Categories
alpha males antifeminism creepy domestic violence evil women men who should not ever be with women ever misogyny MRA patriarchy PUA reactionary bullshit the c-word

Ferdinand Bardamu: “Women should be terrorized by their men; it’s the only thing that makes them behave better than chimps.”

NOTE: “Bardamu” was ultimately revealed to be the pseudonym of the unlovely and untalented Matt Forney.

We talked a bit yesterday about pick-up artists and domestic violence – specifically, Heartiste’s suggestion that aspiring alpha males look to Chris Brown as a role model. So today I thought I would take the opportunity to write about one of the skeeviest and most notorious posts the manosphere has generated thus far – Ferdinand Bardamu’s “The Necessity of Domestic Violence.”

Bardamu took down his blog In Mala Fide some months back – I found the text of his post up on Manosphere Copies, a blog set up by the even skeevier MRA who goes by the name Jeremiah (aka JeremiahMRA, aka Things Are Bad) to host posts from manosphere blogs that are no more. In Mala Fide, which combined elements of PUA, Men’s Rights activism and “Human Biological Diversity” style racism, had a great deal of influence in the manosphere in its day. Bardamu published reprehensible things  with regularity – see here, here and here for examples – so his defense of domestic violence is hardly unexpected.

The post is a sprawling, disorderly mess. Much of it is devoted to telling the allegedly true story of the time Bardamu “smacked [a girlfriend] across the face” – and was, he says, rewarded for this bit of alpha behavior with what he describes as “the most intense make-up sex I’ve ever had in my life,” sex so intense it literally broke his bed. Allegedly.

The rest of the post is devoted to a rather convoluted – sometimes frank, sometimes weasel-worded – apologia for domestic violence.

He starts off by suggesting that those concerned with violence against women are hypocrites who aren’t truly feminist:

I have absolutely zero sympathy for women who are the victims of domestic violence, for a multitude of reasons. … If women have all the same rights and responsibilities as men, if denying privileges to someone because of the shape of their genitals is morally wrong, then that means there’s nothing wrong with bashing a woman’s face in — or, more accurately, it’s no more wrong than bashing a man’s face in.

Uh, there’s a lot wrong with bashing anyone’s face in, except in self-defense.

Then he argues – well, asserts – that women who are abused bring this abuse upon themselves. First, by deliberately choosing to be with abusers:

Women are masters of refusing to accept the consequences of their own behavior. Girls who habitually end up in relationships with abusive men do so because they are attracted to men who abuse them. … If you paid attention, you could have seen signs that your man was an abuser, but you ignored them because unconsciously, that’s what turns you on, what gets you wet.

And second, by egging them on:

I have no sympathy for most abused women because a great many of them deliberately incite their men into attacking them, if not by being physically abusive themselves, then by creating drama. Extreme cases of this are diagnosed as borderline personality disorder, but a great percentage of the normal female population engages in this behavior as a matter of course.

Still, despite this, and despite his own proud confession of abuse, Bardamu doesn’t advocate domestic violence explicitly – if only because it might get his readers arrested.

Despite all this, I do NOT recommend you start hitting the girls in your rotation, mainly because the risks are too great. For every one girl who’ll pounce on your dick after a good backhand, there are three more who’ll dial 911 without a second thought. I got lucky. But unless you exclusively fuck single moms, cougars and spinsters, you’ve likely had girls either try to physically hurt you or bait you into hitting them.

After a brief defense of corporal punishment for children, Bardamu suggests that similar “discipline” can help to keep girlfriends in line:

Slapping a girl across the face isn’t just about hurting her, it’s a kind of neg. It says, “I can crush you like an insect, but you aren’t worth the effort.” It’s a tacit acknowledgment that she’s weaker than you, beneath you, and if she crosses you again, you’ll put her in the hospital. You treat her like she’s a child throwing a temper tantrum, not an equal.

And then we come to the money quote:

Like I said already, you should NOT hit women, not unless you want to end up in jail. But the principle still stands. Women should be terrorized by their men; it’s the only thing that makes them behave better than chimps.

Let me repeat that last sentence for emphasis:

Women should be terrorized by their men; it’s the only thing that makes them behave better than chimps.

