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Heartiste on the evils of women’s suffrage, and why single women tingle for Obama. Or maybe don’t?

Who’s the real Alpha Dog?

Over on Chateau Heartiste, the adult man who actually goes by the name “Heartiste” is getting into the spirit of the election season by going all Ann Coulter on us with a post on how terrible it is that single women can vote – mainly because they vote for Democrats, which Hearty attributes to the lack of real men in their lives.

When you don’t have an alpha male in your personal life to admire and rely on for support (partly because you make your own money and don’t feel a pressing need to have a middle class compliment&cuddle herb around for security), you turn to the next facsimile — the substitute alpha male who promises limitless resources for you and your future sprogling. This substitute alpha male is The State, and its shaman emissary is Obama. …

Single women are bankrupting this country. And they don’t give a shit, as long as they get theirs, which includes tingles.

By “tingles” he’s referring to what the dudes of the manosphere like for some reason  to call “gina tingles,” with “gina” short for “vagina.” After a brief excursion into racism – he’s apparently afraid the country will be overrun with swarthy Democratic-voting immigrant hordes – Hearty gives us this report from the front lines. Sorry, the front swimming pool:

I swim among single women — mostly white, mostly educated and/or intelligent, in their 20s and 30s — and I can assure you they have a rock hard clit boner for Obama and leftie policies in general. Romney may as well be the anti-Christ when he’s not some buffoon at whom they happily lob insipid snark bombs. …

This is the reality we live in. It’s status whoring and self-righteous hypocritical white girl preening all the way down. The people have suckled on the Big Daddy Government teat for too long, and they ain’t giving it up.

The Big Daddy teat?

Single women are the worst teat sucklers because it is in the nature of women, before they have had their estrogenic rocket fuel burned out of them by marriage and children, to extract as many resources from the tribe’s public pot as they can manage, and to dispense as much of the public till to sympathetic groups in a showy self-annihilation of pathological altruism.

Hearty’s metaphors here have grown so baroque here that I’m having a little trouble visualizing what he thinks is going on. Can someone draw me a picture of white girls suckling on Big Daddy’s teat while using rocket fuel to extract resources from a large pot?

And men, the majority of them generally being weak-willed betas all too happy to dance to young babes’ tunes, have neither the balls nor the heart to call them out for their vapid politics. Many white men are so manboobed they actually yearn for their dispossession, both demographically and politically, like some cuckold fetishist lubing his palm with his salty tears and pulling forlornly at his purple pud in the corner as he gets psychologically ass-rammed by his gleeful tormentors.

Classy, dude, but thanks for including me in your weird cuckold/rape fantasy.

As the day must yield to night, so did suffrage yield to anarcho-tyranny.

Meanwhile, every rose has its thorn, just like every night has its dawn.

Hearty wraps up his piece with a thoroughly muddled conclusion. On the one hand, he takes hope in the fact that by general consensus Romney “out-alpha’ed Obama in the debate.” And chicks love that, right?

It’ll be interesting to see if the polls budge among women in favor of Romney because he looked like a boss disciplining a lackadaisical employee during the debate. Obama’s head nodding while Romney dressed him down was a huge beta tell, and women pick up on that subtle body language stuff. If they are sufficiently turned off, this election could be up for grabs.

Never mind that immediately before this, Hearty declared that

Obama still holds the trump card of being the guy who represents the dream of every girl to have a harem of eunuch beta male orbiters showering her with emotional support and money while demanding nothing in return.

I’m a bit confused. I thought that in Heartisteland women only tingled for alphas. And at the start of this post Obama was the ultimate Alpha who was giving women “tingles” and “rock-hard clit boners” – or was it just the Big Daddy state that was the Alpha (while simultaneously serving as a wet nurse for the nation’s women and other ne’er-do-wells). Now Obama holds the trump card because he a Beta? Or maybe doesn’t, also because he’s a Beta?

I’ve given up trying to understand these guys. The only constant in their arguments are that women (and men who don’t hate women) are awful; everything else flows from this.

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blitzgal
8 years ago

I’m aware of your overreaction to my one-liner

You and Ruby would really hit it off. She also thinks that prison rape is hilarious.

inurashii
inurashii
8 years ago

Hey Truthums, your pointless fat jokes have the same humor value that you have respect for us.

