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The Asshole Monologues: Glori-US Bastard tells “feminist, American Woman, and White Knights” what’s what

I know I’ve asked this before, but what exactly leads so many MRAs and PUAs and so forth to monologue like mad scientists and/or comic book supervillains? In the past, I’ve noted this in the writings of “Ferdnand Bardamu” of the late, lamentable In Mala Fide. But this sort of thing is everywhere. It’s amazing how many manosphere manifestos seem to be leading up to a malevolent “muahahaha! And now I will have my revenge!”

The MRA who calls himself Glori-US Bastard provides us with a convenient recent example in a post with the somewhat baffling title “Dear feminist, American Woman, and White Knights-a message from those who no longer desire you.”

The whole thing is very monologuey, but here’s my favorite bit — aimed, presumably, at “American Woman” and perhaps her friend “feminist.”

We do not hate you, but we no longer care about you either.  For years, we tried to prove to you that we actually just wanted to be around you and not just have sex.  Your obsession with our visual response to your body as “evil” while you manipulated us for cash prizes has so desensitized us too your wants and needs; we have become the true pussy hounds you most fear!  The hounds that only “desire you” when we want a piece of you; discarding you after.  You can hold your affection and desire; they have become too twisted and crazy; you should see a shrink for drugs for that fetish you carry in your mind sweetheart.  Those surpluses of marriage dresses on TV are there for a reason! 

Uh, “marriage dresses?”

Sorry, didn’t mean to interrupt. He continues:

Your emotional well being will not be a priority to men of the future.  I pray for your daughter’s sake that she is ok with working her whole life not having any kids; and making friends with a lot of foreign women who will start to slowly replace her.

You have failed.

Oh, ok, here’s a little more, from further on in the rant:

You have guaranteed a place for yourself at every table through subterfuge.  You have stolen seats of power not through hard work and perseverance but by the threat of the State’s gunpoint and accountants.  Many men who devoted their lives to their success have lost everything, you think they should vote your way because?

You have failed.

Look, I could go all day!

That I do not doubt.

It is the end of day, and you are running out of others money; and you have run out of your men’s patience!  However, you will not see the anger outside of the redness of our faces.  You are physically secure from harm; for now, until your violent brood of fatherless “youth” turn on you and all of us.  We will defend ourselves, but not you!  This is a trap.

You don’t see it do you?  The fact that men are now indifferent means that you will now have to earn your keep.  Your rejection of your men, will now lead to their rejection of you.

Muahahaha! And then I will have my revenge!

I can’t help but think of Bela Lugosi’s famous monologue from Ed Wood’s Bride of the Monster:

Take some notes, MRAs. That is how it is done.

EDITED TO ADD: Glori-US B. has written a sort of rebuttal to this post.

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Pam
Pam
12 years ago

It’s like, I’m picturing a street preacher shouting about how god was talking to him and told him that the Jews were all space lizards in man-suits who controlled the economy by releasing hormones that make you want to buy things. And there’s this dude in a sensible suit standing nearby, stroking his chin and nodding.

You sure that the dude standing nearby wasn’t wearing a milking machine technician suit?

katthemad
katthemad
12 years ago

Researching custom transfer sheets now.

Thanks guys, for the kick in the butt, I’m in research and development and should have figured out a supplier for this stuff ages ago.

nerdypants
nerdypants
12 years ago

Poor guy, he has zero self-insight, he took my comment to him as a compliment.

thebewilderness
thebewilderness
12 years ago

Don’t forget the troll house cookies.

lowquacks
lowquacks
12 years ago

Men’s Rights Aquavit Liquer – A core of (sour) creamy dill-flavoured liquer left to age in the dark for 18 years and wrapped in exquisitely bitter dark chocolate.

Discontinued, but initial level of customer appeal were overestimated batches of leftover stock appear on the market under different names and brands reasonably frequently. Ask at your campus coffee shop!

Also, can we get at least the inurasshi’s chocolate post on Cloudiah’s blog?

cloudiah
12 years ago

Ha ha, lowquacks — you should see my backlog of hilarity. But this is on there!

Rabukurafuto
Rabukurafuto
12 years ago

Someone should make an MRA supervillain.

The discussion on birth and artificial wombs reminds me of this one fellow I once knew who insisted that all women must be placed on pedestals due to the pain of childbirth (it never occurred to him that not all women want to or can give birth), believed that women in labor should never be given pain-killers because all drugs ever are evil, and lamented how “stupid feminists” made so that all women were annoyed at him instead of grateful when he would go out of his way to hold doors open for them when they were totally fine opening it themselves. I doubt he would hang out with MRAs because he took rape of women very seriously and would have been appalled at the way rape is trivialized by them, but he held otherwise very similar views long before I ever heard of MRAs.

cloudiah
12 years ago
katz
12 years ago

inurashii deserves a real non-disgusting chocolate as a prize.