He ends by suggesting that “far too many” female victims of domestic violence are

conniving, manipulative cunts who wear their men down for the gina tingles, then trick bystanders into squirting tears to their sob stories. They are slapped, punched, and kicked because they inflict emotional violence on their husbands and boyfriends, fueling a never-ending cycle of drama and pain. They are just as abusive and twisted as the thugs and jerks they get wet for.

They deserve each other.

No, Ferdinand, no one deserves you.

In the comments, JeremiahMRA manages to do Bardamu one better – by which I mean one worse.

The truth is that sometimes it’s best for a man to hit his woman to get her to behave, just like Sean Connery said. There are two main problems today: 1) Society has taught men to be ashamed for disciplining their women, and 2) Men with guns are always at the ready to take men away who dare discipline their women. So the actual effect of this is that women have become more abusive, more controlling, more crazy in relationships, because few men are willing to lay down the law with them. So they keep going on in their lives, entitled, never being called on their bullshit, never being disciplined like they need to be. Just as you must discipline a child, you must sometimes discipline a woman. When a man is not able to discipline his child, the child misbehaves, he loses control of the household, and he is not respected. The same happens when a man is not able to discipline his woman. Instead of just giving her a slap when she’s being ridiculous, you have to play fucking mind games nowadays, and they are never as effective. You have to remain the alpha male if you want her to respect you, and it is a pain in the ass to do that when you can’t smack her even when she KNOWS she’s being ridiculous. Just another example of politically correct “progressive” bullshit ruining the relationship between men and women and replacing the man as head of household with government intrusion into our lives.

Tomorrow, I will take a look at one of Bardamu’s unexpected defenders on Reddit.

Subscribe
Notify of
guest

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

150 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
viola
8 years ago

Every now and then I let the laughable pickup tactics make me forget how hateful these people are.

hellkell
hellkell
8 years ago

Didn’t we all learn “don’t hit” in Kindergarten? It wasn’t backed with “unless she mouths off to you.”

I wonder if they’re in favor of hitting men who talk back to them, or if the thrill is in picking on someone they see as weaker.

Dvärghundspossen
8 years ago

Uh… I’m pretty certain you can’t actually, in real life, outside of cartoons, destroy your bed by fucking, unless it was already broken and you fucking in it was the last straw that completely made it fall to the floor.

And you know, if a woman has sex with a man who hit her that does NOT prove that abuse makes her horny. A more plausible explanation is that she’s trying to please him because she’s scared. Or it’s simply a case of rape, but the man doesn’t see it as such because his definition of rape includes “stranger in a dark alley”.

Buttman
Buttman
8 years ago

“Didn’t we all learn “don’t hit” in Kindergarten? It wasn’t backed with “unless she mouths off to you.”

Actions speak louder than words. The majority of mothers hit their kids as discipline.

captainbathrobe
captainbathrobe
8 years ago

Abuser logic! The abused are always responsible for their own abuse!

Assmonkeys.

Reynardine
Reynardine
8 years ago

Of course, the thrill is in weak-beating. That’s how they convince themselves it is not they, but “others”, who are weak.

There are, of course, female hybristophiles… Laura Wood, I’m bettiing, is one. Ayn Rand and her worship of a murderer who had sawn a little girl in half is another. The secret agenda of such an hybristophile is that since she believes she herself is inherently “weak”, she wiill keep one of the “strong” by her, the way some pipsqueaks keep vicious dogs to terrorize other people, and are willing to accept that sometimes the dog will bite them. Because of the vicious nature of hybristophiles, they do end up hurting and destroying their “dogs”. Hybristophiles are a tiny percentage of women…or men. I’ve known two. But guys like this one probably help create them.

ostara321
ostara321
8 years ago

Instead of just giving her a slap when she’s being ridiculous, you have to play fucking mind games nowadays, and they are never as effective.

Shorter Jerimiah: talking about and working out problems like an adult is too hard!

pimpleybum
pimpleybum
8 years ago

Farmers treat cows better the these guys treat other humans. But I guess I should be thankful for guys like this, the more they blog the more irrelevant the “movement” becomes.

Cliff Pervocracy
8 years ago

I don’t think the sex was bed-breaking because she was so into it, but because that’s how forceful he was.

OW.

