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alpha males antifeminism creepy domestic violence evil women men who should not ever be with women ever misogyny MRA patriarchy PUA reactionary bullshit the c-word

Ferdinand Bardamu: “Women should be terrorized by their men; it’s the only thing that makes them behave better than chimps.”

NOTE: “Bardamu” was ultimately revealed to be the pseudonym of the unlovely and untalented Matt Forney.

We talked a bit yesterday about pick-up artists and domestic violence – specifically, Heartiste’s suggestion that aspiring alpha males look to Chris Brown as a role model. So today I thought I would take the opportunity to write about one of the skeeviest and most notorious posts the manosphere has generated thus far – Ferdinand Bardamu’s “The Necessity of Domestic Violence.”

Bardamu took down his blog In Mala Fide some months back – I found the text of his post up on Manosphere Copies, a blog set up by the even skeevier MRA who goes by the name Jeremiah (aka JeremiahMRA, aka Things Are Bad) to host posts from manosphere blogs that are no more. In Mala Fide, which combined elements of PUA, Men’s Rights activism and “Human Biological Diversity” style racism, had a great deal of influence in the manosphere in its day. Bardamu published reprehensible things  with regularity – see here, here and here for examples – so his defense of domestic violence is hardly unexpected.

The post is a sprawling, disorderly mess. Much of it is devoted to telling the allegedly true story of the time Bardamu “smacked [a girlfriend] across the face” – and was, he says, rewarded for this bit of alpha behavior with what he describes as “the most intense make-up sex I’ve ever had in my life,” sex so intense it literally broke his bed. Allegedly.

The rest of the post is devoted to a rather convoluted – sometimes frank, sometimes weasel-worded – apologia for domestic violence.

He starts off by suggesting that those concerned with violence against women are hypocrites who aren’t truly feminist:

I have absolutely zero sympathy for women who are the victims of domestic violence, for a multitude of reasons. … If women have all the same rights and responsibilities as men, if denying privileges to someone because of the shape of their genitals is morally wrong, then that means there’s nothing wrong with bashing a woman’s face in — or, more accurately, it’s no more wrong than bashing a man’s face in.

Uh, there’s a lot wrong with bashing anyone’s face in, except in self-defense.

Then he argues – well, asserts – that women who are abused bring this abuse upon themselves. First, by deliberately choosing to be with abusers:

Women are masters of refusing to accept the consequences of their own behavior. Girls who habitually end up in relationships with abusive men do so because they are attracted to men who abuse them. … If you paid attention, you could have seen signs that your man was an abuser, but you ignored them because unconsciously, that’s what turns you on, what gets you wet.

And second, by egging them on:

I have no sympathy for most abused women because a great many of them deliberately incite their men into attacking them, if not by being physically abusive themselves, then by creating drama. Extreme cases of this are diagnosed as borderline personality disorder, but a great percentage of the normal female population engages in this behavior as a matter of course.

Still, despite this, and despite his own proud confession of abuse, Bardamu doesn’t advocate domestic violence explicitly – if only because it might get his readers arrested.

Despite all this, I do NOT recommend you start hitting the girls in your rotation, mainly because the risks are too great. For every one girl who’ll pounce on your dick after a good backhand, there are three more who’ll dial 911 without a second thought. I got lucky. But unless you exclusively fuck single moms, cougars and spinsters, you’ve likely had girls either try to physically hurt you or bait you into hitting them.

After a brief defense of corporal punishment for children, Bardamu suggests that similar “discipline” can help to keep girlfriends in line:

Slapping a girl across the face isn’t just about hurting her, it’s a kind of neg. It says, “I can crush you like an insect, but you aren’t worth the effort.” It’s a tacit acknowledgment that she’s weaker than you, beneath you, and if she crosses you again, you’ll put her in the hospital. You treat her like she’s a child throwing a temper tantrum, not an equal.

And then we come to the money quote:

Like I said already, you should NOT hit women, not unless you want to end up in jail. But the principle still stands. Women should be terrorized by their men; it’s the only thing that makes them behave better than chimps.

