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“Wherever i turn there is a pair of titties mocking me, looking at me with it’s poking eyes,” and other actual PUA.txts

Old School PUA.txt

There’s a new blog out there that I think a lot of you will appreciate. I would say “enjoy,” but your enjoyment of it will no doubt alternate with despair over the future of the human race. Which makes it sort of like this blog!

Anyway, the blog is called PUA.txt, and, as the name suggests, it features horrible quotes taken from forums and other websites where would-be pickup artists like to congregate.

My favorite quote, of all those featured there, is probably this exceedingly whiny one from The Venusian Arts forum, in which a PUA by the name of Rick Tiero defends another commenter who refers to women as sluts. While other PUAs there are annoyed by the slut basher – because calling women “sluts” makes them defensive and less likely to want to have sex with PUAs — Rick has a different take. Addressing himself to one of the forum’s few female members, he writes:

Don’t try to judge him, you don’t know what the fuck he’s been through. Stuff like that can come from fucked up parents or even kindergardens that forcefeed small boys with religion and evil feminist propaganda, totaly destroying someones sexlife in the later years.

Of all the guys in here, very few are here by choice. You feminists have created spank for your own ass by compromising genderoles for ages now, don’t bitch about it. You women ruined our fun first by being a somewhat moral police yourselves! It is called bad karma.

No man wants to do whats wrong with women, they have been taught wrong by a society in genderless chaos created by the feminist movement, a movement so selfish and evil that I like to compare it to the new age nazis. In this society women are expected to not show body because a man is supposed to like her for her personality, like a woman likes a man.

It is doomed to fail, because people are not built that way. I bet OP has seen alot of porn and wouldn’t mind fucking all of the women in that room, even the fattie, bacause it’s nice for a change. Deep inside of him there is a good PUA just waiting to surface anytime soon.

And you women should really be more understanding to prude men! Put your self in my shoes! I can search for vegetables on the internet and find “Gorgeous teen playing with a cuecumber” And for me being a guy, that is something I’d like to watch!

Man! I can’t even go to the store and buy myself some bread without walking by the magazines with naked women all over it. It’s like wherever i turn there is a pair of titties mocking me, looking at me with it’s poking eyes. In the local park they have made this figure of a naked woman, but it’s made of stone. You women don’t have to go through any of that.

Yep, that’s right, it’s that old argument: Sexy women oppress men with their sexiness!

The most horrifying comment I’ve found on PUA.txt so far is probably this one from RooshV’s forum about the pros and cons of having sex with disabled women:

Yeah, I’m not even going to touch that one.

There’s also a PUA.txt twitter account, which features still more horrible quotes. (I only wish it provided links to the sources of the quotes like the blog does.) Here are some of its greatest hits so far.

PS: Do any of you ladies know where the nearest bank is? I need to drop off some gold.

 

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clairedammit
clairedammit
8 years ago

Wait, first he complains that women aren’t supposed to show their bodies in this society and that men aren’t “made” to handle that, and then he complains about having to look at women’s bodies all the time?

Also, GENDERLESS CHAOS!

Also, also, I’m so glad that Allie didn’t draw alot of porn.

inurashii
inurashii
8 years ago

Ah, PUA.txt. it was only a matter of time.

clairedammit
clairedammit
8 years ago
princessbonbon
8 years ago

@Clairedammit I really do not think consistency is their strong suit.

princessbonbon
8 years ago

That tumbler…oy.

If a girl says, “Get lost loser!” My brain processes that as sarcastic humor & I laugh. Then I come back with a comment & my own zinger…

Something such as: “Haha! WOW! that was COLD! Not bad…. Kinda feisty for a little girly dork.” (*wink / smile) “I don’t know if I should put you in time-out, or just spank you…”

That is not a zinger-that is just sad.

clairedammit
clairedammit
8 years ago

True, princessbonbon, but usually they don’t put their inconsistencies in adjacent paragraphs like that.

Zanana
Zanana
8 years ago

“are you not musking? you can’t STD (seal the deal) without a rich, evocative musk. women’s libidos are virtually 99% pheromones.”

I hope this suggestion is from a sarcastic hipster PUA and not someone’s real idea about the world

mayfly
mayfly
8 years ago

In this society women are expected to not show body

I can’t even go to the store and buy myself some bread without walking by the magazines with naked women all over it.

