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Ferdinand Bardamu: “Women should be terrorized by their men; it’s the only thing that makes them behave better than chimps.”

NOTE: “Bardamu” was ultimately revealed to be the pseudonym of the unlovely and untalented Matt Forney.

We talked a bit yesterday about pick-up artists and domestic violence – specifically, Heartiste’s suggestion that aspiring alpha males look to Chris Brown as a role model. So today I thought I would take the opportunity to write about one of the skeeviest and most notorious posts the manosphere has generated thus far – Ferdinand Bardamu’s “The Necessity of Domestic Violence.”

Bardamu took down his blog In Mala Fide some months back – I found the text of his post up on Manosphere Copies, a blog set up by the even skeevier MRA who goes by the name Jeremiah (aka JeremiahMRA, aka Things Are Bad) to host posts from manosphere blogs that are no more. In Mala Fide, which combined elements of PUA, Men’s Rights activism and “Human Biological Diversity” style racism, had a great deal of influence in the manosphere in its day. Bardamu published reprehensible things  with regularity – see here, here and here for examples – so his defense of domestic violence is hardly unexpected.

The post is a sprawling, disorderly mess. Much of it is devoted to telling the allegedly true story of the time Bardamu “smacked [a girlfriend] across the face” – and was, he says, rewarded for this bit of alpha behavior with what he describes as “the most intense make-up sex I’ve ever had in my life,” sex so intense it literally broke his bed. Allegedly.

The rest of the post is devoted to a rather convoluted – sometimes frank, sometimes weasel-worded – apologia for domestic violence.

He starts off by suggesting that those concerned with violence against women are hypocrites who aren’t truly feminist:

I have absolutely zero sympathy for women who are the victims of domestic violence, for a multitude of reasons. … If women have all the same rights and responsibilities as men, if denying privileges to someone because of the shape of their genitals is morally wrong, then that means there’s nothing wrong with bashing a woman’s face in — or, more accurately, it’s no more wrong than bashing a man’s face in.

Uh, there’s a lot wrong with bashing anyone’s face in, except in self-defense.

Then he argues – well, asserts – that women who are abused bring this abuse upon themselves. First, by deliberately choosing to be with abusers:

Women are masters of refusing to accept the consequences of their own behavior. Girls who habitually end up in relationships with abusive men do so because they are attracted to men who abuse them. … If you paid attention, you could have seen signs that your man was an abuser, but you ignored them because unconsciously, that’s what turns you on, what gets you wet.

And second, by egging them on:

I have no sympathy for most abused women because a great many of them deliberately incite their men into attacking them, if not by being physically abusive themselves, then by creating drama. Extreme cases of this are diagnosed as borderline personality disorder, but a great percentage of the normal female population engages in this behavior as a matter of course.

Still, despite this, and despite his own proud confession of abuse, Bardamu doesn’t advocate domestic violence explicitly – if only because it might get his readers arrested.

Despite all this, I do NOT recommend you start hitting the girls in your rotation, mainly because the risks are too great. For every one girl who’ll pounce on your dick after a good backhand, there are three more who’ll dial 911 without a second thought. I got lucky. But unless you exclusively fuck single moms, cougars and spinsters, you’ve likely had girls either try to physically hurt you or bait you into hitting them.

After a brief defense of corporal punishment for children, Bardamu suggests that similar “discipline” can help to keep girlfriends in line:

Slapping a girl across the face isn’t just about hurting her, it’s a kind of neg. It says, “I can crush you like an insect, but you aren’t worth the effort.” It’s a tacit acknowledgment that she’s weaker than you, beneath you, and if she crosses you again, you’ll put her in the hospital. You treat her like she’s a child throwing a temper tantrum, not an equal.

And then we come to the money quote:

Like I said already, you should NOT hit women, not unless you want to end up in jail. But the principle still stands. Women should be terrorized by their men; it’s the only thing that makes them behave better than chimps.

Let me repeat that last sentence for emphasis:

Women should be terrorized by their men; it’s the only thing that makes them behave better than chimps.

He ends by suggesting that “far too many” female victims of domestic violence are

conniving, manipulative cunts who wear their men down for the gina tingles, then trick bystanders into squirting tears to their sob stories. They are slapped, punched, and kicked because they inflict emotional violence on their husbands and boyfriends, fueling a never-ending cycle of drama and pain. They are just as abusive and twisted as the thugs and jerks they get wet for.

They deserve each other.

No, Ferdinand, no one deserves you.

In the comments, JeremiahMRA manages to do Bardamu one better – by which I mean one worse.

