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Heartiste: Women athletes are mannish uggos because “women’s natural bodies are not evolutionarily designed to run, throw, fight or lift optimally.”

An innately unsexy lady athlete somehow cons a dude into kissing her.

So over on Chateau Heartiste, the Dude Who Used to Call Himself Roissy seems personally affronted that the female athletes in the Olympics, by and large, didn’t live up to his wet dreams of Perfect Womanhood. In one post, he hails a Turkish newspaper columnist (yes, the same one we talked about here) who complained about the allegedly unwomanly bosoms of female Olympians, and offers his own less-than-complimentary assessment of their looks:

Who with the eyes to see hasn’t noticed the narrow hips, the grotesque six-pack abs (never a good look on women), the chest “stubs”, the linebacker shoulders, and the manjaws of an inordinate number of the female Olympians?  

So why does it matter that Roissy/Heartiste couldn’t get a boner watching the Olympics? Apparently because these women are violating the PRIME DIRECTIVE, which forbids representatives of the United Federation of Planets from “intervene[ing] in matters which are essentially the domestic jurisdiction of any planetary social system.”

Sorry, that’s the PRIME DIRECTIVE from Star Trek. These gals are violating what Roissy/Heartiste thinks are mother nature’s PRIME DIRECTIVES (plural) for women, which are to look pretty and make babies. No, really. You see, women aren’t actually supposed to be, or look, athletic. It’s SCIENCE.

[W]omen must conform more to the male physique ideal in order to compete successfully in sports, and particularly elite sports, because women’s natural bodies are not evolutionarily designed to run, throw, fight or lift optimally like men’s bodies are designed to do.

Yeah, there’s no evolutionary advantage in being athletic, if you’re a gal. Evidently female hunter gatherers during humankind’s “environment of evolutionary adaptedness” didn’t ever run or throw or carry or fight anything or anyone, spending most of their time hanging out in cave clubs and texting their friends on their Smart Rocks.

Women’s bodies are — and I know this will get under the skin of the right sort of losers — shaped by the relentless laws of nature to fulfill TWO PRIME DIRECTIVES.

Visually please men.

And bear children.

Everything else women do is commentary.

Apparently Roissy/Heartiste has become an amateur Torah scholar. (And not a very good one, at that.)

You might be wondering: if Roissy/Heartiste really believes in all the evolutionary psych crap he constantly spouts, why on earth would he care that some women aren’t fulfilling their evolutionary duty to give him boners? Won’t they just get bred out of existence? What does it matter to him?

Well, evidently Roissy/Heartiste was feeling so defensive about people asking this very question that he wrote a whole other post explaining, sort of, why he cares. Sorry, why he totally doesn’t care.

The issue being raised was never about how much it personally mattered to me, or affected my own life. That’s the problem with you unthinking liberals — you always want to reframe an argument you find distasteful, or you find yourself on the losing end of, into a personal matter, a position from which it’s easier for you to morally strut and preen and preach fire and brimstone from your tawdry little masturbatoriums.

Yeah, you strutting masturbatoriumizing liberals! How dare you ask him why he spends so much of his life complaining about the bodies of women who don’t give him boners?

He continues:

The morality, or lack thereof, of manned-up women competing in the Olympics is not the point of the Olympic female athlete post. No one’s rights are abridged if some manly swole she-beast hoists 400 lbs above her head, nor is any moral law du jour violated. The point here is to remind the losers and equalists and assorted anti-realists that there is nothing inherently empowering about female sports participation unless one defines empowerment as “becoming more man-like”. It is also to address, honestly and truthfully, the obvious fact that a lot of female athletes are just quasi-men, in appearance, musculature and temperament.

Boy, there’s a brave and original notion.

Therefore, the encouragement of women by the media industrial complex into elite sports mostly rests on a foundation of denying women their feminine essence.

Huh. In his first post on the subject, Roissy/Heartiste complained about the “narrow hips” and “manjaws” of female Olympians. Did the evil “media industrial complex” somehow lure women into developing narrower hips and less-rounded jaws? Is Roissy/Heartiste some kind of Evo Psych Lamarckian?

A nation that wasn’t fucked in the head with an overload of kumbaya horseshit would not shy away from this bald truth of the reality of sex differences, and would realign its cultural incentives so that a proper balance was restored, reflecting innate biological reality, until sports programs and funding return to what they once were: mostly geared toward men.

