NOTE: “Bardamu” was ultimately revealed to be the pseudonym of the unlovely and untalented Matt Forney.
We talked a bit yesterday about pick-up artists and domestic violence – specifically, Heartiste’s suggestion that aspiring alpha males look to Chris Brown as a role model. So today I thought I would take the opportunity to write about one of the skeeviest and most notorious posts the manosphere has generated thus far – Ferdinand Bardamu’s “The Necessity of Domestic Violence.”
Bardamu took down his blog In Mala Fide some months back – I found the text of his post up on Manosphere Copies, a blog set up by the even skeevier MRA who goes by the name Jeremiah (aka JeremiahMRA, aka Things Are Bad) to host posts from manosphere blogs that are no more. In Mala Fide, which combined elements of PUA, Men’s Rights activism and “Human Biological Diversity” style racism, had a great deal of influence in the manosphere in its day. Bardamu published reprehensible things with regularity – see here, here and here for examples – so his defense of domestic violence is hardly unexpected.
The post is a sprawling, disorderly mess. Much of it is devoted to telling the allegedly true story of the time Bardamu “smacked [a girlfriend] across the face” – and was, he says, rewarded for this bit of alpha behavior with what he describes as “the most intense make-up sex I’ve ever had in my life,” sex so intense it literally broke his bed. Allegedly.
The rest of the post is devoted to a rather convoluted – sometimes frank, sometimes weasel-worded – apologia for domestic violence.
He starts off by suggesting that those concerned with violence against women are hypocrites who aren’t truly feminist:
I have absolutely zero sympathy for women who are the victims of domestic violence, for a multitude of reasons. … If women have all the same rights and responsibilities as men, if denying privileges to someone because of the shape of their genitals is morally wrong, then that means there’s nothing wrong with bashing a woman’s face in — or, more accurately, it’s no more wrong than bashing a man’s face in.
Uh, there’s a lot wrong with bashing anyone’s face in, except in self-defense.
Then he argues – well, asserts – that women who are abused bring this abuse upon themselves. First, by deliberately choosing to be with abusers:
Women are masters of refusing to accept the consequences of their own behavior. Girls who habitually end up in relationships with abusive men do so because they are attracted to men who abuse them. … If you paid attention, you could have seen signs that your man was an abuser, but you ignored them because unconsciously, that’s what turns you on, what gets you wet.
And second, by egging them on:
I have no sympathy for most abused women because a great many of them deliberately incite their men into attacking them, if not by being physically abusive themselves, then by creating drama. Extreme cases of this are diagnosed as borderline personality disorder, but a great percentage of the normal female population engages in this behavior as a matter of course.
Still, despite this, and despite his own proud confession of abuse, Bardamu doesn’t advocate domestic violence explicitly – if only because it might get his readers arrested.
Despite all this, I do NOT recommend you start hitting the girls in your rotation, mainly because the risks are too great. For every one girl who’ll pounce on your dick after a good backhand, there are three more who’ll dial 911 without a second thought. I got lucky. But unless you exclusively fuck single moms, cougars and spinsters, you’ve likely had girls either try to physically hurt you or bait you into hitting them.
After a brief defense of corporal punishment for children, Bardamu suggests that similar “discipline” can help to keep girlfriends in line:
Slapping a girl across the face isn’t just about hurting her, it’s a kind of neg. It says, “I can crush you like an insect, but you aren’t worth the effort.” It’s a tacit acknowledgment that she’s weaker than you, beneath you, and if she crosses you again, you’ll put her in the hospital. You treat her like she’s a child throwing a temper tantrum, not an equal.
And then we come to the money quote:
Like I said already, you should NOT hit women, not unless you want to end up in jail. But the principle still stands. Women should be terrorized by their men; it’s the only thing that makes them behave better than chimps.
Let me repeat that last sentence for emphasis:
Women should be terrorized by their men; it’s the only thing that makes them behave better than chimps.
He ends by suggesting that “far too many” female victims of domestic violence are
conniving, manipulative cunts who wear their men down for the gina tingles, then trick bystanders into squirting tears to their sob stories. They are slapped, punched, and kicked because they inflict emotional violence on their husbands and boyfriends, fueling a never-ending cycle of drama and pain. They are just as abusive and twisted as the thugs and jerks they get wet for.
They deserve each other.
No, Ferdinand, no one deserves you.
In the comments, JeremiahMRA manages to do Bardamu one better – by which I mean one worse.