Sarah N.
Sarah N.
8 years ago

I see that the MRAs are still ignoring the fact that 44% of murdered women are killed by intimates. I know, I know, more men die every year from murder. That’s the true tragedy. How could I even spend a minute thinking about the fact that every day in America three women are killed by their partners? (I don’t suppose the MRAs would understand if I tried to talk about violence against transgender individuals with them, would they?)

hellkell
hellkell
8 years ago

I hope TAB comes back to drop a pic to prove how totally right he is. That was classic.

PosterformerlyknownasElizabeth

Uh… I’m pretty certain you can’t actually, in real life, outside of cartoons, destroy your bed by fucking, unless it was already broken and you fucking in it was the last straw that completely made it fall to the floor.

Oh I do not know about that. According to David McCullough, Harry and Bess Truman broke a bed when he was President one time after the President returned from a trip.

Karalora
Karalora
8 years ago

The constant references to “their women” and comparisons to disciplining misbehaving children make my stomach churn a little.

Just in case there are any guys reading who are confused on this point: You do not have authority over the women you date/sleep with/marry. You do not own them, you do not have the right to “discipline” them, they are adults and not children. If you don’t like the way a woman behaves toward you, you are free to refrain from dating/sleeping with/marrying her, but making her feel “terrorized” in an attempt to control her behavior is ABUSE in the purest sense of the word.

Reynardine
Reynardine
8 years ago

Most cases of “bed-breaking” mean (a) the wood frame either had dry rot, was meant to be a single, or both; or (b) the box spring got displaced and fell through the frame. Fornication is not necessary to either of the foregoing.

feministwiep
feministwiep
8 years ago

There is so much wrong with this blatant advocacy for DV that I don’t know where to start. Truly horrifying. 🙁

marc2020
marc2020
8 years ago

Prick

rodafowa
8 years ago

Holy fuck. Before today I thought I’d seen “politically correct” used as a pejorative by some pretty stupid people to defend some pretty repugnant shit. But this fucker is on a whole new level. He’s the Usain Bolt of hateful vomit-inducing arseholery.

I mean, you can’t even slap your wife around these days. It’s political correctness gone mad.

Quackers
Quackers
8 years ago

^ ditto.

if a man ever laid a hand on me (or a woman) I would take the appropriate self defense measures, not hop into bed with them. I have a theory that this is another reason they obsess over younger women with petite body types…easier to intimidate and physically abuse without retaliation and less likely to cause damage than if a woman their size or bigger actually fought back.

thebionicmommy
thebionicmommy
8 years ago

The part where he praised child abuse is also very bad. He said (tw for child abuse)

Ever wonder why spanking is the preferred form of corporal punishment for children? If the sole purpose of hitting a disobedient child is to inflict physical pain, why not just uppercut the little shit in the jaw (assume we lived in a society where physically beating your children was acceptable)? Or why not just smack the brat with a two by four plank of wood? Why go to all the effort of yanking his pants down and wearing your palm out on his dirty ass-cheeks? The answer is that corporal punishment isn’t merely about pain, it’s about humiliation.

I hope he never becomes a parent if that’s how he feels about children.

BTW, there are a lot of ways for parents to punish a child without resorting to corporal punishment. The time out is one of the most popular ways, but you can also take away privileges, or let someone face the natural consequences of bad decisions. I think that taking away the X-Box or TV is the most effective punishment in my home, even though my kids think it’s cruel. For an example of natural consequences, if your child won’t get ready in time for school, don’t make an excuse note for the teacher. Let the child get a tardy slip at school so they’ll learn that their parent won’t always smooth over things when they make mistakes. You don’t have to be a permissive pushover parent just because you are against spanking.

As for disciplining a partner, though, that should never be necessary. If an adult doesn’t behave the way you like, then don’t date them. It’s easy as that.

Rutee Katreya
8 years ago

…but the MRM is nonviolent and respects women. Fuck, I wonder if there’s anything that can be done to help that woman.

darksidecat
8 years ago

As usual, mras earn their nickname ‘abuser’s lobby’.

