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Heartiste: Chris Brown is a great role model for wannabe alpha males

Chris Brown, who’s convinced that he’s apologized enough for what he calls his “mishap.”

Over on his little chateau, otherwise known as a blog, the pick-up Heartiste Formerly Known as Roissy suggests a rather unusual role model for young and not-so-young men hoping to impress women with their alphaness: Chris Brown. Not for being a charismatic singer, but for that time he nearly beat Rihanna to death.

Oh, you don’t have to literally beat up women to be an alpha. Just work on making them uncomfortable and insecure.

Maxim #19: Making a woman feel a little emotional pain will reward you a thousandfold in returned physical pleasure.

You don’t have to be fists-of-fury Chris Brown to pick up a Rihanna and make her fall in deep, profound love with you, but don’t let the lesson of their relationship be lost on you. If you are a beta male — and odds are you are — you can superglue your relationship bond by instilling in your woman a calculated level of discomfort and insecurity. You won’t feel bad about this, because you will know that the discomfort you create is subconsciously DESIRED by your girl. Despite her outward appearance of frustration and timorous appeasement, you will know that inside, she is lit up like a vagina tree, with a squirting orgasm shooting out of the star on top.

In addition to everything else that is horribly wrong with this quote, let me just say that “lit up like a vagina tree” is not a phrase that I hope works its way into the vernacular.

So far, so good.

 

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RubyHypatia
RubyHypatia
12 years ago

What does it say about a guy who feels the need to make his girlfriend feel insecure? To me it says, “Loser!”

katz
12 years ago

Claire: Or the only way they can believe themselves to have value is if they’re around someone else who (they think) doesn’t have value.

Sharculese
Sharculese
12 years ago

Here am I with a slobbery 60-lb lap blanket.

ppppuuuuuupppppppyyyyyyy

clairedammit
clairedammit
12 years ago

Rihanna and Chris Brown are reportedly just weeks away from confirming their romance…According to Heat magazine, they will announce they are dating before too long.

So this is an announcement that they will soon announce that they are thinking about dating? Bullshit article is bullshit.

clairedammit
clairedammit
12 years ago

Ah, blockquote fail. This part is me: “So this is an announcement that they will soon announce that they are thinking about dating? Bullshit article is bullshit.”

Falconer
Falconer
12 years ago

@Cliff: Hey! How was your weekend?

clairedammit
clairedammit
12 years ago

Or the only way they can believe themselves to have value is if they’re around someone else who (they think) doesn’t have value.

That makes sense, katz. If you go through life thinking that there is a fixed amount of anything in the world, like personal value, you’d have to take it away from someone else to have some yourself.

Falconer
Falconer
12 years ago

@princessbonbon: Sleeth! D’awwww!

hellkell
hellkell
12 years ago

I’m not sure what Harsh Reality was trying to prove with that link. Just because they’re dating again or whatever, doesn’t mean game works or Roissy’s not an abusive ass who has utter chumps for followers.

Falconer
Falconer
12 years ago

Rihanna’s relationship with Chris is really none of my business, but I hope like hell he’s faced his problems and that he won’t lay a finger on her in anger ever again.

Sharculese
Sharculese
12 years ago

Face it, tubby: Game is just too much truth for you to handle.

david i think you just got negged

Harsh Reality
Harsh Reality
12 years ago

Anyway, that Heartiste piece on Chris Brown is tame. If you really wanna get you panties in a bunch (that’s a “trigger warning” for you sensitive souls), go read the contemporaneous one.

aworldanonymous
12 years ago

Is it just me or is the entire PUA movement full of bitter “Nice Guys” who after high school, and instead of retaining the kind attitudes for the sake of being a decent human being, decide to turn their bitterness into a corrupt system of emotional manipulation and rape?

Zanana
Zanana
12 years ago

I don’t think PUA is inherently evil. My problem with Roissy is not that he tries to be a PUA, it’s that he’s an asshat and his strategies all reflect his asshattery.

Conversely, I really like (and have become a less awkward person due to) Wayne Elise’s strategies. Arden Leigh is also fun, if largely for the novelty of her being a female PUA…

jumbofish
jumbofish
12 years ago

Face it, tubby: Game is just too much truth for you to handle.

Truth of what? XD

Truth thats emotional abuse has no place in a healthy relationship? XD

nwoslave
12 years ago

@Cliff Pervocracy
“Oh, but Hellkell, PUA teaches men confidence and social skills!”

You promote sluts. PUAs are simply male sluts. They attempt get sex by any means possible. Sluts do the same, that how they get sex as well. They use people. Do you think a slut cares if she hurts some guys feelings? Of course not. Neither does a PUA. Totally destroy the traditional family, don’t be a half assed marxist.

Tulgey Logger
Tulgey Logger
12 years ago

Wow, Hear-*coughcough*, I mean, Harsh Reality, way to prove your point about how abuse makes a bond stronger by referring to a relationship that went on ice for several years because of it.

Tulgey Logger
Tulgey Logger
12 years ago

That’s my second broken tag! I hope I italicize the thread.

Sharculese
Sharculese
12 years ago

Is it just me or is the entire PUA movement full of bitter “Nice Guys” who after high school, and instead of retaining the kind attitudes for the sake of being a decent human being, decide to turn their bitterness into a corrupt system of emotional manipulation and rape?

mo, some of them were just abusers to start with and pua is a post hoc justification

Polliwog
Polliwog
12 years ago

Here am I with a slobbery 60-lb lap blanket.

D’awwwwwww, doggie! I love big goofy slobbery dogs. 🙂

Polliwog
Polliwog
12 years ago

Face it, tubby: Game is just too much truth for you to handle.

So…your actual argument is “but abusing people can, indeed, make your abusive relationship last for a while”?

And you think this is an argument to be proud of?

No one is disputing that abuse victims will often stay with their abusers. We are saying that ABUSING PEOPLE IS BAD, and justifying it by saying, “But hey, it works!” is some sick, fucked-up shit. It is indisputably true that it is harder for people to run away if you chop their legs off. It is still not okay to chop off people’s legs.

Jesus. I think I need to go back to the cute animals.

Dvärghundspossen
12 years ago

Well, there’s such a thing as Stockholm syndrome. It’s possible to make people “glued” to you by killing their self esteem and treating them like shit. It’s just that you have to be completely evil to consciously do this.

Cliff Pervocracy
12 years ago

Falconer – It was 100% awesome! We backpacked to a campsite on Mt. Greylock (tallest mountain in Massachusetts) and in the morning went to the top. It was high enough up that the air was cool and fresh and you could see for miles into both Mass and New York.

Then we went into upstate New York and visited Howe Caverns (fancy tourist cave with an elevator, was pretty but not super exciting) and Secret Caverns (way exciting, it’s a 100-foot climb on foot and they turned out the lights and let us navigate with flashlights and crawl through tiny, muddy gaps in the rocks).

We stayed in Cobleskill that night and then headed back by way of Catamount Aerial Adventure, which is a ropes challenge course and super terrifying/difficult/amazing. You put on a safety harness and balance on tightropes and wobbly logs 20 feet off the ground, and it’s spectacular to see what your body is capable of when you push yourself. Plus it’s just fun to climb around like a wild monkey. And then to get back down, you zipline. It is the best thing.

We came back to Boston incredibly dirty, sore, and tired, and so very glad we were. 🙂

cloudiah
12 years ago

Also, that is a cute slobbery 60-lb lap blanket.

Karalora
Karalora
12 years ago

Well, there’s such a thing as Stockholm syndrome.

I guess you would know, as our resident Swede.

*rimshot*