Let me repeat that last sentence for emphasis:

Women should be terrorized by their men; it’s the only thing that makes them behave better than chimps.

He ends by suggesting that “far too many” female victims of domestic violence are

conniving, manipulative cunts who wear their men down for the gina tingles, then trick bystanders into squirting tears to their sob stories. They are slapped, punched, and kicked because they inflict emotional violence on their husbands and boyfriends, fueling a never-ending cycle of drama and pain. They are just as abusive and twisted as the thugs and jerks they get wet for.

They deserve each other.

No, Ferdinand, no one deserves you.

In the comments, JeremiahMRA manages to do Bardamu one better – by which I mean one worse.

The truth is that sometimes it’s best for a man to hit his woman to get her to behave, just like Sean Connery said. There are two main problems today: 1) Society has taught men to be ashamed for disciplining their women, and 2) Men with guns are always at the ready to take men away who dare discipline their women. So the actual effect of this is that women have become more abusive, more controlling, more crazy in relationships, because few men are willing to lay down the law with them. So they keep going on in their lives, entitled, never being called on their bullshit, never being disciplined like they need to be. Just as you must discipline a child, you must sometimes discipline a woman. When a man is not able to discipline his child, the child misbehaves, he loses control of the household, and he is not respected. The same happens when a man is not able to discipline his woman. Instead of just giving her a slap when she’s being ridiculous, you have to play fucking mind games nowadays, and they are never as effective. You have to remain the alpha male if you want her to respect you, and it is a pain in the ass to do that when you can’t smack her even when she KNOWS she’s being ridiculous. Just another example of politically correct “progressive” bullshit ruining the relationship between men and women and replacing the man as head of household with government intrusion into our lives.

Tomorrow, I will take a look at one of Bardamu’s unexpected defenders on Reddit.

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Vitamin D
Vitamin D
8 years ago

@ MSN- Remember on the other thread I talked to you about how there is some humour that is just like that asshole kid in class that sneaks up behind you, punches you in the kidney, and then laughs at your crumpled body because your pain amuses him? That’s the kind of joke you just made. People use the word provocative when they mean thought provoking, not provoked feelings of hurt and anger because they find other people’s pain funny.

Noadi
Noadi
8 years ago

MSN: No, that excuse doesn’t fly. I love BDSM but I wouldn’t inject that into a discussion on DV because it’s not appropriate and is hurtful.

Dracula
Dracula
8 years ago

Cool, thanks.

Falconer
Falconer
8 years ago

Oh, thank god.

Of course, NWO being on permanent moderation doesn’t mean we don’t have to put up with his whining.

Ooooh I said a bad word

bekabot
bekabot
8 years ago

“The constant references to ‘their women’ and comparisons to disciplining misbehaving children make my stomach churn a little.”

Somebody ought to let these guys know that the burden on them isn’t as huge as they think it is. Even granting the proposition that women sometimes behave badly, it doesn’t follow from that that men are responsible for women’s bad behavior. They aren’t obligated to notice it or react to it or to aid and abet it or to fix it or correct it. If you are dating or seeing a woman, and if you’re a man, and if the woman is acting in some actually blameworthy way, your best move is to distance yourself from that, not to entangle yourself in it further by smacking her around. (Which will only work to propagate drama, not reduce it.) Your lady friend’s problems are her problems, not yours, unless you invite yourself into them by attacking her. That’s the point at which you’ve given her a basis to start pointing the finger at you. Not the smartest set of tactics, to my way of thinking.

No woman should ever have to make the observation I just made. Men should let other men know these things. But what you mostly see in the manosphere is a bunch of male display, chest-thumping, foot-stomping, that stuff. I expect that most of the guys who read it read it for entertainment and don’t take it seriously as advice. I hope so, at any rate, because as advice it’s pretty sucky.

pillowinhell
pillowinhell
8 years ago

Well om Nom did something naighty, if I can see the responses to his shitlording but not what incited it.