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

Inurashii, you’ve already won the internets but you win ’em again! That was hilarious!

lowquacks
lowquacks
12 years ago

@Cloudiah

Perfect! The dripping sarcasm was a nice touch.

cloudiah
12 years ago

I just realized that Glori-US Bastard is so stupid he mistook nerdypants’ comment on his blog as coming from AVfM’s very special snowflake Nurdy Dancing! Ha ha ha…

emilygoddess
emilygoddess
12 years ago

Forgive me if this is a little crude, but shouldn’t the Alpha Cock chocolate have a creamy, white filling?

And a suggestion:
AVictimOfChocolate – dark chocolate that gets more bitter the longer you refuse to eat it

inurashii
inurashii
12 years ago

katz – Why thank you! And yes. Yes I do.

::ambles off in search of snax::

ShakaKhan
ShakaKhan
12 years ago

‘I find it very insulting to women that you think you can hang around in “their presence” while not presenting yourself well enough for them to be attracted to you Dave.’

No offense to Dave whatsoever. I think he’s doing a mitzvah, creating and maintaining this site. Though I’m often tentative to even come here (hate losing this much faith in humanity), it’s an invaluable resource and rational, intelligent overview of a confusing, often-revolting community. Plus kitties!

But… what on earth do these MRAs think Dave does? Just reading the posts and Dave’s comments – I know little to nothing about him, except that he seems sane and dislikes the MRA movement. If he never offered a name, I would hardly think twice about who ran this site (and would understand if they wished to remain anonymous). I honestly think MRAs believe this to be some sort of harem, or grab for attention. They just cannot understand why a man would make a site like this, except to get pussy. And they can’t figure out why women would congregate anywhere for anything, unless they were hoping to (I don’t even know) get married/meet George Clooney.

Fembot
12 years ago

‘I find it very insulting to women that you think you can hang around in “their presence” while not presenting yourself well enough for them to be attracted to you Dave.’

So in your twisted mind, a man not presenting as attractive to women is misogyny. Conversely, a woman not presenting as attractive to men is misandry. Whatevs.

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

Funny, I’d have listed intelligent, witty, humane and empathetic as elements of ‘presenting attractively’ with or without a sexual component, and regardless of gender. Especially since we’re talking internet space where words and attitudes are the only elements involved.

Dave wins, MRAs lose. They could look like Brad Pitt or George Clooney and have their combined incomes, but they’d still lose. They’d still be omegas on their own stupid scale, because they’re arseholes. Unwiped arseholes.

pecunium
pecunium
12 years ago

I read this and… I got nothin’. What does this mean?

r. The strength of his conviction was, as he passed years ago, epic in how it flowed from his inner most parts. His soul is painted on the pages for all to see. Picasso would have no choice but to be impressed with his unabashed masculinity, if only ignorant of the type of person Cole was, a Christian. Standards, in the face of adversity, are respected even by those who hate you!

I mean I think he means the author he is so in love with is so pure, so dedicated, so driven, that even those who disagree (but you can’t, the more “lost” you are the more the power of his prose will move you, I dare any player to attack this book by reading it. If you are too far gone, I doubt you will get past the third chapter, which makes me wonder why he spent the time and energy to write the other 17 chapters and the epilogue; but I digress), will have to admit the… something.

This level of typedriven effluvia practically effulges on the page as an apotheosis of the form. Truly it would be a challenge for anyone else to be so thick, so dense, so compacted as this has managed. It is the neutronium of stupid.

Dvärghundspossen
12 years ago

@Rabukurafuto:

Someone should make an MRA supervillain.

Maybe the closest you get is Darren Jones from Grant Morrisons run on Doom Patrol. He was a super villain with a monster army who was dedicated to making everything as NORMAL as possible. He lived in a fifties-style little house with a fifties-style wife, and hated everything HBTQ, superheros with weird powers etc. He was also a terrible wife-abuser who once stabbed out her eyes. At one point his poor blind wife dared question whether HE was really “normal” – and we, the readers, must answer “no”, since being a super villain with a monster army is certainly not the most normal thing – but he just freaked out in anger at the suggestion.

Rabukurafuto
Rabukurafuto
12 years ago

Maybe the closest you get is Darren Jones from Grant Morrisons run on Doom Patrol. He was a super villain with a monster army who was dedicated to making everything as NORMAL as possible. He lived in a fifties-style little house with a fifties-style wife, and hated everything HBTQ, superheros with weird powers etc. He was also a terrible wife-abuser who once stabbed out her eyes. At one point his poor blind wife dared question whether HE was really “normal” – and we, the readers, must answer “no”, since being a super villain with a monster army is certainly not the most normal thing – but he just freaked out in anger at the suggestion.

Ugh, that does sound kind of like one.

joshua
joshua
12 years ago

Longtime reader, first time poster:

This whole thing doesn’t seem like an utterly unhinged rant. It seems like a stupid, pretentious whiner whining about the injustice of the strawpeople reality he made up. It isn’t even laughable and hilarious like Bardamu, it’s just so, so unforgiveably tedious and poorly written.

Jessay (@jessay)
12 years ago

Why is he appropriating slave speech in response to this? WHAT THE FUCK?

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