I think this poor man is deeply confused.

mayfly
mayfly
8 years ago

“I don’t know if I should put you in time-out, or just spank you…”

Holy crap that’s the creepiest thing I’ve ever heard.

cloudiah
8 years ago

by compromising genderoles for ages now

Are those anything like profiteroles? Because mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

[cloudiah did not have time to eat lunch today.]

clairedammit
clairedammit
8 years ago

From PUA.txt :

The hipster brunette seems autistic or something because she tells me I look like a virgin (I don’t, I actually look fucking confident)

Aw, poor Mystery got negged. And if someone called me autistic as an insult, I’d just laugh.

ozymandias42
8 years ago

New Age Nazis…?

“This is the crystal that will help you invade Poland!”

princessbonbon
8 years ago

http://pua-txt.tumblr.com/image/33575439936

This one is interesting because it says “chubby chaser” in the description of the poster.

ozymandias42
8 years ago

VISUALIZE THE FATHERLAND

katz
8 years ago

Why does that tumblr have to go rag on nanowrimo?

I’m getting a bit too much smug-asshole from the blog’s owner :/

Falconer
8 years ago

Thanks, cloudiah, now my monitor has got tooth marks in it 🙁

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
8 years ago

And he wonders why he has no sex life. Oh, sorry, “sexlife”.

As for the “should I spank you” creep – holy hell, if I were a gun-carrier it’d be an inch from his face at that point!

princessbonbon
8 years ago

Though we might not have either in the future, as Hostess (responsible for both Twinking and Zingers) is threatening to liquidate itself. (Though presumably some competitor will move in to snap up the Twinkie/Zinger biz.

As far as I can tell it is liquidating because the private equity firms want to feast on the remains of the company while getting the added thrill of blaming the workers for wanting things like pay for working there…

And I actually do not know anyone who actually likes Twinkies.

katz
8 years ago

I didn’t know you could liquidate a Twinkie.

freitag235
freitag235
8 years ago

No words. I make my living with words but I have NO WORDS for this.

“…i turn there is a pair of titties mocking me, looking at me with it’s poking eyes.” Ok, points for getting the singular/plural correct. (I am grading freshmen essays.) But…no.

I have no words for this.

Get help. You (sorry to be ableist but this is true) are mentally unwell and you are not doing yourself any good. Go out and take a walk in the fresh air. Get The Fuck Over It. Pairs of titties are not staring at you, mocking you, or doing anything other than being body parts. Like arms. Or ears. Or nostrils. Or eyebrows.

I am going back to grading essays. It’s better for my own health right now.

carswell
carswell
8 years ago

It’s like wherever i turn there is a pair of titties mocking me, looking at me with it’s poking eyes.

I think someone is a little confused about anatomy…

freitag235
freitag235
8 years ago

Oh, and yeah, points for the singular/plural, but he totally borked the possessive. Points off.

princessbonbon
8 years ago

Get a good enough blender and I am sure you could liquidate any Twinkie Katz.

pillowinhell
pillowinhell
8 years ago

You know, I really wouldn’t mind seeing pictures of beautiful naked men everywhere. Or statues of them, or scantily clad men on the streets. I mean really, can I share in this terrible injustice too?

katz
8 years ago

So here’s my beef: Making fun of assholes is awesome, obviously, but the whole Tumblr cottage industry of online mockery slips very quickly from making fun of people because they need to get taken down a notch to making fun of people because I’m cool and awesome and not like them.

Mocking people for being douchebags is fine. Mocking people for being stupid? Waaaay sketchier. And it quickly moves on to mocking people for being part of subcultures or online communities I’m not part of, liking things I don’t like, and generally not being me because I’m better than them.

pillowinhell
pillowinhell
8 years ago

I’m sorry dude. I can’t take a guy who says “titties” seriously. Are you thirteen?

And no, breasts aren’t mocking you, they just happen to be there, like the rest of my body parts.

As for the abelism post, I’d consider his personality a bigger stumbling block to get over than the disabilities he’s asking about in terms of dating. And I notice that he requires the disabled to be tens as well.

Creative Writing Student
Creative Writing Student
8 years ago

And no, breasts aren’t mocking you, they just happen to be there, like the rest of my body parts.

Mine are, but I sharpie’d “ur a loser” on them in an imitation of Comic Sans… *troll*

MordsithJ
MordsithJ
8 years ago

I am totally using the Irritable Bowel Syndrome line next time I’m trying to get rid of somebody.

clairedammit
clairedammit
8 years ago

This was one of the first things I ever read on the internet.

The T.W.I.N.K.I.E.S. Project

And, yeah katz, that NaNoWriMo tumblr does seem kind of shitty.

cloudiah
8 years ago

@katz, but we can totally mock this tumblr, right?

drst
drst
8 years ago

Real Dolly Madison Zingers are 1,000 times better than anything Hostess.

