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New frontiers in victimology: Men are “intimidated” into buying women drinks in bars

Women intimidating a man in a bar.

MRAs, forever exploring new frontiers in victimology!  The latest revelation: Apparently men are being intimidated into hitting on women in bars due to the mysterious, malevolent power of their femaleness.

Here’s Howsmydirktaste, putting this theory before the good folks in the Men’s Rights subreddit for some “peer review.”

[S]eduction aims to use a man’s desire against him by giving him the possibly false impression that he may have sexual relations with the seducer. By doing so he may make decisions that he might not otherwise make (buying a drink at a bar, paying for a purse, etc.)

So women are engaged in some vast conspiracy to extort drinks and purses from men they don’t want to have sex with?

I’m pretty sure that unless a woman is holding a sign that reads “I’ll have sex with you for a drink,” that you really shouldn’t assume that she’ll have sex with you for a drink.

Intimidation does the same; the prospect of physical, monetary or emotional pain subjects the subordinate into doing things they might not otherwise do. Both of these options result in the same consequence of the dominant one convincing the subordinate that it is in their best interest to do something that is not in their best interest.

So a woman sitting in a bar looking pretty is the equivalent of a mob enforcer.

 Now morally: the main claim against male intimidation is that men, on average bigger and stronger, are being unjust by asserting a natural superiority. By doing so they have an unfair disadvantage.

Well, the claim is that when men act in an intimidating way towards women, they’re intimidating. Merely being larger than a woman isn’t a crime.

But sexually, don’t women have that same power? Men are genetically predisposed to look for mating opportunities in all women, and when a woman presents that opportunity, even the most iron-willed man could fall prey.

Apparently, we men are all at the mercy of our penises, and our penises are at the mercy of ladies looking sexy in our general vicinity.

Women don’t face that same situation; their requisite near-monogamy (because they can only have one child at a time, they are more selective in their sexual selections) means that male seduction does not hold the same sway.

Actually, the problem is that many traditional methods of “male seduction” actually involve real intimidation. And today there are a vast array of PUA sites out there offering updated versions of the old intimidating ways, teaching “pickup” techniques that are basically guides to date rape.

I think everyone here can identify a situation in which they or others have given undue attention or favor to a woman who seems a possible sexual partner. Doesn’t that result in the same affect as intimidation?

I’m going to step out on a limb here and say “no.”

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Creative Writing Student

@thenatfantastic

Oh god, it’s being portrayed as ‘romantic’…

It’s not romantic! And the only way this would ever make a good story is if he didn’t ‘get the girl’ but learnt plenty of important life lessons along the way, #1 being go to Ireland for Ireland’s own sake, not for someone you saw in a cafe once!

thenatfantastic
12 years ago

@CWS

He clearly just sees the fact that he thinks this woman is attractive to be the only important thing about her. She might be married. She might be a lesbian. She might be about to take orders as a nun. She might be asexual. She might have three kids. She might not want kids. She might be a doctor who’s gone to live in the Galapagos Islands to study turtles. She might be a real piece of shit. She might be in prison for being a serial killer. But Captain of the Creeper Brigade here doesn’t give a toss, she’s a ‘pretty girl’, so in his head she’s all sweetness and light and does nothing but float about serenely, radiating beauty at him. It’s like the episode of Black Books where Brendan decides to get a ‘summer girl’.

I blame romantic ‘comedies’.

Creative Writing Student

@thenatfantastic

Same here. It does read like a clichéd romantic comedy.

If I were one of his friends I would say “Dude, seriously, you’ve been obsessing over her for a while. She’s not here. Move on, man.” I get the feeling they encouraged him.

If a guy came up to me and said “I have searched high and low all over Britain for you, for you are perfect! Will you be mine?” I’d probably have a massive twitching attack. That’s not romantic, that’s… stalky.

Creative Writing Student

(Please not the only reason I say ‘Britain’ is because that’s where I live. If a guy came up to me and said he’d been searching all over Ireland for me, I’d tell him his SatNav was faulty. And that he was a stalker.)

thenatfantastic
12 years ago

@CWS

I actually had two slightly similar experiences to this. I was with my evil ex for five years. When I split up with him, I was at a party with a very dear friend I’d known for about ten years. He ended up telling me that he’d liked me for years and not done anything about it because of the aforementioned evil ex. I told him gently that I wasn’t interested in a relationship with him and he let it go. Things are still a bit odd with us, but we get on OK. This is Not Creepy.

Another guy I’d known for about three years. He invited me out for a drink and I assumed it was as friends, so went. He told me, later that night, that he had been ‘in love with me since he first laid eyes on me’ and I was ‘like some kind of goddess’ to him. I told him I wasn’t interested in a relationship with him. He took to texting me around 300 times a day, phoning me constantly, turning up at my house and also texting me pretending to be his friends who were ‘worried he’d do something stupid’ because I’d been so heartless as to turn him down. This… this is definitely creepy.

Once again it comes down to this “YOU OWE HIM YOUR VAGINA YOU HEARTLESS COW” mentality, and it makes me feel genuinely ill. If Canadian dude ran up to me prattling on about me being the love of his life, I would be running VERY FAST in the opposite direction. and like, doesn’t she get to choose if she’s the love of his life? Love is a two-way fucking thing, yo.

thenatfantastic
12 years ago

I should also point out I only knew Stalker Boy because he used to drink in the pub I worked in, so he had no clue what I was actually like as a person either.