And calling it a ‘one-liner’ doesn’t make it not a rape joke.

Also, your role models are awful people.

AlexB
AlexB
8 years ago

Thanks for the explanation, ozy. Irritated now. His incoherent writing is clearly a direct reflection of his illogical incoherent thinking processes.

I mean, look at this sentence structure…

When you don’t have an alpha male in your personal life to admire and rely on for support (partly because you … don’t feel a pressing need to have a middle class compliment&cuddle herb around ..

He’s saying you don’t have an alpha male around because you don’t have a “herb” around. But apparently a “herb” is the opposite of an alpha male. So… I know this is a tiny example of his general lack of logic and inability to frame his “ideas” but this one got to me because I was doing that thing humans do of trying to use linguistic context to deduce the meaning of a word. You can’t do that with Roissy, not just because the context he is writing from is utterly unrelated to anything actual humans experience here on Earth, but because his logic also does not resemble our Earth logic. He doesn’t even have internal consistency in his horrible little world; he’s just flailing his way from one thought to the next like a windmill learning to swim butterfly. (I was just trying to make a simile as ridiculous as one of Roissy’s but I think I’d need to be super drunk.)

thenatfantastic
8 years ago

On ‘herbs’ – I thought that all a man had to do to prove that he was TEH ALPHA was to have a partner and there only about 10% of men can ever be alpha? But now he says you can have a partner without being alpha*?

I would humbly suggest that those who are inclined to pay attention to the likes of Heartiste start getting their tips from herbs. It looks like it involves less effort, less money, less loss of personality, less chance of being in the ‘losing’ population and less chance of being arrested for rape.

(Well we all knew it but apparently his tactic of ‘ignoring what people can see with their own fucking eyes’ wasn’t working)

thenatfantastic
8 years ago

If Truthy’s going to insist on referring to the fact that David’s not skinny every time he addresses him, I think we should refer to the fact that Truthy’s at best, a wannabe rapist and at worst actually a rapist every time we address him.

inurashii
inurashii
8 years ago

nat, I’m comfortable with ‘creep’. He’s demonstrably a creep.

Creative Writing Student
Creative Writing Student
8 years ago

Also, Alphas don’t cuddle and hug. Herbs do. I like cuddles and hugs. [/mushy]

AlexB
AlexB
8 years ago

Seriuosly, if I were single, I’d go for the Herb over Heartiste. No contest.

I would choose any number of acute, chronic, socially unacceptable or even potentially fatal illnesses over Heartiste. Ugh.

Gametime
8 years ago

I’m just confused why people think making the exact same fat jokes over and over is amusing. Like, even if you’re stupid enough to think “UR FAT” is the height of hilarity, surely you would want to at least switch up your incredibly wack material every once in a while. I think Truthster’s used that “Jabba the Fut” line like a dozen times now, and he’s not even the first person to do it. It could’ve started out as the funniest joke in the world and it would still be played out by now.

thenatfantastic
8 years ago

@Gametime

I know a funny joke.

How many MRAs does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they just sit in the dark and scream at women to do it for them.

ozymandias42
8 years ago

Also, I think David knows he isn’t skinny. It’s like how I feel when people insult me by pointing out I’m trans and use a weird pronoun. NO REALLY. I DIDN’T NOTICE. THANK YOU FOR INFORMING ME.

It’s really awful when your *existence* is considered an insult.

Bostonian
8 years ago

What is wrong with khaki pants, sandals and fanny packs, I’d like to know…

Niktike
Niktike
8 years ago

@ozy

I’m insulted by Truth’s existence. Really, until I started reading this blog, I thought that most random humans were generally good people.

Gametime
8 years ago

@thenatfantastic

Now I’m eager for MRAs to write up a rant about how women only change the ALPHA FUCK incandescent bulbs, while the reliable beta fluorescents do all the work lighting the house.

ozymandias42
8 years ago

Niktike: Most random humans are good people, or at least goodish. The people featured on this blog are FAR to the “evil” end of the bell curve.

