Pickup gurus write a lot about how to (allegedly) get sex, or how they (allegedly) got sex, but almost nothing about sex itself. It’s pretty clear that a lot of PUAs are more interested in the psychological manipulations and power games inherent in “game,” or in adding another notch to their score, than they are in the actual sex that sometimes results from all their efforts.
It goes without saying that most PUAs have little interest in their partners’ pleasure. In a post with the title It Doesn’t Matter If She Orgasms Or Not, pickup guru Roosh explained that once upon a time,
I used to try to last as long as possible in bed. I wanted to make sure the girl got hers before I got mine, and the reason I did that was because I thought she would be attracted to me more and want to see me again.
But, Roosh being the asshole he is, even this minimal level of consideration – which he extended to his partners for his own selfish reasons – turned out to be too much for him to keep up:
Gradually I just stopped caring, and soon everything I did in bed was for my pleasure only. The only reason I’d delay orgasm is to make mine better, and I pretended I don’t hear her the first time she told me to drill slower or not to go so deep. I did whatever I wanted because I came to value my orgasm as sacred, and her pleasure as second to mine.
Given that sex with him in was likely not such a great treat to begin with, he found that being completely selfish didn’t actually make the girls he was with like him any less.
Girls didn’t want to fuck me more, they didn’t want to fuck me less. Not caring about their sexual pleasure had no effect on repeat calls and repeat sex.
No wonder PUAs are so obsessed with very young women – they’re less likely to have experienced good sex, and more likely to be willing to put up with bad simply because they don’t yet realize how good sex can get.
Back in 2008 when he wrote that post, Roosh’s main sexual worry was coming too quickly; these days it seems he has trouble coming at all. Now, there are plenty of reasons why guys can’t orgasm – health conditions, prescription medicine side effects, everyday anxieties, decreased sensitivity with age, and so on. Guys shouldn’t pressure themselves into coming on demand, or feel bad if they can’t.
But Roosh actually seems to feel good about his inability to orgasm – because he’s learned to use this bit of sexual dysfuction as a handy tool to manipulate his partners further:
Not being able to orgasm is one of the best ways to make a girl feel anxious and insecure. When I’m unable to come, which often happens with condoms (raw dog for life), I simply stop sex and say, “I’m not going to make it.” I can almost see her hamster spinning…
Is he not attracted to me anymore?
Is there something wrong with my vagina?
Should I give him a blowjob even though I don’t want to?
These are not the sorts of questions any straight man who’s not an utter creep wants his partner asking herself.
Roosh continues, gloating that his inability to orgasm
also shapes the power structure of the relationship. She knows that a man who doesn’t orgasm is more likely to stray to get that orgasm. As a result, she tests you less and does more things to win your favor.
Or she finds someone else who’s not a complete asshole, and moves on.
My favourite term for masturbation is pocket pool.
A few years back, I was in Chicago, and one of the locals gave some friends and I an informative lecture about the Cloud Gate (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cloud_Gate), in which she used the phrase “polishing the bean” multiple times, to the great amusement of my inner 10-year-old. By the time she said, “Workers spent entire days polishing the bean, over and over! I’m sure they really wore themselves out!” I was damn near weeping with laughter.
I can’t imagine a woman actually saying “my pussy” IRL except if she’s a stripper or hooker. I think ‘cooter’ is the best slang term for the vag.
Cooter? *shudders*
I call my pussy my pussy, but then I’m not a woman, so I guess that explains it.
“Cooter” just makes me think of lice.
I hear plenty of straight women who use that word cuz they think it’s cutesy(sounds like “cooties”) and humorous.
Umm, I also like the black metal themed euphemisms for penis and vagina, as used in the phrase “I would like to put my clouded frost spire into your gates of attrition”.
Longtime lurker, first-time (I think) poster here to say that I think the easiest way to translate that into German is “über Geschmack lässt sich nicht streiten”. The time zone difference keeps me from commenting usually, but my €0.02 seems justified this time. *fades back in Teutonic shadows*
You have to be a stripper or a hooker to say my pussy? I’ve been married a long time and can’t imagine sexy time saying “please fuck my cooter”.
