I‘m feeling a bit poorly today, so in lieu of an actual post, here’s an old comic I found on a blog called Grottu. I’m pretty sure this is what our old friend NWOslave sees when he looks at the world.
Slightly more on topic, here’s a frame from an old romance comic; you can find a discussion of the somewhat, er, problematic story it’s from on Sequential Crush.
Nothing to do with Jack Chick, but it reminded me of the manboobz:
Pff, you guys are all wrong. First Bite is the best Chick tract. It has vampires!
I was LMAO when lightning hit the saloon in Tiny Shoes, though.
Dammit, I wanted Igor to actually get somewhere before the inevitable Jeebus shaves.
LOL so all of us that played D&D (and/or Tunnels & Trolls) like in http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0046/0046_01.asp were doing it because we.. couldn’t be arsed using our real powers?
Speaking of which, I got my partner this shirt: http://www.fabtshirt.com/tshirts/54228-magic-missiles-kill-people-womens-tee.html, erm except on a black male t-shirt.
Back to cartoons, I used to have this in black and white on a t-shirt: http://www.funkyfridge.com/EP-9892.html
🙂
Ooh! Chick Tracts! They’re so hilarious, I sometimes actually wonder if he’s just some parody of fundamentalist Christians done by a group of people with a crazy sense of humor. If he were a character in some satire, I’d think the author would be trying to hard. He makes the fundamentalists in South Park look normal.
http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0900/0900_01.asp
I love the first panel in this one. Some guy in a hideous combination of biker gang clothes, violent tattoos, and Nazi imagery angrily asks a fairly ordinary-looking, much smaller guy, sweating profusely “Are you calling me a SINNER!?”
http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0058/0058_01.asp
This one is just plain silly, even by Chick tract standards. It’s like a fundamentalist Christian parody of slasher films. Satan, dressed in all black, walking his pet snake, plots killing some teenagers, but then realizes something. “#%#@! I forgot my chainsaw!”
http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1069/1069_01.asp
In the beginning of this, it’s funny how he can draw Peter and Stewie Griffen from Family Guy with near perfect accuracy, and that they seem to say it’s bad that Stewie is gay, but nothing about how he’s a homicidal maniac. The rest of the tract, however, is just plain old racism.
I never joined any clubs in high school, so I might be misunderstanding how they operate, but I thought that unlike sports teams, which require a certain level of skill to join, joining a club for X only requires that you have an interest in X, and not that your’e already actually good at X.
Agghh! Hell isn’t hot! Hell is hot in places, but sometimes it is sticky, or cold! And Lucifer can’t leave because he’s trapped up to his waist in ice! And why the fuck was the chainsaw even required?!
… Oh wait. Dante Allegheri was Catholic. Nevermind.
It’s weird to see Chick actually be right about something. Most of the world IS rejecting his idea of religion. I kind of wonder what his sales are like. Are enough people buying them ironically now that it makes up the difference?
CWS – you are correct about Hell not being cold!
I personally like the parody featuring Darkseid a lot.
http://cissie-king.livejournal.com/13838.html
I think they also made one about the Galactus, featuring Dr. Richard Reeds.
http://foo.ca/wp/chick-tract-satire/galactus-is-coming/
Stuffed Fantod – I love the “wafer god” and “Jesus describes the Vatican” lines. Right, because the Vatican was around in Jesus’ time. But the best, by far, is the MAGICAL DEATH COOKIE. I will have to seek out this MAGICAL DEATH COOKIE (or name a band after it, I’m not sure which!).
That’s just as awesome as the giant “Welcome, Sinners!” neon sign at one church here.
Had that happen to me – several times! Only the evangelist usually left a modest tip, too, so it was more of an “Oh, by the way” than a “Fuck you, waitress sinner.”
The not-cool thing about receiving those were that they always came on Sundays. It seemed like such a passive-aggressive way for people to say “Here, honey, we know you need this. You weren’t at church today!” Of course I wasn’t at church; I was busy setting up a restaurant so that people in fancy clothes could discuss the sermon over lobster salad and fresh rolls. If I was a service-skipping sinner, the tract-pushers who wanted a Sunday lunch surely qualified as my enablers.
My favorite thing about Chick is that every conspiracy goes back to the Catholics. They invented Islam, Jehovah’s Witnesses, the Holocaust, Hinduism, Mormons, abortion, they have a giant computer in the Vatican with the names of all real Christians so they can kill them once they TAKE OVER THE WORLD. It’s pretty spectacular. If he could find a way to blame them for Judaism, he would.
A measure of how ridiculously over the top Chick tracts really are: My fried found a copy of “Tiny Shoes” hidden in a book at Wal-Mart. He brought it to school and showed it to the teacher in charge of our Fellowship of Christian Athletes, a group entirely populated by the school’s fundamentalist zealots who were so absurd they wouldn’t even let the Catholics join because they weren’t “real” Christians. Even she rolled her eyes at the tract.
One of his newer tracts about Santeria also features a Santeria priestess blowing glitter or something up a chicken’s ass. You haven’t lived until you’ve seen the facial expression of a chicken getting a glitter enema.
Friend, not fried. That would make that sentence even weirder.
In Sweden, when Christianity first arrived, it was common belief that Hell lay somewhere to the North and that it was freezing cold up there…
Makes sense, really. Muspelheim notwithstanding, a realm of fire probably isn’t as scary to people who are mostly worried about cold. Need different scares for different audiences.
Eh, I’d back up and say Al Hartley did some of the art for Archie comics. He learned the house style pretty well, and then when he wanted to evangelical comics to witness to all the little lost souls who lapped up Archie, he negotiated a deal where he got to use the Archie cast and house style.
These pages don’t look like Archie to me, they look like run-of-the-mill 50s and 60s romance comics.
Can’t help but notice how lovingly Hartley has depicted every girl’s breasts in the excerpt. I thought we were supposed to eschew SEX, Al.
Here, too. Apparently the Rapture is going to be accomplished via a large vacuum that pulls all the breasts up but leaves the skirts modestly in place.
It occurred to me to worry that NWO might come on here, look at a scan of a drawing of a young woman, and suffer an immediate outrage aneurysm.
But then I realized, they’re all too old for him /nasty
How times have changed. Today’s fundamentalists would be appalled that someone could get into Heave in a skirt that short.
*Heaven*
the short skirt would make them Heave 🙂
Nah, I think the dirty old men who run American Christianity (TM) would absolutely adore a skirt that short. And then they’d get up in the pulpit every Wednesday and twice on Sunday and rail against ’em.
Like how Baptists don’t recognize each other in the liquor store.
@Seraph:
On the same note, what everyone knows today about muslim heaven is that it’s got hot virgins. But in the Quran, the virgins are mentioned once or twice, while EVERY FREAKING TIME Muhammed writes something about Heaven he points out that it has “streams of water”.
There’s something so utterly disturbing about watching Evangelical Christians who are trying to tamp down their God-given sexuality. Mostly because of the very real consequences to all women of powerful white men running around going, “I am totally pure in the Eyes of Christ! Any
naturalevil impulses I have are because of the HORES!”… Gentlemen, those of you who are not are not absurdly repressed can control themselves when I walk around in skirts above the knee.
ALSO, “hooked on sex?” I am aware that there are some people who develop a psychological dependence on unhealthy, compulsive sexual behaviors, but being sexually active as a teenager is no more being “addicted to sex” than a teenager who wants to eat ALL THE THINGS to feed a growth spurt is “addicted to food.”