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$MONEY$ alpha males antifeminism armageddon beta males cupcake evo psych fairy tales heartiste hypergamy men who should not ever be with women ever misogyny open thread oppressed white men PUA racism reactionary bullshit thug-lovers white knights woman's suffrage

Election Day Open Thread! Plus, some inane crap from Heartiste on the single white woman vote.

Make sure you vote on this crucial ballot initiative.

Election day is here at last! Vote! VOTE!! VOOOTTTTTEEEEE!!!1!!!

Well, if you’re American, anyway.

Americans and non-Americans alike, enjoy these ridiculous thoughts on the Single White Woman Vote from our old pal Heartiste.

[S]ingle women’s prime directive is to fulfill their hypergamous impulse for the highest possible status man they can coax into long-term commitment. The party that is perceived as being pro-unrestricted female sexuality, anti-male sexuality, and anti-drone beta male is going to get their vote.

Huh. I guess we can add “hates drone beta males” to Obama’s long list of imaginary crimes, alongside “is a secret Kenyan Muslim,” “wants to take my guns” and “won’t give Donald Trump his school transcripts.” (Actually, that last “crime” is true.)

You would probably not be surprised to learn that not only do single white SWPL chicks just automatically ASSUME everyone in their social circle is an Obama cultist … the first thing that pops in their heads when you ask them why they’re voting for Obama is usually something along the lines of “Romney wants to take away my birth control”. Yeah, these are educated women saying this. Thanks suffrage!

Somehow I doubt the “single white SWPL chicks” that Heartiste spoke to actually think Romney is going to come into their bedrooms and steal their birth control. No doubt they are, rather, concerned with Romney’s altogether non-imaginary plans to make abortion illegal and restrict their access to affordable reproductive health services generally. (Oh, and “SWPL” stands for “stuff white people like,” a reference to the blog of the same name, and seems to be Heartiste’s favorite term for white people who live in urban areas and who aren’t reactionary assholes like himself.)

And now, the required reference to Sex and the City:

The fact is, marriage advocacy (and earlier marriage) is bad for young women’s sexual market value leverage …  A party that embodies the single and seeking alpha cock in the city lifestyle will appeal to them. The party which is perceived (facts don’t really matter in politics) as pushing women to settle down early with a reliable company man and start popping out future video gamers is anathema to the single, economically self-sufficient, white woman sensibility.

Here we come to the crux of Heartiste’s, er, “argument.”

Finally, and perhaps most saliently, single white women see Big Daddy State as a beta provider husband substitute. This has nothing to do with pity for the downtrodden masses and everything to do with “how much money and services I can redirect my way with an assist from the white knight contingent”.

Let’s throw some Evo Psych in the mix:

The single white woman who delays family formation finds herself battling her ancient subterranean limbic rhythms which always and everywhere guide her to seek out potential mates who could provide resources for her and her children, particularly when she is burdened by pregnancy and mostly unable (at least as would have been the case in the ancestral environment) to fully provide for herself. The single white woman, lacking the beta provider hubby (ironically, mostly by her own hand) seeks to fill his absence with the alternative — the looming Big Man tribal leader, which in modern America is the federal government, and its shaman is Obama.

Huh. I thought single women were supposed to have the hots for Obama because he’s such an alpha. But now he’s a beta provider?

Heartiste continues:

Women are naturally redistributionist because women are naturally self-aggrandizing and self-entitled, as befits their higher reproductive worth. And, more controversially, a very bad man like myself would say that women are naturally comfortable in quasi-harem arrangements, which is what the single woman concubine-government alpha provider relationship amounts to. And just like an alpha provider/protector, the government is very good at forcibly extracting tribute from the beta male masses.

Huh. I thought alphas weren’t interested in providing or protecting. Now they’ve become the ultimate White Knights?

In effect, Big Government is at once the alpha male tribal leader and the beta provider sucker who happily assumes the cuckold role as step-father to the single mom’s cadbaggage.

Wait, what? Dude, if you have to twist your definitions of alpha and beta like taffy to apply them to this situation, it may be an indication that all this alpha/beta shit just might be complete bullshit to begin with.

Now Heartiste comes to the issue of race. You may wish to avert your eyes.

