Ladies! Do you want to look younger? Forget green tea moisturizers and cucumber face masks and exfoliating gloves! Don’t waste your hard-earned stolen-from-men money on $200 Clarisonic Skincare Brushes or Botox or Shiseido Benefiance Pure Retinol Instant Treatment Eye Masks, whatever those are. Pickup guru Krauser, of Krauser’s PUA Adventures, offers four simple rules to help you look your best!
1) Don’t live past the age of 30!
Women possess a short fragile bloom of youth. From about age fifteen their body begins to take on a woman’s shape but it takes time for her to grow into it – to lose the puppy fat, have her hips widen, and develop the poise of a real woman – so she is kinda cute but not really able to inspire lust. Depending on the girl she’ll hit her true bloom somewhere near nineteen years old and hold it for a maximum of five years. She can continue to be sexy into her late twenties but the unmistakeable radiance diminishes.
2) Avoid “excessive careerism,” or, really, any job with any responsibilities at all:
Women are not designed to carry the weight of the world on their shoulders. Look at photos of Clint Eastwood or Charles Bronson. When a man carries responsibility he takes on a weathered look that adds value. A weathered woman looks horrible.
3) Don’t drink (at least more than is necessary to convince yourself to have sex with Krauser):
Men are constituionally far more capable of holding their beer over time than women. It’s not merely because a man’s physique is less important in determining his overall value. Women who drink even 10 units a week are seriously messing up their hormones, their shape, and their skin.
4) Don’t have sex with more than one penis!
“[G]ood girls” who follow a healthy lifestyle and identify with the feminine last longer than “bad girls” who chart a path through hedonistic waters. …
Sex in itself adds to a woman’s glow but sex with different men detracts from it. A woman who gets herself fucked 500 times by one guy she loves will look good. If the same woman spreads those fucks across 30 guys she will look like shit.
Let’s do the math here:
One penis x 500 fuckings per penis =Youthful bloom!
30 penises x 16.67 fuckings per penis = Weathered crone look!
And remember, gals, once you’ve “squandered” your “bloom,” that’s it: “Once it’s gone, it’s gone forever.”
Happily, at least for Krauser’s readers, there is no similar aging effect from contact with multiple vaginas. Evidently, the more vaginas your penis touches, the better! At least I assume that’s the case. Why else would Krauser devote his entire life to teaching those with penises how to get these penises into as many vaginas as possible?
Also, I came across this while searching for that image and I think it’s too awesome not to share.
I love that thing! 😀
Since Earth is already floating through space, it’s not really a big effort. And depending where you put it, it literally weights nothing. Depending on the referential, a hand stand might qualify, exercise that, I’ve heard, women do better in average.
That cute little crochet discworld is made of pure awesomeness.
It is indeed. I wanna hug it forever.
>It’s actually fairly disturbing; I hope that impressionable people aren’t reading it and coming to the conclusion that This Is What Women Secretly Want (TM).
I’ve read that story about the stalker dude who learned all of his female anatomy from anime porn.
The wierd ideas it gave him about nipples were the least terrifying part of it.
Kirbywarp: I may be overly suspicious, but that story sounds PUA-y to me, too. At the very least, I would consider it excessively manipulative if thought through, and “creepy” if spontaneous. By propositioning her in public in a “romantic” way he leveraged peer pressure in his favor, and forking over $95 too much virtually guaranteed that she’d feel guilted into following him outside to give him back his change. I probably take more umbrage than average at that kind of thing, I realize, but attracted to him or not, I’d have had a coworker take his change back, sans number.
I probably have encountered PUAs, though it’s difficult to get them to admit to it and difficult to recognize them perfectly. It’s counter-intuitive considering the way they discuss what they do, but a lot of PUA tactics are geared toward making the interaction seem friendly, humorous, casual, spontaneous, flirtatious without placing pressure etc, so they’re not always as obvious as you’d think. If my antenna does go up, as it has once or twice, I typically describe their behaviors using PUA lingo. (“A joke about being ‘beta’, huh? Is that supposed to countersignal your dominance?”) If they try to avoid the topic with more joking rather than asking or making a comment, I consider it a red flag of sorts; various PUA gurus recommend agreement and amplification (“Oh, you think I’m a PUA, right? Maybe we should ask my harem.”), or other forms of evasion, as the best way to deal with being called out on a number of factors, from PUA to significant age difference.
Low tolerance for not having questions relevant to your relational decisions answered with apparent sincerity, and willingness to ask them in the first place, is probably the best inoculation against Heartiste wannabes.
I actually always feel ashamed of myself when I read/watch hentai, but then I remind myself that the scenarios presented within are even further from reality than normal porn is.
A while ago, actually, I invented a subtle two-question test to determine if someone is a Roissyite pick-up artist. (May or may not identify other schools of pick-up artist, but if someone gives the wrong answer, it’s probably a bit of a red flag.)
1) “Aww, you’re so sweet.” Normal people will respond with “thank you” or something like that. Roissyites will view this as you scenting beta and respond with “don’t get used to it,” “my five other girlfriends say the same thing,” or similar.
2) Saying literally anything about sex that suggests you’re sex-positive or sexually open. Roissyites will generally respond with “hey, thanks for the medical report” or other kinds of hostility, which is a response normal human beings will generally not give.
The funny thing about replies like “my five other girlfriends say the same thing” is that many reasonably aware women, devoid of other information and accustomed to sexual posturing games, are rather likely to assume that such a response is an attempt at impressing them by appearing as hetero and manly as possible. They may be flattered by it, play into and ultimately respond to it. But as attempts at impressing them would qualify as “beta” by Roissy standards, and the indirectly inferred flattery of the message is part of what draws them in, frequently enough it’s the “betaness” of the gesture that they’re attracted to.
