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The Asshole Monologues: Glori-US Bastard tells “feminist, American Woman, and White Knights” what’s what

I know I’ve asked this before, but what exactly leads so many MRAs and PUAs and so forth to monologue like mad scientists and/or comic book supervillains? In the past, I’ve noted this in the writings of “Ferdnand Bardamu” of the late, lamentable In Mala Fide. But this sort of thing is everywhere. It’s amazing how many manosphere manifestos seem to be leading up to a malevolent “muahahaha! And now I will have my revenge!”

The MRA who calls himself Glori-US Bastard provides us with a convenient recent example in a post with the somewhat baffling title “Dear feminist, American Woman, and White Knights-a message from those who no longer desire you.”

The whole thing is very monologuey, but here’s my favorite bit — aimed, presumably, at “American Woman” and perhaps her friend “feminist.”

We do not hate you, but we no longer care about you either.  For years, we tried to prove to you that we actually just wanted to be around you and not just have sex.  Your obsession with our visual response to your body as “evil” while you manipulated us for cash prizes has so desensitized us too your wants and needs; we have become the true pussy hounds you most fear!  The hounds that only “desire you” when we want a piece of you; discarding you after.  You can hold your affection and desire; they have become too twisted and crazy; you should see a shrink for drugs for that fetish you carry in your mind sweetheart.  Those surpluses of marriage dresses on TV are there for a reason! 

Uh, “marriage dresses?”

Sorry, didn’t mean to interrupt. He continues:

Your emotional well being will not be a priority to men of the future.  I pray for your daughter’s sake that she is ok with working her whole life not having any kids; and making friends with a lot of foreign women who will start to slowly replace her.

You have failed.

Oh, ok, here’s a little more, from further on in the rant:

You have guaranteed a place for yourself at every table through subterfuge.  You have stolen seats of power not through hard work and perseverance but by the threat of the State’s gunpoint and accountants.  Many men who devoted their lives to their success have lost everything, you think they should vote your way because?

You have failed.

Look, I could go all day!

That I do not doubt.

It is the end of day, and you are running out of others money; and you have run out of your men’s patience!  However, you will not see the anger outside of the redness of our faces.  You are physically secure from harm; for now, until your violent brood of fatherless “youth” turn on you and all of us.  We will defend ourselves, but not you!  This is a trap.

You don’t see it do you?  The fact that men are now indifferent means that you will now have to earn your keep.  Your rejection of your men, will now lead to their rejection of you.

Muahahaha! And then I will have my revenge!

I can’t help but think of Bela Lugosi’s famous monologue from Ed Wood’s Bride of the Monster:

Take some notes, MRAs. That is how it is done.

EDITED TO ADD: Glori-US B. has written a sort of rebuttal to this post.

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whataboutthemoonz
whataboutthemoonz
8 years ago

“Those surpluses of marriage dresses on TV are there for a reason!”

Feminists are all out to get married, and have failed because Say Yes To The Dress.

Manboobz: Come for the lulz! Stay for the…. MOAR LULZ! 😀

RubyHypatia
RubyHypatia
8 years ago

“We do not hate you, but we no longer care about you either.”

Who’s we? This idiot only represents a tiny minority of men.

Dani Alexis
Dani Alexis
8 years ago

Feminists are also all out to eat cake, and have failed because there are a bunch of forks in my cutlery drawer.

Unless feminists are now eating cake with their hands, which is possible because MISANDRY.

WeeBoy
WeeBoy
8 years ago

So, I’m job hunting right now… Should I wait till the interview to flop my penis out, or would it be best to enclose a picture with my CV?

Bagelsan
Bagelsan
8 years ago

Should I wait till the interview to flop my penis out, or would it be best to enclose a picture with my CV?

Put it with the CV, definitely. Hell, put it instead of the CV. You have a penis; is there any job you aren’t naturally best at? I rest my case.

Blue Jean
Blue Jean
8 years ago

“We do not hate you, but we no longer care about you either.”

I’ve never either hated or cared about him, either. So we’re even.

katz
8 years ago

While we’re talking about music and, um, random videos, here’s the Charleston set to Daft Punk.

xardoz
8 years ago

Lucky for me, I have a fetish for unworn “marriage dresses.”

freitag235
freitag235
8 years ago

For those of a certain age:

cloudiah
8 years ago

Oh no! He’s discovered the massive bridal gown glut of 2012, currently driving down prices and causing unemployment for millions! We thought the femimedia empire had successfully buried that story, but these men are just too clever for us girlzzz.

