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On Popes, PUAs, The Pill and the Alpha A-hole Cock Carousel

I'm pretty sure this is nt how birth control actually works.
I’m pretty sure this isn’t how birth control actually works.

You might think that Pickup Artists, dudes obsessed with sexing up the young fertile lasses, would be huge fans of contraceptives – which, after all, are what makes their particular lifestyle possible. But some prominent PUAs are about as enthusiastic about contraception as a Pope.

In the case of the charming fellow who calls himself Heartiste, I mean this literally. In a recent posting, he quotes approvingly from Pope Paul VI’s 1968 Humanae Vitae dissing contraceptives for allegedly demeaning the women that use them. Paul suggested that contraception may cause men to

lose respect for the woman and, no longer caring for her physical and psychological equilibrium, may come to the point of considering her as a mere instrument of selfish enjoyment, and no longer as his respected and beloved companion.

I’m no Pope, but I’m pretty sure it doesn’t work that way.

Heartiste, for his part, embraces and extends this line of reasoning, adding in some of that Alpha-Beta-Schmeta nonsense that manosphereians seem to regard as cutting edge science.

[A]s cheap contraceptives silently and subtly move men toward devaluing women, so too does the technology move women toward devaluing beta males, those bitter losers in the sexual market (note: I did not say marriage market or child market) for whom contraceptives, coupled with female economic self-sufficiency, have rendered them practically superfluous as primetime sexual partners.

The mass-produced condom and the Pill have freed men from feeling obligation for women as much as they have freed women to regularly and blithely pursue what was historically risky sex with caddish alpha males on the make.

The contraceptive is, in practice, a female hypergamy facilitator.

Yep, that’s right: contraceptives are the tickets to the mythical Alpha Asshole Cock Carousel.

But poor Heartiste has impaled himself on the horns of a dilemma. He’s got a good anti-woman rant going, but there’s just one problem with it: he’s devoted his life to becoming one of those Alpha Assholes that contraceptive-using women purportedly cannot resist riding.

It’s funny for me to write this, because contraceptives have, in fact, been very very good to me. I did a back of the envelope calculation and figured that my aggregate sex life would have been truncated by 90% if contraceptives were prohibitively expensive, unreliable and hard to get. A world in which women had to grapple with real, palpable fears of STDs, pregnancy and subsequent abandonment is, not to put too fine a point on it, a really shitty world for womanizers and serial monogamists and uncomplicated lovers of the art of seduction itself. I imagine I’d have to *gasp* start promising marriage or some such claptrap to any woman I wanted to bang, just to loosen her up enough to unhook her bra.

Spoken like a true asshole.

Oh, but don’t worry, Heartiste isn’t going to stop attacking sex-having women as one of the harbingers of “the cultural and technological juggernaut that hastens, if it is not the sole cause of, the death of Western civilization.”

Indeed, Heartiste almost seems to relish the ironies of his position, as it allows him to spew forth some of the silliest purple prose you’re ever going to find outside the pages of bad romance novels (or comments from our friend Steele):

Here I am, standing at the edge of the abyss, pointing into its bowels like a histrionic jester, leading the ignorant and the deluded to peer into the void and imploring them — no, more precisely taunting them — to heed my warning of their desolate future… and still I cavort insouciantly along its lip, secretly relieved that no one will seriously weigh my prophecies.

Well, at least he’s right about that “histrionic jester” bit.

Last I checked, Heartiste’s post had spawned 450 comments. I can’t bring myself to look through them to see what further horrors can be found there.

EDITED TO ADD: You should all be aware that our lovely Alpha Asshole Cock Carousel illustration is available in t-shirt form! As is the Mammoth! And a delightful Cupcake as well! And you’re in luck! Zazzle is having another one-day 40% off sale on T-shirts! Click here to go to the Man Boobz Zazzle store. Use the code 12DAILYDEAL8. Oh, and in a lovely irony, the profits go to Planned Parenthood!