The truth is that sometimes it’s best for a man to hit his woman to get her to behave, just like Sean Connery said. There are two main problems today: 1) Society has taught men to be ashamed for disciplining their women, and 2) Men with guns are always at the ready to take men away who dare discipline their women. So the actual effect of this is that women have become more abusive, more controlling, more crazy in relationships, because few men are willing to lay down the law with them. So they keep going on in their lives, entitled, never being called on their bullshit, never being disciplined like they need to be. Just as you must discipline a child, you must sometimes discipline a woman. When a man is not able to discipline his child, the child misbehaves, he loses control of the household, and he is not respected. The same happens when a man is not able to discipline his woman. Instead of just giving her a slap when she’s being ridiculous, you have to play fucking mind games nowadays, and they are never as effective. You have to remain the alpha male if you want her to respect you, and it is a pain in the ass to do that when you can’t smack her even when she KNOWS she’s being ridiculous. Just another example of politically correct “progressive” bullshit ruining the relationship between men and women and replacing the man as head of household with government intrusion into our lives.
Tomorrow, I will take a look at one of Bardamu’s unexpected defenders on Reddit.
@ MSN- Remember on the other thread I talked to you about how there is some humour that is just like that asshole kid in class that sneaks up behind you, punches you in the kidney, and then laughs at your crumpled body because your pain amuses him? That’s the kind of joke you just made. People use the word provocative when they mean thought provoking, not provoked feelings of hurt and anger because they find other people’s pain funny.
MSN: No, that excuse doesn’t fly. I love BDSM but I wouldn’t inject that into a discussion on DV because it’s not appropriate and is hurtful.
I’ve removed the video MSN posted, which was wildly inappropriate in this discussion.
MSN is going on permanent moderation for posting the video and for generally being an asshole.
Cool, thanks.
Oh, thank god.
Of course, NWO being on permanent moderation doesn’t mean we don’t have to put up with his whining.
Ooooh I said a bad word
“The constant references to ‘their women’ and comparisons to disciplining misbehaving children make my stomach churn a little.”
Somebody ought to let these guys know that the burden on them isn’t as huge as they think it is. Even granting the proposition that women sometimes behave badly, it doesn’t follow from that that men are responsible for women’s bad behavior. They aren’t obligated to notice it or react to it or to aid and abet it or to fix it or correct it. If you are dating or seeing a woman, and if you’re a man, and if the woman is acting in some actually blameworthy way, your best move is to distance yourself from that, not to entangle yourself in it further by smacking her around. (Which will only work to propagate drama, not reduce it.) Your lady friend’s problems are her problems, not yours, unless you invite yourself into them by attacking her. That’s the point at which you’ve given her a basis to start pointing the finger at you. Not the smartest set of tactics, to my way of thinking.
No woman should ever have to make the observation I just made. Men should let other men know these things. But what you mostly see in the manosphere is a bunch of male display, chest-thumping, foot-stomping, that stuff. I expect that most of the guys who read it read it for entertainment and don’t take it seriously as advice. I hope so, at any rate, because as advice it’s pretty sucky.
Well om Nom did something naighty, if I can see the responses to his shitlording but not what incited it.
Speaking as someone else who suffered childhood abuse… You have roughly a fifty fifty chance of gaining anything more than seeming compliance. And God help you if you end up with a particularly strong willed child.
The only reason I stayed in my parents house was because I knew there was no hope of surviving on my own. I had one guy try to raise his hand to me as an adult. I told him that it would end one of two ways if he didn’t do it right the first time. Either I would pick myself up and hed have four generations of feminine rage coming right back at him (all the women in my family having been abused as children and a couple as adults). Or I’d call the cops. Either way, he better start packing, because as an adult I don’t have to put up with that bullshit and I won’t.
Sorry to come back in so late. Just wanted to offer hugs to aworldanon. God but that state of mind hurts. I ought to take my own advice sometimes really – luckily I have wonderful friends to help me – but please understand how clear it is that you are at least decent enough to know what a jerk Bardamu is, clever enough to make insightful and original remarks and conscientious enough that you care when you make mistakes. You deserve the same respect and love from yourself and from others as anyone does.
And Nanasha, I’m glad you managed to fight back. No-one should ever have to go through that. Hugs to you.
@Pillowinhell: He posted the music video to Mellencamp’s “Hurt So Good.”
So, you know, not terribly egregious when the subject is not domestic violence, but pretty damn far beyond the pale when it is.
Surprisingly,* Monsieur Sans Nom is a giant bag of dicks.
*What’s the opposite of this word, again?
The conflation of discipline with punishment is common in our society.
