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The Asshole Monologues: Glori-US Bastard tells “feminist, American Woman, and White Knights” what’s what

I know I’ve asked this before, but what exactly leads so many MRAs and PUAs and so forth to monologue like mad scientists and/or comic book supervillains? In the past, I’ve noted this in the writings of “Ferdnand Bardamu” of the late, lamentable In Mala Fide. But this sort of thing is everywhere. It’s amazing how many manosphere manifestos seem to be leading up to a malevolent “muahahaha! And now I will have my revenge!”

The MRA who calls himself Glori-US Bastard provides us with a convenient recent example in a post with the somewhat baffling title “Dear feminist, American Woman, and White Knights-a message from those who no longer desire you.”

The whole thing is very monologuey, but here’s my favorite bit — aimed, presumably, at “American Woman” and perhaps her friend “feminist.”

We do not hate you, but we no longer care about you either.  For years, we tried to prove to you that we actually just wanted to be around you and not just have sex.  Your obsession with our visual response to your body as “evil” while you manipulated us for cash prizes has so desensitized us too your wants and needs; we have become the true pussy hounds you most fear!  The hounds that only “desire you” when we want a piece of you; discarding you after.  You can hold your affection and desire; they have become too twisted and crazy; you should see a shrink for drugs for that fetish you carry in your mind sweetheart.  Those surpluses of marriage dresses on TV are there for a reason! 

Uh, “marriage dresses?”

Sorry, didn’t mean to interrupt. He continues:

Your emotional well being will not be a priority to men of the future.  I pray for your daughter’s sake that she is ok with working her whole life not having any kids; and making friends with a lot of foreign women who will start to slowly replace her.

You have failed.

Oh, ok, here’s a little more, from further on in the rant:

You have guaranteed a place for yourself at every table through subterfuge.  You have stolen seats of power not through hard work and perseverance but by the threat of the State’s gunpoint and accountants.  Many men who devoted their lives to their success have lost everything, you think they should vote your way because?

You have failed.

Look, I could go all day!

That I do not doubt.

It is the end of day, and you are running out of others money; and you have run out of your men’s patience!  However, you will not see the anger outside of the redness of our faces.  You are physically secure from harm; for now, until your violent brood of fatherless “youth” turn on you and all of us.  We will defend ourselves, but not you!  This is a trap.

You don’t see it do you?  The fact that men are now indifferent means that you will now have to earn your keep.  Your rejection of your men, will now lead to their rejection of you.

Muahahaha! And then I will have my revenge!

I can’t help but think of Bela Lugosi’s famous monologue from Ed Wood’s Bride of the Monster:

Take some notes, MRAs. That is how it is done.

EDITED TO ADD: Glori-US B. has written a sort of rebuttal to this post.

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Dvärghundspossen
8 years ago

Does anyone have a link to that artificial womb thing?

Judith Thomson talks about the possibility of artificial wombs in the future in her 70:s classic article “A defence of abortion”. Her basic argument in that article is that even if we accept that the fetus is a human being with rights, it doesn’t follow that a woman should be forced to donate of her bodies resources to keep it alive, just as we don’t force people to donate from their bodies in other circumstances, even if somebody’s life depends on it. BUT if it were possible to just take the fetus out of the woman and stick it in some artificial womb, and then let some childless person who wants a baby adopt it, the issue of whether it counts as a human being with rights becomes crucial. If it’s just part of the woman’s body, she’d have the right to have it destroyed if she’d wanted to, but if it’s a human being of its own, she would only have the right to have it removed from her body.

I guess that for some women having an abortion the idea that the fetus went on to become a person living zir life would be disturbing, while for others it would be a nice and comforting thought.

Need to know (@Oraclenine)

Dude just managed to take a shrieking, pompous hateful screed, write it up in a style that sounds like the love child of Foghorn Leghorn and a third tier Bond villain-complete, mind you, with maniacal laughter-

And make it boring. A new land speed record from the (forty one word) title to the ‘you so ugly/fat/slutty/greedy bitches’, with side trips to brag about how his mighty peen relieves him of any need to acquire the social skills most children master by kindergarten. And it’s all a tedious rehashing of the aggrieved bullshit David posts about here day after day.

Just another potty mouthed tantrum from another pathetic guy who cannot understand why he isn’t the center of the universe. I find myself hoping he’s an elaborate troll, because the idea anyone could get past sophomore year so free of even the vestige of a clue is tragic.

And just think, we can close the page, go away and not give him a second thought outside of “Bored now”. He gets to live in that pile of festering shite in his head. all. the. time.

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
8 years ago

Dude just managed to take a shrieking, pompous hateful screed, write it up in a style that sounds like the love child of Foghorn Leghorn and a third tier Bond villain-complete, mind you, with maniacal laughter-

And make it boring.