Speaking as someone else who suffered childhood abuse… You have roughly a fifty fifty chance of gaining anything more than seeming compliance. And God help you if you end up with a particularly strong willed child.

The only reason I stayed in my parents house was because I knew there was no hope of surviving on my own. I had one guy try to raise his hand to me as an adult. I told him that it would end one of two ways if he didn’t do it right the first time. Either I would pick myself up and hed have four generations of feminine rage coming right back at him (all the women in my family having been abused as children and a couple as adults). Or I’d call the cops. Either way, he better start packing, because as an adult I don’t have to put up with that bullshit and I won’t.

feministwiep
feministwiep
8 years ago

Sorry to come back in so late. Just wanted to offer hugs to aworldanon. God but that state of mind hurts. I ought to take my own advice sometimes really – luckily I have wonderful friends to help me – but please understand how clear it is that you are at least decent enough to know what a jerk Bardamu is, clever enough to make insightful and original remarks and conscientious enough that you care when you make mistakes. You deserve the same respect and love from yourself and from others as anyone does.

And Nanasha, I’m glad you managed to fight back. No-one should ever have to go through that. Hugs to you.

Falconer
Falconer
8 years ago

@Pillowinhell: He posted the music video to Mellencamp’s “Hurt So Good.”

So, you know, not terribly egregious when the subject is not domestic violence, but pretty damn far beyond the pale when it is.

Tulgey Logger
Tulgey Logger
8 years ago

Surprisingly,* Monsieur Sans Nom is a giant bag of dicks.

*What’s the opposite of this word, again?

thebewilderness
8 years ago

The conflation of discipline with punishment is common in our society.
When I was abused as a child it was supposed to teach me discipline, or so said the adults who beat me.
Instead, it taught me to think the same thing these abusers think. If someone smaller or weaker than you does something you do not like you are entitled to punish them the same way you were punished.
When I learned the difference between discipline and punishment it was an epiphany that changed my life, and my children’s lives.

I can only hope that these men are either incarcerated or learn that important lesson before they do more harm than they already have.
This past Saturday, in my neighborhood, a young woman took action against the two men who practiced this kind of beat you before they rape you “discipline” on her. She shot them.

justaloser
justaloser
8 years ago

You are a good obedient mangina, when the system collapse these strong and independant women on your blog will be there to help. I guess your blog ist popular. Only 61 comments after ban MSN, not much

Lawgirl
Lawgirl
8 years ago

“I swear if I ever met that man in the street, I’d probably not be violent to him, but I would make every single effort to drill it into his mind just how horrid he is, and why.”

That’s a very bad idea. He can have you charged with assault which doesn’t require any bodily harm like battery. Aggressively yelling in someone’s face is assault under the law.
Or suppose he just smacks you and claims you assaulted him and has you arrested? Or yu may get some real violent person who sticks a knive in you.
It’s best to avoid any sort of confrontation or argument on the street for your own safety.

Reynardine
Reynardine
8 years ago

Er, lawgirl, no. Assault is the threat of imminent violence with the apparent ability to carry it out. All the same, unless it’s necessary to intervene to save a third party from mean people or nuts people, it’s better not to attract their attention.

I would point out that the camera and recording devices available on many cell phones these days can be most useful.

fembot
8 years ago

@justaloser

What? Try being coherent.

heidihi
heidihi
8 years ago

@Aworldanonymous and Nanasha, <3 to you both. I admire the both of you from what i've read of you and how you handle yourselves.

hellkell
hellkell
8 years ago

justaloser, I think we’ll manage to carry on without MSN’s brand of stupid. You’re here, but I thought you were done with this place.

Lawgirl
Lawgirl
8 years ago

I would point out that the camera and recording devices available on many cell phones these days can be most useful.

