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Heartiste: Chris Brown is a great role model for wannabe alpha males

Chris Brown, who’s convinced that he’s apologized enough for what he calls his “mishap.”

Over on his little chateau, otherwise known as a blog, the pick-up Heartiste Formerly Known as Roissy suggests a rather unusual role model for young and not-so-young men hoping to impress women with their alphaness: Chris Brown. Not for being a charismatic singer, but for that time he nearly beat Rihanna to death.

Oh, you don’t have to literally beat up women to be an alpha. Just work on making them uncomfortable and insecure.

Maxim #19: Making a woman feel a little emotional pain will reward you a thousandfold in returned physical pleasure.

You don’t have to be fists-of-fury Chris Brown to pick up a Rihanna and make her fall in deep, profound love with you, but don’t let the lesson of their relationship be lost on you. If you are a beta male — and odds are you are — you can superglue your relationship bond by instilling in your woman a calculated level of discomfort and insecurity. You won’t feel bad about this, because you will know that the discomfort you create is subconsciously DESIRED by your girl. Despite her outward appearance of frustration and timorous appeasement, you will know that inside, she is lit up like a vagina tree, with a squirting orgasm shooting out of the star on top.

In addition to everything else that is horribly wrong with this quote, let me just say that “lit up like a vagina tree” is not a phrase that I hope works its way into the vernacular.

So far, so good.

 

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clairedammit
clairedammit
12 years ago

the sequel

Oh, God, Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps was the worst movie I ever saw. No lie.

Sharculese
Sharculese
12 years ago

I would consider Gekko to be an anti-hero of sorts; a complex character. One who faces hard truths – such as that quoted above. The fact that he is the protagonist of the sequel would seem to indicate that the director shares my views.

thank god you didnt go into academia

Sir Bodsworth Rugglesby III
Sir Bodsworth Rugglesby III
12 years ago

Hey Steelepole, I can’t help noticing that nobody’s paying you for your opinions. You’re – duhn duhn DUHN – sharing them!

WordSpinner
WordSpinner
12 years ago

This cat looks and behaves so much like one of my parent’s kitties. They’re even the same breed (devon rex).

Sharculese
Sharculese
12 years ago

@ Steele – why would I want to “acknowledge the greatness” of some bourgeois tosspot?

fyi, mikey isn’t just any bourgeois tosspot- he’s a midlevel office-drone with a half-page sketch for a startup who takes a few b-school classes in his spare time and he will flip the fuck out if you don’t ‘respect his station’

Steele
Steele
12 years ago

Chortle all you want, A natural inclination towards selfishness is actually about as fucking far as you can get from reality, The only thing one can say for certain about human nature is that man is a social being.

Excuse me? One reason all the communist regimes failed was because the few individuals in power acted selfishly. Another, even more important reason was that the citizens would do what they absolutely had to, and no more – leading to a dampened, lackluster economy, food shortages, and the like. A natural inclination toward selfishness has been amply demonstrated, in my opinion. The anti-Objectivist positions of the feminists and other assorted jester’s fools are well-known and have been roundly rebutted.

Sharculese
Sharculese
12 years ago

Hey Steelepole, I can’t help noticing that nobody’s paying you for your opinions. You’re – duhn duhn DUHN – sharing them!

it’s not like he came up with them on his own so it’s all good

Gametime
12 years ago

Excuse me while I chortle.

The state should exist to provide a framework for great men to rise to prominence and a medium through which others may acknowledge his greatness

I chortle

Oh god, I may never stop laughing. Please, Steele, keep telling us how you love to chortle, it is the perfect word to represent your unique combination of pompousness and ignorance.

Sharculese
Sharculese
12 years ago

The anti-Objectivist positions of the feminists and other assorted jester’s fools are well-known and have been roundly rebutted.

you understand that there are points in between stalinism and randian fantasyland, right?

Sir Bodsworth Rugglesby III
Sir Bodsworth Rugglesby III
12 years ago

@ Sharculese – That’s even worse! He’s a looter! Looooooooteeeeeeer!

Sharculese
Sharculese
12 years ago

@ Sharculese – That’s even worse! He’s a looter! Looooooooteeeeeeer!

mikey read the fountainhead and didn’t realize than in rand’s tortured metaphor he’d be a caryatid

Gametime
12 years ago

@aworldanonymous: I think my favourite part about anarcho-communism (y’know, aside from the rigorous opposition to all forms of oppression) is that a lot of its seminal thinkers are actually super readable. I was pleasantly surprised to discover that Bakunin and Kropotkin both managed to consistently write in a way that was engaging and straightforward, in contrast to, well, basically every other political theorist I’ve ever read.

