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Canada: Land of Danger for Men and Boys?

feministbear
Canadian feminist trying to eat a man’s butt

I’ve seen some strange and paranoid comments on Men’s Rights hate site A Voice for Men, but this recent comment may be the strangest and paranoidest I’ve ever seen. In the comments to a post outing one of the protesters at the Warren Farrell talk at the University of Toronto, a commenter called Redfield is worried that Canada has now become some sort of death trap for men. Because of all the feminism.

AVFMredfield

That’s right: Because a couple of feminist college students in Toronto made jokey remarks on Twitter about killing all men, this man is afraid that his 18-year-old son will be in actual physical danger from evil feminists if he sets foot in Canada.

In a later comment, he reports that he and his sons will be going to Canada after all:

AVFMredfield2

But he wonders if there are any “travel advisories” that can, I guess, warn him where feminists tend to congregate:

AVFMredfield3

In the comments here at Man Boobz, Cloudiah imagines how his conversation with the consulate staffer might have gone:

Mid-day at the Consulate General of Canada in Sydney.

 

Pierre: Hello, you’ve reached the Consulate General of Canada. My name is Pierre. How may I help you?

MRA: I am planning a trip to Canada with my sons next year, and I wanted to know what the feminist threat level will be?

Pierre: Excuse me?

MRA: Yellow? Orange? RED???

Pierre: I’m sorry, I don’t understand.

MRA: I need to know what steps I need to take to protect myself and my boys from being killed by feminists. Do we need to get any shots?

Pierre: Did you say ‘feminists?’

MRA: How many men would you estimate are killed by feminists in Canada in January? February? Or do feminists only thaw out in the Spring?

Pierre: You think we freeze feminists?

MRA: I need to make travel plans!

Pierre: Sir, I think you might have been misinformed.

MRA: I assure you that my information is accurate. It cannot be denied that feminists have been engaged in a campaign to kill all men in Canada.

Pierre: Sir, I believe I would have heard about that.

MRA: I SAW A VIDEO! A pack of rabid feminists tore Warren Farrell apart, limb from limb, and feasted on his spleen!

Pierre: Warren who?

MRA: Then an angry mob of feminist zombies attacked John the Otter with flamethrowers. Or maybe one of them had a cigarette lighter, but it was definitely menacing.

Pierre: John the what?

MRA: They might have accidentally singed his sleeve! Or murdered him with fire!

Pierre: Sir, I’m not sure how to say this but… It might be best if you stayed home.

MRA: It’s because they’re SPERMJACKING us now, right? You’re saying that for my own protection. I get you.

Pierre: Um, sure. Right. Please do not come to Canada. Ever.

MRA: THEY’RE POINTING A GUN AT YOUR HEAD RIGHT NOW, AREN’T THEY?

Pierre: [Holds phone in front of his face for a moment. Slowly places it back in the cradle.]

MRA: [Hears dial tone.] Oh my god, they’ve killed him. I must alert A Voice for Men!

I think this is literally how these guys see the world.

This may be why Men’s Rights movement is so much less popular these days (as a search term at least) than one up-and-coming rival for the world’s attention: Smelly discharge. Google Trends doesn’t lie!

GTmrvssmelly

Thanks to Cloudiah for coming up with this as well. She is winning so many internets she may need to move into a bigger place.

To see more things the Men’s Rights movement is less popular than, click here.

NOTE: I am aware that “paranoidest” is not a real word. The correct term is “paranoidallyest.”

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Kate Waters
Kate Waters
8 years ago

You have GOT to be shitting me.

Canada is no land of misandrist feminazis lurking behind every single tree. (I haven’t checked every tree, mind you. We *do* have lots of them.)

I imagine the poor person who took this twit’s call must have felt like someone just plunged them into OZ or Narnia or some other place that makes no sense.

Too bad the jackass is still going to come to my country, though. We have enough of his idiot kind as it is.

timetravellingfool
8 years ago

Oh. Oh my god. That man is… so right to be concerned. Seriously. No man is safe in Canada, especially MRA’s. You see, we have trained bees (that’s where they’ve been all this time) to detect men who have taken the Red Pill and sting them to death. Or at least herd them into the forests where the Womoose (formerly known by their oppressor names ‘moose’) stomp them to death. Aiming for the penises first. And of course all the universities have women’s studies courses- that’s all they teach!! We find the maths and sciences to be oppressive, so we just study Dworkin. Not that it should matter to his son- we prefer our men illiterate- it distracts them from being good providers.