When I was abused as a child it was supposed to teach me discipline, or so said the adults who beat me.
Instead, it taught me to think the same thing these abusers think. If someone smaller or weaker than you does something you do not like you are entitled to punish them the same way you were punished.
When I learned the difference between discipline and punishment it was an epiphany that changed my life, and my children’s lives.
I can only hope that these men are either incarcerated or learn that important lesson before they do more harm than they already have.
This past Saturday, in my neighborhood, a young woman took action against the two men who practiced this kind of beat you before they rape you “discipline” on her. She shot them.
You are a good obedient mangina, when the system collapse these strong and independant women on your blog will be there to help. I guess your blog ist popular. Only 61 comments after ban MSN, not much
“I swear if I ever met that man in the street, I’d probably not be violent to him, but I would make every single effort to drill it into his mind just how horrid he is, and why.”
That’s a very bad idea. He can have you charged with assault which doesn’t require any bodily harm like battery. Aggressively yelling in someone’s face is assault under the law.
Or suppose he just smacks you and claims you assaulted him and has you arrested? Or yu may get some real violent person who sticks a knive in you.
It’s best to avoid any sort of confrontation or argument on the street for your own safety.
Er, lawgirl, no. Assault is the threat of imminent violence with the apparent ability to carry it out. All the same, unless it’s necessary to intervene to save a third party from mean people or nuts people, it’s better not to attract their attention.
I would point out that the camera and recording devices available on many cell phones these days can be most useful.
@justaloser
What? Try being coherent.
@Aworldanonymous and Nanasha, <3 to you both. I admire the both of you from what i've read of you and how you handle yourselves.
justaloser, I think we’ll manage to carry on without MSN’s brand of stupid. You’re here, but I thought you were done with this place.
I would point out that the camera and recording devices available on many cell phones these days can be most useful.
It may or may not be admissible as evidence. Perhaps some security cam that recorded the whole thing and was running before and after but some cell phone grab which may not have recorded everything is not. And these cell videos usually just show pieces and after some commotion is in progress not what led up to it because people wouldn’t have realised something was going on and ccaptured it until it was well underway.
Yelling in someone’s face and invading their personal space is assault. Someone who is that close and behaving aggressively is a threat. Being in someone’s space when it can’t be avoided and acting normally is a different matter and of course not a crime.
This past Saturday, in my neighborhood, a young woman took action against the two men who practiced this kind of beat you before they rape you “discipline” on her. She shot them.
It’s better to just call the cops if you can.When someone gets shot there’s going to be an investigation and even if you’re right you’ll waste a lot of time and aggravation.
She may even end up being arrested herself.
Thank you so much for telling me that. I would never have effing known that it was better to call the cops than to be beaten and raped for years.
She was arrested. She did not know much about guns and thought the revolver would have six shots. The last one for her. It had five, of course.
@thebewilderness: Hugs for you for your upbringing.
The whole thing was vile, but I wondered about this little nuggest:
“But unless you exclusively fuck single moms, cougars and spinsters, you’ve likely had girls either try to physically hurt you or bait you into hitting them.”
There’s so much to analyze here, but it’s giving me a headache. His weird outlook on women is…well, too inhumane to understand I guess. Why does he think “spinsters” and moms wouldn’t defend themselves against violence? Where is he getting this?
Fuck, he’s a shit lord for just using the word “spinster,” as far as I’m concerned.
He also talks about “girls” who have allegedly tried to physically harm him. If anything he posted is true…..why would he be surprised if someone tried to hit him back?
Know what, he’s too fucked to analyze while sober.
but making her feel “terrorized” in an attempt to control her behavior is ABUSE in the purest sense of the word.
I doubt that Ferdie even comes out of his basement much and in real life wouldn’t say boo to a mouse so I’d ignore his bullshit fantasies.
And he was probably pounding his blowup doll, the poor man’s “sexbot” when his bed collapsed.
Falconer, either he’s playing into the moms spinsters or cougars being so desperate for a man they won’t dare displease them because financial dependance or too ugly for other men to fuck or he’s playing into these groups of women are just so pliant and eager to please because their more nuturing (because momlike).
Either way, I got that he simply has other ways to manipulate.
Funny how quick some people are to discount how abusive a person is when that person tells them outright how they operate.
Lawgirl, there are plenty of men who are quite happy to brag about how they keep their women in line. And they aren’t lying.
Also, the “can’t get laid” is really tiresome. Its not the measure of manhood or personal worth. Fault him on his pro abuse stance. There’s plenty to criticize there.