+1

🙂

amandajane5
amandajane5
8 years ago

I have actually shown up to an event wearing the same dress as another girl! As a freshman in high school a friend and I wore the exact same dress to the Homecoming dance. We thought it was HILARIOUS! The two of us weren’t even particularly close friends, but I have tons of pictures of the two of us from that night because we thought it was so funny that we made sure to stand together in all of the group shots and have a special picture of just the two of us in our matching (Laura Ashley, I believe, this was 1990) dresses.

inurashii
inurashii
8 years ago

So I see people shooting Sharon’s fish-in-a-barrel arguments, but I can’t get over the imagery of him saying that this goofball has good points.

It’s like, I’m picturing a street preacher shouting about how god was talking to him and told him that the Jews were all space lizards in man-suits who controlled the economy by releasing hormones that make you want to buy things. And there’s this dude in a sensible suit standing nearby, stroking his chin and nodding.

“C’mon guys, he’s got some good points!”

katthemad
katthemad
8 years ago

Ahem, I know I’m a little late to the party; but I could make little harpy chocolates happen if there were enough interest. Many flavors could be made available in milk, dark and white, perhaps with a tasteful selection of harpy designs (or mammoths, or candles, etc.). I’ll just go back to watching the comments now, like a good little lurker.

cloudiah
8 years ago

Man Boobz totally needs a line of chocolates! Would an alpha cock carousel be too complicated? 😉

katthemad
katthemad
8 years ago

I actually think that one would translate quite well for a transfer sheet. It would need a fairly large piece to carry it, but I have the tools for that! Hmm, what flavor would THAT be?

Seraph
Seraph
8 years ago

If we’re doing the actual Alpha Asshole Cock Carousel as it exists in MRA’s minds? Dark chocolate.

ShadetheDruid
8 years ago

Chocolate scented fucking candles! Would definitely need a warning on them though or people would try eating them. 😛

(Unless they were actually made of chocolate, but i’m not sure how functional that would be as an actual candle).

freitag235
freitag235
8 years ago

If we’re doing the actual Alpha Asshole Cock Carousel as it exists in MRA’s minds? Dark chocolate.

*splorf*

wiping coffee off of monitor

leftwingfox
8 years ago

(Unless they were actually made of chocolate, but i’m not sure how functional that would be as an actual candle).

From my experience of once trying to melt chocolate without a double-boiler, I can say: Not Very.

Now, perhaps a candle made of cocoa butter?

katthemad
katthemad
8 years ago

There exists a mold that would make a very passable candle with a white chocolate “wick” inserted in what would then be the top. Obviously, they would smell like chocolate (and would hold any number of lovely and delightful fillings).

drst
drst
8 years ago

Dear World,

Semicolons are delicate tools and should only be wielded by professionals. Please cease and desist your relentless abuse of semicolons. You may only employ them if you can recite the rules of usage from memory. Otherwise please use the common comma.

Thank you for your attention in this matter.

Sincerely,

The Society For The Prevention of Punctuation Abuse

PS – hands off the regular colons as well unless you’re making a list.

XTra
8 years ago

[quote]Ahem, I know I’m a little late to the party; but I could make little harpy chocolates happen if there were enough interest. Many flavors could be made available in milk, dark and white, perhaps with a tasteful selection of harpy designs (or mammoths, or candles, etc.). I’ll just go back to watching the comments now, like a good little lurker.[/quote]

[quote]Man Boobz totally needs a line of chocolates! Would an alpha cock carousel be too complicated? ;-)[/quote]

so this. I would totally give away Manboobz holiday baskets with boobz themed jammies, hot cocoa, bonbons/chocolate,sented candles, bubble bath, perhaps message oil so the oppressed men can properly tend to their feminazi overlords…..

katthemad
katthemad
8 years ago

Think of the themed snacking fun during troll meltdowns. Better than popcorn with less stuff left stuck in your teeth.

katz
8 years ago

How many ways do I love this idea? All of them.

inurashii
inurashii
8 years ago

Harpy chocolates are the first successful endeavor in manboobz brand confections.

Previous, less successful attempts include:

The Nuclear Pelltdown – Dark chocolate infused with szechuan button essence, featuring a naga jolokia cream center. Tastes mild at first, but then induces oral numbness and ends in a conflagration of flavorless pain.

The Elam-itious – A durian custard center covered by our chefs in white chocolate while they watch Top Gun, this flavor always takes over your mouth, blotting out whatever else you were eating. Pains have clearly been made to make this chocolate look delicious, but its pungeant, unpleasant aroma reveals its nature immediately.

