It’s official: Men’s Rights Activists are more obsessed with their “precious bodily fluids” than Dr. Strangelove’s General Jack D. Ripper. Over on the Men’s Rights subreddit, many of the regulars are celebrating Boxing Day by sitting around on their computers worrying about evil predatory succubi burgling their sperm. Check out this little post, which has gotten 90 upvotes so far:
Yes, he really did just say “It’s as if your penis shoots magic IOUs every time you ejaculate.” If this is true, a lot of guys owe millions if not billions of dollars to a lot of old socks.
In the comments, other Men’s Rightsers shared their deepest concerns about the specter of spermburgling. SuicideBanana warns that the enemy may already be in your bed:
Reconstrucht worries about the money-hungry sperm-hunters lurking in bars:
And one future veterinarian contemplates giving up dating, in order to protect himself from the hypothetical women — sorry, soul sucking succubi — who might hypothetically use his future sperm in order to cash in big on his future vet money. Ca-ching!
Gentlemen: To fully protect your Essence, I suggest you ejaculate directly into a paper shredder, douse the results with hot sauce and arsenic, and pour the entire concoction into the nearest garbage disposal. Then flee the country.
The concept of a vasectomy just never occurs to these guys does it?
Why yes it is “predatory.” As in, not really predatory. BECAUSE IT DOESN’T HAPPEN.
Okay, if the average payment is a meager $5,000 annually, what exactly are these assholes complaining about again? That’s NOTHING!
If she got him that souped up… well he’s not going to perform very well, and why doesn’t she just tell him she’s got an IUD and forgo the condom… it’s far more likely to lead to pregnancy.
I think this particular fear tactic has a fair chance to enter the mainstream. They should do a study and submit their bizarre foregone conclusions to the corporate media. It’ll put them on the map.
Oh, and then further in the comments
But that totally happens all the time. It’s how we make babies these days.
blitzgal: You have to remember, these evil women don’t spend the money on the kid; they spend it on… Scented candles! Or something like that.
I know that when I’m trying to find a good provider to enslave by forcing him to provide me with sperm, I ALWAYS go to bars. That’s where good providers hang out, dontcha know.
-no one, ever.
@blitzgal:
5,000 can be pretty heavy depending on a person’s income. But here’s the thing I don’t get.
The average cost of raising a child (over 17 years), depending on who you ask, is between $200,000 and $400,000.
The average child support payments total out to less than $100,000.
So these “predatory” women are “stealing” around $100K over 18 years in order to pay $100K-$300K in order to… what? Spite the guy? Where’s the rationale here? Do they just think that women are baby-crazy and want to offset some of the cost? Cause that’s literally the only possible reason I could think of…
No, they probably only ever think of these things in how it affects them; no scheme is too absurd for the evil sperm-stealing woman! -_-
The lulz, they don’t stop coming.
And yet the part that bugs me is that he put numbered references before embedded links.
That was an episode of Will and Grace? I’d have thought I would have remembered…
LOL they are so delusional. nobody wants anything to do with them or their sperm. MRA’s make me sick.
I just read this to the boss and we both laughed our heads off. “Have they never heard of condoms?” he asked. I told him about the used-condom notion and spermburgling and he asked if they think blow-up dolls are also trying to impregnate themselves.
😀 😀 😀
Well, katz, that’s just a criminally wrong citation format. It should be noted.
For these dudes the child is just a stuffed kitten. It’s only the feud with their ex that matters. Let the stuffies starve.
@clairedammit – makes you wonder a) if they think Will’s hypothetical lover and he just leave condoms lying around (ewwww) and b) how long do Mindless Reactionary Assholes think sperm survive in them anyway? They seem to be under the impression that their Precious Bodily Fluids are some sort of indesctructible impregnating wonder-seed.
Look. Let’s lay it out. Men fixed it so women couldn’t survive without a male protector. Women became dogs looking for their protector. Women fought for the right to read and for birth control. Women managed to find ways to survive without men. Men were incredibly threatened. Men remained in the past, obsessing about women trying to survive in a 50s scenario. Women moved on from these fools.
“Why yes it is “predatory.” As in, not really predatory. BECAUSE IT DOESN’T HAPPEN.”
Actually, if you follow the link to the original comment on men’s rights subreddit, then follow another link again to the article referenced by MaunaLoona, you will find an article that discusses numerous legal cases that set precedent. Disturbingly, there was one case where a man was passed out and unconscious, and the women obtained sperm by raping him in his sleep. He was still liable for child support. In another case where a woman was raped she was not financially liable for the child.
The article calls it a “strict liability theory of sperm”. It looks like there have been a surprising number of cases of “sperm burgling” going by the cases cited in that article, though most were not rape cases.
Where did this happen? Accidental pregnancy is not spermburgling. Neither is a pregnancy where the man knowingly didn’t use birth control.
Forgive me if I’m being stupid, but could someone please explain something to me. How exactly is
MaunaLoona’s comment misogynistic? Perhaps he is excessively anxious about the issue of sperm burgling. But he links to an article which demonstrates that exactly what he is afraid of has happened to numerous men, so he’s not actually wrong about the facts of the matter.
It’s all very funny to laugh at his choice of wording (“magical IOUs”) but David Futrelle has not addressed the substance of the matter.
You guyz! M, also known as Melissa, is just asking a question! Please forgive her for being stupid.
Melissa, did you read the blog title and subhead? “Misogyny. I mock it.” This site is dedicated to mocking misogynists, not deep discussion or investigative journalism or anything else. All that crap about “spermburgling” as if every other woman was out to steal squillions of dollars from poor unsuspecting men is stupid and yes, misogynistic.
(Does Melissa’s “David Futrelle has not addressed the substance of the matter” line remind anyone of Schticky?)
Clairedammit,
“then takes the used condom with his DNA and impregnates herself”
See the article that is lunked in MaunaLoona’s comment.
http://www.supportguidelines.com/articles/art199903.html
Plenty of legal cases cited as examples.