These people shouldn’t be allowed near any woman. Or any child, for that matter, as they think violence and abuse against children are okay. Don’t beat anyone, don’t beat women, don’t beat kids.

aworldanonymous
8 years ago

Well, that’s new, I’ve finally found a person out there whom I hate more than myself. How the fuck do these guys get off on this shit, I swear if I ever met that man in the street, I’d probably not be violent to him, but I would make every single effort to drill it into his mind just how horrid he is, and why.

Amatyultare
Amatyultare
8 years ago

So, DV is okay because men and women are supposed to be equal! Sauce for the goose, good for the gander, etc! Yet simultaneously, DV is good because it’s inherently a reminder that the woman is weaker and “beneath” the (male) abuser. Also, women are to blame for being abused because they secretly want it, but also abuse is a ‘neg’ and in principle women should be abused until they are “terrorized”. Do I have that right?

(Not that having logical consistency would improve the post – ugh, ugh, ugh – but I prefer to nitpick because how do you discuss the meat of a post with the thesis: Women should be abused? UGH.)

aworldanonymous
8 years ago

Maybe hate is too strong a word, perhaps I should say this is a man who inspires anger in me, the likes of which my own incompetence in day to day affairs has never brought forth.

Nanasha
Nanasha
8 years ago

I have never understood why they paint themselves as helpless unless they can beat on someone. Even beating and slapping children who misbehave is far less likely to lead to compliance unless we are talking about compliance-until-you-can-escape. It also does not make them respect you. The anger and disrespect might seem reduced, but that is only because abuse puts people in survival mode, which is basically on the very lowest tier of the hierarchy of needs.

My parents physically and emotionally abused me. Their behavior made me disgusted at them once I could get away from it, but when I was in it, I rationalized it by telling myself that they weren’t sexually abusing me or breaking bones and besides, I had clothing, a bed and got regular meals. The LEAST I could do was endure my mom’s irrational anger and spankings. She made sure to tell me detailed horror stories about how much worse foster care would be to drive home the point.

In order to survive, I learned to manipulate and gaslight my mom because she was constantly doing the same to our family and threatening to kick us out for things like talking in a snotty tone at ten years of age or hitting us with a solid wood paddle on the butt when we would not comply with how she viewed reality.

Abuse may make the abuser happy, but all the rest is bullshit. If you were really tired of your bitchy manipulative girlfriend, you would simply get your ducks in a row and get the hell out. There is no good justification for abusing someone else.

Freitag
Freitag
8 years ago

@aworldanonymous, that you find this asshat’s words disgusting proves that you don’t deserve to be hated by anyone, especially yourself. From what I’ve read here, you’re quite a good person. Everyone has periods of time where they aren’t satisfied with themselves, but try to think of yourself in more positive terms.

You’re not like those guys. At all.

WordSpinner
WordSpinner
8 years ago

What really shocks me is actually the apparent values behind this reasoning and Roissy’s the other day: getting laid is so important that if you need to turn yourself into an awful person to do so, do it. (Of course, that’s not true, but they claim it is.) I mean, if I had to chose to go through life a virgin or become an abuser, I’d chose virginity.

Of course, it all makes sense when you realize they want to abuse women and then they rationalize that women want to be abused… which makes the “hamster” just part and parcel of the MRM’s gold medal in projection.

Viscaria
Viscaria
8 years ago

First of all, @aworld, it sucks to feel bad about yourself. If you want my opinion, you have nothing to feel bad about! You seem cool and interesting and I like reading your comments. I know sometimes hearing that doesn’t help, because I feel pretty bad about myself most of the time too, but I just thought I’d throw in my two cents.

Okay. Second of all. Women and children are not possessions, they are people. Anyone who doesn’t understand that is despicable.

skeptifem
8 years ago

That crap about spanking was weird. There is a lot of evidence that spanking just fucks kids up and that any obedience that results is short term or conditional. SO basically it doesn’t even work on kids, why praise it at all as a model to modify adult behavior?

aworldanonymous
8 years ago

Thanks to everyone who’s offering consolation, I’m hoping to get my anti-depressants changed, so hopefully that’ll help me feel better about myself.

Also @Nanasha, hugs if you want them, nobody should have to be put through that in any stage of their lives, let alone childhood.