Creative Writing Student

I hope that guy comes to his senses and realises he’s being a stalker and a twit. Unlikely to happen because the bloody media is egging him on. And if he does find that poor woman, she’s going to have so much pressure to date him. Media headlines: “CANADIAN DENTIST’S ROMANTIC QUEST ENDS IN FAILURE” as opposed to “CANADIAN DENTIST’S TRANSATLANTIC STALKING TRIP ENDS AS WELL AS CAN BE EXPECTED. Byline: She did not pepper-spray him.”

It’s not like she’s even the ‘love of his life’; the love of his life is a work of fiction wearing her face.

ShadetheDruid
ShadetheDruid
12 years ago

*Watches conversation* *Makes this face D: * *-10 faith in humanity*

Why does life make it so hard not to hate everything?

Though at least with all the media attention on that story (as crappy as it is), it’s like a giant flashing warning sign telling the woman that someone’s after her. Some warning is at least better than having no idea some creepy guy is stalking you.

blitzgal
12 years ago

Women don’t face that same situation; their requisite near-monogamy (because they can only have one child at a time, they are more selective in their sexual selections)

Ah yes, that evo-psych canard. Hey duder, I’ve got news for you. If we accept that men have an evolutionary imperative to screw as many women as possible, then you must logically accept that women have the same imperative. It makes far more sense for women to have children from multiple men — that way if one man has a genetic flaw, that flaw isn’t passed on to all of her children.

Or you could just admit that you’re using evo-psych to justify our cultural double standard when it comes to sex.

Creative Writing Student

I think the fact that they’re justifying it indicates that they won’t admit that.

blitzgal
12 years ago

And they claim to be the logical sex.

Also, NWO, if you aren’t going to discuss the topic of the actual post, shut the fuck up.

Creative Writing Student

Also, NWO, if you aren’t going to discuss the topic of the actual post, shut the fuck up.

Superdogs are an acceptable alternative, as are supercats.

blitzgal
12 years ago

Oh yes, anything kitty related is fine.

blitzgal
12 years ago

I’m just seriously sick of him talking about Title IX. Now here’s another jerk who needs his own blog.

Alpha von Carousel
Alpha von Carousel
12 years ago

I get so tired of being right all the time.

This explains everything. You’re wide awake, and haven’t slept in years, making a soufflé of your brain.

An Inconvenient Truth
An Inconvenient Truth
12 years ago

FFS, Meatflaps…. are you really extrapolating one post by Roosh about bareback persistence into an imaginary “vast array of PUA sites” that advocate date rape?

Anyway, Howsmydirktaste’s dilemma is easily resolved: don’t buy drinks for girls you haven’t banged.

thenatfantastic
12 years ago

Newsflash, TruthCreep*: We don’t want your drinks. We just don’t think it’s oppression or intimidation if someone wants to buy someone else a drink.

(*Yes, this is shaming language, because you should be ashamed at being such a colossal douchebadger)

An Inconvenient Truth
An Inconvenient Truth
12 years ago

thenatfantastic, your post about the Alpha who pounded you for 5 years while the two pathetic Beta orbiters pined helplessly was hilarious. Thank you for that.

thenatfantastic
12 years ago

Haha, please define alpha. This should be a laugh.

thenatfantastic
12 years ago

I’d actually feel sorry for you by being sucked in by some arsehole who tells you that the only way you’ll ever succeed with a woman is to follow some bullshit rules (which will do nothing but hinder you) and part with your money, because that to me screams ‘low self esteem’.

But if you’re the kind of pathetic fuckwad that thinks that anything Roosh says even makes sense, you’re a hateful sack of crap and frankly I hope you do follow his BS, because it will keep you at a safe distance from women.

Are you going to neg me now Truthy?

Myoo
Myoo
12 years ago

“Bareback persistence”? That has got to be one of the ugliest things I’ve ever read. When someone has already stated that they don’t want to have sex without a condom, trying to have sex without one is an asshole move. Constantly pressuring that person to do it and trying to stick your dick in while ignoring all objections is rape you asshole.

lowquacks
lowquacks
12 years ago

The “intimidation” thing’s interesting, though. It shows the MRAs have picked up on the same logic hole that TruthCreep was poking at with a particularly misogynistic stick: if you only buy drinks for women so they’ll fuck you, and women don’t fuck you when you buy drinks for them, why buy drinks for women at all?

It’s a bit like plugging a hole in a submarine with muslin, though.

thenatfantastic
12 years ago

@lowquacks

I think I speak for womankind when I say that we don’t want their drinks. I’d rather go out with my friends, pay for my own drinks and have a nice time than have some ragefrothing creeper intrude on my personal space, insult me, then try to drag me back to his cave for the rape sex I ‘owe’ him by being out in public while in possession of a vagina.

themisanthropicmuse
12 years ago

So every single time I have bought my friends a drink I was covertly demanding they give me sex? Oh my gawd, I’m a monster! Wait, I forgot that also means that they totally had to of intimidated me into it by having sex organs within my presence.

My gawd MRAs, your logic is worse than even the stupidest of the uneducated religious fundies spewing out nonsensical WARBLEGARBLE on the street corner. You make my brain cells want to shrivel up and die rather than be subjected to the toxic levels of dumb spewed from your brains. I think I need to go lie down. I feel depression kicking in from knowing losers like this actually exist.

howardbann1ster
12 years ago

InconvenientTruth, we’ve been over the studies on Alphas and Betas.

An Alpha is a father who provides for his children as part of a stable family unit. Betas are children who still live with their parents.

Your use of these terms is totally wrong. Thanks for playing!!

PS: Name one PUA move that ain’t creepy to the max. One.

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