The truth is that sometimes it’s best for a man to hit his woman to get her to behave, just like Sean Connery said. There are two main problems today: 1) Society has taught men to be ashamed for disciplining their women, and 2) Men with guns are always at the ready to take men away who dare discipline their women. So the actual effect of this is that women have become more abusive, more controlling, more crazy in relationships, because few men are willing to lay down the law with them. So they keep going on in their lives, entitled, never being called on their bullshit, never being disciplined like they need to be. Just as you must discipline a child, you must sometimes discipline a woman. When a man is not able to discipline his child, the child misbehaves, he loses control of the household, and he is not respected. The same happens when a man is not able to discipline his woman. Instead of just giving her a slap when she’s being ridiculous, you have to play fucking mind games nowadays, and they are never as effective. You have to remain the alpha male if you want her to respect you, and it is a pain in the ass to do that when you can’t smack her even when she KNOWS she’s being ridiculous. Just another example of politically correct “progressive” bullshit ruining the relationship between men and women and replacing the man as head of household with government intrusion into our lives.

Tomorrow, I will take a look at one of Bardamu’s unexpected defenders on Reddit.

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viola
12 years ago

Every now and then I let the laughable pickup tactics make me forget how hateful these people are.

hellkell
hellkell
12 years ago

Didn’t we all learn “don’t hit” in Kindergarten? It wasn’t backed with “unless she mouths off to you.”

I wonder if they’re in favor of hitting men who talk back to them, or if the thrill is in picking on someone they see as weaker.

Dvärghundspossen
Dvärghundspossen
12 years ago

Uh… I’m pretty certain you can’t actually, in real life, outside of cartoons, destroy your bed by fucking, unless it was already broken and you fucking in it was the last straw that completely made it fall to the floor.

And you know, if a woman has sex with a man who hit her that does NOT prove that abuse makes her horny. A more plausible explanation is that she’s trying to please him because she’s scared. Or it’s simply a case of rape, but the man doesn’t see it as such because his definition of rape includes “stranger in a dark alley”.

Buttman
Buttman
12 years ago

“Didn’t we all learn “don’t hit” in Kindergarten? It wasn’t backed with “unless she mouths off to you.”

Actions speak louder than words. The majority of mothers hit their kids as discipline.

captainbathrobe
captainbathrobe
12 years ago

Abuser logic! The abused are always responsible for their own abuse!

Assmonkeys.

Reynardine
Reynardine
12 years ago

Of course, the thrill is in weak-beating. That’s how they convince themselves it is not they, but “others”, who are weak.

There are, of course, female hybristophiles… Laura Wood, I’m bettiing, is one. Ayn Rand and her worship of a murderer who had sawn a little girl in half is another. The secret agenda of such an hybristophile is that since she believes she herself is inherently “weak”, she wiill keep one of the “strong” by her, the way some pipsqueaks keep vicious dogs to terrorize other people, and are willing to accept that sometimes the dog will bite them. Because of the vicious nature of hybristophiles, they do end up hurting and destroying their “dogs”. Hybristophiles are a tiny percentage of women…or men. I’ve known two. But guys like this one probably help create them.

ostara321
ostara321
12 years ago

Instead of just giving her a slap when she’s being ridiculous, you have to play fucking mind games nowadays, and they are never as effective.

Shorter Jerimiah: talking about and working out problems like an adult is too hard!

pimpleybum
pimpleybum
12 years ago

Farmers treat cows better the these guys treat other humans. But I guess I should be thankful for guys like this, the more they blog the more irrelevant the “movement” becomes.

Cliff Pervocracy
12 years ago

I don’t think the sex was bed-breaking because she was so into it, but because that’s how forceful he was.

OW.

Sarah N.
Sarah N.
12 years ago

I see that the MRAs are still ignoring the fact that 44% of murdered women are killed by intimates. I know, I know, more men die every year from murder. That’s the true tragedy. How could I even spend a minute thinking about the fact that every day in America three women are killed by their partners? (I don’t suppose the MRAs would understand if I tried to talk about violence against transgender individuals with them, would they?)

hellkell
hellkell
12 years ago

I hope TAB comes back to drop a pic to prove how totally right he is. That was classic.

PosterformerlyknownasElizabeth
PosterformerlyknownasElizabeth
12 years ago

Uh… I’m pretty certain you can’t actually, in real life, outside of cartoons, destroy your bed by fucking, unless it was already broken and you fucking in it was the last straw that completely made it fall to the floor.

Oh I do not know about that. According to David McCullough, Harry and Bess Truman broke a bed when he was President one time after the President returned from a trip.

Karalora
Karalora
12 years ago

The constant references to “their women” and comparisons to disciplining misbehaving children make my stomach churn a little.

Just in case there are any guys reading who are confused on this point: You do not have authority over the women you date/sleep with/marry. You do not own them, you do not have the right to “discipline” them, they are adults and not children. If you don’t like the way a woman behaves toward you, you are free to refrain from dating/sleeping with/marrying her, but making her feel “terrorized” in an attempt to control her behavior is ABUSE in the purest sense of the word.