Damn, someone beat me to turtle. 🙂
Really? If I heard a guy say something like that while we were chatting he would immediately go into the “Not In A Million Years Would I Fuck This Person” column.
@Ozy and others:
Yeah, a lot of hentai is rather rapey… It’s actually really annoying. Even the stories where consensual sex happens has the woman in the story going “no” or “don’t” or “please stop.” Why?!?
I can find non-rapey ones occasionally, which is nice… But that’s why I stick nearly completely to anime, manga, or erotic writing. I can’t even begin to wade through live-action porn anymore with all the problematic stuff I notice.
Someone should do a Man Boobz style blog about hentai and the community. It’s fucking weird and gross. Part of it is that I think that hentai, being a cartoon, allows for a more seamless melding of the pornography with other elements, like extreme violence or bizarre tentacle shit. So the people it attracts may be a little more, you know.
A lot of porn is really super-rapey. It’s a concern with everything.
@Rutee:
Pretty much.
Slightly more openly, “This is not a concern of mysterious japan and its strange nippon ways alone.” I mean yeah, it’s an issue there too, but…
I think it would depend on the delivery for me. If I got the sense that he was actually trying to brag or impress me, OR if it came off as sarcastic to the point of overt self-deprecation, that would land him in the “not a chance” file, but if it were clearly just meant to be silly, that would be okay. (My boyfriend and I have a running gag about the 17 hot women who supposedly live under his bed, so I can see a joke about five imaginary girlfriends who live in your closet or something working similarly.)
drst:
Yes, really. I’ve had female friends admit to me that they find a man acting like a marginally offensive gorilla around them to be attractive. Not innately, or because they find his acting believable, but because of what they think it signifies about his feelings for them – namely, that he’s interested and wants to seem like a catch (traditionally masculine/very virile). It’s a patronizing dynamic, really. What I find amusing about it re: many PUAs is their steadfast belief that if that sort of approach works on a woman, it must be because she bought their manufactured message; it couldn’t possibly be because she herself is skilled at social games, saw what really lay under his behavior (attraction), and liked that and/or played it to her advantage.
As I’ve said before, and I’ll say again. PUAs are people who, whilst having no idea what relationships are, observe and try to replicate pieces of successful relationships they observe. No understanding of the context of those pieces, and treating each piece as a completely separate item.
They have a complex model full of exceptions and complicated rules that sometimes gives accurate predictions the way that the epicycle model of planetary motion sort of worked within a geocentric model of the universe. But its doomed to fail because the model is wrong.
Basically PUAs are trying to reverse engineer a process that they don’t actually understand. That rarely ends well.
On the “one penis good, many penis bad” subject, I got linked a while ago to this article on semen as a cure for morning sickness, but only if it’s the baby’s father’s semen. Otherwise it’ll make it worse. The hypothesis being that morning sickness is an immune response to the baby’s “foreign genetic material”, and that since half that material came from the father, repeated exposure will adjust the immune system to it. Or some sort of nonsense like that.
The idea is presented, of course, without the slightest bit of evidence, and at least one prediction flies in the face of current evidence (the guy says that this is a big deal since reducing the immune reaction should reduce the chance of miscarriage, all current research indicates that women with strong morning sickness are less likely to miscarry). And of course, the guy proposing it is an evolutionary psychologist, trying for some reason to tell us all how immune systems work.
Hello everyone. I thought I would stop by and chat. Some of you in here have consternating responses.
Oh Cliffy, don’t hate on biology. Monster you think you cute? Hahaha some guys have standards. Jules there’s nothing wrong with being promiscuous you just don’t get rings from certain guys.And Ozy you don’t need to defend yourself, men don’t care about your past.
I think the sexual market place is great for a guy. No commitments and all with an abundance of sexual liberated women woo hoo.
I (unfortunately) decided to read more about PUAs after several blog posts about them, and looking back now realise that I’ve likely had at least four interactions with one of these types. One was just really mean, and I ended up walking away, and another was pretty nice, but I recognise a lot of the things he did as common PUA tactics. Two other men approached me on the street in Boston, one wanting to know where a pet store was (yes really), which is specifically mentioned on RooshV’s blog as something you should do (I feel unclean after reading it). I’m not sure about the fourth one, he seemed a bit too direct in his approach to be a PUA, straight up asked me to go to his apartment with him. All four of them were really strange to me, not at all like my ‘normal’ interactions with men. But I can see how theit tactics would work, though, since they depend on women being polite to them, something which modt people (maybe esp. women?) feel like they have to be. To me, many PUAs have a certain ‘look’, but I can’t quite put my finger on what it is. I find it funny that they expect women to look very traditionally feminine, but don’t exactly look traditionally masculine themselves (long hair, etc.). Just more hypocrisy, or do they think that’s especially attractive to women?
OK, done talking about myself again. I feel like I never really have anything to contribute here that other people haven’t said already *sigh*.
The oddest approach that I can recall is a dude who came up to me on a Sunday morning after I’d pulled an all-nighter at work and hadn’t taken a shower yet (my hair looked just lovely), asked me directions to Safeway, and then proceeded to walk alongside me (in the opposite direction from the one I’d just told him to go in) while telling me all about the fact that he gave salsa dancing lessons and offering to teach me for free.
Not sure if he was a PUA or just a weirdo with a fondness for women with unkempt hair.
But that was all interesting! Besides, if there’s one thing we like here at Man Boobz, it’s cats. Oh, and misandry.