It may or may not be admissible as evidence. Perhaps some security cam that recorded the whole thing and was running before and after but some cell phone grab which may not have recorded everything is not. And these cell videos usually just show pieces and after some commotion is in progress not what led up to it because people wouldn’t have realised something was going on and ccaptured it until it was well underway.
Yelling in someone’s face and invading their personal space is assault. Someone who is that close and behaving aggressively is a threat. Being in someone’s space when it can’t be avoided and acting normally is a different matter and of course not a crime.

Lawgirl
Lawgirl
8 years ago

This past Saturday, in my neighborhood, a young woman took action against the two men who practiced this kind of beat you before they rape you “discipline” on her. She shot them.

It’s better to just call the cops if you can.When someone gets shot there’s going to be an investigation and even if you’re right you’ll waste a lot of time and aggravation.
She may even end up being arrested herself.

thebewilderness
8 years ago

Thank you so much for telling me that. I would never have effing known that it was better to call the cops than to be beaten and raped for years.
She was arrested. She did not know much about guns and thought the revolver would have six shots. The last one for her. It had five, of course.

Falconer
Falconer
8 years ago

@thebewilderness: Hugs for you for your upbringing.

Shiraz
Shiraz
8 years ago

The whole thing was vile, but I wondered about this little nuggest:

“But unless you exclusively fuck single moms, cougars and spinsters, you’ve likely had girls either try to physically hurt you or bait you into hitting them.”

There’s so much to analyze here, but it’s giving me a headache. His weird outlook on women is…well, too inhumane to understand I guess. Why does he think “spinsters” and moms wouldn’t defend themselves against violence? Where is he getting this?
Fuck, he’s a shit lord for just using the word “spinster,” as far as I’m concerned.
He also talks about “girls” who have allegedly tried to physically harm him. If anything he posted is true…..why would he be surprised if someone tried to hit him back?

Know what, he’s too fucked to analyze while sober.

Lawgirl
Lawgirl
8 years ago

but making her feel “terrorized” in an attempt to control her behavior is ABUSE in the purest sense of the word.

I doubt that Ferdie even comes out of his basement much and in real life wouldn’t say boo to a mouse so I’d ignore his bullshit fantasies.
And he was probably pounding his blowup doll, the poor man’s “sexbot” when his bed collapsed.

pillowinhell
pillowinhell
8 years ago

Falconer, either he’s playing into the moms spinsters or cougars being so desperate for a man they won’t dare displease them because financial dependance or too ugly for other men to fuck or he’s playing into these groups of women are just so pliant and eager to please because their more nuturing (because momlike).

Either way, I got that he simply has other ways to manipulate.

pillowinhell
pillowinhell
8 years ago

Funny how quick some people are to discount how abusive a person is when that person tells them outright how they operate.

Lawgirl, there are plenty of men who are quite happy to brag about how they keep their women in line. And they aren’t lying.

Also, the “can’t get laid” is really tiresome. Its not the measure of manhood or personal worth. Fault him on his pro abuse stance. There’s plenty to criticize there.

Nanasha
Nanasha
8 years ago

I would actually prefer if MRAs would fuck robots and Real Dolls. At least, then, there would be no actual woman being harmed in his sexual assault.

pillowinhell
pillowinhell
8 years ago

Also, there’s no consequences to Ferdie being open about how he likes to beat women. Its not like he needs to worry about the interwebz police finding him.

So he might be a coward, but he can be a lot braver on the net

Shiraz
Shiraz
8 years ago

Yeah, I get that he thinks moms and cougars are desperate so they won’t hit back, yadda yadda. But I question if he’s ever met one. Usually these guys demonize “older” women for having experience (though they claim it has something to do with lack of fertility — when they really mean a woman with sexual experience is scary. Pffft) They’re always contradicting themselves. It’s fucking exhausting.

Rahu
Rahu
8 years ago

I would actually prefer if MRAs would fuck robots and Real Dolls. At least, then, there would be no actual woman being harmed in his sexual assault.