Freemage
Freemage
8 years ago

Damn. And here I’d been hoping we could trick them all into going North of the Border, then seal it. Ah, well….. I suppose dumping our toxic waste on our neighbors is poor manners, or something.

MordsithJ
8 years ago

It’s the bears you gotta worry about.

http://d24w6bsrhbeh9d.cloudfront.net/photo/2875293_460s.jpg

aworldanonymous
8 years ago

I don’t want MRAs coming to my country and taking all of the Poutine.

Jayem Griffin
8 years ago

I mean, Canadian drivers scare the everloving fuck out of me, but that may be because “100 kph” is faster than I think it is.

aworldanonymous
8 years ago

@Mordsith

Also the moose, everyone thinks moose just stand there, but they charge you, and if you accidentally hit one with your car, your car becomes a pancake.

timetravellingfool
8 years ago

@ Freemage- you deal with your toxic waste, we’ll deal with ours (barring trans-national pipelines- seriously, dudes, do not let that happen to you).

Kate
Kate
8 years ago

Canada is no land of misandrist feminazis lurking behind every single tree. (I haven’t checked every tree, mind you. We *do* have lots of them.)

we’ve got rocks and trees and trees and rocks and rocks and trees and trees and rocks and…. WATER!

(dear lord let me have done the html right!)

Bagelsan
Bagelsan
8 years ago

I’m all for them avoiding place with a high feminist threat level! My immediate area is definitely feminist-red-alert, MRAs, just fyi! You’ll probably get spermjacked just by talking to me!

Bagelsan
Bagelsan
8 years ago

barring trans-national pipelines

Can we send all the MRAs to Alaska, perhaps?

ostara321
ostara321
8 years ago

Hey don’t joke, part of the reason I don’t camp is because I’m afraid of turning into bear food.

timetravellingfool
8 years ago

Hey, some enterprising person ought to e-mail this whole thing to The Star (formerly known as The Toronto Star). It’s been relevant for some time, but it just went from relevant scary (that rabid poop flinging monkey got a hold of the kitchen knives! Quick, someone call animal control!) to mind blowingly dumb relevant (that rabid poop flinging monkey just called animal control on us. And it doesn’t plan to wash up before they get here).

timetravellingfool
8 years ago

@ Bagelsan- Yesssss!! And their punishment will be to be ruled by Mama Bear Palin!!

McKenzie
McKenzie
8 years ago

I want to live in Canada. The fact MRAs are apparently scared of it makes it all the more appealing.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
8 years ago

It’s literally impossible to parody these guys. They’re just too ridiculous.

drst
drst
8 years ago

I vote we send them to Somalia, the libertarian paradise, since a lot of these guys claim to be Rand fans anyway.

cloudiah
8 years ago

Somalia has enough challenges. I think we should send kitten videos to Somalia, and send MRAs to Texas. (But first we will rescue any manboobzers who live in Texas.)

I hadn’t realized until this post that the guy really DID make the phone call. I would pay good money to hear a recording of that call.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
8 years ago

I vote for Antarctica. They can be all manly and Galt-like and challenge nature, and there will definitely not be many women around to vex them. No risk of spermjacking!

quantumscale
quantumscale
8 years ago

His sons should go to University of Toronto. That should keep psycho dad at a safe distance.

hellkell
hellkell
8 years ago

cloudiah: Hey, rescue me!!!

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

Anarctica’s no good. It’s full of PENGUIN WHORES.

freitag235
freitag235
8 years ago

Don’t send them to Texas!!! We have enough wingnuts as it is. We don’t need MRAs on top of the racists and flat-earthers (see Texas State Board of Education, who will be revising science textbooks this year). We don’t need any more irrational mouth-breathers.

quantumscale
quantumscale
8 years ago

Whatever became of Reddit Island? I think MRAs would feel right at home there.

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

Quantumscale, you ninja’d my brain – I was thinking exactly the same thing. Where’s Reddit Island when it’s needed?

Tulgey Logger
Tulgey Logger
8 years ago

As a Texan denizen, I am all for cloudiah’s plan. Send in the MRAs first, and then the black gynocopters to airlift the feminists and maybe some cats. Then have Texas secede and implode it in a controlled demolition.