MRA’s imho are like this blog posts suggests just sexually inept.
It’s not so hard, play with each others bodies, enjoy each other, tell each other what you like. That’s sexy time.
Drilling into someone for x amount of minutes on the other hand screams of someone who has no idea how to give pleasure to themselves not to mention their partner. It does however scream of someone whose major sexual activity involves mainstream porn. Not judging that it’s just realistic.
Myself if I would name my number one turn on in bed would be rimming my husband. I really don’t care if this is too much information he has an incredibly beautiful ass. Sadly it seems Rossiey will never meet a woman who could orgasm by getting him off because he doesn’t care about what gets her off.
Sad that the internet’s #1 pickup artist tells his readers pretty much point blank that he sucks in bed and in the end really isn’t enjoying himself as much as he could. Rossiey my husband is awesome in the bedroom. I’ve orgasmed just by watching him play with himself. Must suck to be you.
There is in FATAL, the worst RPG ever.
Speaking of how creepy the word panties is, did you know that one of Piers Anthony’s Xanth books is called The Color of Her Panties? I thought I’d either teach you that or dredge up your old memory of it, so that you could all shudder.
Great. I’d just finished shuddering from the word “cooter.”
The regular expression would be “on ne discute pas des goûts et des couleurs”.
I, personally, feel very very insecure about my ability to orgasm from receiving oral sex. I’m a woman, and every woman I’ve ever talked to goes “RECEIVING ORAL SEX IS THE BEST YOU SHOULD LOVE IT” and pretty much every sex partner I’ve been with says “I WANNA MAKE YOU ORGASM WITH MY TONGUE” and I just get all stressed out and it’s really sensitive for like five seconds and then my clitoris goes dead and they might as well be licking my arm- I mean, pleasurable enough sensation, but I’m never getting anywhere with it.
Also, orgasming during sex was really hard for me. 99% of my sexual fantasies (no access to internet until late college, so no porn option for me) from childhood and young adulthood were non-consensual/rape/impregnation/tied up in a scientific sex facility/monstersex based fantasies. All of these fantasies clashed horribly when I tried to have loving, consensual sex with someone I had happy lovey feelings for.
It was actually easier to be with guys who didn’t care about my pleasure or didn’t want to give me oral sex, because then I didn’t have to deal with the fact that I was horribly insecure about those things too. When a guy was objectifying me, it was easier to believe that he actually found me attractive because the whole Nice Guy passive-aggressive nice-to-get-in-your-pants thing seems to end with the guy eventually letting you know how he actually finds you fat, ugly and thanks for the use of your vagina, now bye. And that idea just broke me far more than having some guy be a boorish lout and paw my body uncomfortably. But then again, when I was younger, I had this weird idea that those were the only two choices. Well, that and masturbation. Which is probably why I had no desire to have sex until I was 18, in a committed relationship with someone who wasn’t at all like the two “types” mentioned above, and even then still took a year to orgasm at all during sex or sexual play even though it felt good and I wanted it.
Things we have learned this evening – Om Nom likes to deal with the fact that sex makes him uncomfortable by using the silliest, most childish terms he can think of. Truly, he deserves the company of the kind of woman who would say “fuck my cooter – tee hee!”.
PS: I like using the word “panny” to talk about panties. It’s probably a leave-over from my childhood because my mom has problems pronouncing “t”s or multi-syllable words (she still pronounces my sister’s name like a two syllable word instead of a three syllable word). My daughter is potty training (almost done, woo) and telling her to pull up pannies first just rolls off the tongue better than “underwear” or whatever.
I really hate the word pussy to describe vagina. I would rather use “cunt” to describe what’s between my legs, but I’d never use it around anyone other than my husband because people seem to find the word incredibly offensive, even if I’m not using it in an offensive way and only in reference to my genitals. Vagina sounds like a freaking car model or something you’d vacuum the floor with, and “twat” sounds too slangy and un-sexy.