Nanasha
Nanasha
8 years ago

@aworldanon

My parents convinced me that how they treated me was normal and good. I think that is what really fucked me up for the longest time. I was shown and told about all the far worse abusive parents who burned their kids with cigarettes or got violently drunk or raped them or locked them in cages and forced them to drink their own urine. In comparison, I saw the abuse I endured as being acceptable or even preferable to the stated alternative.

That is one of the facets of abuse that is rarely addressed. Many abuse victims breathe a sigh of relief when they escape a more abusive situation and will accept a less abusive but still abusive situation and feel that they are “lucky” because they have no non-abuaive frame of reference.

Which is why I dated a guy who forced me to do humiliating and unwanted sex stuff. Because he let me hang out at his house and escape. And besides whenever he disn’t have an erection, we would just laze around and eat tasty food and watch anime. I felt that enduring unpleasant sex stuff that mostly did not hurt was an acceptable price.

Dracula
Dracula
8 years ago

Way to take massive shit all over DV victims Noms, you bullying little coward.

Anyone else feel this warrants a banning? Because I sure fucking do.

karak
karak
8 years ago

TIL that beating up people you think are smaller, weaker, more vulnerable, and less intelligent isn’t gross, it’s honorable.

Also, women are stupider than men but regularly out-think them and use Emotional Terrorism. Remember: upsetting someone LARGER than you is WRONG, but BEATING someone SMALLER than you is RIGHT. Especially if you beat them because they’re smarter than you and using it against you.

Because BIOTRUTH.

Monsieur sans Nom
Monsieur sans Nom
8 years ago

I am not MOCKING DV victims, Dracula. I am being provocative though as usual! 😉

Freitag
Freitag
8 years ago

ESAD, Nom.

Dracula
Dracula
8 years ago

Seriously, banning. I’m tired of this little shit smear using us for his attention fix.

WordSpinner
WordSpinner
8 years ago

I agree with the ban… or at least moderation. MSN is just in it for the to hurt people, and he isn’t even consistently entertaining. Annoying, yes.

Polliwog
Polliwog
8 years ago

I am not MOCKING DV victims, Dracula. I am being provocative though as usual! 😉

Why?

Seriously, why? What do you get out of this? What is it you hope to accomplish by spending your days seeing if you can vaguely annoy or hurt strangers on the internet? How is it possible that you can’t find anything better to do with your time?

Freitag
Freitag
8 years ago

Nom, you’re not provocative. That implies a challenge to established thinking. What you are being is a childish little twit begging for adult attention. Sod off. Adults are talking here.

hellkell
hellkell
8 years ago

MSN, fuck off. That was completely and totally over the line.

Apologize for existing, you little shit.

hellkell
hellkell
8 years ago

I’m also on the Bannination Express.

Noadi
Noadi
8 years ago

Most cases of “bed-breaking” mean (a) the wood frame either had dry rot, was meant to be a single, or both; or (b) the box spring got displaced and fell through the frame. Fornication is not necessary to either of the foregoing.

Certainly isn’t, when I was a little kid my brother and I decided to use our parents’ bed as a trampoline and caused the box spring to fall through the frame. I believe we lost TV privileges for a couple weeks for that.

Monsieur sans Nom
Monsieur sans Nom
8 years ago

That video really isn’t about domestic violence, it’s about S&M. Chill out.

ostara321
ostara321
8 years ago

*patiently waits for trolls to claim “but he isn’t ADVOCATING abuse! Just noting an observation!”*

Also, this

I am not MOCKING DV victims, Dracula. I am being provocative though as usual!

Ha, no. You’re being an attention-seeking piece of shit. As per usual.

cloudiah
8 years ago

MSN, you’re not provocative. You’re a tedious asshole with delusions of grandeur.

howardbann1ster
howardbann1ster
8 years ago

MSN admitted the other day that he was in it for the lulz. Pointing to our lack of commenting on his “Rale kewl” octopus video as why he would continue to troll the site. (combining victim-blaming with an admission of a near-pathological need for our attention)

So I’d go for a ban.

Bostonian
8 years ago

Delusions of adequacy, actually cloudiah.

katz
8 years ago

MSN has never even said anything amusingly stupid. Show him the door.

Freitag
Freitag
8 years ago

School starts in two weeks. Nom will go away on his own then; he’ll be busy with Intro to Algebra.

cloudiah
8 years ago

Good point, Bostonian.

1 2 3