ShakaKhan
ShakaKhan
8 years ago

Estrogenic rocket fuel! Daaaaaamn, that’s crizappy!

freitag235
freitag235
8 years ago

I live in Texas. It’s hot in Texas most of the time. I wear sandals. I also carry a satchel for papers and notes since I teach. And for the record, I don’t hate women.

I also think fat bulldog puppies are cute.

I suppose I’ll have to change my name to Herb now.

Katelisa
Katelisa
8 years ago

@Dvärghundspossen&AB: That scene is such a great example of non-sexual nudity, something I am afraid is more and more rare. I like that the human body can be just a body, a tool of life, not something sexual. I think it’s really damn important that kids and adults are reminded of both what human bodies look like without being professionally attractive/photoshopped as well as the fact that all those bodies belong to real people not objects.

Also, it has grown, hairy, floppily be-penised men screaming like little girls while being forced to clean themselves in snow. It is beyond awesome.

ShakaKhan
ShakaKhan
8 years ago

‘Seriously, one of their big points of evidence that society is misandrist is the fact that men die sooner than women. But then they also push this nonsense meme that eating healthy is weak and feminine. SEE A CONNECTION HERE, DIPSTICKS?!’

They also talk about suicide rates but yell at women for ‘feminizing’ society with their talk of feelings and relationships and visits to the doctor.

Myoo
Myoo
8 years ago

@Gametime
Cyrano de Bergerac could teach them a thing or two:
http://plays.about.com/od/comedymalemonologues/a/cyranomonologue.htm

Lawndart
Lawndart
8 years ago

“Herb is short for herbivore, representing a particularly effete brand of beta male.”

Hooray for misandry!

Falconer
8 years ago

What is wrong with khaki pants, sandals and fanny packs, I’d like to know…

There have been worse offenses against fashion.

(I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.)

freitag235
freitag235
8 years ago

Ah, the wonders of academic insight:

A person counts as an asshole when, and only when, he systematically allows himself to enjoy special advantages in interpersonal relations out of an entrenched sense of entitlement that immunizes him against the complaints of other people.

The connection is intrinsic to the idea of the asshole, who imagines that his role or status gives him privileges that aren’t really his to claim. … The asshole’s obtuseness makes him incapable of separating his sense of who he is or what he does or what he has or what he knows, which is what it means to be inauthentic.

Source: http://www.slate.com/articles/arts/books/2012/10/ascent_of_the_a_word_by_geoffrey_nunberg_and_assholes_a_theory_by_aaron_james_reviewed_.html

freitag235
freitag235
8 years ago

Also, @Falconer, yes. The costume with the arrow pointing at his dick are truly a fashion fail.

freitag235
freitag235
8 years ago

IS dammit. IS a fashion fail!

I suck.

ozymandias42
8 years ago

What if you forgot where his dick was? It would be terribly awkward if you groped his shoulderblade all OOH BABY I BET YOU’RE ENJOYING THIS.

whataboutthemoonz
8 years ago

GINY TINGLES! 😀

Creative Writing Student
Creative Writing Student
8 years ago

@Ozymandias

I once (drunkenly) admitted to a (drunk) friend that I was a masochist. Replace ‘groping’ with ‘extremely weak slapping and prodding, interspersed with “are you aroused yet?”‘ and that was basically the aftermath.

I only let her continue because it was hilarious from my perspective.

NightShadeQueen
NightShadeQueen
8 years ago

herbs?

Forgive me, but what the fuck?

I propose that, in order to use biology as a metaphor, one must first spend a year working as a bio lab tech. For each metaphor.

Maybe then we won’t have such horrifyingly unaccurate metaphors.

(in other news: http://dinosaurs.about.com/od/herbivorousdinosaurs/Herbivorous_Dinosaurs.htm

They are awesome.)

whataboutthemoonz
8 years ago

“Actually, Truthy, the truth is that I don’t filter Heartiste links, but that you’re on moderation for making a prison rape joke.” -Futrelle

“I’m aware of your overreaction to my one-liner, Tubs. This isn’t about that. I’m saying that comments that include Heartiste links get eaten.” -Truthy

Reading. Comprehension. Failure.

ozymandias42
8 years ago

oh dear XDDDDDD that is not how masochism works

Creative Writing Student
Creative Writing Student
8 years ago

“Yes, yes! Hit me again, but on a completely unerotic area and in a less painful fashion!”