And it took me a long time to desensitize myself to giggling every time I tried to say “cum” or “cock.”
Also, boobies. *giggle* I still think that is hilarious.
The more horrible PUA shit I read the more I’ve come to realize how utterly spot on that one episode of Bob’s Burgers was in skewering the entire philosophy:
“When you get into an elevator with a woman, press a higher number than her then make a big deal about it!”
“Push her in a lake”
“Be one of the tallest guys in the bar and brag about how long your buttcrack is!”
“NEVER make her pancakes: Force her to make YOU pancakes, in the middle of the night”
Meh, I have to read all of this second-hand (perhaps happily), as I was perma-banned from Roosh’s blog about a year ago for calling him a bearded lothario who refuses to perform oral sex on women (all true, but still).
Nanasha: I hate the word “pussy” too.
After about 50 million events of “hurr hurr pussy means both vagina and cat, so i’m going to refer to a cat as a pussy in really badly constructed innuendo” from other guys (mostly the guy I work with), now I just associate the word with its use by awful sexist people.
“Boobies” is funny though. I always get a giggle out of “penis” too for some reason. 😀
I am seconding the preference for ‘cunt’. However, I wouldn’t use it in bed. This thread made me think about it and I pretty much only use the word ‘me’ (as in ‘inside me’ etc.). I use ‘cunt’ to my good friends, and ‘fanny’* to other people. Or vagina if I’m dealing with someone who is being sexist, because it seems to put them on edge. Sometimes I have to channel my inner Maude Lebowski.
When I was very little, my family referred to vaginas as ‘tuppences’. This is fairly common where I’m from, but it can also be a term of endearment, although not a common one. Using terms of endearment to strangers is the norm where I’m from (since I’ve moved away I get funny looks when I call bus drivers ‘love’ or ‘pet’), so ‘tuppence’ led to some incredibly aghast and indignant stares from TinyNat when I was called it by the family doctor.
In terms of words I can’t stand – macarons. Fuck macarons, I won’t even eat them because I hate that word so much. I actually get irrationally angry when I hear people say it.
(*the first time I heard my American aunty referring to a ‘fanny pack’ I nearly spontaneously combusted with laughter)
@ShadeTheDruid
Butbutbut Mrs Slocombe! (My nana actually says things like that all the bloody time. English isn’t her first language though, and I don’t have the heart to tell her the other meaning)
For the non-UK based:
Yeaaaahhh, last time a random hookup treated me like that (tbh I don’t do it very much specifically because I actually want to get something out of it if I’m gonna sleep with someone, and three minutes of jack rabbit thrusting is not what I’m looking for), I told him exactly how shitty he was in bed. He probably became an MRA after that because I can tell it was a blow to his ego. But let’s be real, he had no consideration for my feelings or what I wanted, and completely ignored my direction, so what consideration should I have for his illusion that he’s good in bed? It really did come down to the fact that the guy was young (early 20s) and wasn’t used to women who have had good sex telling him that what he was doing wasn’t working.
And uhh, his “pretending to not hear” thing is bordering on rapist territory. It really puts me off. What else is he pretending not to hear?
I’m not UK-based, but I know Are You Being Served? PBS (the Public Broadcasting Service) shows it to American audiences. This is your tax dollars at work, NWOslave! PBS mistook AYBS for something high-brow and classy because it is British. It’s a bit like Ozymandias and wanking.
>would like to add that in German it would be “In die Angelegenheiten des Neigunges, es gibt nicht Streit”
There’s actually a fixed phrase for it that goes: “Über Geschmack lässt sich nicht streiten”
Ok, now that I’ve read the comments, glad I wasn’t the only one disturbed by that rapey stuff.
Also, ARE YOU BEING SERVED! We used to watch that like every day as kids.
And I hate the words pussy and panties myself. IDK, they are just the complete opposite of sexy to me. I listen to this podcast a lot where the guy likes to say pussy and just, eww, please stop. It’s the biggest annoyance about the podcast.
And relevant
I believe in American slang “fanny” means generically “bottom”. In Australian slang it means “pussy”, yay!