi — who might hypothetically use his future sperm in order to cash in big on his future vet money. Ca-ching!
Gentlemen: To fully protect your Essence, I suggest you ejaculate directly into a paper shredder, douse the results with hot sauce and arsenic, and pour the entire concoction into the nearest garbage disposal. Then flee the country.
And when someone says “I’m not using you for sex just like all of those other assholes”…..
I need to read this book, I think.
How did we end up talking about Nice Guys(TM) again?
Because they are the herpes of the internet.
@whataboutthemoonz – I’m so sorry that happened to you!!
Hey whataboutthemoonz, internet hug and glass of wine if you want them.
Offering whataboutthemoonz more internet hugs and hamsters on a Roomba.
LOL! You guys are the very best <3
BPN001,
lolll @ “welfare manipulation.” Son, I was raised on welfare for the first 8 years of my life. Believe you me, welfare is not a winning lottery ticket. My Christmas presents came from the salvation army, our food came from local pantries. We ate macaroni and cheese (not the nice velveeta shell but the powdered store brand) regularly. Welfare is not fun, stop acting like people are psyched to be on welfare because they’re just living it up. You have no idea what you’re talking about.
Ugh, I married a “nice” guy too. You can go ask him today, he’ll tell you all about how nice he is, but the thing is, he has to tell you about it. No one finds him nice from just hanging out with him.
Yeah, I don’t get this welfare=luxury notion. I was stuck on unemployment benefits for two years a decade ago. If I’d been living alone I would probably have ended up homeless, and that was before Australia started pricing renters out of their homes. It was about $200 a week to cover everything. I can’t imagine how anyone manages to keep a family and run a car and pay rent/mortgage if they find themselves out of work now.
Forgot to add that unemployment benefit here is so far below the poverty line that even our conservative (think of a watered-down Republican-Tory combination) politicians are starting to say it should be raised. Not doing anything about it, of course, but at least acknowledging it.
If we’re going to have critters + Roombas, we have to have this one:
http://youtu.be/vf9wHkkNGUU
Forgive me if I’m either stating the obvious or repeating a point that has come up already, but what’s stopping someone scared of spermburgling from thoroughly washing out the condom prior to throwing it away?
Even the most dedicated spermburglar is likely to baulk at having to swab the inside of the U-bend for that precious man-juice. And I suspect there’s a strong probability that this has never happened in the entire history of the world ever.
It hasn’t come up before, Wetherby. I wonder if these guys would have the same attitude to cleaning up their condoms as cleaning their own underwear … skidmarks are there for women to clean, are they not? đŸ˜›
Friendzoning violates the alchemical principle of Equivalent Exchange, the religious principle of the Golden Rule, the accounting principle of Debit and Credit, the physics principle of Action and Reaction, etc. Remember, love is not just what you feel, it`s what you do too , and the love you give should also be the love you get. After all, it`s only fair to be paid a day`snite`s wages for a day`snite`s work, no?
What ARE you smoking, Abnoy?
Abnoy, reading your dumb trolly comments is work, so I figure you owe me $5 for that one. Equivalent Exchange!
Mentioning TOTY has really brought them out of the woodwork.
I’m still trying to find the thread where Owly said little girls at the beach are deliberately trying to turn him on. I thought I had with the St Dymphna thread from last year, but nope. Mind you it was priceless seeing him post a clip from Chicago, apparently thinking it was a doco rather than a musical.
PS David, are you charging Abnoy in troy ounces of gold?
Abnoy, even if we started treating human relationships as transactions that need to be balanced (and what a sad life that would be), the “payment” for friendship is friendship. If you offer company and emotional support and a shoulder to cry on, and you GET company and emotional support and a shoulder to cry on, that’s a fair transaction, no? The onus is on you and other Nice Guys to demonstrate why paying out companionship entitles you to companionship + sex as compensation.
I don’t see how sex someone else wants is a fair exchange for sex I don’t want.
Also, I seem to remember Owly talking about the girls at the beach, “working it like pros”.
To him that probably means walking on the beach in a swim suit.
@nixscripter
Argenti gave a pretty good answer, but I’m going to take a different tack.
They don’t actually care, it’s just an excuse for what they really care about.
I used to be heavily, heavily, heavily involved in the anti-abortion crowd. They’ll tell you till they’re blue in the face that what they’re really against is abortions.
Ask them why they aren’t for sex ed and universal healthcare, two things that will drop the abortion rate by a huge amount. If they’re really that concerned with abortion, that should be the first thing on their mind–it drops the rate WAY MORE than banning abortion ever has. It’s the only thing proven to work.
This is anathema. Make birth control available? They hate that idea. Let women know early on how to not get pregnant? They hate that idea.
We can parse why they hate abortion all day long, and there are ‘reasons…’ but the underlying reason is that THEY HATE WOMEN.
They want to control them. They don’t want them to have sex unless it’s the right sex, and they want to keep them barefoot and in the kitchen.
Anybody who claims otherwise is lying. Otherwise they’d be out there stumping for Obamacare. (the amount of anti-choicers doing that is… um… zero? Maybe there’s one or two, somewhere, who have internalized the ‘abortions-are-bad’ and have taken it to the logical place… but once you get there it’s just a short hop to ‘why are abortions bad?’)
They probably don’t realize they’re lying. It takes massive amounts of cognitive dissonance to keep the game going.
But they don’t really care.
These guys will never get a vasectomy, because they don’t actually care about the potential child support troubles. It’s just an excuse to scream venom at women right now.
This is how you can tell somebody who’s genuinely scared by rhetoric from somebody who is using it as an excuse to let their hatred out of the box. If they were scared and not hateful, snip. Easy-peasy. A lifetime of certainty.
They don’t.
They won’t.
They don’t care.
(this has been your long rant, brought to you by MRA logic and the letter A. For assholes, abortion, and anytimenow)
(any time now is when I’ll stop ranting and hit post)
*standing ovation*
Ooh, is this fresh trolling from Nice Guy (TM) Abnoy? I think it’s adorable these dudes think pretending to care about a person’s feelings and producing cups of coffee just the way we like them is some form of currency. Like crazy people trying to pay cab drivers in buttons.
Very nice, howard.