Aside from Men Going Their Own Way and others who have sworn off women altogether, the almost-exclusively straight dudes of the manosphere devote an incredible amount of time trying to figure out how to get into the pants of young, hot, “fertile” women in their teens and twenties, and complain bitterly about the terrible injustice they suffer when these women refuse to have sex with them.
And then they turn around and attack women in their thirties for actually wanting to have sex with them – because these women have committed the dastardly crime of having sex with other men when they were younger. In the parlance of our times the manosphere, this is known as “riding the cock carousel.”
Today we have a lovely example of this latter phenomenon, from prolific manosphere commenter “Deti,” who attacked former “carousel riders” in this rant he left in the comments on The Woman and the Dragon. (There may be lots of equally horrible things in the comments there as well; I haven’t looked. I found Deti’s comment because it was highlighted as a piece of great wisdom on The Private Man, yet another terrible manosphere blog.)
Here’s Deti:
In light of the incalculable damage feminism has done, in light of our society being on the brink of irretrievable and total collapse, I think women need to ask themselves, individually and collectively:
Was it worth it?
Was the cock carousel worth it?
The sex, the occasional orgasms, the attention and validation, the rush, the feelings?
The drunk dancing on tables, the hangovers, the feelings of immediate regret, the knowledge that you’ve just been used as a semen receptacle (for the 14th time)?
We’re off to a rollicking start here. Apparently, table dancing and casual sex (with dudes who aren’t Deti) have brought civilization to its very knees.
Was it worth it?
The ridiculous thoughts to yourself that, no, THIS TIME it will be different. This time I won’t get f**ked over. This time I will get what I want. This time I will save it for a good man, a kind man, the right man — who never shows up.
Did you get what you wanted?
If what they wanted was casual sex with a guy they found attractive, then, uh, yes? (Whether it was good sex is another matter entirely.)
If they were looking for a longer-term relationship, and the guy did indeed turn out to be a jerk or otherwise incompatible, then, uh, no? I’m not quite sure why Deti assumes it’s the woman’s fault if the guy turns out to be Mr. Wrong. (Actually, scratch that: I do know why.)
Did the hot man, the rich man, the sexy man, the alpha, marry you? Did he give you the brass ring of commitment? Did he pledge his life to you? DId he promise to stay around for longer than just until he’s tired of f**king you and putting up with your bulls**t?
Or did you fall (again) for the player’s smooth line that “hey, I think it’s great that a woman like you can have sex with who she wants. That’s only fair. It’s a man’s world, and you should get to partake in it just like we do.”
Yep, that’s right, any man who thinks it’s ok for women to have casual sex with guys they find attractive is clearly an evil, manipulative player. And any woman who believes this is a sucker.
You get out of his bed. You’ve got to get to work this morning. You try to find your panties and put your miniskirt and 4 inch heels on to walk to your car and get an Egg McMuffin and some coffee.
Hey, come on man. Don’t bring the Egg McMuffin into this. Egg McMuffins are delicious.
You add another notch to your lipstick case (one you’ll have to come clean about someday to your therapist or drug counselor or ER doctor, if not your husband). He says “I had a great time. Let’s do it again. There’s some coffee downstairs. Help yourself. I’ve got a lot of things to do today so I need to get going. Sorry I can’t have you stay longer.” You reply weakly: “It’s OK. Call me, OK?” “Sure. You bet I will.”
Desi, worst slashfic writer ever.
LIttle do you know that he just infected you with genital herpes. You’ll find out in a week or so after the incubation period is up and you have festering blisters all over your pubic area. The pain is so excruciating you have to take the day off work, get some treatment at the ER, and stay in bed. You can’t wear panties because the weight of the fabric on the sores is too painful. You can’t walk because the skin on skin friction hurts. Oh well. I’m sure your future husband will understand.
I think we’ve just discovered a new kink: men turned on by the idea of women suffering herpes outbreaks so painful that they have to remove their panties.
In any case, herpes happens. Big deal. It’s a medical condition, not the act of an angry god. Nor is it spread primarily by sleazy players who don’t call women back. According to the CDC, roughly one in six Americans between the ages of 14 and 49 have genital herpes. And, as the CDC notes:
Most individuals infected with HSV-1 or HSV-2 experience either no symptoms or have very mild symptoms that go unnoticed or are mistaken for another skin condition. Because of this, most people infected with HSV-2 are not aware of their infection.
Back to Detiland:
Tell me: does it occur to you that you did it again? Does it occur to you that you’ve f**ked up yet again? Are you getting it yet that the guy who blasted another load on your chest or in your hair last night has no intention of returning the texts you send him, unless it involves an encore performance?
I’m guessing that most women probably aren’t that interested in having any sort of ongoing relationship with a dude who “blasted a load” in their hair on the first date.