Yes, Nanasha, exactly!!!! I completely fail to understand why I’m supposed to be terrified about these men getting fembots. I INVENTED the idea when I was eleven years old – well, okay, I found out later that other people had already thought of them, so I hadn’t actually been the first to invent them. But I figured it would be a great solution – get all the men who need to rape, etc. off somewhere, supply them with these dolls programmed to cry, plead, struggle, etc. – get larger dolls for the men who are into raping adults – and then all these men would be happy in their little corner of the world, and all the females and the good guys could all live happily in the rest of the world.

The idea that I’m supposed to be terrified that these men might go off with fembots is completely baffling to me.

Now terrifying? That would be that I messed up on my blockquote attempt and broke the thread. THAT is scary. Not fembots.

Rahu
Rahu
8 years ago

Whoooohoooooooooo! Intact thread!

And aworldanonymous – I’ve been lurking here for quite a while – and you are definitely a cool guy – please don’t hate yourself.

aworldanonymous
8 years ago

@Everyone offering support

Thank you all kindly, life with Aspergers syndrome, anxiety, and depression isn’t easy, and having people to help me cope is always wonderful. I’m hoping to get a chance to see my psychiatrist about trying out a different anti-depressant to see if it’ll help. But even as such, these wounds take time to heal, I’m hoping that finally being out of the somewhat immature social environment of public school will help me at least a bit. But again, thank you all, It’s fantastic having people whom I may not even ever meet who I can still say care about me.

aworldanonymous
8 years ago

Also @Nanasha

Hugs again if you want them, I can’t imagine being gaslighted and forced through that kind of abuse, the worse I’ve had to face was semi-constant bullying at the hands of unimaginative rural kids and hockey jocks. I wish I could say or do something to offer solace or consolation, but really I am merely in awe that someone can do things that horrid to their own child. I can say that I’m very happy you were able to make it through it, and I do wish you the best in whatever life brings you.

Quackers
Quackers
8 years ago

Speaking of violence towards women, I can only hope this is sarcasm but it’s from the latest spearhead article and not at all surprising

Big Ern August 15, 2012 at 12:59
OK, problem #1 is the sheepish tone of this request.

How about start with a very public admonition right there in the church on the spot, such as “you’re in Church, stop dressing like a whore?!”

Or a smack across the face, to set a fine example. Followed by a proper fistfight with the inevitable white knighters who subsequently come to her valiant defense.

Muslims are the real men. They grab their women by the hair and say, “Put this burka on, slut! Or I’ll stone your ass!” This is probably why the U.S. feels the need to bomb them.

aworldanonymous
8 years ago

@Quackers

Why do these guys ever even try to pretend that they aren’t a hate group?

WordSpinner
WordSpinner
8 years ago

aworldanonymous–hugs if you want them. Getting out of high school and to college will probably be great for you.

Quackers
Quackers
8 years ago

@aworldanonymous

Probably because they believe all men secretly think like them, thus its not hate if the majority believe it. Meanwhile everyone who isn’t a hate-filled sack of shit just looks at them in disgust.

Hugs from me too if you want them. Maybe look into Cymbalta with your doctor? I find it works pretty good but unfortunately it’s a bit pricey (though if you’re going to college soon you should have a health plan)

aworldanonymous
8 years ago

@ WordSpinner

Thanks, To be completely honest, I haven’t the slightest idea what to expect come September, living in rez, trying to keep up with essays and other work. It’s probably best if I try to be optimistic about it, and I am, I don’t think I’m a total and complete fuckup, I just have some really really bad days/weeks/months, I can usually come out of them feeling better, but it is quite frightening how frequent they’re getting.

aworldanonymous
8 years ago

@ Quackers

I’m on paxil right now, and my psychiatrist said it’s normal for people to have to try a few different anti-depressants before they find the right one, so I’m gonna try my luck with whatever he perscribes and see where things go from there.

Quackers
Quackers
8 years ago

@aworldanonymous

good luck! I was on paxil before when I was younger and it worked but then I had to try a bunch of other kinds…like your doc said that’s usually the case.

