It’s official: Men’s Rights Activists are more obsessed with their “precious bodily fluids” than Dr. Strangelove’s General Jack D. Ripper. Over on the Men’s Rights subreddit, many of the regulars are celebrating Boxing Day by sitting around on their computers worrying about evil predatory succubi burgling their sperm. Check out this little post, which has gotten 90 upvotes so far:
Yes, he really did just say “It’s as if your penis shoots magic IOUs every time you ejaculate.” If this is true, a lot of guys owe millions if not billions of dollars to a lot of old socks.
In the comments, other Men’s Rightsers shared their deepest concerns about the specter of spermburgling. SuicideBanana warns that the enemy may already be in your bed:
Reconstrucht worries about the money-hungry sperm-hunters lurking in bars:
And one future veterinarian contemplates giving up dating, in order to protect himself from the hypothetical women — sorry, soul sucking succubi — who might hypothetically use his future sperm in order to cash in big on his future vet money. Ca-ching!
Gentlemen: To fully protect your Essence, I suggest you ejaculate directly into a paper shredder, douse the results with hot sauce and arsenic, and pour the entire concoction into the nearest garbage disposal. Then flee the country.
You know, women sneaking used condoms out of the trash to impregnate themselves, that sort of thing. MRA-ish radio personality Tom Leykis tells all men to carry hot sauce with them so they can put some in their used condoms so, I guess, if the woman tries to sperm burgle him she’ll end up screaming in pain so he’ll know? I’m not sure exactly what the hot sauce is supposed to do, actually. But if you ever discover hot sauce in a date’s pants pocket you might want to quickly make your escape.
By the way, the preferred terms are “spermjacking” and “sperm burgling.”
Oh, Meg, have you never seen an American daytime soap? Obviously, sperm theft or spermjacking is stealing a used condom & using the sperm it contains (& possibly a turkey baster) to impregnate oneself. Then, once the baby is born, one can extort $$$s in child support from the unwitting father and spend the rest of one’s life in luxury eating bonbons while the unwitting father lives in poverty. Happens all the time (in MRA fantasy land).
Damn, ninja’d by the Dark Lord.
Hey, think of the honour, titianblue! It’s not everyone who gets ninjaed by the Dark Lord himself.
http://youtu.be/Yoflr1Py25U
You’re a bit more optimistic than I am. I assumed the point of the hot sauce was just to punish her.
Or maybe it’s supposed to kill the sperm? IDK.