There is no way this could go wrong.

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

Tulgey – airlift ALL the furries. You can’t leave animals trapped with MRAs, even without the implosion!

Creative Writing Student
Creative Writing Student
8 years ago

Don’t send them to Texas!!! We have enough wingnuts as it is.

Toss them all in the arena with some Nerf weaponry, and Youtube it.

Ranter (@socialrants)
8 years ago

As a Texan, I support this plan. But, can we airlift out the feminists first. One day with the roving herds of MRAs is too much.

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

Hey, we could send them all to the uninhabited islands off the West Australian coast. Sure, they were used for atomic bomb tests in the 50s and everything was wiped out, but the gummint assures us the radioactivity is negligible these days …

Tabby Lavalamp
8 years ago

In the interests of risk minimisation are there any universities in Canada that do not offer “Womens Studies” incase I can’t talk the lad out of a quick tour of the tertiary education system in Canada?? Does the Canadian government have a travel advisory on this issue??

I’ve gotta say, the whole thing screams “satire” to me…

Tulgey Logger
Tulgey Logger
8 years ago

You’re right, Tabby Lavalamp. A real MRA would never trust the Gynofascist government of Canada.

MaudeLL
MaudeLL
8 years ago

I’m sceptical about the guy’s plans, particularly about his son’s strong desire to study here. But I do have travel tips: the University of Nunavut has no feminists in it.

MaudeLL
MaudeLL
8 years ago

@the kitteh
Dammit. U of Nunavut is no good. I forgot about the penguin whores.

pillowinhell
pillowinhell
8 years ago

Clearly you haven’t checked behind every tree. I’m standing behind one RIGHT NOW. My daughter is hiding under the rock over there and my aunt has disguised herself as a Timmies cup.

pillowinhell
pillowinhell
8 years ago

And here I was all worried about floods of Texan MRAs migrating here to escape the oppressive Obama government. Guess I don’t need to stand at the border with a peashooter and some duct tape after all.

titianblue
titianblue
8 years ago

That slight pause was the non-Canadians googling “Timmies cup” …

pillowinhell
pillowinhell
8 years ago

The best part about it is that Timmies cups are everywhere. Like those little black boxes from Doctor Who.

That’s right. The Doctor is in on this too.

freitag235
freitag235
8 years ago

“That slight pause was the non-Canadians googling “Timmies cup” …”

raises hand Guilty as charged hangs head

pillowinhell
pillowinhell
8 years ago

Aww Frietag!

For all the non Canucks, a timmies cup is a coffee cup from Tim Hortons purveyors of of the national coffee blend.

drst
drst
8 years ago

I am not Canadian but I totally knew what the Timmies cup was!

freitag235
freitag235
8 years ago

In my own defense, I live in Texas and spend my days searching for a non-Starbucks cup. 🙁 Woe to the future of coffee in the US.

whataboutthemoonz
8 years ago

I’m tellin’ my Canadian man friend about this nonsense.

He’s gonna laugh so hard.

pillowinhell
pillowinhell
8 years ago

Frietag, you can come to Kitchener and we can drink Timmies!

Can’t swing a puppy round here without hitting the side of a Timmies shop!

hellkell
hellkell
8 years ago

Freitag: next time you’re in ATX, check out Dunn Bros.

Creative Writing Student
Creative Writing Student
8 years ago

I was in Canada on holiday once. First day, we stopped in a Tim Horton’s.

I was 14 at the time and begged to go to Tim Horton’s every day, and everyone else was “for goodness’ sake, it’s a coffee-and-soup place, there are plenty of other nice restaurants in Ontario.”

Tim Horton’s totally needs to open shops in Britain.

MordsithJ
8 years ago

I’ve gotta say, the whole thing screams “satire” to me…

I’m inclined to agree. The Poe is strong in this one.

BlackBloc (@XBlackBlocX)

I hope they come study in Montreal. If they think University of Toronto is bad for MRAs, wait till we greet his dad with a couple of full Keeper cups.

lightcastle
lightcastle
8 years ago

Seriously, as BlackBloc says, send em to Montreal. 🙂

Jonathan MacGregor
Jonathan MacGregor
8 years ago

Cool strawmen, bro

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