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On Popes, PUAs, The Pill and the Alpha A-hole Cock Carousel

I'm pretty sure this is nt how birth control actually works.
I’m pretty sure this isn’t how birth control actually works.

You might think that Pickup Artists, dudes obsessed with sexing up the young fertile lasses, would be huge fans of contraceptives – which, after all, are what makes their particular lifestyle possible. But some prominent PUAs are about as enthusiastic about contraception as a Pope.

In the case of the charming fellow who calls himself Heartiste, I mean this literally. In a recent posting, he quotes approvingly from Pope Paul VI’s 1968 Humanae Vitae dissing contraceptives for allegedly demeaning the women that use them. Paul suggested that contraception may cause men to

lose respect for the woman and, no longer caring for her physical and psychological equilibrium, may come to the point of considering her as a mere instrument of selfish enjoyment, and no longer as his respected and beloved companion.

I’m no Pope, but I’m pretty sure it doesn’t work that way.

Heartiste, for his part, embraces and extends this line of reasoning, adding in some of that Alpha-Beta-Schmeta nonsense that manosphereians seem to regard as cutting edge science.

[A]s cheap contraceptives silently and subtly move men toward devaluing women, so too does the technology move women toward devaluing beta males, those bitter losers in the sexual market (note: I did not say marriage market or child market) for whom contraceptives, coupled with female economic self-sufficiency, have rendered them practically superfluous as primetime sexual partners.

The mass-produced condom and the Pill have freed men from feeling obligation for women as much as they have freed women to regularly and blithely pursue what was historically risky sex with caddish alpha males on the make.

The contraceptive is, in practice, a female hypergamy facilitator.

Yep, that’s right: contraceptives are the tickets to the mythical Alpha Asshole Cock Carousel.

But poor Heartiste has impaled himself on the horns of a dilemma. He’s got a good anti-woman rant going, but there’s just one problem with it: he’s devoted his life to becoming one of those Alpha Assholes that contraceptive-using women purportedly cannot resist riding.

It’s funny for me to write this, because contraceptives have, in fact, been very very good to me. I did a back of the envelope calculation and figured that my aggregate sex life would have been truncated by 90% if contraceptives were prohibitively expensive, unreliable and hard to get. A world in which women had to grapple with real, palpable fears of STDs, pregnancy and subsequent abandonment is, not to put too fine a point on it, a really shitty world for womanizers and serial monogamists and uncomplicated lovers of the art of seduction itself. I imagine I’d have to *gasp* start promising marriage or some such claptrap to any woman I wanted to bang, just to loosen her up enough to unhook her bra.

Spoken like a true asshole.

Oh, but don’t worry, Heartiste isn’t going to stop attacking sex-having women as one of the harbingers of “the cultural and technological juggernaut that hastens, if it is not the sole cause of, the death of Western civilization.”

Indeed, Heartiste almost seems to relish the ironies of his position, as it allows him to spew forth some of the silliest purple prose you’re ever going to find outside the pages of bad romance novels (or comments from our friend Steele):

Here I am, standing at the edge of the abyss, pointing into its bowels like a histrionic jester, leading the ignorant and the deluded to peer into the void and imploring them — no, more precisely taunting them — to heed my warning of their desolate future… and still I cavort insouciantly along its lip, secretly relieved that no one will seriously weigh my prophecies.

Well, at least he’s right about that “histrionic jester” bit.

Last I checked, Heartiste’s post had spawned 450 comments. I can’t bring myself to look through them to see what further horrors can be found there.

EDITED TO ADD: You should all be aware that our lovely Alpha Asshole Cock Carousel illustration is available in t-shirt form! As is the Mammoth! And a delightful Cupcake as well! And you’re in luck! Zazzle is having another one-day 40% off sale on T-shirts! Click here to go to the Man Boobz Zazzle store. Use the code 12DAILYDEAL8. Oh, and in a lovely irony, the profits go to Planned Parenthood!

