Pickup gurus write a lot about how to (allegedly) get sex, or how they (allegedly) got sex, but almost nothing about sex itself. It’s pretty clear that a lot of PUAs are more interested in the psychological manipulations and power games inherent in “game,” or in adding another notch to their score, than they are in the actual sex that sometimes results from all their efforts.
It goes without saying that most PUAs have little interest in their partners’ pleasure. In a post with the title It Doesn’t Matter If She Orgasms Or Not, pickup guru Roosh explained that once upon a time,
I used to try to last as long as possible in bed. I wanted to make sure the girl got hers before I got mine, and the reason I did that was because I thought she would be attracted to me more and want to see me again.
But, Roosh being the asshole he is, even this minimal level of consideration – which he extended to his partners for his own selfish reasons – turned out to be too much for him to keep up:
Gradually I just stopped caring, and soon everything I did in bed was for my pleasure only. The only reason I’d delay orgasm is to make mine better, and I pretended I don’t hear her the first time she told me to drill slower or not to go so deep. I did whatever I wanted because I came to value my orgasm as sacred, and her pleasure as second to mine.
Given that sex with him in was likely not such a great treat to begin with, he found that being completely selfish didn’t actually make the girls he was with like him any less.
Girls didn’t want to fuck me more, they didn’t want to fuck me less. Not caring about their sexual pleasure had no effect on repeat calls and repeat sex.
No wonder PUAs are so obsessed with very young women – they’re less likely to have experienced good sex, and more likely to be willing to put up with bad simply because they don’t yet realize how good sex can get.
Back in 2008 when he wrote that post, Roosh’s main sexual worry was coming too quickly; these days it seems he has trouble coming at all. Now, there are plenty of reasons why guys can’t orgasm – health conditions, prescription medicine side effects, everyday anxieties, decreased sensitivity with age, and so on. Guys shouldn’t pressure themselves into coming on demand, or feel bad if they can’t.
But Roosh actually seems to feel good about his inability to orgasm – because he’s learned to use this bit of sexual dysfuction as a handy tool to manipulate his partners further:
Not being able to orgasm is one of the best ways to make a girl feel anxious and insecure. When I’m unable to come, which often happens with condoms (raw dog for life), I simply stop sex and say, “I’m not going to make it.” I can almost see her hamster spinning…
Is he not attracted to me anymore?
Is there something wrong with my vagina?
Should I give him a blowjob even though I don’t want to?
These are not the sorts of questions any straight man who’s not an utter creep wants his partner asking herself.
Roosh continues, gloating that his inability to orgasm
also shapes the power structure of the relationship. She knows that a man who doesn’t orgasm is more likely to stray to get that orgasm. As a result, she tests you less and does more things to win your favor.
Or she finds someone else who’s not a complete asshole, and moves on.
Fap doesn’t bother me, and I didn’t say it did. And I don’t give a fucking rip what you call underwear. Creep. Creepity, creep creep creep.
“Good grief, blitzgal! What else should we call wimminz underwear!?”
I do love self-answering questions. (The answer here, Mr. No Name, if you’re really thick enough not to see it, is “underwear”)
As for “fap”…meh? I like “wank” a bit better?
Fap does bother me, as it is an incredibly unsexy word for an incredibly sexy action. 😛
MSN does seem remarkably bothered by the concept that people can dislike things.
I tried that a loooooooooong time ago. IT DONT WORK. People , especially women, generally don’t enjoy being approached by male strangers who they’re not attracted to. You have to read their nonverbal cues to see if they are open to being approached(I know this as many many women have said this out loud). This is tricky for some, especially if you’re an aspie like me. But it’s not impossible and if you heed the signs it really does work. 😉
Oh, I don’t know, maybe all the words that have been brought up as alternatives to “fap” in this very thread.
What word would you prefer that people use instead?
Not people; women, silly. Women aren’t people, you see. They are not meant to have opinions, or thoughts, or feelings. They are meant to clean the house.
MSN: Wank. Masturbate. Jerk off. Rub my genitalia in a pleasurable fashion until I orgasm. WHATEVER.
…It’s true that I’ve never approached a stranger completely out of the blue to have sex. And yet somehow I have gotten laid. Imagine that.
My husband went to boarding school for most of high school. They said “u-trou”, short for under-trousers. It is my favorite!
blitzgal and Ozymandias42: You certainly do pick your battles wisely!
Can we do a moderation challenge for Om Nom and not let his shit through when he uses those goddamn smileys? It really doesn’t help the content.
It’s creeeeeeeeeepy.
Yeah, if you’re in kindergarten. Some women(perhaps a few posters here :-p)wear buttfloss, which hardly qualify as “underpants” or “knickers”. Besides, why the fuck are you people whining about the word “panties”? It is a very sexy word and that’s probably why most women use it.
Panties is not a sexy word. Panties is juvenile and sill… never mind, I get why you dig it.
The word “fap” is teh awesome cuz it’s onomatopoeic.
Damn Noms, you really have a hard time with the fact that people don’t always hold the same opinions you do, huh?
And damn, do I dislike the word “panties”.
‘Panties’ is certainly sexier to me than any unisex word.
Is Owly just fishing for whatever he can get at this point?
Personally, I think the word ‘panties’ is kind of sexy!
I’m not entirely happy with “women’s underwear” because “panties” refers to a specific type of underwear which, you know, can be worn by people of all genders.
Dude, “wank” is at least as unisex as “fap,” given that “fap” is onomatopoeiac for male masturbation.
Look who’s talking!
You and your fellow feminists on this blog throw insults whenever I post something that you don’t agree with.
Owly, a male slut is a “slut.” A PUA is a person who is part of a community that strategizes about how to get women into bed, often using misogynistic, rapey, and abusive techniques to do so. We object to the misogyny, rape, and abuse, NOT to the sex.
Om Nom, have you heard of the phrase “De gustibus non est disputandum”?
ozy — Mr No Name hasn’t yet annoyed me with bad Latin, so it’s possible that phrase is new to him (in which case he should learn it)
I mean, I hate mayo, but hey, if you want to it, whatever, just don’t offer me any!
Tonight’s mystery, how is it I’ve started sneezing now that the anti-histamine (serving as anti-anxiety) pill has kicked in? There’s been moving going on, so it’s quite dusty, but shouldn’t I have been sneezing before then? (Whatever, I can deal, at least this isn’t a “make you more nuts” side-effect)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zS8QI-j8yb8&feature=player_embedded also 24 hour corgi cam.
This one might embed it better.
Yesh, ozymandias. I have heard such a phrase. Though I’d be highly impressed if you can translate it into ancient egyptian for me. I wonder why people use the latin translation of it rather than the greek……….:/
What exactly is “rapey” about Pick Up Artistry? They are not using drugs or alcohol to impair the judgement of women, nor are they using any sort of actual coercion. The most you can hold against them, is that they are being somewhat manipulative. But if a woman gives her consent, that is ultimately her choice and her responsibility. If consents to sex, and later regrets it, then she can’t blame anyone but herself.