On his newish blog Return of Kings, pickup-guru-turned-philosopher Roosh V has come up with yet another way to justify his creepy obsession with women a lot younger than his hairy self: he compares them with loaves of bread.
When a loaf comes out of the oven (puberty), it’s warm and delicious. You can’t help but stuff yourself. (18-24 years old)
When you leave the loaf out, it gets a little hard. You have to heat it up with a toaster first, but it still won’t taste fresh. (25-29 years old)
If you leave the bread out for too long, mold develops. You can cut away the mold, toast the bread, and still be able to eat it, but you won’t enjoy it. You’d have to be starving. (30-34 years old)
If you leave it for even longer, mold takes over and completely destroys the bread. There is no way to excise the toxic portions. You must throw it away before the mold makes you sick. (35 and up)
The lesson in this? Live next to the bakery.
Well, that was creepy as fuck.
Also, he seems a bit confused about when puberty actually happens. Or he just doesn’t want to state outright that he’d really rather be “dating” 15 year olds.
Eww.
Well, older women may be “stale” (not really), but Roosh and his fellow PUA assholes are dwarf bread.
Ugh, I’m pretty sure that most fresh loaf appreciators like this guy will be court ordered to not live next to the bakery at some point in their life. ‘I was just talking to that loaf, I was trying to be a nice guy your honour. Then that moldy teacher came over and was so stale and mad that I wasn’t interested in toasting her instead, she called the cops’
Now I have the easy-listening stylings of Bread playing incessantly in my head. Curse you, David Futrelle!
Mmmm, stale bread. Pain purdu. Bread pudding with whiskey sauce. French toast. Sausage dressing. I should probably get off the food blogs and go to bed.
PS, douche who wrote the thing the post is about is a douche. A very confused douche who cannot create a good metaphor. Granted, trying to find a metaphor for “post-pubescent chicks are grotty” really doesn’t have anywhere good to go.
I could definitely stuff myself with bread. I was one of those teenage boys who sat down in the afternoon with a loaf of bread and tomato sauce and eat all of it. And I mean this entirely non euphemistically.
And holy shit, I think these guys should be banned from living withon a km of a school
…
Hm, cutting off the mould and eat the rest – what would that even be analogous to? Facelifts? Cutting off the wrinkles and straightening out the skin and you get to fuck Roosh for a few more years?
And as someone already pointed out, it should be women “stuffing themselves”. Like, how does a man stuff himself with a woman? Oh wait, as soon as I typed these words I started to get various pics in my head, so, uh, I guess we just got more info than perhaps we wanted about exactly what Roosh likes in bed?
And yeah, girls usually reach puberty when they’re like twelve. I got my first period at eleven, that’s not uncommon at all. But MAYBE he meant that they’re “fresh and tasty” when they just got OUT of puberty, which makes eighteen make kind of sense… That was sort of the only thing possible to make a charitable interpretation of.
Everyone has missed the most obvious objection. Women can’t be bread because you can’t put cats’ heads in them.
Does he think early 20 year olds are just happy to jump into bed with 30 olds who compare them to bread that will mold. It is pretty obvious that he intends to discard after he is done.
I’m 22 and ick. What a creepy metaphor.
I also wonder what he thinks men are. Clearly not bread.
Uh Oh! T minus 1 month and I’m officially 25 year old hard bread.
You’ll make a fine crouton, I’m sure. In French Onion Soup, maybe? Or the base of a bread pudding? You can grind yourself up into a fine grain, rub yourself all over something and jump in the deep fryer. Baby, stale bread knows all the tricks that fresh bread hasn’t even dreamed about.
Anyone see that the QI Elves’ tweet, yesterday, was
And all I could think was Manosphere = Mumpsimus-sphere
I second the suggestion that this guy is a fruitcake. They’re supposed to keep, but they actually get so ponderous they are used in the Claxton Throw competition, where stray ones have been known to kill cattle.
Yeah, I bet this guy is hanging around a sixth-grade playground, trying to get his nose into all the half-baked…rolls.
If PUA’s keep comparing men aging to wine then they clearly know fuck all about wine.
Not all wine gets better with aging, some get better with a bit of aging but then go bad, even the very best of wines that need to be aged for years go bad at some point.