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inurashii
inurashii
11 years ago

Steele, honest question: Do you have fun while you’re here?

I mean, we’re having fun. You’re hilarious. And I’m willing to believe that you’re having fun building this imaginary idea of what feminists are like and talking about it with way too many words that don’t make sense.

But, like, I seriously don’t understand how your brain works and I’m sort of curious whether you’re just here for lulz or whether you actually think that you’re working toward some kind of goal.

Shadow
Shadow
11 years ago

More tableaus, as it were, from Feminist-world:

Evil straight white men cackling as they make rape jokes; women cowering in fear, whimpering, as straight white male shadows fall over them.

Straight white men walking down darkened streets, cackling, oppressing people.

Straight white male Oppression Smog blocking out the sun.

A rebel base, underground, where a revolt is plotted against the evil straight white men, who must be eradicated.

@Falconer

Acme finds its next sucker

Steele
Steele
11 years ago

Here and truth, the tableaus of revolution:

The Oppressed orchestrate a rebellion; a rainbow comes over the sky as the straight white males are all killed or enslaved.

Indeed and inevitably, the non-straight white men execute all the remaining straight white men.

Straight white male heads adorn the hunting rooms of the new Freed Oppressed.

themisanthropicmuse
themisanthropicmuse
11 years ago

@Steele: “Ha! Ha, ha, ha! I might have known that the Boobzers would leaps all over my Objectivism” That’s what tends to happen when people spout crackpot ideologies and philosophies. Same would have happened if you had started touting Raëlism. It’s not our fault you buy into utterly garbage ideas.

blitzgal
11 years ago

Ayn Rand fawned over a man who killed and dismembered a child. She called him a real life “Superman.” Shocking that some people might find a woman who literally worshiped sociopathy is a questionable source of philosophy.

http://exiledonline.com/atlas-shrieked-why-ayn-rands-right-wing-followers-are-scarier-than-the-manson-family-and-the-gruesome-story-of-the-serial-killer-who-stole-ayn-rands-heart/

Rand also hypocritically used the same social services that she spent her career railing against, and thought that the link between smoking and cancer was a “conspiracy.” Yes, clearly a titan of thought and one we should all emulate in our lives.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
11 years ago

I’m starting to think this may be a BSDM thing for Steele, based on this fascinating little glimpse into his fantasy life. Embrace your kink, Mikey! You’ll be so much happier!

inurashii
inurashii
11 years ago

Cassandra, I think you’re on to something. He seems to be getting really excited; his goofy feminist fantasy world is spilling into other threads.

Steele
Steele
11 years ago

Tableaus of peace:

The Freed Oppressed walk free, embracing and complimenting each other; now that the evil, disgusting straight white men are dead, there is no more villainy in the world.

The Freed Oppressed forming a Strike Force to hunt down and eliminate any surviving straight white men. The Strike Force, in addition and with impunity, kills any newborn straight white males.

The Freed Oppressed hold a straight white male idol-burning, in and upon every evening.

Steele
Steele
11 years ago

Apologies. I’ve been posting my conception of Feminist-world in the wrong thread. Again, “my bad”, as they say.

pecunium
11 years ago

Varpole: In reality, Rand’s philosophy is the best approach, in our time and for our place; it may not be as politically correct as the liberal maroons would like – but it works

Examples please of where the guiding principles of Objectivism have been used as the means of government?

OH! wait, there are none. But it works in Theory (Theory is such a wonderful place, everything works in Theory. Sadly we have to live in Practice).

pecunium
11 years ago

Steele: He can take primary responsibility for the SPLC imbroglio

Damn. That’s something to be proud of. Pity it’s not really true. The Movement brought it upon itself. All Dave might be able to claim is the role of aggregator.

It is asinine to pretend this is not a blog for the purpose to setting the Movement back.

If you want to believe that, we can’t stop you. I’d argue it’s not, mostly because, “The Movement” can’t be set back. For that to happen it would have to go someplace. It hasn’t. Getting even your most dedicated “activists” together for a rally is beyond you. RegisterHer,and other such online harassment is as close as you guys get to doing anything.