If “innate biological reality” demands that women remain unathletic (and thus pleasing to Roissy/Heartiste’s eyes and penis), why are there any female athletes in the first place? If athletic women are by definition going against nature, why bother talking about culture at all, much less the urgent need to “realign cultural incentives?”

Evo Psych types like Roissy/Heartiste like to pretend that it’s biology, not culture, that sets up the allegedly innate differences between men and women. But somehow culture matters again when people stubbornly refuse to conform to their supposedly natural roles.

At the very least, the feminist propagandizing of female sports empowerment has to end, and hand-wringing over “equal representation” needs to become a shameful relic from this ugly, god-willing bygone era.

Huh. So I’m beginning to get the impression that you do care about all this, after all.

In the comments, some dude calling himself Maximin manages to be even more pompous than Roissy/Heartiste himself, declaring that

feminism … aspires, in the name of equality, to make women in to men, but revealing, at the same time, the inherent hatred of women that is feminism. This is not equality—rather this is bigotry against women. By forcing women to act like men—to look like men, to have the musculature of men, to date like men, to have sex like men, to work like men, what they are saying is: the male body and the creations of the male body are superior to the female body and the creations of the female body. Therefore, change the female body into the male body and hence allow the female body to then create male works (and from what we have seen, these masculine women can only, at best, land in mediocrity).

And of course, it’s ugly women who are to blame for it all:

It comes from a hatred of the female—most likely from highly masculine women who are naturally more intelligent and competitive than highly feminine women. They cannot garner the attraction of men because they are ugly, so they scorch of the earth of femininity, and suddenly the scales are tipped in their favor. Beware a masculine woman scorned: she will burn down the world and rebuild it in her favor.

Fellas, be careful! If you don’t watch out, Holley Mangold will sneak into your bedroom at night and LIFT YOU OVER HER HEAD!

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ZA0
ZA0
8 years ago

From the article quoting lady Olympic athlete, Zoe Smith “We don’t lift weights in order to look hot”.

I’m enthralled.

And blitzgal, not all women suck. But my girlfriend does! And she’s teh awesome.

hellkell
hellkell
8 years ago

ZAO, we care so much about your life. Please tell me more about your Canadian girlfriend.

blitzgal
8 years ago

And blitzgal, not all women suck. But my girlfriend does! And she’s teh awesome.

Exhibit A, my point is proven.

Shiraz
Shiraz
8 years ago

Wow. ZOA did our work for us…thanks, man. And say hi to your girlfriend for us. Her name’s Ruby Sparks, right?

ZA0
ZA0
8 years ago

Please tell me more about your Canadian girlfriend.

Canadian? Last I checked she too was born and bred in the USofA.

blitzgal: Thanks for reinforcing the reputation that bitterless and humorless.

drst
drst
8 years ago

zoa is making me miss that guy who argued badly about libertarianism for like 9 hours that one day. *yawn*

aworldanonymous
8 years ago

@drst

Which one, IIRC Steele, Joe, and MSN all did that.

katz
8 years ago

Besides, if you hunted that mammoth and missed, the stupid dog would laugh at you.

THAT FUCKING DOG! I swear, that’s where the idea of friendly fire came from.

ostara321
ostara321
8 years ago

Well, to be fair, he’s now apparently moved to “so what, my totally real girlfriend totally goes down on me!” Which still isn’t really new or exactly relevant or really helping his argument (kind of the opposite of all of that, actually). But good for you, dude. Really, couldn’t have happened to a less interesting troll.

Dracula
Dracula
8 years ago

Is this MSN, by the way?

Yes.

hellkell
hellkell
8 years ago

Same shitty emoticon use and purile BS, yeah it’s prolly him.

CrazyLadyBlues
CrazyLadyBlues
8 years ago

Besides, if you hunted that mammoth and missed, the stupid dog would laugh at you.

THAT FUCKING DOG! I swear, that’s where the idea of friendly fire came from.

-According to the book “In Defence of Dogs” (which I strongly recommend BTW) dogs weren’t really used for hunting, early humans would take wolf cubs or dingo puppies (aborigines) home with them for the simple reason cubs/ puppies are cute. The books says that in the case of Aborigines, the hunt would be more successful if they left the dingoes at home! Paraphrasing a fair bit here of course & apologies about the block quote.

Bagelsan
Bagelsan
8 years ago

The books says that in the case of Aborigines, the hunt would be more successful if they left the dingoes at home!