Does it dawn on you that maybe what you’re doing isn’t working and maybe you need to try something else? Does it dawn on you that the only things you really got out of last night were a couple of bottles of beer and bragging rights?
And sex, which may have been good or bad. Which is pretty much what the guy got.
It’s 6:45 am on a Sunday morning. You stumble through yet another Walk of Shame across the quad back to your apartment, with your hair and clothes reeking of Aqua Net and stale cigarettes and Old Style and semen.
Like I said: Worst slashfic writer ever.
You pray to God above that you don’t see any of your friends. He smiles on you and today, you are spared the agony of your good friends observing you in all your disheveled, deflowered ignominy. But you see mirror images. You pass by other girls in miniskirts and heels, some of whom lost their bras last night and couldn’t find them. You see other men on their way home, some of whom are hungover, some of whom have little smiles on their faces. You exchange knowing glances with both the men and the women, some of whom you kind of know, others you don’t — but the looks are the same.
“I know what you did last night”.
“I know WHO you did last night.”
Um, no, I’m thinking that most of those who see women walking across the quad on a Sunday don’t actually know who they had sex with, if anyone.
“That sex sucked. But he was hot.”
So again, if a man is crap in bed, women are to blame for not guessing this beforehand?
“I’m never doing this again.”
So as you get home, exhale a breath, disrobe and try to wash the stench from the oddly arousing yet horribly convicting things you did and you allowed another human being to do to you, on you and in you, do you ask:
Is this worth it?
I have a question of my own here: WTF is a “horribly convicting thing?”
Do you have anything more to show for your life than N>10, an STD, recurrent UTIs and probably an abortion in there somewhere?
If you assume that women are defined entirely by the bad casual sex they’ve had, then I guess the answer is “not much.” If you assume that women are actual human beings, like men, free to live the sexual life they want but not defined entirely by it, then I’m guessing the answer is yes.
Manosphere dudes complain (bitterly) when their critics describe them as dudes bitter because they can’t get sex. It’s hard not to describe them as such when they talk about this shit endlessly, and bitterly, on their blogs.
*raises both hands and feet, falls backwards onto the floor*
Is anyone tired of these MRA discussions where they divide everything into black and white? You’re either a slut, or you’re pure. You’re either a career woman or a dedicated mom. Men are alphas or betas. You take the red pill or the blue pill, blah blah blah. It’s almost like they’ve never figured out that people are more complex than A or B.
Um… hey Mary…
What if I told you that I don’t give a shit about a woman’s history? Why does it matter? what’s so important about it?
Right back atcha!!
And at 57, I’ve never regretted it!!
David, for the record, slashfic is same gender (i.e. Kirk/Spock). This is just… badfic.
As someone who never set foot on the carousel, I say deti can fuck right off. The closest this guy has ever gotten to having sex with anyone was watching bad 80s movies, clearly.
::picks Tulgey up, brushes dust off::
I guess Mr Kitteh was a slut (or would’ve been, if he’d been a woman, but we know menz totally can’t be sluts however many people they have sex with) ‘cos he’d slept with More. Than. One. Person (male and female! The horror!) before we got together.
(Parentheses were half price today.)
I’d RATHER marry a slut! As long as he was willing to be monogamous with me! Then we could take years of mutual sluttitude and have fabulous sexytime adventures together!
Hahaha!!!
Sunshine Mary, I didn’t have sex at all until I was twenty two. Do you have any idea the number of men who didn’t want to be my first partner when they discovered my virginity? Tons. Largely because they didn’t the awkwardness or to be the cause of pain because they didn’t think they had the chops in bed or most especially, because they wanted an experienced partner.
I was raised to think much like you do (although the mindless subservience would have raised hell with my mother). Being a virgin, and polite and lady like never brought me a marriage proposal.
I’m sure that the way I am now would be quite shocking to your delicate sensibilities, yet because of my high partner count and experience in relationships I have a partner eager to marry me. And guess what…marriage has never been a priority, it doesn’t make even make my bucket list. Yet here I am in a long term commited relationship with a very kind, stable man who has integrity. And this is not uncommon.
Also, I like how you rub in the hurtful shit to your friends to set them up as object lessons to scare younger women. With friends like you, no one needs enemies.
I had one boyfriend who was concerned with my past, though he never outright asked for my notch count. But he turned out to be an insanely jealous, manipulative, rage-aholic asshole. He was the same boyfriend who didn’t want me to get a teaching job because he thought I might have an affair with a male teacher. Thankfully, he is now out of my life.