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Melody
11 years ago

And since only a beta would ask a woman to marry him, betas would get all that sweet teenage virgin action.

Wouldn’t that just result in cheating? If you were married to a man you didn’t love or feel attracted to?

Shiraz
Shiraz
11 years ago

No, it’s still wishful thinking. If women were forbidden from using birth control (More Handmaid’s Tale shit), they’d still go to alphas, rather than bare a child with sickly beta DNA.

Wishing contraception was never invented is so fucking sad. They think it would abolish sexual preferences, I guess, which is totally hilarious. Also, they’ve never heard of oral sex, and err, other stuff? Sexy gals and sexy dudes can do plenty to each other without a sperm ever meeting an egg.

Actually, his rant sounds pro sperm-jacking. Huh. I thought they didn’t want to be forced into fatherhood. What, what? They’re contradicting themselves and projecting? Shit, color me shocked. The OP above sounds like a secret wish that imprenanting a fine women will finally make them into somebody and give them a purpose — with all the sex they want.
This sentiment is more mainstream than some may think. If you go to flickfilosopher.com and look up her review of “Knocked-Up,” you will find that certain guys disapproved of the reviewer’s dislike of the movie. It’s all in the comments section…and it’s freaky.

Shiraz
Shiraz
11 years ago

typo correction…”impregnating.”

Shiraz
Shiraz
11 years ago

typo typo correction. “Impregnanting.” Seesh.

Shiraz
Shiraz
11 years ago

Sorry, my keys are sticking and my contacts are running out of oxygen. Refer to first correction.

Polliwog
11 years ago

Here I am, standing at the edge of the abyss, pointing into its bowels like a histrionic jester

And this right here, kids, is why you resist the urge to try to make your language as flowery and metaphor-laden as possible. Although the goal may be to sound intelligent, the actual result is that you end up describing yourself as a clown giving a rectal exam to an abyss.

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

An abyss with a rectum … that sounds like one mighty big orifice.

Still probably not big enough to take a Stupidity Enema from Roissy, though.

“Primetime sexual partners” … yeah, right, a sleazebag who can’t hide how much he hates women thinks he’s a sexual artist/athlete/wunderkind. Fail on all levels. He’s a catch the way the common cold is.

Shaenon
11 years ago

Wouldn’t that just result in cheating? If you were married to a man you didn’t love or feel attracted to?

I’m reading Gentlemen Prefer Blondes right now, and I feel I should hand the mic over to Lorelei Lee, one of those virtuous women of the age before the Pill:

I always think that the sooner a girl becomes a Mother after the ceremony, the more likely it is to look like “Daddy.” I mean, before a girl’s mind gets concentrated on something else. But Dorothy said she would stop at one “kiddie” if she was I, because she thinks that one is enough of almost anything that looks like Henry. But Dorothy has no reverents for Motherhood.

jrockford
jrockford
11 years ago

Maybe it’s just because I’ve been reading this blog since it started, but I feel like I’ve read this exact post before. Like word for word. Could also be the cabernet.

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

LOL!

dualityheart
dualityheart
11 years ago

I guess I missed the memo- exactly what contraceptive is 100% effective against unwanted pregnancy and STDs? Because I’m interested in it if such a thing exists. Even with condoms and hormonal birth control/IUDs, STDs and unwanted pregnancy are still completely possible, even in a monogamous relationship (birth control can fail, partners can cheat, etc).

Seriously. And this doesn’t even begin to cover the fact that every random guy that I don’t know well is generally going to be stronger than I am, and if I don’t know him very well, he very well could be a rapist and force me into painful or even life-threatening situations. And rape culture would blame me for getting myself raped or killed afterwards.

I don’t see how any of this is going to lead to me to a world where women have tons of fun and guilt-free sex with random partners whenever they want.

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

I don’t see how any of this is going to lead to me to a world where women have tons of fun and guilt-free sex with random partners whenever they want.