[T]he final, and most emotionally laden, variable in this equation is the black man angle. Both sides in this long-running debate have their points. My take from ground-level recon is that the people claiming single white women love alpha black men are overstating their case, and the people claiming single white women would never think of hooking up with “lower class, less accomplished, thug” black men are overstating theirs. White women do find plenty of black men physically exciting. And smarter white women do hesitate to date black men because of a very reasonable fear that, should a warpling issue from the union (this is always in the back of women’s minds, despite the easy availability of contraceptives), the black man will be less likely than the white man to stick around and care for her in her time of need.

And this weird racist stew relates to the election how? Because Obama is black?

As far as a I can tell, contra white nationalist hopes and dreams, single white women have ZERO concept of loyalty for their white men. Try to explain to your typical single white woman about the importance of loyalty to her men and of the idea of genetically preserving the white race’s unique winning attributes, and you may as well be a Martian spurting goo all over her.

Or maybe, just maybe, the single white women you’re trying to “explain” this to are looking at you funny because you’re a creepy racist prick who thinks that he and other white dudes should have a say in how you use your vagina?

Now, in practice, one could argue that unmarried white women exercise a de facto loyalty to their men, because most white chicks date white men, and studies have shown that white women are the most resistant to dating outside their race. But how long will this hold? Census data points to a slow but inexorable increase in out-marrying and out-dating by white women (and white men). If there is some subconscious racial loyalty or primal preference acting to steer the tingles of single white women (and I believe there is), it is showing signs of withering under a coordinated cultural assault that has made even broaching the topic the equivalent of condemning oneself to the social gulag.

Heartiste returns to the issue of politics. Well, politics and the single white female vagina:

Btw, from a tingles-first perspective, a lot of white women thought Bill Clinton was way sexier than they currently think of Barack Obama’s sex appeal. This isn’t a looks or race thing… Bill just had more sensual, oozing charm than Barry. Chicks dig charming mofos.

Heartiste offers this sad lament on the waning power of white male voters:

A lot of white men and white married couples are going to break for Romney, but the social and racial and familial demographics of the country are moving with such force in the opposite direction that the white man vote, no matter how consolidated, is going to eventually get swamped by the undertow and rendered irrelevant for many, many election cycles to come (assuming there will continue to be a country in existence that is capable of holding elections).

Yes, it’s true that as the US becomes more demographically diverse, white men will make up a smaller portion of the electorate, and thus, as a demographic group, will have less influence. That’s kind of how democracy works.

Heartiste ends it all with this baffling apocalyptic conclusion, bringing it all back to the issue of … tariffs?

When the white man “wakes up” to this fact, I predict secession movements will sprout up all around the country, descaling the nation to more socially and tribally congenial entities. But most of us reading this will be dead by that time. And it will be too late, regardless. In the meantime, expect populism to rise again, and tariffs to become the talk of the townhall. A billion Chinese is a lot of surplus cheap labor to churn through before wages equilibrate. There will be blood in the interim.

Heartiste, maybe you should just stay home and rest today. You sound a bit feverish.

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Falconer
7 years ago

There’s a story going around the Series of Tubes that W mistakenly voted for Obama and pressed “cast vote” when he meant to press “discard.” I give the story the side-eye. It’s too pat.

clairedammit
clairedammit
7 years ago

It sounds like BS to me, as there is no “discard” button on a Texas voting machine.

isabeleve
isabeleve
7 years ago

He’s channeling H.P. Lovecraft: “The single white woman who delays family formation finds herself battling her ancient subterranean limbic rhythms…” It’s well-known the horror writer had a tin ear for dialogue.

I dunno, the whole “ancient subterranean rhythms” crap sounds awfully Camille Paglia to me. If there was anything about men fearing that women’s giant swampy vaginas would swallow them up, I’d be convinced it was her.

Falconer
7 years ago

Good night, everybody!

katz
7 years ago

Jordan and I were both watching on Huffington Post and the updating was synced differently on our computers, so he heard that Ohio got called before I did. I was getting breaking news from the other side of the room.

clairedammit
clairedammit
7 years ago

Whoo hoo! It was fun hanging out with y’all.

katz
7 years ago

Hey, doesn’t anyone want to stay up and watch Question 1, Question 6, and Referendum 74?

