Ladies! Do you want to look younger? Forget green tea moisturizers and cucumber face masks and exfoliating gloves! Don’t waste your hard-earned stolen-from-men money on $200 Clarisonic Skincare Brushes or Botox or Shiseido Benefiance Pure Retinol Instant Treatment Eye Masks, whatever those are. Pickup guru Krauser, of Krauser’s PUA Adventures, offers four simple rules to help you look your best!
1) Don’t live past the age of 30!
Women possess a short fragile bloom of youth. From about age fifteen their body begins to take on a woman’s shape but it takes time for her to grow into it – to lose the puppy fat, have her hips widen, and develop the poise of a real woman – so she is kinda cute but not really able to inspire lust. Depending on the girl she’ll hit her true bloom somewhere near nineteen years old and hold it for a maximum of five years. She can continue to be sexy into her late twenties but the unmistakeable radiance diminishes.
2) Avoid “excessive careerism,” or, really, any job with any responsibilities at all:
Women are not designed to carry the weight of the world on their shoulders. Look at photos of Clint Eastwood or Charles Bronson. When a man carries responsibility he takes on a weathered look that adds value. A weathered woman looks horrible.
3) Don’t drink (at least more than is necessary to convince yourself to have sex with Krauser):
Men are constituionally far more capable of holding their beer over time than women. It’s not merely because a man’s physique is less important in determining his overall value. Women who drink even 10 units a week are seriously messing up their hormones, their shape, and their skin.
4) Don’t have sex with more than one penis!
“[G]ood girls” who follow a healthy lifestyle and identify with the feminine last longer than “bad girls” who chart a path through hedonistic waters. …
Sex in itself adds to a woman’s glow but sex with different men detracts from it. A woman who gets herself fucked 500 times by one guy she loves will look good. If the same woman spreads those fucks across 30 guys she will look like shit.
Let’s do the math here:
One penis x 500 fuckings per penis =Youthful bloom!
30 penises x 16.67 fuckings per penis = Weathered crone look!
And remember, gals, once you’ve “squandered” your “bloom,” that’s it: “Once it’s gone, it’s gone forever.”
Happily, at least for Krauser’s readers, there is no similar aging effect from contact with multiple vaginas. Evidently, the more vaginas your penis touches, the better! At least I assume that’s the case. Why else would Krauser devote his entire life to teaching those with penises how to get these penises into as many vaginas as possible?
I really do dislike the narrative about men aging with grace and women aging with a kaboom as they implode into a pile of icky old-lady dust. Or however it gets worded, it varies a lot; the only part that stays the same is saying old men are fine, and old women are awful and used-up.
Women and men age the same, the only reason we interpret the same symptoms differently for each sex is cultural indoctrination. adding to the story about interpreting women as being old and hideous relatively young by explaining that it’s caused by women being sexually active with more than one partner is just more of the same, except for it being more insulting by being so amazingly stupid.
@Fatcat: Re age and relationships.
When my mother was 81, worried about her 91 year old boyfriend’s living situation, she moved him into her house–they’re still dancing, loving and taking care of each other, and, among other things, chopping and stacking wood from the trees she had taken down.
I love to think or MRA heads exploding at the very idea!
(And this one is the best one she’s ever been in a relationship with–not excluding my asshole father who ran off with a graduate student).
Hairy armpits are a good one– if they seem entitled to you shaving them, then you know not to continue to date them. 😛
Also, asking them “do girls like jerks?” is an imperfect indicator. I had a nonsexist ex who was under the impression women liked assholes because of one of his asshole friends who got laid a lot. But if he seems to have very personal, very bitter thoughts about that… yeah.
Doesn’t the phrase “Get someone drunk” kinda have an uncomfortably “non-consent”-y vibe? It’s always seemed a bit predatory when I hear people talking about “getting someone drunk”.
Which is why I don’t drink around those folks.
@Plex: Damn straight it does – in fact it goes straight into “let me doctor your drink to get you drunk faster” territory.
@ Plex
In some contexts, sure. In the context in which I used it, of trying to figure out if a man is a misogynist via what he says when he’s drunk? I’m not really seeing it.
Yes, yes, we all know how women shouldn’t be “carrying the weight of the world” on their shoulders. That’s why they should do all the thankless, drudgerous work at home where no one really ever compliments them (even if they also work outside the home), grow, birth and raise all children while the man plays golf and hides in his man cave (and, if he eventually trades up for a younger model, he can whine about the child support that he probably does his best to get out of paying), and generally spend her entire life catering to some man and his Almighty Cock.
So basically, you want women to be silently used up behind the scenes where no one will appreciate or recognize them for all they do, then call them “crazy” and “over-reacting” when they request even the most basic of consideration as human beings.
And the MRAs say that they’re not into women-hate….
I don’t drink alcohol, I’ve limited the number of people I’ve had sex with (not because of the moral implications- that’s just kind of how it turned out), and I am still in my late 20’s.
I still noticed that my “healthful glow” was less so until I:
1) Began an ongoing daily exercise routine
2) Began listening to my body’s needs and eating intuitively for me
3) Got health insurance coverage and got the proper blood tests run to figure out what was wrong with me.
None of these had anything to do with how many cocks I’ve ridden or how young I was. I felt more like I was falling apart when I was 18-19 than now at 27 years old, and I’m currently pregnant with my second baby, so there’s a lot of wonky stuff going on in my body as it is.
Also? Having babies is a surefire way to suck life out of your body. Yet these MRAs keep going on about how women should be baby-making slaves to their men.
I guess I just don’t get it.
If you look at the worldwide stats on physical labor, women already are carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders. Mostly poor women of color.