IDK Cassandra, Dwarf Bread at least has its uses as a weapon (and occasionally as a symbol of royal authority). What does Roosh contribute to the world?
@Katz: that site with the bread? I have never seen so many different pissed-off cats in one place. That apparently is worse than bacon.
@emilygoddess
We could pick him up and launch him at the enemy?
Roosh is keeping the multi-billion dollar feminist hysteria stipend in place, or whatever it was driversuz was blithering about the other day.
Ah, more disturbing topics.
Like many others, I’ve noticed he seems to think that puberty happens at 18 or so…where he got THIS magical idea is anyone’s guess. All *I* know is that I hit puberty at age 10. Not 15, not 16…not even 13. TEN.
I almost wonder if he believes the same thing a male classmate of mine believed. Even though our conversation took place when we were both 13, I had not started to “flesh out” much. I had severe growing pains, a consistent menstrual cycle, and the typical hair growth…but my hips/breasts didn’t start being anything noticeable til I was 15. Anyway, we were comparing notes about Health class, and he told me he was having a difficult time with puberty. I said that (other than growing pains) I was not…and he said “YOU haven’t even hit puberty yet! You don’t have big boobs!”
Apparently to a 13 yr old boy “girl puberty = large breasts” and no other relevant factors. It’s understandable, as people of this age don’t know much. You would think that a man of Roosh’s age would have passed his 7th grade Health class though. Perhaps not though. I’ve read that he really hates using condoms, maybe it’s due (in part) to not paying attention in 9th grade Health, when they show how to put one on a cucumber?
Besides, even I, who’s not a wine expert, know that you can’t OPEN the wine bottle and then let it stay open for years and years. Once you’ve opened the bottle to take a sip of it, you have to finish it off quickly or it’s gonna go sour. So by that analogy, men would get spoiled and worthless almost immediately after they’ve lost their virginity…
Ha! in the end, RooshV has it all wrong. There is one question men need to ask themselves before committing to a relationship: Is she a feminist?
I’d recommend applying this principle to even one-night stands and other casual encounters, because I’m frankly of the opinion that feminists should be denied sex and other forms of intimacy – until they change their views. A boycott, if you will.
If the freshly baked “bread” is still too “hot”, depending on the “oven” the “kitchen” uses, you can “scald” yourself, so to speak. That’s why to be safe, he uses as his minimum age, 18, but the majority of US states (and Canada) actually place it at 16, and in Mexico, it’s even 12. Though of course, he’s talking about American whitebread, and there are lots of other foreign varieties that don’t take as long to bake, if you know what I mean 😀
Steele, men of your worth are easily replaced in the produce department, so don’t even think about such a boycott, or maybe girlcott, unless you yourself are prepared to drill holes in a very small apricott.
STEEEEEEEL! I MISSED YOU SO MUCH PLEASE COME BACK AND STAY FOREVER!!!!
That’s really the crux of the matter, isn’t it? People who are only ‘attracted’ to young, inexperienced, sexually (or otherwise) unassertive women obviously don’t think they can handle an older, experienced, sexually confident woman. The older a man gets as he holds on to this desire for “fresh”, ah, bread? – the less confidence he has when it comes to sleeping with women his own age.
@Steele
That’s ok, there are many individuals who think feminists are lovely and wish to engage in platonic, romantic, and sexual relationships with them. Some of these individuals are men. And many of them see women as people with the ability to make choices and then they respect those choices!
So if you and men who think like you don’t want to have sex with me because “feminists eww eww eww”, I really wont be motivated to give up the feminist views. And the men who don’t agree with you wont give up associating with feminists because they don’t agree with you.
Lysistrata fail.
About wine going bad:
Years ago, when my Grandpa passed away, we cleaned out his house. I was tasked with emptying all 20 bottles of homemade wine – wine which had not just gone bad, but ohboy bad, given that my Grandpa hadn’t made his own wine in years, I think my dad said that it had to be well over 15 or 20 years old at that point, maybe longer. Extra awful was the fact that most of the corks were disintegrating and it was hard to get them out enough to pour out the wine. And it had the worst smell, like vinegar and sadness, with pungent notes of rancid fruit. Luckily, only some bottles were so bad I gagged, but the rest were still unpleasant.
MRA men are that kind of wine. Too bad you can’t just pour their noxious personalities down the drain.