Reynardine
Reynardine
12 years ago

Most cases of “bed-breaking” mean (a) the wood frame either had dry rot, was meant to be a single, or both; or (b) the box spring got displaced and fell through the frame. Fornication is not necessary to either of the foregoing.

feministwiep
feministwiep
12 years ago

There is so much wrong with this blatant advocacy for DV that I don’t know where to start. Truly horrifying. 🙁

marc2020
marc2020
12 years ago

Prick

rodafowa
12 years ago

Holy fuck. Before today I thought I’d seen “politically correct” used as a pejorative by some pretty stupid people to defend some pretty repugnant shit. But this fucker is on a whole new level. He’s the Usain Bolt of hateful vomit-inducing arseholery.

I mean, you can’t even slap your wife around these days. It’s political correctness gone mad.

Quackers
Quackers
12 years ago

^ ditto.

if a man ever laid a hand on me (or a woman) I would take the appropriate self defense measures, not hop into bed with them. I have a theory that this is another reason they obsess over younger women with petite body types…easier to intimidate and physically abuse without retaliation and less likely to cause damage than if a woman their size or bigger actually fought back.

thebionicmommy
thebionicmommy
12 years ago

The part where he praised child abuse is also very bad. He said (tw for child abuse)

Ever wonder why spanking is the preferred form of corporal punishment for children? If the sole purpose of hitting a disobedient child is to inflict physical pain, why not just uppercut the little shit in the jaw (assume we lived in a society where physically beating your children was acceptable)? Or why not just smack the brat with a two by four plank of wood? Why go to all the effort of yanking his pants down and wearing your palm out on his dirty ass-cheeks? The answer is that corporal punishment isn’t merely about pain, it’s about humiliation.

I hope he never becomes a parent if that’s how he feels about children.

BTW, there are a lot of ways for parents to punish a child without resorting to corporal punishment. The time out is one of the most popular ways, but you can also take away privileges, or let someone face the natural consequences of bad decisions. I think that taking away the X-Box or TV is the most effective punishment in my home, even though my kids think it’s cruel. For an example of natural consequences, if your child won’t get ready in time for school, don’t make an excuse note for the teacher. Let the child get a tardy slip at school so they’ll learn that their parent won’t always smooth over things when they make mistakes. You don’t have to be a permissive pushover parent just because you are against spanking.

As for disciplining a partner, though, that should never be necessary. If an adult doesn’t behave the way you like, then don’t date them. It’s easy as that.

Rutee Katreya
12 years ago

…but the MRM is nonviolent and respects women. Fuck, I wonder if there’s anything that can be done to help that woman.

darksidecat
12 years ago

As usual, mras earn their nickname ‘abuser’s lobby’.

These people shouldn’t be allowed near any woman. Or any child, for that matter, as they think violence and abuse against children are okay. Don’t beat anyone, don’t beat women, don’t beat kids.

aworldanonymous
12 years ago

Well, that’s new, I’ve finally found a person out there whom I hate more than myself. How the fuck do these guys get off on this shit, I swear if I ever met that man in the street, I’d probably not be violent to him, but I would make every single effort to drill it into his mind just how horrid he is, and why.

Amatyultare
Amatyultare
12 years ago

So, DV is okay because men and women are supposed to be equal! Sauce for the goose, good for the gander, etc! Yet simultaneously, DV is good because it’s inherently a reminder that the woman is weaker and “beneath” the (male) abuser. Also, women are to blame for being abused because they secretly want it, but also abuse is a ‘neg’ and in principle women should be abused until they are “terrorized”. Do I have that right?

(Not that having logical consistency would improve the post – ugh, ugh, ugh – but I prefer to nitpick because how do you discuss the meat of a post with the thesis: Women should be abused? UGH.)

aworldanonymous
12 years ago

Maybe hate is too strong a word, perhaps I should say this is a man who inspires anger in me, the likes of which my own incompetence in day to day affairs has never brought forth.

Nanasha
Nanasha
12 years ago

I have never understood why they paint themselves as helpless unless they can beat on someone. Even beating and slapping children who misbehave is far less likely to lead to compliance unless we are talking about compliance-until-you-can-escape. It also does not make them respect you. The anger and disrespect might seem reduced, but that is only because abuse puts people in survival mode, which is basically on the very lowest tier of the hierarchy of needs.

My parents physically and emotionally abused me. Their behavior made me disgusted at them once I could get away from it, but when I was in it, I rationalized it by telling myself that they weren’t sexually abusing me or breaking bones and besides, I had clothing, a bed and got regular meals. The LEAST I could do was endure my mom’s irrational anger and spankings. She made sure to tell me detailed horror stories about how much worse foster care would be to drive home the point.

In order to survive, I learned to manipulate and gaslight my mom because she was constantly doing the same to our family and threatening to kick us out for things like talking in a snotty tone at ten years of age or hitting us with a solid wood paddle on the butt when we would not comply with how she viewed reality.

Abuse may make the abuser happy, but all the rest is bullshit. If you were really tired of your bitchy manipulative girlfriend, you would simply get your ducks in a row and get the hell out. There is no good justification for abusing someone else.

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