Until you learn to argue, figure out how to take your case to the wider world, and generally get your thumbs out of your ass, Tom Martin’s 30,000 quid debt to Her Majesties Gov’t is going to be the high-water mark of “The Movement”.

The Movement in no sense condones bad male behavior.

Two words, times three.

Tom Ball
George Sodoni
Marc LePine.

All treated by The Movement, as heroes, and martyrs.

Get back to me with this line of bullshit when Elam, and Martin, and YOU, actually condemn them. I mean really condemn them, not, “Oh My Lawd!, but they did a bad thing… you have to remember, of cours, the strains they were under from a misandric society; and while I condemn what they did there is a lesson to be learned about what happens when feminism is allowed to go too far”.

Your Hero, Paul Elam says that all rapists need to be acquitted; because women deserve it.

The Movement Hates Women.

Misogyny; you’re soaking in it.

pecunium
11 years ago

What thread did you think they were right for? I don’t recall, “Stupid Shit MRAs Believe About Feminism” being a top-post (just something they let their Id leak all over the page; cf this thread and your comments).

inurashii
inurashii
11 years ago

The Strawfeminism World thing was in response to my ideas about Varpoland, I think.

Shadow
Shadow
11 years ago

“Here and truth”?!!!! Now you’re just fuckin with us!

WeeBoy
WeeBoy
11 years ago

Steele, you can’t tell if a newborn is straight or not. Also, you need to stop watchibg The Matrix.

Shaenon
11 years ago

Hand-crafted by masters, sculpted to increase pleasure, tailor-made for your phallus.

You laugh, but condoms did once have to be made by hand! One of my favorite Shakespeare factoids: William Shakespeare’s father was a glove-maker, and glove-makers at the time usually also produced certain popular lambskin items of the same general shape as fingers. So it’s very likely that Shakespeare spent parts of his boyhood in his father’s shop, sewing artisan condoms.

Shaenon
11 years ago

Two words, times three.

Tom Ball
George Sodoni
Marc LePine.

All treated by The Movement, as heroes, and martyrs.

Ah, but the MRM doesn’t consider murder and violence to be bad behavior. Steele has already provided examples of the men who need to be held accountable for their terrible actions: feminists!

I mean, all George Sodoni did was kill a bunch of women. They were just women, for Pete’s sake. Barry Deutsch draws cartoons that make fun of Libertarians!

cloudiah
11 years ago

Straight white male heads adorn the hunting rooms of the new Freed Oppressed.

Well, that hardly seems sanitary. Shouldn’t we keep them outside?

Steele
Steele
11 years ago

Well, that hardly seems sanitary. Shouldn’t we keep them outside?

Stuffed heads, allegorical to mooses.

Barry Deutsch draws cartoons that make fun of Libertarians!

I wasn’t aware; in this case, Deutsch becomes an even bigger swab-stomping specimen.

princessbonbon
11 years ago

Evil straight white men cackling as they make rape jokes; women cowering in fear, whimpering, as straight white male shadows fall over them.

That happened this morning in front of me.

FUCK YOU.

chibigodzilla
11 years ago

@cloudiah: Well, assuming there are any taxidermists left after the single white males are all killed, the heads on display in the hunting rooms would be stuffed an mounted. Of course, no such processing is required for the heads that will been put on pikes in front the White House lawn as a warning to the other men.

chibigodzilla
11 years ago

@Steele, if you’re going to fuck up the plural of moose, at least go with “meese.” “Mooses” is just depressing.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
11 years ago

Maybe the mooses can make friends with the gooses, since both tend to be similarly belligerent.

cloudiah
11 years ago

I was assuming heads on pikes, perhaps because I was recently watching Game of Thrones… My grandfather had a stuffed moose head. My grandmother made him keep it in the basement. (MISANDRY!) He also had a black bear skin, and a stuffed lynx & pheasant.

My grandfather liked to hunt.

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