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
7 years ago

Sorry, election called, going to drink some tequila now. Also I just heard people cheering outside my window.

Rahu
Rahu
7 years ago

Harlem is VERY happy. Very loud and very happy. 🙂

katz
7 years ago

We’re going out to light some sparklers.

inu
inu
7 years ago

I am drunk and suspicious.

All the TVs told me Obama won but if I wake up and Romney is president so help me dog

sthlivingincolor
7 years ago

Looks like gay marriage and legalizing pot are going to pass here in WA!

Stoned buttsecks for all!

popcornculturejunkie
7 years ago

I’m happy Obama won, still waiting on Batshit Bachmann to get the boot, and still waiting on the final result of our marriage and voter ID amendments. (Wish MN was considering pit, though.) In the meantime, I’m pausing my NaNoWriMo novel while indulging in some Cold Duck. 😀 And congrats to WA and ME! 😀

Biot
Biot
7 years ago

@ Falconer: I think the news that Bush Jr. voted wrongly came from the Daily Currant, a satirical website that’s a little sneakier (or at least lesser known) than the Onion.

popcornculturejunkie
7 years ago

*pot*, not pit

(Damn wine!) 😛

thebionicmommy
thebionicmommy
7 years ago

I’m all smiles and listening to Kool and the Gang’s “Celebration”. Now I’m going to listen to Akin’s concession speech ha ha ha! Also, four more years! WOO HOO!

katz
7 years ago
cloudiah
7 years ago

I made it to the polls about 5 minutes before they closed. Phew. LA traffic is horrible — I forget because I’m usually walking or on the bus. Anyway, I like to think I turned the tide. 😀

aworldanonymous
7 years ago

So, projected Obama victory, but if romney wins, I’m getting smashed tomorrow afternoon to try and forget that that happened. Romney + Harper = bad things for Canada and the USA.

princessbonbon
princessbonbon
7 years ago

I just got home from the party downtown and man they lifted the roof off when the race was called and I cried twice.

Unfortunately we lost the Senate race, one of the House is not looking good and Arpaio won re-election unless the more than FOUR HUNDRED THOUSAND PROVISIONAL BALLOTS break like 90% in Penzone’s favor.

blitzgal
7 years ago

Tammy Baldwin. Clare Mcaskill. Elizabeth Warren. OBAMA!

Dancing. Can’t sleep.

Leeloo Dallas Multipass

Aww, it’s like a big 2008 milkshake, but without the big fat anti-marriage turd in it this time. And magic brownies on the side!

blitzgal
7 years ago

Also pot.

blitzgal
7 years ago

And gay marriage.

blitzgal
7 years ago

The times, they are a’chaaaaaaaangin.

Angela
Angela
7 years ago

How amazing does the average MRA imagine the lives of people who receive government funding are. Do they think living off the, what, 800-1100 dollars a month that’s supposed to cover food/shelter/schools is the high life? Do they think those women living at or below the poverty line are just perfectly happy with no emergency funds or saving accounts? Do they think people love the very real choice of spending 74% of their after tax income on housing or spending up to four hours a day on a bus getting to and from the housing they can afford because any car they could afford would cost them too much money to run?

Of course, even working a minimum wage job (or two) doesn’t make that much more money when it comes to living in a city with a high cost of living. It’s debatable as to who works harder, stay-at-home single-parents of pre-school age children or people who work the same number of hours at minimum wage for corporations that believe in concepts like “time theft”. Accepting government assistance to Heartiste is still the dream that all women reach for, and that’s just as sad as it is out of touch.

princessbonbon
princessbonbon
7 years ago

Oh shut up Angela.

Hahaha Romney is conceding. WOOT WOOT.

katz
7 years ago

All four propositions are going in favor of gay marriage? WOOT WOOT

OTOH, Californians are voting wrong on every single proposition. Dammit, people!

katz
7 years ago

Woot woot jinx!

princessbonbon
princessbonbon
7 years ago

Arizona both defeated the rather irritating because we needed it cent sales tax and voted in Arizona’s own Prop 13.

clairedammit
clairedammit
7 years ago

Oh shut up Angela.

