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$MONEY$ cock blockade dozens of upvotes evil women evo psych fairy tales I'm totally being sarcastic men who should not ever be with women ever misogyny MRA oppressed men paranoia playing the victim precious bodily fluids reddit spermjacking

Men’s Rights Redditor warns men: “Be careful with your sperm. Your very freedom is at stake.”

Men: Protect your Purity of Essence
Men: Protect your Purity of Essence

It’s official: Men’s Rights Activists are more obsessed with their “precious bodily fluids” than Dr. Strangelove’s General Jack D. Ripper. Over on the Men’s Rights subreddit, many of the regulars are celebrating Boxing Day by sitting around on their computers worrying about evil predatory succubi burgling their sperm. Check out this little post, which has gotten 90 upvotes so far:

MRspermworth92k

Yes, he really did just say “It’s as if your penis shoots magic IOUs every time you ejaculate.” If this is true, a lot of guys owe millions if not billions of dollars to a lot of old socks.

In the comments, other Men’s Rightsers shared their deepest concerns about the specter of spermburgling. SuicideBanana warns that the enemy may already be in your bed:

MRspermBoogywoman

Reconstrucht worries about the money-hungry sperm-hunters lurking in bars:

MRspermPredatory

And one future veterinarian contemplates giving up dating, in order to protect himself from the hypothetical women — sorry, soul sucking succubi — who might hypothetically use his future sperm in order to cash in big on his future vet money. Ca-ching!

MRspermSuccubus

Gentlemen: To fully protect your Essence, I suggest you ejaculate directly into a paper shredder, douse the results with hot sauce and arsenic, and pour the entire concoction into the nearest garbage disposal. Then flee the country.

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Noadi
7 years ago

The concept of a vasectomy just never occurs to these guys does it?

clairedammit
clairedammit
7 years ago

So if a girl soups up a “good provider” at the bar with drinks, and brings him home to have sex, then takes the used condom with his DNA and impregnates herself, the man has to pay 18 years of child support??? That seems “predatory”.

Why yes it is “predatory.” As in, not really predatory. BECAUSE IT DOESN’T HAPPEN.

blitzgal
7 years ago

Okay, if the average payment is a meager $5,000 annually, what exactly are these assholes complaining about again? That’s NOTHING!

pecunium
7 years ago

If she got him that souped up… well he’s not going to perform very well, and why doesn’t she just tell him she’s got an IUD and forgo the condom… it’s far more likely to lead to pregnancy.

thebewilderness
7 years ago

I think this particular fear tactic has a fair chance to enter the mainstream. They should do a study and submit their bizarre foregone conclusions to the corporate media. It’ll put them on the map.

clairedammit
clairedammit
7 years ago

Oh, and then further in the comments

To use a ‘Will and Grace’ reference: Grace could potentially thief a used condom that was in Will’s ass and use that to impregnate herself with the baby of Will’s homosexual male lover.

And according to the examples Ive seen he will have to pay child support

But that totally happens all the time. It’s how we make babies these days.

Freemage
Freemage
7 years ago

blitzgal: You have to remember, these evil women don’t spend the money on the kid; they spend it on… Scented candles! Or something like that.

Molly moon
Molly moon
7 years ago

I know that when I’m trying to find a good provider to enslave by forcing him to provide me with sperm, I ALWAYS go to bars. That’s where good providers hang out, dontcha know.

-no one, ever.

kirbywarp
kirbywarp
7 years ago

@blitzgal:

5,000 can be pretty heavy depending on a person’s income. But here’s the thing I don’t get.

The average cost of raising a child (over 17 years), depending on who you ask, is between $200,000 and $400,000.

The average child support payments total out to less than $100,000.

So these “predatory” women are “stealing” around $100K over 18 years in order to pay $100K-$300K in order to… what? Spite the guy? Where’s the rationale here? Do they just think that women are baby-crazy and want to offset some of the cost? Cause that’s literally the only possible reason I could think of…

No, they probably only ever think of these things in how it affects them; no scheme is too absurd for the evil sperm-stealing woman! -_-

Crumbelievable
Crumbelievable
7 years ago

The lulz, they don’t stop coming.

katz
7 years ago

And yet the part that bugs me is that he put numbered references before embedded links.

cloudiah
7 years ago

That was an episode of Will and Grace? I’d have thought I would have remembered…

Kaitlyn
Kaitlyn
7 years ago

LOL they are so delusional. nobody wants anything to do with them or their sperm. MRA’s make me sick.

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

Yes, he really did just say “It’s as if your penis shoots magic IOUs every time you ejaculate.” If this is true, a lot of guys owe millions if not billions of dollars to a lot of old socks.

I just read this to the boss and we both laughed our heads off. “Have they never heard of condoms?” he asked. I told him about the used-condom notion and spermburgling and he asked if they think blow-up dolls are also trying to impregnate themselves.

😀 😀 😀

cloudiah
7 years ago

Well, katz, that’s just a criminally wrong citation format. It should be noted.

longshan gui
longshan gui
7 years ago

For these dudes the child is just a stuffed kitten. It’s only the feud with their ex that matters. Let the stuffies starve.