And the old real Drake’s cakes, back when they came in the foil packages, surpassed everything.

*footstomp*

katz
8 years ago

Cloudiah: Naturally, although it’s almost not so much terrible as bemusing.

whataboutthemoonz
8 years ago

Where can I buy cuecumbers?

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
8 years ago

You have to join the queue at the pool table to buy cuecumbers.

hellkell
hellkell
8 years ago

In this society women are expected to not show body

Not according to Owlslave (guess he doesn’t love us anymore, I thought for sure the election posts would bring the froth).

Freitag: my, ahem, “titties” (ugh, that word) are totally pointing and laughing at RIck.

hellkell
hellkell
8 years ago

I think Tastycake has the best snack cakes.

mxe354
mxe354
8 years ago

“Genderless chaos”? Does this person even live on earth?

Sir Bodsworth Rugglesby III
Sir Bodsworth Rugglesby III
8 years ago

@ whataboutthemoonz – Cuecumbers? There are none to be had, not even for ready moeney.

@ katz – yeah, that nano thing was very mean spirited.

MKlein
MKlein
8 years ago

Too bad the site seems to mock Nanowrimo people a little bit at times…makes me sad.

MKlein
MKlein
8 years ago

I see someone already covered the nanowrimo thing. My bad. (MUST READ COMMENT THREAD)

katz
8 years ago

No worries, MKlein, I’ll never be annoyed at people for extra posts agreeing with me XD

It suggests to me that the owner picks on PUAs because they’re easy targets rather than because they’re bad people.

Stevie
Stevie
8 years ago

I do hope the guy never visits Florence. I don’t think he could survive coming eyeball to toe with Michaelangelo’s statue of David…

kysokisaen
8 years ago

I like the comments on the Twinkie story. Guy writes a reasonable argument about how everyone fucked up and now there’s no more Twinkies until the trademarks are sold, and the comments go straight from “Unions destroy all that they love!” to “If the government hadn’t banned trans fats, this never would have happened.”

All that stuff tastes shittier than I remember, but I assume that’s because I grew up. Things definitely got smaller to stick to price points and probably to make that nutrition information box look a bit better, still a genuine Twinkie was an indulgence when I was a kid and they haven’t gotten cheaper or healthier since the 80s, even as consumers got pickier and, recently, broke-er.

“As for the abelism post, I’d consider his personality a bigger stumbling block to get over than the disabilities he’s asking about in terms of dating. And I notice that he requires the disabled to be tens as well.”

I enjoyed his classy reference to ‘the deaf girl voice.’ And the idea that having a beauty contest specifically for disabled people is part of the ‘everybody wins’ mentality that is just so distasteful. I mean, because obviously there’s only one legitimate beauty contest that counts for reals, and everyone else’s tiaras and scholarships are just pity parties.

LBT
LBT
8 years ago

Hi inurashii! Hi katz!

O_o why would you mock NanoWriMo? It seems a really random thing to mock, like… I dunno, people on roller skates or something.

I guess my ghosts of breasts past found somebody else to haunt. I’d feel bad for him, except I’m sure glad they’re away fro me!

LBT
LBT
8 years ago

And I’ve never had a Twinkie. I’m… kinda afraid of them.

I DON’T KNOW WHAT THEY’RE MADE OF. o_o

Creative Writing Student
Creative Writing Student
8 years ago

@LBT

From the pictures, I was assuming shaving foam and bathroom sponge. Ye gods… *reflux*

hellkell
hellkell
8 years ago

Hi LBT!

lowquacks
lowquacks
8 years ago

nanowrimo

Why are there so many November-specific fads/events/whatever? There’s No-Shave November, No-Fap November, National Novel Writing Month, Movember, Nothing But Black Metal November…

Just the “no” going well with things?

Creative Writing Student
Creative Writing Student
8 years ago

*wikipedia, like alll the good students 😛 *

TWINKIES CONTAIN:

Enriched wheat flour, sugar, corn syrup, niacin, water, high fructose corn syrup, vegetable and/or animal shortening – containing one or more of partially hydrogenated soybean, cottonseed and canola oil, and beef fat, dextrose, whole eggs, modified corn starch, cellulose gum, whey, leavenings (sodium acid pyrophosphate, baking soda, monocalcium phosphate), salt, cornstarch, corn flour, corn syrup, solids, mono and diglycerides, soy lecithin, polysorbate 60, dextrin, calcium caseinate, sodium stearoyl lactylate, wheat gluten, calcium sulphate, natural and artificial flavors, caramel color, yellow #5, red #40.

… I think I prefered my theory…

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