Haha, I knew that was going to be the first comment after Angela’s.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
7 years ago

Even when she’s saying something OK she’s still long-winded and tedious.

Cthulhu's Intern
7 years ago

The Evil part of me was hoping that Romney would win the popular vote while Obama wins the electoral, just to watch the Republicans who were like “This is how the electoral vote works” back when Bush won both times get butthurt. Oh well, the results of this election are still good.

lowquacks
lowquacks
7 years ago

#YOLORADO

Nice work getting the less horrible of two arseholes to run the place, USians!

@aworldanon

So, projected Obama victory, but if romney wins, I’m getting smashed tomorrow afternoon to try and forget that that happened. Romney + Harper = bad things for Canada and the USA.

Is that the Canadian “I’m moving to Canada” then?

lowquacks
lowquacks
7 years ago
katz
7 years ago

Why not Hashington?

scarlettpipistrelle
7 years ago

Can’t wait for the reaction “over there.” Hah.

lowquacks
lowquacks
7 years ago

Why not Hashington?

SHIT! Forgot about hash, the stuff doesn’t really exist over here.

lowquacks
lowquacks
7 years ago

Also my older cat is a predominantly Maine Coon/Persian moggy, so double win for him with marriage equality in one motherland and a lower chance of being bombed to heck in the other. Very happy kitty.

lowquacks
lowquacks
7 years ago

That was a “thanks Katz” if that wasn’t clear 🙂

lowquacks
lowquacks
7 years ago

No-one here? USians sleeping or celebrating, I guess? You mob are all wonderful, I did want to tell you that. I have so many reasons to feel happy right now and I want all of you to be happy.

ShadetheDruid
7 years ago

Clearly re-electing Obama caused the apocolypse just like people said it would, and they’re all busy fighting off the zombie hordes.

Tulgey Logger
Tulgey Logger
7 years ago

Has Trump gotten a hair terribling recently? Because last time I saw him, he did not look like—uh, that.

It’s interesting to be on the other side of this whole electoral college thing after being frustrated by the 2000 election to an immense degree. Even though I’m relieved Rmoney didn’t win, it’s not like we can credit the EC with being a force for good after eight years of the Shrub. The EC giveth, and the EC taketh away. I wonder if conservatives in general won’t be up in arms about it the way liberals were with Gore; I listened to a conservative AM station (read: an AM station) while playing Civilization this evening/morning, and their only line about it was “maybe now the librulz will shut up about Gore.” If so, I will be disappointed, because the prospect of seeing more conservatives comically outraged like Trump at this revelation is just DELICIOUS.

Four more years, though, eh? Maybe now Obama can fulfill his mission to do all the drone murder. It’s funny: I can’t help but feel good, but when it comes down to it I just think Obama is evil for all that shit, and that his only major attraction for me is that he’s not going to kill as many foreigners as Romney would have while not throwing as many Usonians under the bus as Romney would. How he sleeps at night, though, I have no clue.

Mayara Arend
7 years ago

“ancient subterranean limbic rhythms”.
ok…

Fitzy
Fitzy
7 years ago

Hurray for the U.S.A. We actually picked the lesser of two evils!!! And all but two of the crappy state amendments went down in Florida! 🙂 🙂 🙂

“maybe now the librulz will shut up about Gore.”

I will never shut up about Gore, but then again I’m one of those liberal whackadoos who still sees 2000 as shitstorm of questionable legal decisions and/or outright fraud. That will probably be my defining memory for any future grandchildren: “Remember how Granny used to get so stinking mad any time you mentioned Bush v. Gore ? It was fun to watch the veins burst in her eyes!”

I admire you for being able to take that much AM talk radio, TL – I can read conservative or libertarian lit for hours, but usually only last about fifteen minutes worth of listening to Neil Bortz or Rush before the shudders take over.

blitzgal
7 years ago

I will never shut up about Gore, but then again I’m one of those liberal whackadoos who still sees 2000 as shitstorm of questionable legal decisions and/or outright fraud.

Werd.

Also, Ohio in 2004. Proven election fraud.