Dracula
Dracula
12 years ago

Okay seriously Steelepole, “jester’s fool” really isn’t workin’ for ya. It just makes you look like a horse’s ass. 😛

aworldanonymous
12 years ago

Excuse me? One reason all the communist regimes failed was because the few individuals in power acted selfishly. Another, even more important reason was that the citizens would do what they absolutely had to, and no more – leading to a dampened, lackluster economy, food shortages, and the like. A natural inclination toward selfishness has been amply demonstrated, in my opinion. The anti-Objectivist positions of the feminists and other assorted jester’s fools are well-known and have been roundly rebutted.

You’re forgetting the part where several anarcho-communist groups which rose during the Spanish revolution which were working marvellously until the statist communists sold them out to the fascists. Remember dude, in anarcho-communism, power is disseminated among the people, and there is no structure in place for a central body to seize control.

Reynardine
Reynardine
12 years ago

Ah, I see. The State exists to revolve like a carousel around the Great Man, sing his praises, and ensure he gets whatever he wants. Methinks a number of people tried that in the Twentieth Century. A few are still hanging onto it now.

As an amateur horticulturist, I ask that someone submit a botanical description, plus taxonomy, of this “vagina tree.”

Shadow
Shadow
12 years ago

I’d like to call a timeout to express my amazement at “economicity”. Is Steele speaking to us from his fictional misandrist land with it’s own fictional language that bears some resemblance to English? I wouldn’t blame him, it would be a big fuck you to that fictional m-feminist that clued him in to the fictional fact that men are not accepted in the humanities and/or professional writing!

Sharculese
Sharculese
12 years ago

omigod i totally glazed over ‘economicity’

look’s like someone made himself the jester’s fool!

aworldanonymous
12 years ago

So, basically steeledude, you can try to argue for your libertarian selfishness paradise, while we over here on the left choose to recognize that selfishness in and of itself is merely another form of opression. Doesn’t matter if it’s human nature or not, in a laissez-faire capitalist system, oppressors absolutely will rise and oppress. All you’re doing with your objectivism is transferring power from the state, to individuals with even less preventing them from commiting atrocities. And this would happen even if your so called “true capitalism” where all trade is between individuals and no corporations exist, as long as there’s a capitalist system, where some have it better than others there will always be oppression.

Dracula
Dracula
12 years ago

You know you’re all just jealous of Steelepole ascertenation.

BlackBloc (@XBlackBlocX)

If human beings are inclined to selfishness, the last thing you want is a concentrated power structure organized in a hierarchical manner, aka the state. Better for the criminal to be my equal than to be my boss, or mayor, or president.

As for ‘great men’, history is littered with their cadavers. All they leave behind are monuments to the lies of their existence. It’s the common folks that made civilization, that make history and that bring all change and progress. ‘Great men’ are merely the avatars of movements that existed long before they rose to fame and would have existed even if they’d never been born.

“Statues built for bastards
Monuments to thieves”

Dracula
Dracula
12 years ago

*Steelepole’s

cloudiah
12 years ago

The State exists to revolve like a carousel around the Great Man

What’s even weirder is that Steele doesn’t even seem to see himself as one of those Great Men, since he has described himself as semi-intelligent and semi-attractive.

Steele
Steele
12 years ago

Remember dude, in anarcho-communism, power is disseminated among the people, and there is no structure in place for a central body to seize control.

Very idealistic. But what’s to stop some group – internal or external- from simply seizing power, in this vacuum?

Shadow
Shadow
12 years ago

Okay, I take back everything I said. Steele has truly risen to the praise heaped upon him by others, and has stepped as the clear forerunner for Troll of The Year 2012.

The state should exist to provide a framework for great men to rise to prominence and a medium through which others may acknowledge his greatness

CMAOO

Sir Bodsworth Rugglesby III
Sir Bodsworth Rugglesby III
12 years ago

I’d argue that one of the biggest problems of the Soviet style economies was that post WWII the Soviets retained their pre-war focus on heavy industry, while the West was refocusing on consumer goods. The other was the massive overemphasis on the importance of the people controlling the ‘commanding heights’ of the economy. The people at the bottom were rhetorically praised, but actually ignored.

Rand, of course, makes both of those same mistakes. Except that in her ideal world, the people at the bottom were not rhetorically praised.

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