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

@clairedammit – makes you wonder a) if they think Will’s hypothetical lover and he just leave condoms lying around (ewwww) and b) how long do Mindless Reactionary Assholes think sperm survive in them anyway? They seem to be under the impression that their Precious Bodily Fluids are some sort of indesctructible impregnating wonder-seed.

longshan gui
longshan gui
7 years ago

Look. Let’s lay it out. Men fixed it so women couldn’t survive without a male protector. Women became dogs looking for their protector. Women fought for the right to read and for birth control. Women managed to find ways to survive without men. Men were incredibly threatened. Men remained in the past, obsessing about women trying to survive in a 50s scenario. Women moved on from these fools.

M
M
7 years ago

“Why yes it is “predatory.” As in, not really predatory. BECAUSE IT DOESN’T HAPPEN.”

Actually, if you follow the link to the original comment on men’s rights subreddit, then follow another link again to the article referenced by MaunaLoona, you will find an article that discusses numerous legal cases that set precedent. Disturbingly, there was one case where a man was passed out and unconscious, and the women obtained sperm by raping him in his sleep. He was still liable for child support. In another case where a woman was raped she was not financially liable for the child.

The article calls it a “strict liability theory of sperm”. It looks like there have been a surprising number of cases of “sperm burgling” going by the cases cited in that article, though most were not rape cases.

clairedammit
clairedammit
7 years ago

then takes the used condom with his DNA and impregnates herself,

Where did this happen? Accidental pregnancy is not spermburgling. Neither is a pregnancy where the man knowingly didn’t use birth control.

Melissa
Melissa
7 years ago

Forgive me if I’m being stupid, but could someone please explain something to me. How exactly is
MaunaLoona’s comment misogynistic? Perhaps he is excessively anxious about the issue of sperm burgling. But he links to an article which demonstrates that exactly what he is afraid of has happened to numerous men, so he’s not actually wrong about the facts of the matter.

It’s all very funny to laugh at his choice of wording (“magical IOUs”) but David Futrelle has not addressed the substance of the matter.

clairedammit
clairedammit
7 years ago

You guyz! M, also known as Melissa, is just asking a question! Please forgive her for being stupid.

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

Melissa, did you read the blog title and subhead? “Misogyny. I mock it.” This site is dedicated to mocking misogynists, not deep discussion or investigative journalism or anything else. All that crap about “spermburgling” as if every other woman was out to steal squillions of dollars from poor unsuspecting men is stupid and yes, misogynistic.

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

(Does Melissa’s “David Futrelle has not addressed the substance of the matter” line remind anyone of Schticky?)

Melissa
Melissa
7 years ago

Clairedammit,

“then takes the used condom with his DNA and impregnates herself”

See the article that is lunked in MaunaLoona’s comment.

http://www.supportguidelines.com/articles/art199903.html

Plenty of legal cases cited as examples.

hellkell
hellkell
7 years ago

Seems these guys are getting worked up over nothing.

hellkell
hellkell
7 years ago

Melissa: it’s a bunch of dudes on Reddit (of all places) acting like this is a remote possibility in their sad lives.

Is this Dee with a new name?

Jayem Griffin
7 years ago

Noooooo, Kittehs, you have summoned him! (unless he no longer shows up every time someone uses his name. Which I would be okay with.)

Melissa
Melissa
7 years ago

“Melissa, did you read the blog title and subhead? “Misogyny. I mock it.””

Yes I did. Hence my question about where MaunaLoona’s comment is actually misogynistic. Excessively anxious granted, but given that he cites an article which in turn cites legal cases where this has in fact his encouragement for men to be careful with their sperm reasonable.

“Accidental pregnancy is not spermburgling.”

Agreed, but that’s not what we’re talking about.

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

So where does it state in that first article that Smith ACTUALLY lied about being on the Pill, or was trying to become pregnant? That’s what Wallis claimed, there’s nothing cited in what I read to say it was true. And she wasn’t suing for support, only for recognition of paternity. And frankly – if he was so concerned about not being a father, wtf didn’t he use condoms? Does he say he was allergic to latex? Is a vasectomy out of the question?

kamilla1960
kamilla1960
7 years ago

There are no words to describe these sad fools.

gaz
gaz
7 years ago

Aren’t these the same guys who criticize women for thinking of men as rapist boogeymen?

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

Excessive anxiety based on extreme mistrust and dislike of women, an assumption that single mothers get shitloads of money, a dash of biological ignorance and sense of victimhood.

Yeah, not misogynistic at all.

Melissa
Melissa
7 years ago

I have commented on this blog only a very small number of times before today, always under the names “M” or “Melissa”.

femac
femac
7 years ago

David we really, really, really need a spermburgling teeshirt range – pretty please?

