Pickup gurus write a lot about how to (allegedly) get sex, or how they (allegedly) got sex, but almost nothing about sex itself. It’s pretty clear that a lot of PUAs are more interested in the psychological manipulations and power games inherent in “game,” or in adding another notch to their score, than they are in the actual sex that sometimes results from all their efforts.
It goes without saying that most PUAs have little interest in their partners’ pleasure. In a post with the title It Doesn’t Matter If She Orgasms Or Not, pickup guru Roosh explained that once upon a time,
I used to try to last as long as possible in bed. I wanted to make sure the girl got hers before I got mine, and the reason I did that was because I thought she would be attracted to me more and want to see me again.
But, Roosh being the asshole he is, even this minimal level of consideration – which he extended to his partners for his own selfish reasons – turned out to be too much for him to keep up:
Gradually I just stopped caring, and soon everything I did in bed was for my pleasure only. The only reason I’d delay orgasm is to make mine better, and I pretended I don’t hear her the first time she told me to drill slower or not to go so deep. I did whatever I wanted because I came to value my orgasm as sacred, and her pleasure as second to mine.
Given that sex with him in was likely not such a great treat to begin with, he found that being completely selfish didn’t actually make the girls he was with like him any less.
Girls didn’t want to fuck me more, they didn’t want to fuck me less. Not caring about their sexual pleasure had no effect on repeat calls and repeat sex.
No wonder PUAs are so obsessed with very young women – they’re less likely to have experienced good sex, and more likely to be willing to put up with bad simply because they don’t yet realize how good sex can get.
Back in 2008 when he wrote that post, Roosh’s main sexual worry was coming too quickly; these days it seems he has trouble coming at all. Now, there are plenty of reasons why guys can’t orgasm – health conditions, prescription medicine side effects, everyday anxieties, decreased sensitivity with age, and so on. Guys shouldn’t pressure themselves into coming on demand, or feel bad if they can’t.
But Roosh actually seems to feel good about his inability to orgasm – because he’s learned to use this bit of sexual dysfuction as a handy tool to manipulate his partners further:
Not being able to orgasm is one of the best ways to make a girl feel anxious and insecure. When I’m unable to come, which often happens with condoms (raw dog for life), I simply stop sex and say, “I’m not going to make it.” I can almost see her hamster spinning…
Is he not attracted to me anymore?
Is there something wrong with my vagina?
Should I give him a blowjob even though I don’t want to?
These are not the sorts of questions any straight man who’s not an utter creep wants his partner asking herself.
Roosh continues, gloating that his inability to orgasm
also shapes the power structure of the relationship. She knows that a man who doesn’t orgasm is more likely to stray to get that orgasm. As a result, she tests you less and does more things to win your favor.
Or she finds someone else who’s not a complete asshole, and moves on.
Cliff: I like attention-grubbing! It makes me think of digging in the dirt for potatoes.
BlackBloc: Yep yep. Personally, I prefer shorter sex (I get sore relatively easily); I’d rather have a couple shorter sessions than one long session.
I just say “underpants.” It’s unisex and amusing.
I also use “wank” as a unisex term, even though it probably isn’t originally.
i do too, which for some reason drives my brother insane. which only makes me use it more.
Under garments are my fave rave for referring to clothing that is generally worn under other clothing for modesty, restraint of jiggling body parts, and other unmentionable in polite company issues. :p
Expressing a distaste for a certain word doesn’t imply offense or oppression. I prefer ‘dried plums’ to ‘prunes’ though they are the same thing.
I’m also a fan of “underpants”.
Garvan: I don’t think “fap” is offensive. I just think it’s ugly.
And I’m an Anglophile AND PROUD. *drinks tea and wanks to Alan Rickman*
Relevant:
http://www.heromachine.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/03/captain-america-wank.jpg
I typically go with “undies” or “skivvies”.
Also, to be more on topic: kind of a lot (approaching most) of the guys I’ve ever been with had a tangentially related viewpoint to this especially re: for the ego stuff. My orgasm was firstly for their ego, secondly cause it made me feel good. To the point where if I didn’t think it was going to happen but wanted to keep going, they got pretty upset with me (or at my crotchular pleasure centers i guess?), same deal for oral on their part: *they* were the dudes who were *good* and *manly* enough to go down on their girlfriends, and make them orgasm cause they are Big Manly Badasses.
And in case NWO or some other odious troll stomps in here: no, that wasn’t on my intuition. They *told* me this stuff, and I heard them say it to other people.
I’m rather fond of drawers. It lends itself to a nice pretentious drawl when I feel the urge
can someone translate these sentences into coherent english for me?
Also!
TEA AND WANKING!
*waves national flag proudly*
I love how this works out.
While the arseholes are still talking about how much women suck, we moved on from that and started a discussion about underpants. 😛
Sentence 1: It’s funny that you dislike things, because you’re so sensitive like feminists always are! I dislike this and am sensitive about it, but please disregard that.
Sentence 2: See, feminists always use the word “privilege,” but it doesn’t really mean anything, because when I use it in a silly way, see how it sounds silly now? QED.
Oh, maybe that’s why they think feminists get offended at everything! They assume that every time a feminist expresses dislike of something, they’re offended by it!
God, I never realized okra was so offensive.
Sounds plausible…
(cf. Mitt Romney equating Brits moaning about the NHS with us not wanting it to be a thing…)
@Sharculese
It all boils down to
“*drinks tea and wanks to Alan Rickman*”
I have definitely never ever done this in real life *cough*OMFGdidyoueverwatchMesmersosexygaaaaah*cough*
It offended my stomach once, and I’ve never been able to look it in the seed again.
Now that would have made for an interesting opening ceremony for the Olympics. Actually, now I come to think of it, where were the tea references? Surely we needed some sort of synchronised swimming team diving into a giant cup.
I know, right?
I second the hatred of “panties”.
… It would, wouldn’t it?
Haven’t actually seen the ceremony yet, though I hear we gave Obama mad props.
(Because we all hate our wonderful NHS.)
Falconer: Okra is MISOGYNY.
Knickers is a much better word than panties. Also, it helps avoid the whole Brit/American confusion over the word “pants”.
In other news, yeah, PUA guru openly advocates rape. It’s not like it’s the first time. The thing is…despite the fact that they do frame sex as a zero-sum game where if the woman reluctantly agrees to it and/or doesn’t fight back all that hard then that gives the man extra awesomeness points, they don’t think this is rape. Or even vaguely rape-adjacent. They think this is how sex normally works, and how it ideally should work.
I think most of them would find an enthusiastic partner rather disappointing. Robs them of the “I can MAKE her do things” ego-boost.