Or maybe, just maybe, it has to do with this 2009 NY Times story:

At a time when the average cost of a wedding is $28,082, and the average dress is $1,075, according to the Brides.com American Wedding Study 2009, and designer gowns sell for as much as $10,000 or more, a growing number of brides on a budget are looking to save money and be eco-friendly by renting or buying used dresses and other items for their weddings.

katz
8 years ago

The amount people spend on weddings is one of those facts that I know, yet still can’t get over.

lowquacks
lowquacks
8 years ago

I went to the supermarket the other day, and it was completely full of food. Lol dumb feminists are starving themselves to death.

Shaenon
8 years ago

Yes, Dr. Misogynous of Death Ray Island, I do want my daughter to work hard all her life and make friends with other women, even if those women are scary foreigners. Thanks for asking!

Shorter Asshole: Blah blah blah, why won’t you fuck me?

That’s every MRA post. I mean, except for the ones that are: Blah blah blah, why did you stop fucking me, and why won’t you lift the restraining order?

ostara321
ostara321
8 years ago

We do not hate you, but we no longer care about you either.

Does this joker actually think the bulk of women, or hell, even the bulk of feminists, really care about what he thinks of them? Does he even think a large portion of women know who the hell he is?

It’s not like he’s vying for a high political office and telling roughly half the population “well I don’t like you so fuck off”. I’m not really sure how his not giving a shit is supposed to have any sort of impact on me. I don’t give a shit about him either. Hell, I didn’t even know he existed until about ten minutes ago.

There are a lot of people I don’t know personally who I tend to get annoyed at (people who cut me off on the freeway, most Republicans, people who don’t know when it’s their turn at a four-way stop, homophobes, seriously why the fuck can’t people know when it’s their turn at a four way stop, douchebags who feel the need to yell at a secretary if the person they want to talk to is unavailable, etc) and am generally like “yanno, I wouldn’t care if you moved to the moon tomorrow” about. But I don’t really feel like my dislike for them is some kind of awesome superpower that means their kids will like, totally not get married (maybe they won’t want to? Um, maybe some of us don’t want kids either?).

His rant is like listening to a 13 year old shouting “oh yeah? Well who cares what YOU think?!” or trying to assure people that they don’t care what people think. I partly want to just nod and be like “ok, sure.” Not caring for people you dislike doesn’t make you special. It makes you human. Though I suspect he does care. This is a slight variation on the MGTOW “I’m going my own way! I’m really going! I’m really going now and you’re so going to regret this!” threat. We’re going to regret it when you finally shut the fuck up and go your own way already? Sure we are champ.

freitag235
freitag235
8 years ago

@Shaenon, don’t forget the part where they add “and I hope you wind up old and alone and unhappy with your 800 cats as punishment for not fucking me.”

ostara321
ostara321
8 years ago

I went to the drugstore the other day and there were like, at least 50 bottles Midol there. Clearly hysterical women are just lying about how bad monthly cramps are.*

*lord do I ever wish that were true, last month was awful

princessbonbon
8 years ago

You have stolen seats of power not through hard work and perseverance but by the threat of the State’s gunpoint and accountants.

No, I got my seat of power the old fashioned way: I worked my ass off.

Not literally alas even though my butt is so small now it is hard to see where it would have come from.

princessbonbon
8 years ago

The amount people spend on weddings is one of those facts that I know, yet still can’t get over.

The word average is what is causing the problem since most weddings I have been too (and that would be eighty eight this year) are very simple “we are at the courthouse” type weddings with at most, a nice lunch after.

Most weddings are not huge extravaganzas but the ones that are…OH MY GOD are they expensive. So I think they are driving up the average.