The Heartistethrob – This overly-sweet confection’s berry-chocolate base is cloying and oily, leaving the consumer feeling powerful nausea and a sense of violation.

Choc the Other – Slices of fresh red onion are lovingly sliced by our twenty to thirty chefs with premium german box-cutters, and are then coated in chocolate and sprinkled with tear-salt. Some might wonder why anyone would bother to make this. Our reply: “STOP THREATENING US!!!”

NWOcrave – This chocolate features dozens of flavors, none of which are either well-suited to each other or any good in the first place.

An Inconvenient Truffle – Surprise! This isn’t actually a chocolate, it’s a piece of unfired clay with ‘chocolate’ written on the side. Anyone calling to complain about this truffle will be subject to off-base accusations concerning their purchase history.

Chocolate board on a stick – This chocolate is really worried about you. You could be eating vegetables. Why are you eating chocolate? You say this chocolate is bland and pointless, but why aren’t you writing a review of ice cream? We’re starting to wonder about your credentials as a gourmet.

gelar
gelar
8 years ago

I think you just won the thread.

katthemad
katthemad
8 years ago

Oh lord, someone already makes a whole collection of NWOcrave; Strawberry/Lemon/Thyme, Apricot/Basil, Tangerine/Chili, the list goes on. It’s really quite the travesty.

katthemad
katthemad
8 years ago

I was thinking more along the lines of tasty things like Vanilla Buttercream, Pomegranate/dark chocolate, Hazelnut/vanilla/coffee and caramel/white chocolate. You know, an edible collection.

cloudiah
8 years ago

inurashii, that was hilarious.

cloudiah
8 years ago

And yes, katthemad, for actual chocolates tasty things would be better. How can we make it so?

Myoo
Myoo
8 years ago

@inurashii
You win all the internets.

inurashii
inurashii
8 years ago

Thanks everybody. I felt inspired. 🙂

omg I forgot one

The Sharon is Carin’ – Not really a chocolate in and of itself, but a reasonably well-designed chocolate shell that can be placed over another, uglier chocolate to mask its ghastly appearance. Tastes really bad, unfortunately.

Pam
Pam
8 years ago

It’s like, I’m picturing a street preacher shouting about how god was talking to him and told him that the Jews were all space lizards in man-suits who controlled the economy by releasing hormones that make you want to buy things. And there’s this dude in a sensible suit standing nearby, stroking his chin and nodding.

You sure that the dude standing nearby wasn’t wearing a milking machine technician suit?

katthemad
katthemad
8 years ago

Researching custom transfer sheets now.

Thanks guys, for the kick in the butt, I’m in research and development and should have figured out a supplier for this stuff ages ago.

nerdypants
nerdypants
8 years ago

Poor guy, he has zero self-insight, he took my comment to him as a compliment.

thebewilderness
thebewilderness
8 years ago

Don’t forget the troll house cookies.

lowquacks
lowquacks
8 years ago

Men’s Rights Aquavit Liquer – A core of (sour) creamy dill-flavoured liquer left to age in the dark for 18 years and wrapped in exquisitely bitter dark chocolate.

Discontinued, but initial level of customer appeal were overestimated batches of leftover stock appear on the market under different names and brands reasonably frequently. Ask at your campus coffee shop!

Also, can we get at least the inurasshi’s chocolate post on Cloudiah’s blog?

cloudiah
8 years ago

Ha ha, lowquacks — you should see my backlog of hilarity. But this is on there!

Rabukurafuto
Rabukurafuto
8 years ago

Someone should make an MRA supervillain.

The discussion on birth and artificial wombs reminds me of this one fellow I once knew who insisted that all women must be placed on pedestals due to the pain of childbirth (it never occurred to him that not all women want to or can give birth), believed that women in labor should never be given pain-killers because all drugs ever are evil, and lamented how “stupid feminists” made so that all women were annoyed at him instead of grateful when he would go out of his way to hold doors open for them when they were totally fine opening it themselves. I doubt he would hang out with MRAs because he took rape of women very seriously and would have been appalled at the way rape is trivialized by them, but he held otherwise very similar views long before I ever heard of MRAs.

cloudiah
8 years ago
katz
8 years ago

inurashii deserves a real non-disgusting chocolate as a prize.

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
8 years ago

Inurashii, you’ve already won the internets but you win ’em again! That was hilarious!

lowquacks
lowquacks
8 years ago

@Cloudiah

Perfect! The dripping sarcasm was a nice touch.

cloudiah
8 years ago

I just realized that Glori-US Bastard is so stupid he mistook nerdypants’ comment on his blog as coming from AVfM’s very special snowflake Nurdy Dancing! Ha ha ha…

emilygoddess
emilygoddess
8 years ago

Forgive me if this is a little crude, but shouldn’t the Alpha Cock chocolate have a creamy, white filling?