@ Sunshinemary- why would any woman want to marry a dude who thinks of a woman as a slut? Fuck those guys in a strictly metaphorical sense. God, imagine spending a month with such insufferable assholes, let alone the rest of your life! Please, all dudes who don’t want to sleep with sluts, proclaim yourselves loudly and often so women can avoid the crap out of you (and then moan about how you can’t land any women between the ages of 14 and 22 and join the MRM).
1. Who the hell wants a guy who demands virginity? Every virgin I know is completely creeped out by that guy.
2. What makes them think the guys that women date/fucking around with are completely different from the guys they marry?
Reading Mary’s comments, I have to wonder if she actually has any friends, or merely unfortunate acquaintances she uses as object lessons.
I don’t think any dude over the age of 22 has ever asked about my sexual history, and younger ones who asked were just curious because they were inexperienced and wanted to know more. Crazy backwards think is not the status-quo.
Hey, dudes of Manboobz, raise your hand if you’d be happy to marry a slut!
Yes, but that’s only a partial answer. When I was dating (I’m now married for 6 years) I never asked the women I was involved with about previous lovers because it had nothing to do with me or our relationships. Maybe some of the women I dated were sluts and I never knew, which would matter if I gave a damn and I didn’t and don’t.
In the unlikely scenario where I met a 30 plus year old virgin, I don’t think I’d have a problem with it. However, I’ve slept with guys with very high partner counts and it meant absolutely nothing. Not even in terms of how “experienced” (or creative in bed and open to new things) he was. The only thing that counts is that he’s had at least one partner and I do ask for STI results. That’s it.
@clairedammit – “You’re either a career woman or a dedicated mom.”
Gawd yes. You notice how women are never just working to earn a living, just getting on with their own lives just like men in MRM world? And who’d be doing the same thing regardless of the presence/absence of partner and children?
@drst – “This is just… badfic.”
Badfic describes the entire MRM worldview, doesn’t it?
@sunshinemary
a) “Spinstersphere”, really?
b) Many women who haven’t had lots of sex end up childless and unmarried when they didn’t wish to be.
My fiancee is the only man I’ve had sex with. This is not because I think that people should save themselves for marriage (I lost my virginity in a lesbian threesome while a guy sat in the corner reading poetry, no lie) but because the third person I ever dated turned out to be the man I wanted to marry. Sometimes I wish I’d had more time to gain experience with other people, because I’m sure either one of us having a wider knowledge base would make our sex life better, but neither one of us wants to be that intimate with anyone else, so the point is moot.
Also, add me to the Never Having Children list. The last time I went with my mom to help out in her preschool classroom I literally had a panic attack and had to go sit in the stairwell for five minutes.
Effie, that could change from “Mary’s” to “insert name here” and it’d describe every last MRA I’ve seen quoted here. To jump on my hobbyhorse*, I don’t think love or any of its kindred feelings, like friendship, is something they feel at all.
*Not to be confused with the Cock Carousel! :O
Embyrr: OMG, my first threesome involved my now-girlfriend peeling off halfway through and reading Sandman! Apparently that is common in threesome-having. XD
Out loud? If so, best first time story ever.
Holy crap, I take the time to go home after a 10-hour day and I miss the vapid, baseless slut-shaming. I’m not sure whether to be disappointed or pleased.
Anyway, count me in for the slut-marrying pledge.
Thinking of kitties and carousels and found this. Be warned, it might make you dizzy!
http://youtu.be/zCb7vscoPB0
Why do you say this to the exclusion of men? You don’t think promiscuity is bad for men, too?
I was born into my idiot culture, so I had a duty to play by its idiot rules, and I did. I wanted what the idiots were getting for free, so adapted. I entered into the evo-psych paradigm, with nature red in tooth and claw. I got the numbers, the notches, deflowered a few virgins, deprived a few beta chumps from devoted, ever-loving virginal wives. I won, positioned myself at the top of the pecking order and gloated and laughed with blood dripping from my fangs. So why should I whinge that promiscuity is bad for men too? Simply, because I do not deserve a good woman. Maybe god will forgive me, or maybe he won’t. I just hope that my rebirth into my next life is not into another idiot culture like the ones we have here on this ridiculous planet around an average star in the Milky Way. Regrets? You’ve got to do what you’ve got to do. Will god give me a second chance?
The only positive thing we can say about this culture-wide, anglosphere-wide promiscuity is that the men and the women deserve one another, PUAs and cock-carousel riders included. Go for it girls – some of us understand all too well that you are not as happy as you say you are. Your contrived, shallow sense of superiority comes at a cost… are you capable of authentic love?
“Your contrived, shallow sense of superiority comes at a cost… are you capable of authentic love?”
Funny, that’s just what I wonder about the MRM. The evidence so far suggests a resounding “No”. And you lot can’t even pretend to be happy; you’re as miserable a crew as one could imagine.