Well of course! This is how my attempt at hunting with a puppy would go: “*squeal!* Aww, who’s a good widdle boy! You are! You are! Dawww!” (All the animals within a mile leave the area.)

jumbofish
jumbofish
8 years ago

Athletes can take being objectified and being talked about as if their only use is to give me a boner! Gosh you all are such killjoys!

Bagelsan
Bagelsan
8 years ago

If athletes didn’t want to be reduced to boner-machines, maybe they should have focused entirely on reaching the peaks of physical fitness at all costs, rather than acting all coy and sexy all the time!

…Wait.

skeptifem
8 years ago

How in the fuck would ancient men pass on athleticism (a huge complicated trait) to only their male offspring? This is something these douches never explain. Genes get mixed up and swapped around, you can’t choose the sex of the offspring that gets the genes for athleticism or lady like beauty. It just doesn’t work.

clairedammit
clairedammit
8 years ago

I knew a guy who thought that the Y chromosome was on all the pairs of chromosomes. Actually, I’m not sure he realized there were 23 pairs. I think he thought there was just the one.

blitzgal
8 years ago

blitzgal: Thanks for reinforcing the reputation that bitterless and humorless.

Definitely not humorless. I just laughed quite a bit at you, considering that you’re the same asshole who pompously corrected someone’s misuse of the word “your” just one page ago. I may be “bitterless,” though.

ZA0
ZA0
8 years ago

Oops! My bad. 🙁

I meant bitter and humorless.

ZA0
ZA0
8 years ago

Who is MSN?

ShadetheDruid
ShadetheDruid
8 years ago

Hah, why do they always do that? You get suspicious of them being a past troll and it’s always “who is that?”

It’s like the most obvious thing in the universe.

ZA0
ZA0
8 years ago

blitzgal: The statement I made in reference to my gf was a PUN. I do hope you realize that.

Phooey on me for thinking that feminism was the belief that men and women should have equal rights. This includes the right to put their bodies on display and the right to free speech(ohne personal threats of bodily harm). I’ve heard women talking about how male baseball players have nice asses. The only men who bitch about that are MRAs. Stating your admiration for the body of an Olympic athlete who doesn’t care what you think and you’ll never meet is a far cry from objectifying someone. All this sex negative bullshit is really getting old! How does it feel to be in the same came as jesusfreaks who have been lamenting about sex in the media for decades and blaming El Diablo for the “moral decline” of the world?

Bostonian
8 years ago

MSN/ZAO- your pun was only 2/3 of a pun. It stank.

katz
8 years ago

Oops! My bad.

I meant bitter and humorless.

Aww, but “bitterless” was actually funny!

hellkell
hellkell
8 years ago

We’re not sex-negative, you twit, just because it’s not the kind of “I can do whatever to whomever whenever” sex you MRA jackholes want.

If yo actually bothered to read the site, you’d stop getting us confused with SunshineMary.

Dracula
Dracula
8 years ago

Y’know, I’m actually glad NomZAO has chosen to wave his sock in everyone’s faces, because it illustrates a point: Creeps know exactly what they’re doing.

He knows he’s been put on moderation for being a slimy asshole, but he creates a sockpuppet to keep right doing the same.

He knows that (especially in the context of this thread) his comments will be read as sleazy and sexist, and that his tone makes people uncomfortable.

He knows full well what is or is not acceptable, he knows full well what people’s boundaries are, and he doesn’t care. He deliberately, repeatedly violates other people’s space, has no respect for anyone’s comfort, and he throws up his hands and plays innocent whenever he’s called on it.

aworldanonymous
8 years ago

Zao, est ce que tu me comprends quand je parle comme ceci?

cloudiah
8 years ago

@katz, Why are they only ever funny by mistake?

Nobody's Girl
Nobody's Girl
8 years ago

Isn’t the trope usually that masculine women LOVE feminine women? Although that’s also not necessarily true.
Now they hate them?
Shit, better break up with my girlfriend.

Gametime
Gametime
8 years ago

It never ceases to amaze me how staggeringly ignorant you have to be to post a comment and then complain about “free speech” because other people criticized that comment. I mean, there’s the layer of stupid that says “my speech is infringed even though it’s still totally there,” and there’s the layer of stupid that says “even though I just complained that criticizing comments is censorship I’m totally going to criticize these other comments without the slightest self-awareness.”

It’s like an onion of stupid. Or possibly parfait.