Tsk, tsk, what gives you the idea that women having fun and being guilt-free is what these blokes want?

lowquacks
lowquacks
11 years ago

@dualityheart

🙁

@polliwog

Heartiste is certainly a fool with his head up the abyss of his own arse, so… stopped clock right twice a day?

dualityheart
dualityheart
11 years ago

@Kitteh- but that’s their argument about the current state of things. They go on about how women are off fucking the highest quality cocks of the world at a whim while leaving all those “beta” cocks frozen and balls blue, but I just don’t see it.

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

Yes, but we shouldn’t be … or we should be if they’re the alphas complaining … does Roissy think he’s an alpha or a beta who’s learned how to beat his betaness? My brain hurts …

dualityheart
dualityheart
11 years ago

My other problem here- the whole idea that women are “devalued” if they don’t minimize the number of sex partners that they have. Women are not objects that provide the service of sex. Anyone who thinks of women in this manner is obviously not going to get much in the way of positive female attention in a society where a woman has the ability to live a good life by herself if she finds herself surrounded by guys who say shit like that.

In past decades, the poor were slaves to each other- they were forced into marriage, families and everything between because they had no other choice. Do these things or die.

Only some of us have the privilege not to have this fate these days.

Happy
Happy
11 years ago

Um, so, this bit: “coupled with female economic self-sufficiency” – isn’t it an MRA article of faith that women are just trying to snare men into paying for their entire bon-bon eating life?!

Creative Writing Student
Creative Writing Student
11 years ago

When they’re not stealing jobs from the men through quotas or something, yes.

kiki
kiki
11 years ago

It’s funny for me to write this

“So I used to publicly crusade against the evils of homosexuality and drugs, and then it turned out I was doing crystal meth and banging rent boys! That’s so funny, isn’t it? It’s funny! Don’t you think that’s funny?”

Reminds of when Sarah Palin once referred to an example of her own rank, stinking hypocrisy as a ‘dichotomy’.

Dvärghundspossen
11 years ago

@Dualityheart: Well, er, I’ve been slutting around a lot when I was young, and so have many of my friends. Sure, it always carries SOME risks, but so does merely walking out into the street.

I mean, his argument is super horrible in so many ways, but I don’t think he’s completely off base with the “condoms and pills make women have lots of sex”. Not all women for sure, but it’s not incredibly rare either for women to slut around either. And I bet it’s way more common today than, like, a hundred years ago (yeah, someone pointed out that condoms have been around for ages, but they were hardly very efficient or easy to come about in the old days).

Rahu
Rahu
11 years ago

OT, but still great – today’s Woot shirt is “the Hamster of Doom”, and I’m thinking of all the MRA comments of feminists’ hamsters spinning furiously, going into the MRM world…. 🙂

http://shirt.woot.com/offers/hamster-of-dooom?utm_source=Daily+Digest&utm_campaign=7f6f4eb342-Daily+Digest+-+20121206+-+Home.Woot&utm_medium=email#tracked

Quackers
Quackers
11 years ago

If he is so concerned about sluts destroying the world maybe him and his PUA buddies could stop trying to get past the ‘anti-slut defense’

But that would be applying logic to his ramblings…

(ps. Hi everyone! I have been busy recently and haven’t had much time to comment or join discussions…hope everyone has been well 🙂

Falconer
11 years ago

Mass-produced condoms? What, he wants artisan condoms?

Hand-crafted by masters, sculpted to increase pleasure, tailor-made for your phallus.

Church & Dwight, Bespoke Outfitters to the Crown!

Steele
Steele
11 years ago

Roissy is no MRA. He espouses MRA views sometimes – and on those occasions, he is worth listening to – but on the whole, he is a PUA, not an MRA; we are distinct entities and the Boobz King’s attempt to conflate the two are clumsily done, rank, and pathetic. MRAs – dyed-in-the-wool MRAs, who do not subscribe to PUA theology – wish women merely to hold themselves accountable, as adults.

cloudiah
11 years ago

Hi Quackers! Steele, read the tag line of the blog you ninny.