So over on MGTOWforums, the regulars are pondering the age-old question – should these committed women-avoiders deal with their continued desire to stick their penises in the women they’re allegedly avoiding by resorting to prostitutes?
In the midst of a lively discussion on the advantages of “going pro” over trying to pick up a “bar hog,” one regular by the nom de internet Xtc sets forth some thoughts that, for a moment at least, seem to transcend the usual MGTOW crudity and bitterness.
“I don’t think it’s really about sex,” he writes. “I think what a lot of people are looking for is love, respect, and intimacy – which you can’t buy.”
Why, that almost seems like an insight!
Alas, in his very next sentence he spoils the moment by returning to the standard MGTOW narrative of female perfidy:
I think what put me off women altogether was the realisation that you’ll NEVER get [love, respect, and intimacy] for real. It’s sad and sobering, but that’s the way it is.
Thinking that the attention of women validates you as a person collapses once you realise they are attracted to the worst qualities in the worst men.
Thinking that the attention of women equals affection, intimacy, or love – collapses once you realise they will leave you in a second if they sense any weakness or if a BBD [bigger better deal] comes along. Then you’ll realise that the meter was running all the time, whether this was clear at the time or not.
Women are like a bitter medicine that you force yourself to swallow because you believe it is doing you good. Once you realise it’s a quack remedy, and the whole thing is a scam, you’re free to spit it out and never partake again.
That leaves you with sex alone, which is really rather easy to come by.
If women really and truly are “attracted to the worst qualities of the worst men,” why aren’t they lining up at these dudes’ front doors?
Claire, I’m sorry for the rest of you, even if you chose to read it.
Kitty, a handle of spiced rum in a drinking game in my frat days turned me off of it forever.
“Even if we chose to read it?” Please take your fauxpology and cram it.
Well, I never met Sting, cloudiah. But I interviewed his son Joe when he was touring with his band, Fictionplane. Actually, he was a sweetie. Said people liked to come up to him and say he wasn’t as good as his dad.
Speaking of kids who’re not as good as their parents, I felt so sorry for Peter Hook’s son when he was on tour with his Dad. Try living up to that when you play the same instrument.
“The thing that gets me about Bob is that he keeps insisting that the relationship was working really it was, because after all he felt like it was working and he wasn’t mean to her and blah blah. And you know what? We don’t know why it wasn’t working, but we do know for sure that it wasn’t working, and you know how we know that? Because she left! People do not randomly leave relationships that are working great, just because! If you think that is a thing that women do you are a sexist weirdo who needs therapy!”
I was going to leave it be since the last chorus of comments is for me to stop, but if you want to rehash it, then fine. She wanted to leave and decided she was better off apart than together. Duh. I am not delusional. Her actions make that clear.
Do you understand why I might be confused and bewildered when I describe a surface dynamic where I was happy, we were getting along very well, and she appeared to be happy ( I never said i was a mindreader), and she never expressed any relationship dissatisfaction, and then abruptly left? On a Monday morning you’re talking about what kind of engagement ring you want, our upcoming road trip to a weekend bed and breakfast, asking me to clear some time off from work so I can attend a wedding out of town, what to do for your birthday that is coming up in a month, and then five days later on a Saturday you’re giving me my walking papers. Does that seem odd to you? You don’t regard that as a bit of a mindfuck? You don’t think I’ve done a searing amount of soul-searching and remained confused that all the way to the end she communicated no daylight between my position and hers? That does not make me a sexist weirdo. That makes me a bewildered, hurt and confused person trying to make sense of an inexplicable end to a relationship that I very much enjoyed and that my ex portrayed in a similar manner.
“you do not actually respect that person’s feelings or their right to say no. Because if they want out, they are allowed to leave, and if they didn’t want out, they wouldn’t have left.”
Yes, I totally didn’t respect her feelings and right to say no because I did none of the following:
A) beg, plead and grovel with her to take me back
B) get hateful and spiteful with her
C) institute a full-court press of unceasing emails/texts/phone calls/unannounced visits to her work and home
D) attempt to get her back with manipulative tactics (“I will do X or Y if you don’t take me back.”)
SHIT, BOB. 10:30. DAMMIT.
10:30? I meant 10:07. I’m virtually hammered, what can I say.
Bob: no one here want a rehash. Let it go, and get some help. Seriously.
Bob, you are repeating yourself, and not listening to anything anyone here has written. I can’t be the only one not reading your comments anymore.
Try E) introspection and F) counseling
or alternatively just keep pretending that you can’t figure it out.
Not this again. Bob, I have only two things to say to you.
1. If you actually respected your ex’s right to say no you wouldn’t still be banging on about emotional violence an all that nonsense.
2. We understand that you, like most people, would find being dumped hurtful and possibly confusing. In no way does that justify the way you’ve behaved in this thread, or the way you’re still behaving now.
Shit, this early? And he’s bragging about not going into stalker mode.
Even better, try G) GTFO. There is no validation for you here.
Bob, do fuck off, there’s a dear.
So for anyone keeping track, Bob Smith has contributed ~19,600* words to this thread thus far.
For perspective, that’s 11.5 days of NaNoWriMo.
Go write a novel, Bob.
*I copy/pasted his entire comments, so obviously everything he’s quoted is counted in this. I feel comfortable saying that at least 2/3 of this is his.
Bob, it might never make sense to you. You can let that ruin your life, or you can take care of your own mental health and well-being. But as long as you keep trying to make this make sense, you’ll be in this same dark and painful place. Stop trying to figure it out. That doesn’t mean you have to stop feeling hurt or sad, but it *does* mean at some point you’re going to have to go “There is no way this will make sense to me” and then you’re going to have to be okay with that.
(Also, an attempt to manipulate someone that doesn’t work – we can only stay in contact if you’re willing to get back together with me and go to counselling! – is still an attempt to manipulate someone. Just for the record, for those following along at home.)
Bob, I have a feeling that your therapist — if you had one, and YOU TOTALLY SHOULD — would tell you not to spend time here.
Good lord, he came back.
I will never understand some people. Closure. What a bizarre concept.
No seriously, can you imagine even deciding what to have for dinner with this guy? It would turn into The War of the Roses. Fuuuuuck. It’s a good thing the wine is starting to take the edge off.
You guys! I found something that’s not only cuter than Bob but that demonstrates a superior ability to learn too!
Speaking of spiced rum, one of my favorite drinks is a Dirty Pirate: spiced rum, Kahlua, and cola. Apparently, it’s also good as a popsicle.
Having to sit opposite someone as obsessive and unreasonable as Bob at dinner, OTOH, would be a bit like this, but without the triumphant ending.
“(Also, an attempt to manipulate someone that doesn’t work – we can only stay in contact if you’re willing to get back together with me and go to counselling! – is still an attempt to manipulate someone. Just for the record, for those following along at home.)”
No, it’s not. That’s specious logic. I stated a simple preference to salvage our relationship through couples counseling. I had no influence on her to accept that suggestion. Why do you think I wouldn’t want to stay in contact with her if she wasn’t game? Isn’t it a good idea to go No Contact and leave them alone so you can grieve? How can you ultimately heal if you’re in contact with the source of your pain?
Bob, how can you ultimately heal if you are constantly revisiting the source of your pain on a blog that is devoted to mocking misogyny?