KathleenB
KathleenB
8 years ago

Gametime: Everybody loves parfait!

aworldanonymous
8 years ago

Je veux un parfait, ou un poutine, la poutine peut fonctionner comme un comparaison pour la stupidité, non?

nerdiah
nerdiah
8 years ago

That he’s illogical and self-contradictory is bad enough, that he has to be such a pompous git about it is just too much.

Gametime
Gametime
8 years ago

I think poutine works best as a comparison for spectacularly, hilariously stupid trolls, like old NWO. (Not new, lazy NWO, though.) You have all the standard troll ingredients – misogyny, paranoia about government conspiracies, racism, entitlement about sex – which are awful on their own, much like the ingredients to poutine are kinda gross. But then you mix it all together and you get something truly wonderful: Delicious, cheesy superdogs. Or something.

… damn, of all the times to start craving poutine, it had to be while I’m in the States.

aworldanonymous
8 years ago

Je ne manque pas de la sympathie pour vous, Gametime. Je suis en Canada, mais je manque l’argent pour aller acheter un poutine.

Unimaginative
Unimaginative
8 years ago

Je suis en Alberta, et poutine est nouveau en l’Ouest. J’ai jamais manger la poutine. (Aussi, ma dernière classe français était il y a 25 ans.)

Unimaginative
Unimaginative
8 years ago

Also, I had to use google to get that last bit, because I couldn’t remember how to say “was”.

aworldanonymous
8 years ago

C’est aussi 1h02 dans le matin icitte, et je ne suis pas ivre, alors ce n’est peut etre pas un temps idéal pour en chercher.

Argenti Aertheri
Argenti Aertheri
8 years ago

Epically late reply is epically late <.>

heidihi —

Also, Argenti, did you actually encourage Kitteh’s Unpaid Help to tell Miss Bossy Kitteh that she’s an alpha FISH? I would worry about the implications there, being that in my experience kittehs believe that they reign supreme and that fishes are good for nothing but eating. 🙂 I would fear shredding or house-plant destruction ensuing from such a slight!

I guess I did! Though, to be fair to cats, I’ve had 4 different cats poking around my fish, none have been interested in them as anything other than a new hiding spot (under tank stands being full of Tiny Spaces and all) Though, I’m not sure my mother’s cat has even noticed them yet…ah well, she’d lose to my plec anyways.

Dracula — the man without a name got put on mod? The things I missed! (Anyone have a link so I can see that? Thanks!)

Also, y’all are speaking french again, that seems to happen every other week, it’s pretty amusing.

Argenti Aertheri
Argenti Aertheri
8 years ago

…did I seriously break my cranky face again?!

*sigh* >.<

Unimaginative
Unimaginative
8 years ago

Argenti, I think you might be crankylexic. Or possibly dyscranky.

aworldanonymous
8 years ago

@Argenti

I’ve made it a personal rule to speak french as much as possible whenever MSN or a suspected sock of his shows up.

aworldanonymous
8 years ago

That and I need to practice so that I don’t lose my mad Canadian French skillz(tm).

aworldanonymous
8 years ago

Also, I still fail at html.

Bagelsan
Bagelsan
8 years ago

In all fairness, Haku was terrible at crankyface. He was just kind of mellow the whole time.

Argenti Aertheri
Argenti Aertheri
8 years ago

Dyscranky works I guess — that’s more “getting cranky wrong” than crankylexic, which reads like “a lexicon of cranky” to me.

And this has been my random Latin moment, please return to your regularly scheduled French!

aworldanonymous — iirc MSN freaked out about speak English once when you spoke French at him, right? If that’s correct (or really, even if it isn’t), have fun pissing him off!

Argenti Aertheri
Argenti Aertheri
8 years ago

Bagelsan — w00t! Someone gets my avatar! And um…he did have that shocked expression, but yeah, let’s not talk about that?

pecunium
8 years ago

Ma dernière classe français était il y a 25 ans, aussi. 🙂

Bagelsan
Bagelsan
8 years ago

We’ll…we’ll skip that shocked expression bit. Haku and Zabuza ended up frolicking off into the sunlight together, right? ^^;

Unimaginative
Unimaginative
8 years ago

@ Pecunium, it’s because we’re getting old. I was just reminiscing with my best friend that we met in Grade 10 French class in September of 1982. THIRTY FREAKING YEARS AGO. It boggles my mind that I can look back and feel pity for my youthful naiveté, but still not feel like I’ve grown up yet.