Vitamin D
Vitamin D
8 years ago

@ aworldanonymous- Oh man, I am so sorry you are in high school!! If it is anything like most of the highschools in the world, everyone is having a shit time, even the people who seem like they’re happy and everyone likes them. Look, when you get out of there there are a shit ton of people you will meet who will be respectful to you on the spot, take the time to get to know you and understand your condition, and basically not care if you aren’t acting exactly like everyone else. I have a friend with aspergers who absolutely haaaated highschool, was nearly suicidal the whole time, 100 pounds overweight, etc. Well, he graduated, things started to look a little up, he started eating better and exercising a bit more, things started looking even better for him, he traveled the world and taught English and eventually met a fellow ESL teacher and they hit it off. Great dude. Point is, it totally gets better. Just stick it out, dude, you’ll be alright. And focus on that self-care! You are on the right track getting your meds, but make sure you do other healthy things for yourself once in a while.Crap, now I sound like your mother. Remember to wear your mittens, sweetie, you don’t want to catch cold!

Nanasha
Nanasha
8 years ago

@aworldanonymous- When I was in it, it was Just How Things Were. And, as I said before, my parents were very explicit about “how much worse” it could be- I was being told explicit stories of horrific abuse that “other children” had to endure at the hands of their family members and especially of Foster Care (my mom’s mother had been an abusive alcoholic and she’d encountered at least two or three sexual molestation experiences, either being forced to watch or being the victim of direct abuse, so she made sure to scare the shit out of my sister and I into never reporting the abuse). I spent much of my elementary school years and junior high school years fantasizing about running away, but I knew that logically, it would not lead to anything good.

Besides, as I said, my parents weren’t total monsters (like the ones they kept describing to me). They fed me, clothed me, allowed me to have friends and visit them, even helped me get a bicycle and gave me the freedom to ride where I wanted as long as I always came back within a certain timeframe.

But because of the fact that my mom especially used emotional abuse and threats of physical violence to control everyone, I became very very good at being very clear and very direct about things, while also mastering subterfuge and other manipulative tactics in order to keep her from getting really extreme (she started threatening to kill my sister for “mouthing off” a couple times).

This has actually served me well in helping me to curb my own violent impulses. This is one of the main problems with abuse- it perpetuates itself. I have a part of me that is angry- so angry- and there’s just no way for me to get it out, no matter how many miles I run or how many pillows I punch. But the best way to diffuse the anger is through TALKING. I know, it sounds silly. But when my daughter is really pissing me off (as 3 year olds are apt to do), I find that voicing my frustration and telling her WHY she’s trying my patience/irritating me, even if she can’t completely understand it, basically removes the impulse to resort to physical discipline (which was the main way my parents “disciplined” me). A lot of the time, if she’s really being whiny, I tell her, “Ok, we’re taking a break,” and then I remove both of us from all stimulation. Sometimes I have to put her in one room and me in the other and just do NOTHING. But it calms both of us down. She knows that this is how she will be treated if she acts like this, and she rarely tantrums (unless she’s really over-tired, but that makes sense).

When she refuses to do something she needs to do (like brushing teeth), I explain to her why she has to do it, and it helps me be less frustrated.

My mom was often silent before she would explode, and she wanted everything “just so”- everything had to be done a special way or it was EVILBAD.

I can be neurotic and “just so” about certain things, but in general, I can cope with it if I stay very very verbal.

I am very grateful that the tactics that I used to survive abuse are the ones I use to refrain from abusing others, but I still feel bad that those impulses arise in certain situations in the first place. It makes me feel really sick in the pit of my stomach, especially when I barely catch an abusive tirade in my throat when my partner does something incredibly infuriating.

But yeah. I just had to shell out over 1400 dollars in vet bills for a cat with a blocked urinary tract and I’m set to go on maternity leave in less than 2 months, so there’s very very little money for therapy (and the “free” therapy that I got through our employe assistance program was useless at best). I’m focusing on paying the bills and not having a nervous breakdown over all the pressure that I’m under right now.