Ewwwwww, sorry you had to go through that. How’d you know he was trying the PUA schtick? I’ve never encountered one of these guys in the wild (or have, but they weren’t mackin’ on me on account of how I’m a dude, I guess), but I always imagine them as being shockingly obvious.
I described the whole thing on this Captain Awkward thread if you’re interested:
http://captainawkward.com/2012/07/20/305-quit-helping-so-much-im-not-going-to-fall-in-love-with-you/
No idea if he was a dedicated PUA disciple, but I got a neg plus touching and overfamiliarity, so there’s a strong chance he’d read some crappy pickup tips on the Internet before hitting the bars.
@Cassandra- I’ve always found it’s funny how much louder the rich guys who basically do nothing shout as though they know everything and have done everything and it’s “so hard” to be in charge of all that money and status…..when the people who really did all the work are the people behind the scenes.
It’s like people who seem to think that Willy Wonka is the master of his factory, when in reality, his Oompa Loompa slaves are basically the ones ensuring he can do anything whatsoever.
@ Nanasha
I’ve found that the people who do all the hard, dirty, exhausting grunt work almost never complain about it. It’s people with masses of privilege who wank on the internet about how hard their jobs are.
(Note the ways in which this applies to the MRM – not a lot of actual miners or guys who work on fishing trawlers there.)
@fatcat- Clarise Thorn has an interesting book called “Confessions of A Pick Up Artist Chaser” and it is utterly fascinating. Also, I’ve read portions of Neil Straus’s “The Game” and the way he writes reminds me a lot of Hunter S. Thompson- you’re not sure if he’s being serious or if he’s actually just playing a character. It’s very interesting indeed…but not for the faint of heart.
@creepy behavior discussion-
One of the things that I read about in Gavin Debecker’s “The Gift of Fear” that is a HUGE warning sign is a person who offers more information, offers that you will be “safe”, and who tries to set up a conversation when you are trying to do something else.
If it sets off your “will kidnap you in the back of his creepy van” alarm, chances are, you’re getting a real vibe. I can understand why men (who don’t generally have this kind of undercurrent of fear once they age out of adolescence) might think that women are overreacting but PREDATORS EXPECT THIS- THEY KNOW WHO TO PREDATE UPON BECAUSE IT IS PART OF OUR CULTURAL TEACHING THAT WOMEN ARE MORE VULNERABLE AND WILL NOT BE BELIEVED OR HAVE MUCH IN THE WAY OF LEGAL RECOURSE IF PREDATED UPON.
You know that a culture is fucked up when a woman who has been abducted, raped and tortured gets flack from people because she didn’t escape “fast enough” or “must have wanted it” because she didn’t “fight hard enough.” *barf*
Men in that situation do get the same thing if you just replace “must have wanted it” with “must be gay and wanted it”. Just-world fallacy and everything.
@Snowy- I’m only mentioning the female- specific situation because there was a recent article about a woman who escaped a kidnapper/rapist/torturer after being stuck with him for a couple weeks, and people were saying that she wasn’t actually in danger because she “could have escaped at any time” since he wasn’t using a weapon on her or something. I’m not 100% clear on the details, but as far as I’m concerned, that’s fucking bullshit to treat a victim of an overtly obvious crime as though she was somehow willingly participating in it.
It bothers me to have to explain this here, but I guess it’s not as obvious as I thought it was:
If you are getting/encouraging/facilitating a situation wherein you are taking advantage of a person’s chemically lowered inhibitions to get them to do something they wouldn’t when they are sober you are being creepy.
Whether that something is sex, or conversation or “the truth”, you’re still being creepy and it’s wrong.
If you don’t think someone isn’t revealing the “real” them when they’re sober don’t be intimate with them. Don’t “get them drunk” to take advantage of them and then excuse your behaviour by claiming you’re only doing it for a “good” reason.
That’s what rapists do.
So stop that crap, okay?
Blargh! That should read:
“If you don’t think someone *is* revealing the…”
“Look at photos of Clint Eastwood or Charles Bronson. When a man carries responsibility he takes on a weathered look that adds value. A weathered woman looks horrible.”
What responsibility? Eastwood is at least a former mayor and acclaimed director, but neither man exactly has the weight of the world on their shoulders.
@ Plex Flexico
Honestly? Bite me. I’m not going to be responsible for your willful misreading of my comment. Nobody here is advocating taking advantage of anyone.
Not that I don’t think that the idea of getting people drunk in an attempt to get them into bed is creepy and wrong, mind you. I just think that to get from what I said, in the conversation in which it was said, to “OMG she’s advocating rapey behavior!” takes some deliberate misinterpretation.
For one thing, 15 year old girls inspire lust all the time. How else do they get knocked up? Also, Demi Moore, Halle Berry, Jennifer Aniston, just to name a few, all sexy women over 40.
re Roosh and Iceland: He got raked over the coals when Iceland found out he was coming. He says it didn’t matter, but I think it bothered him a lot.
He also complained that game there doesn’t work, because the women who want to fuck, fuck whom they want to fuck, when they want to fuck them. Game, he said is counterproductive.
Which would be disappointing to him, if (as I suspect) he’s not in it for the sex, so much as the sense of power/dominance.
lowquacks: Meller cropped up in the “Educated ladies are destined for spinsterhood post”. Not a surprise, it pushes his buttons. He’s been trying, I think, to fly below the radar by cruising posts after they more than a week old; or perhaps deep in the “recent posts” list.
Cassandra: Cynical me says he took the unkempt hair as you heading home from seeing a lover, ergo more likely to be “up for some fun”.
The salsa lessons were to make it clear he was good in bed.