For the kiddies: “I was spermburgled’

Also thanks to Turley Logger on the Josephine thread for ‘Misandrocalypse’

‘Spermburgling my way to the Misandrocalypse’

Or the Star trek remix ‘Boldly Spermburgling where no woman has gone before’ (In the starship Misandrocalypse.)

stillivefallen
7 years ago

They keep coming up with these stupid hypothetical situations that these things might not even happen. I mean other who goes to a bar to get a sperm donor and who the fuck takes the used condom to get pregnant? Are they now just associating all women as batshit crazy? If they hate women so much and are that sexually frustrated and paranoid they always have their hands to keep them company.

tinyorc
7 years ago

Sperm-jacking is how feminists control the global economy. True story.

kamilla1960
kamilla1960
7 years ago

Now there would be a novel use for a turkey baster.

kamilla1960
kamilla1960
7 years ago

These men simply have no idea how to relate to women as human beings. For insight, I would again recommend Victor Malarek’s book, The Johns.

hellkell
hellkell
7 years ago

Even if this was a thing, the chances of sperm being viable from a condom (especially with spermicide) and it being the right fertile time of the month are vanishingly small.

These guys have a better chance of wining the bronze in women’s gymnastics than of being spermburgled.

Amnesia
Amnesia
7 years ago

Disturbingly, there was one case where a man was passed out and unconscious, and the women obtained sperm by raping him in his sleep. He was still liable for child support.

So, do you think the problem with this case was the sperm theft rather than the rape?

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

These guys have a better chance of wining the bronze in women’s gymnastics than of being spermburgled.

Being made to compete against women? MISANDRY!

Melissa
Melissa
7 years ago

The Kitteh’s Unpain Help,

I don’t think the question of whether or not Smith did or did not lie was ever even addressed. The point is that legally it makes to difference whether or not she lied.

David,

Multiple cases are cited demonstrating that:-
1) It doesn’t matter if the mother has lied about her fertility or use of contraception
2) It doesn’t matter if the father was a victim of statutory rape
3) It doesn’t matter if the mother deliberately impregnated herself with sperm from a used condom
4) It doesn’t matter if the sperm was obtained via nonconsensual sexual acts.

I would say that this demonstrates that legally the man his held accountable for his sperm, even when he is being tricked, deceived, or raped etc.

I actually don’t actually disagree with the courts judgements – the needs of the child must come first, and the child needs financial support. However this is a harsh situation for men, and justifies their caution regarding where their sperm ends up.

Granted it is a very rare event, and their anxieties are excessive.

thebewilderness
7 years ago

That is the thing that freaks me out, Amnesia.
In 31 states a rapist is entitled to visitation rights, so I guess the courts don’t have a problem with rape. They just want to make sure there are two parents for every child no matter how abusive those parents may be.

hellkell
hellkell
7 years ago

So if you agree, Melissa, what’s your point other than you don’t think we’re being nice enough to the poor dudes?

Argenti Aertheri
Argenti Aertheri
7 years ago

stillivefallen — “Are they now just associating all women as batshit crazy?” — now? Haven’t they always been? (In other words, yes)

kitteh — “I just read this to the boss and we both laughed our heads off. “Have they never heard of condoms?” he asked. I told him about the used-condom notion and spermburgling and he asked if they think blow-up dolls are also trying to impregnate themselves.” — one of our old regular trolls accused me of being misandrist for saying “dude, they’re called condoms!”, I’m going to guess it was Steele just because he really loves to call people misandrist.

pecunium — what’s the source of you glitter “citation needed” gif? I want one that says “dude, they’re called condoms!” Also — “If she got him that souped up… well he’s not going to perform very well, and why doesn’t she just tell him she’s got an IUD and forgo the condom… it’s far more likely to lead to pregnancy.” — I’m not sure these fools would even know what an IUD is.

Melissa
Melissa
7 years ago

Amnesia,

“So, do you think the problem with this case was the sperm theft rather than the rape?”

I’m surprised you feel the need to ask, but I regard rape as a vile crime quite different and more disturbing than things like theft, assault or fraud.

Obviously multiple wrongs were done to that poor man. Since it came up in a discussion of paternal child support responsibilities, I discusses it in that light. I had no reason to go off on a tangent, and don’t feel that would have contributed much to the discussion.

Ithiliana
Ithiliana
7 years ago

@M: Second result on google search on “strict liability” of sperm came up with a major legal article, by a WOMAN, arguing that there are problems with this legal theory (which, I’d hasten to add, was clearly created by a legal system dominated by men until very recently), and also arguing that feminists should challenge this use of strict liability.

But as far as I can tell after skimming the first ten page or so, the article isn’t really dealing with the issue of SPERMBURGLING, but statutory rape and sexual assault of men by women and the issue of the ensuing pregnancies: I know few feminists who deny that men can be raped/sexually assaulted (most of the ones I know just refuse to accept the contorted evidence from the misogynists that claim women are JUST AS LIKELY to rape men, as men are to rape women).

https://www.law.upenn.edu/journals/lawreview/articles/volume152/issue6/London152U.Pa.L.Rev.1957(2004).pdf

As usual, the MRA dudes seize up on what is, at core, an actual problem men can face and hyperbolize it to death, adding in all all their foolish folkloric (stealing used condoms to impregnate self) ways, and pose themselves as the quivering damsels in distress tied to the railroad tracks of feminist/wimminz’ oppressive society in a way that manages to distract from, you know, the actual problems.

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