And a suggestion:
AVictimOfChocolate – dark chocolate that gets more bitter the longer you refuse to eat it

inurashii
inurashii
8 years ago

katz – Why thank you! And yes. Yes I do.

::ambles off in search of snax::

ShakaKhan
ShakaKhan
8 years ago

‘I find it very insulting to women that you think you can hang around in “their presence” while not presenting yourself well enough for them to be attracted to you Dave.’

No offense to Dave whatsoever. I think he’s doing a mitzvah, creating and maintaining this site. Though I’m often tentative to even come here (hate losing this much faith in humanity), it’s an invaluable resource and rational, intelligent overview of a confusing, often-revolting community. Plus kitties!

But… what on earth do these MRAs think Dave does? Just reading the posts and Dave’s comments – I know little to nothing about him, except that he seems sane and dislikes the MRA movement. If he never offered a name, I would hardly think twice about who ran this site (and would understand if they wished to remain anonymous). I honestly think MRAs believe this to be some sort of harem, or grab for attention. They just cannot understand why a man would make a site like this, except to get pussy. And they can’t figure out why women would congregate anywhere for anything, unless they were hoping to (I don’t even know) get married/meet George Clooney.

Fembot
8 years ago

‘I find it very insulting to women that you think you can hang around in “their presence” while not presenting yourself well enough for them to be attracted to you Dave.’

So in your twisted mind, a man not presenting as attractive to women is misogyny. Conversely, a woman not presenting as attractive to men is misandry. Whatevs.

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
8 years ago

Funny, I’d have listed intelligent, witty, humane and empathetic as elements of ‘presenting attractively’ with or without a sexual component, and regardless of gender. Especially since we’re talking internet space where words and attitudes are the only elements involved.

Dave wins, MRAs lose. They could look like Brad Pitt or George Clooney and have their combined incomes, but they’d still lose. They’d still be omegas on their own stupid scale, because they’re arseholes. Unwiped arseholes.

pecunium
8 years ago

I read this and… I got nothin’. What does this mean?

r. The strength of his conviction was, as he passed years ago, epic in how it flowed from his inner most parts. His soul is painted on the pages for all to see. Picasso would have no choice but to be impressed with his unabashed masculinity, if only ignorant of the type of person Cole was, a Christian. Standards, in the face of adversity, are respected even by those who hate you!

I mean I think he means the author he is so in love with is so pure, so dedicated, so driven, that even those who disagree (but you can’t, the more “lost” you are the more the power of his prose will move you, I dare any player to attack this book by reading it. If you are too far gone, I doubt you will get past the third chapter, which makes me wonder why he spent the time and energy to write the other 17 chapters and the epilogue; but I digress), will have to admit the… something.

This level of typedriven effluvia practically effulges on the page as an apotheosis of the form. Truly it would be a challenge for anyone else to be so thick, so dense, so compacted as this has managed. It is the neutronium of stupid.

Dvärghundspossen
8 years ago

@Rabukurafuto:

Someone should make an MRA supervillain.

Maybe the closest you get is Darren Jones from Grant Morrisons run on Doom Patrol. He was a super villain with a monster army who was dedicated to making everything as NORMAL as possible. He lived in a fifties-style little house with a fifties-style wife, and hated everything HBTQ, superheros with weird powers etc. He was also a terrible wife-abuser who once stabbed out her eyes. At one point his poor blind wife dared question whether HE was really “normal” – and we, the readers, must answer “no”, since being a super villain with a monster army is certainly not the most normal thing – but he just freaked out in anger at the suggestion.

Rabukurafuto
Rabukurafuto
8 years ago

Maybe the closest you get is Darren Jones from Grant Morrisons run on Doom Patrol. He was a super villain with a monster army who was dedicated to making everything as NORMAL as possible. He lived in a fifties-style little house with a fifties-style wife, and hated everything HBTQ, superheros with weird powers etc. He was also a terrible wife-abuser who once stabbed out her eyes. At one point his poor blind wife dared question whether HE was really “normal” – and we, the readers, must answer “no”, since being a super villain with a monster army is certainly not the most normal thing – but he just freaked out in anger at the suggestion.

Ugh, that does sound kind of like one.

joshua
joshua
8 years ago

Longtime reader, first time poster:

This whole thing doesn’t seem like an utterly unhinged rant. It seems like a stupid, pretentious whiner whining about the injustice of the strawpeople reality he made up. It isn’t even laughable and hilarious like Bardamu, it’s just so, so unforgiveably tedious and poorly written.

Jessay (@jessay)
8 years ago

Why is he appropriating slave speech in response to this? WHAT THE FUCK?