The very worst thing? I only recently had the guts to call CPS on my cousin. Her children are showing signs of abuse and neglect, but it’s always been so subtle and other family keeps on explaining it away as innocuous, but only recently did it actually “click” for me that, no, it’s not “normal” for an 11 year old to be in pull-ups or for a 6 year old to hoard bags and bags of toys around with her everywhere she goes and binge constantly on food to the point of extreme obesity. I’m still not quite sure if they’re actually going to find anything when they confront my cousin about this (or if they’ll be able to do it anytime soon since CPS is so backed up), but it’s a heavy secret for me to bear because I just *know* that my cousin is going to try and figure out who ratted her out, and it’s probably enough to rip my (usually closely knit) extended family apart.

I just know that when I was young, I wish that my family had said, “this is fucked up” when I talked to them about shit my mom did to me. I wish that just one person had said “you are NOT crazy- you’re not just some spoiled kid- what she’s doing is WRONG”.

So yeah. I finally spoke up. But I wonder if I did the right thing- I mean, if I don’t have PROOF, what if that just makes me one of those people who sees ABUSE EVERYWHERE? -_-

Dracula
Dracula
8 years ago

I’m pretty sure you did the right thing, Nanasha.

fembot
8 years ago

@Quackers

God damn it, I just had to go to the Spearhead and see it for myself. I found this comment from our good friend Mr. Slave.

NWOslave August 15, 2012 at 16:29
Trying to civilize women proved to be a waste of time and effort. When given the opportunity they revert back to acting like animals in heat. With state and societal protection, it’s a game of, let’s see how many and how much can I arouse men, and I dare ya to act on it.

It’s refreshing to see him leave a comment that doesn’t include the word “Marxist.”

mandaray
8 years ago

Wow. I can’t even imagine being as fucked up and hateful as Bardamu. What the hell is wrong with these people?

cloudiah
8 years ago

@Nanasha, I think you did the right thing too. Hugs if you want ’em.

Nanasha
Nanasha
8 years ago

@Dracula- I think that the thing that throws me for a loop is that “abuse” just like “rape” has very specific definitions and implications in my family as well as larger society. I was taught that abuse is cigarette burns on your arms and your parents beating you until you are broken and bleeding. I was taught that it was “obvious” and “overt.” That’s why I didn’t recognize my own abuse until later on- I went through many years of half-thinking that I was “overreacting” and “crazy” for thinking that I had it tough- that things were really unsafe at home for me.

And that’s what made it the worst for me in this situation. Because I know that CPS people see kids who get the extreme abuse- so I’m wondering if they’ll even take me seriously- what if they just reinforce the fact that it’s considered “overreacting” until a child is being so obviously hurt that even the most head-in-the-ground denier would have to admit it?

I’m also deeply terrified that they’ll be put in an abusive foster home. My mom told me so many horrible stories of abuse in foster homes, that thinking about it is very triggering for me.

BlackBloc (@XBlackBlocX)

@aworldanonymous: I’m glad to see the next generation of anarcho-communists is going to have some awesome kids in it to take the torch.

magpie
8 years ago

@Nanasha you did the right thing.

Dracula
Dracula
8 years ago

Well Nanasha, given what your mother put you through, I can certainly understand questioning whether you did right here, but it sounds to me like someone needed to make that call.

And if you hadn’t been brave enough to do it, there’s a real chance no one else would have. I’m deeply sorry for those kids, and I’m sorry you have to in that kind of position.

Speaking up is never easy, and I imagine that goes double if you’ve specifically been taught to be afraid to.

So I’ll say again, you did the right thing. And it was damn brave of you.

Myoo
Myoo
8 years ago

@Nanasha
Just want to say I think you did the right thing.

@aworldanonymous
From what I can tell you’re a good person and you shouldn’t hate yourself. I know it’s easier said than done, but I hope you find an antidepressant that works for you.