Dumpster Jedi
Dumpster Jedi
8 years ago

“LADIES, YOU WOULD NOT SEX ME OR GIVE ME YOUR JOBS AND MONEY OR SOME OTHER POORLY-DEFINED THING, SO I HAVE BEEN DRIVEN BY YOUR RAMPANT MEANERY INTO BECOMING AN ASSHOLE. BECAUSE I WAS SUCH A NICE GUY BEFORE.”

thebewilderness
thebewilderness
8 years ago

OMG four way stops! One day last year I suddenly came to myself sitting there waiting for the blinking light to turn red. I glanced around and the people waiting their turn were smiling at me. It was the only time I had ever done that. It was nice to see from the smiles that I was not the only person who had had that particular brain fart.

thebewilderness
thebewilderness
8 years ago

Sorry, waiting for the blinking red to turn green, was what I was actually doing.

Historophilia
Historophilia
8 years ago

I know for certain that I don’t plan on spending much on my wedding. My ideal one would essentially be a garden party for all my family and friends with a picnic with some of the food contributed by guests (ie. asking people to bring their specialty dish along).

The booze would be pimms rather than champagne and I wouldn’t have flowers because if you’re already in a garden why the frack do you need ’em.

I would make the cake myself with my mum and bridesmaids, because that would be seriously fun.

Everyone could just wear whatever felt comfortable for them and the bridesmaids could just wear whatever dress they wanted rather than having matching ones.

I think i’d get my dress made by an independent seamstress and that and the swing band I’d have to play at the party would be the biggest expense.

Why have I got this all planned already? Help me.

Dumpster Jedi
Dumpster Jedi
8 years ago

“P.S.:
I REALLY DON’T KNOW WHY BECOMING A DARK, TWISTED ASSHOLE OF A MAN-PUSSYHOUND WHO BUYS HIS NON-EMOTING SEX-WOMEN ONLINE AND IS A MAJOR ASSHOLE TO WOMEN (Did I mention that your lack of quitting your jobs and being my personal whore-machinae turned me into this horrible monster asshole, and it’s all your fault? I did? Sweet.) WILL MAKE THINGS BETTER FOR ME, SOCIALLY AND SEXUALLY, BUT THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULTS FOR BEING STINGY WITH THE ADULATION AND VAGINA, AND MY HAVING A CRAP JOB, SO THERE.”

MordsithJ
MordsithJ
8 years ago

My husband and I had a cheapo wedding at City Hall. But I did wear a Prada suit, so I guess one cancels out the other.

freitag235
freitag235
8 years ago

“Waaaaahh! Feminism made it ok for women to have lots of sex but they’re not having it with me! Sluts! And they tell me that my boner is my own responsibility! It’s not fair!”

Shiraz
Shiraz
8 years ago

What’s the difference between Bastard’s rant and this?

katz
8 years ago

You have stolen seats of power not through hard work and perseverance but by the threat of the State’s gunpoint and accountants.

We were born with seats of power because are butts are more fleshy than men’s. Or so I heard.

Sharon Seemins
Sharon Seemins
8 years ago

He’s wrong about some, some doesn’t make any sense, but some is a pinpoint bullseye.

He’s right about men pulling away from women. It seems like every week huffpo farts out another article about men not “growing up” and getting married. I can’t say I blame them. Marriage is a losing proposition these days, I wouldn’t get married either.

I can see the stigma of men being violent rapists being a factor. Its one of the things that made me abandon feminism to begin with. I think the numbers about male rape and abuse coming out are going to exacerbate this in a major way, too.

The general hypocrisy of it all is probably the next big factor. Did any of you catch that article about artificial wombs becoming a possibility in the near future? We went from women gloating about how artificial sperm would make men irrelevant to the same women clutching pearls and moaning about test tube babies making them worthless.

At the end of the day, its all just becoming a huge pain, more pain than its worth to play. Thankfully we have enough people rejecting feminism’s principals to insure that the mgtow thing shouldn’t become so widespread as to make some bizzare Orwellian gender war scenario play out. Or to see western women phased out, I happen to like some of them.

Anyway, overall an angry piece, but a bad one to cherry pick. I never understood why you post links, since I can go see what’s really written.

freitag235
freitag235
8 years ago

@Shiraz, the baby doesn’t waste as many words to get the same ideas across?

Tulgey Logger
Tulgey Logger
8 years ago

Rejecting feminism’s principals?

BUT THEY’RE SUCH NICE GUYS!

Bee
Bee
8 years ago

I’m just a little shocked to hear that “Glori-US Bastard” used to desire me and all feminists, American women, and white knights. IF ONLY WE HAD KNOWN!!! Oh, the times we could have had.

katz
8 years ago

Shiraz, I don’t know. I’m guessing they would both shut up if you stuck a breast in their mouth.