It’s one of my more treasured memories because it was so very bizzarre.

BigMomma
8 years ago

I’ve been away for 6 weeks being insanely busy visiting family and friends in the UK. Did i miss any epic troll meltdowns?

aworldanonymous
8 years ago

Everything I see from Heartiste increases the amount of contempt/pity I have for people who think like that. On the one hand, they are horrible people with a terrible view of reality, but on the other hand, that view of reality is so hopelessly skewed that one would think they’ll never understand true happiness, just the empty satisfaction that they get from getting their rocks off at the women they manipulate.

And on that note, I must apologize ahead of time if I start typing the word “mares” instead of “women”, ponify is starting to program me.

cloudiah
8 years ago

BigMomma: We can’t go 6 days without an epic troll meltdown here. I’m trying to remember if any threads had some that were particularly entertaining…

Hope you had fun in the UK!

cloudiah
8 years ago

p.s. We have had some epic recent manboobzer hilarity that you might not want to miss. Some, but not all, of it is memorialized here:
http://artistryforfeminismandkittens.wordpress.com/

[Ducks before David throws his dirty socks at me for spamming.]

aworldanonymous
8 years ago

Is Joe on moderation, or nomless? I really wanna speak french in nomless’ general direction again.

Sgt Grumbles
Sgt Grumbles
8 years ago

What is wrong with khaki pants, sandals and fanny packs, I’d like to know…

Those things are for squares. If you wanna be a real man like Rob Halford, you gotta be Hell Bent For Leather.

aworldanonymous
8 years ago

I like leather, but mainly because it’s fabulous and can flatter almost any physical form, provided it fits, but I also like sandals, as they are comfy.

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
8 years ago

Ceiling Cat save us, WHAT language is Fartiste writing in? It sure as hell isn’t any version of English I’ve ever seen.

@inurashii – yes, that last line in the ‘herb’ definition is extremely telling. It just screams that for all Roissy’s posturings, he doesn’t have any successful relationships; nobody cares about him, and he can’t cope at all with the thought that all those GAHHH BETA NOT AS HANDSOME AS GREAT ALPHA ME blokes are in happy relationships because, I dunno, they’re smart and funny and loving and generally worth being around.

And … Romney, sexually attractive? Romney? Okay, hopefully Mrs Romney thinks so, but …

hack hack hack BLEERRRRGH

I’d rather cough up hairballs all day.

aworldanonymous
8 years ago

How is a man who wants to fire Big Bird sexually attractive anyway?

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
8 years ago

Good point! They should be mutually exclusive.

emilygoddess
8 years ago

The Big Daddy teat?

Of course! It can’t be a big mommy teat, because then the government would be a woman, and we all know women aren’t capable of governance (/sarcasm). Also, from the little I’ve seen of this guy, I feel like an internally consistent metaphor would really ruin his unique rhetorical style.

katz
8 years ago

How many MRAs does it take to change a lightbulb?

One, but afterwards he’s still in the dark.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
8 years ago

So, question for Heartiste and similar PUA types who think that women being single is just terrible. If all women were to appease your sense of moral outrage by becoming non-single, who would there be for you to practise your PUA banter on in bars and manipulate into sex?

PosterformerlyknownasElizabeth
PosterformerlyknownasElizabeth
8 years ago

Brain Bleach:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AmFuzYCPl7Q

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

skeptifem
8 years ago

The post is a weird combination of purposely disgusting slash fic and political analysis. w.t.f.

lowquacks
lowquacks
8 years ago

like some cuckold fetishist lubing his palm with his salty tears and pulling forlornly at his purple pud in the corner as he gets psychologically ass-rammed by his gleeful tormentors.

Does he realise that that’s what cuckold fetishists could be into that? That they could get off on that? Wait, of course not, sex as anything other than a point-scoring exercise which inconveniently requires someone possessing a vagina is an alien concept to The Heartiste Formerly Known As Roissy.

lowquacks
lowquacks
8 years ago

Also, does anyone else find Heartiste posts beginning with something to the effect of “a new study… that will leave feminists and beta herbs fuming” to be the most hilariously incompetent Heartiste posts?

drst
drst
8 years ago

*hands katz today’s Internet*