Tulgey Logger
Tulgey Logger
8 years ago

I can see the stigma of men being violent rapists being a factor. Its one of the things that made me abandon feminism to begin with.

As usual, the person talking about how they were driven away from feminism is the person who demonstrates a wildly deficient understanding of it.

Niktike
Niktike
8 years ago

Marriage is a losing proposition these days, I wouldn’t get married either.

Okay… nobody was ever insisting that you (or anyone) did. I certainly don’t care if you get married, and I wouldn’t want to marry a man who didn’t also want to marry me.

We went from women gloating about how artificial sperm would make men irrelevant to the same women clutching pearls and moaning about test tube babies making them worthless.

Some of us don’t reduce other human beings to the reproductive capacity of their genitals. If a guy wants to have a baby with himself, more power to him. If a woman wants to have a baby w/o a guy, more power to her. Test tube babies and artificial wombs don’t make people “worthless” unless you think women are uteri with legs.

Shiraz
Shiraz
8 years ago

Ding sing ding! Freitag235 is the winner! Katz, you get a stuffed animal too!

And this from the troll: “Thankfully we have enough people rejecting feminism’s principals…”
Did you take a poll? I mean, a global one. No one told me.

Bee
Bee
8 years ago

BUT THEY’RE SUCH NICE GUYS!

Absolutely. As my third-grade teacher would remind us, the principal is your pal.

Bagelsan
Bagelsan
8 years ago

Thankfully we have enough people rejecting feminism’s principals

And rejecting its teachers, counselors, nurses and other school staff, too?

Bagelsan
Bagelsan
8 years ago

Test tube babies and artificial wombs don’t make people “worthless” unless you think women are uteri with legs.

“…Women have legs?” /all Republicans

nerdypants
nerdypants
8 years ago

… women clutching pearls and moaning about test tube babies making them worthless

[Citation needed]

See also: Shulamith Firestone.

nerdypants
nerdypants
8 years ago

(Heh, and Sharon claims to have once been a feminist.)

Shiraz
Shiraz
8 years ago

Can’t imagine the religious right and like minded groups embracing test tube babies…shit, don’t they think birth control is dark and unnatural?

Tulgey Logger
Tulgey Logger
8 years ago

Yeah, I’d also like a citation on the “the same women” claim. Somehow, I doubt it will pan out.

nerdypants
nerdypants
8 years ago

@Shiraz: Definitely. For all the scripture and theology they quote, the connection between the historical meanings and the current interpretations can get pretty tenuous. I feel that much of it is an instinctual aversion to the “unnatural” (read: ordained by God).

nerdypants
nerdypants
8 years ago

Tulgey: Sharon/some guy is no doubt scouring the Huffpo comments as we speak.

Vaguely related, I just found out that Firestone got an obit on io9 here. I just find that terribly cool 🙂

thebewilderness
thebewilderness
8 years ago

Certainly it is true that the men and the media have warned us generation after generation that if the women went out to work and supported themselves instead of staying home and supporting the men that the men would not want to marry them any more and the end of civilization would be nigh. Oddly enough it turns out that women who can support themselves are not so very desperate to marry as they were when their survival depended on it. And civilization is still puttering along.

clairedammit
clairedammit
8 years ago

It’s not like we’re running out of babies. And it’s not like individual women don’t know perfectly well that if they wait until they’re in their mid to late 30’s to have their first child that it might not happen right away, if at all. Every single woman I know knows this. If we’re waiting, maybe it’s because we’re ambivalent.

katz
8 years ago

Can’t imagine the religious right and like minded groups embracing test tube babies…shit, don’t they think birth control is dark and unnatural?

Well, there’s a strong correlation between “pro-life” and “pro-family.” Think the Quiverfull movement, or the “two-kids-a-house-and-a-dog” version of the American dream. So couples in the religious right who can’t conceive may become very open-minded about fertility treatments.

Sharon Seemins
Sharon Seemins
8 years ago
Shiraz
Shiraz
8 years ago

Maybe. I have 12 years of Catholic school under my belt. You know what gives the Vatican the willies? Clones. Cloning people is impossible, and yet the Church went out of its way to denounce it — just in case.