Pickup gurus write a lot about how to (allegedly) get sex, or how they (allegedly) got sex, but almost nothing about sex itself. It’s pretty clear that a lot of PUAs are more interested in the psychological manipulations and power games inherent in “game,” or in adding another notch to their score, than they are in the actual sex that sometimes results from all their efforts.
It goes without saying that most PUAs have little interest in their partners’ pleasure. In a post with the title It Doesn’t Matter If She Orgasms Or Not, pickup guru Roosh explained that once upon a time,
I used to try to last as long as possible in bed. I wanted to make sure the girl got hers before I got mine, and the reason I did that was because I thought she would be attracted to me more and want to see me again.
But, Roosh being the asshole he is, even this minimal level of consideration – which he extended to his partners for his own selfish reasons – turned out to be too much for him to keep up:
Gradually I just stopped caring, and soon everything I did in bed was for my pleasure only. The only reason I’d delay orgasm is to make mine better, and I pretended I don’t hear her the first time she told me to drill slower or not to go so deep. I did whatever I wanted because I came to value my orgasm as sacred, and her pleasure as second to mine.
Given that sex with him in was likely not such a great treat to begin with, he found that being completely selfish didn’t actually make the girls he was with like him any less.
Girls didn’t want to fuck me more, they didn’t want to fuck me less. Not caring about their sexual pleasure had no effect on repeat calls and repeat sex.
No wonder PUAs are so obsessed with very young women – they’re less likely to have experienced good sex, and more likely to be willing to put up with bad simply because they don’t yet realize how good sex can get.
Back in 2008 when he wrote that post, Roosh’s main sexual worry was coming too quickly; these days it seems he has trouble coming at all. Now, there are plenty of reasons why guys can’t orgasm – health conditions, prescription medicine side effects, everyday anxieties, decreased sensitivity with age, and so on. Guys shouldn’t pressure themselves into coming on demand, or feel bad if they can’t.
But Roosh actually seems to feel good about his inability to orgasm – because he’s learned to use this bit of sexual dysfuction as a handy tool to manipulate his partners further:
Not being able to orgasm is one of the best ways to make a girl feel anxious and insecure. When I’m unable to come, which often happens with condoms (raw dog for life), I simply stop sex and say, “I’m not going to make it.” I can almost see her hamster spinning…
Is he not attracted to me anymore?
Is there something wrong with my vagina?
Should I give him a blowjob even though I don’t want to?
These are not the sorts of questions any straight man who’s not an utter creep wants his partner asking herself.
Roosh continues, gloating that his inability to orgasm
also shapes the power structure of the relationship. She knows that a man who doesn’t orgasm is more likely to stray to get that orgasm. As a result, she tests you less and does more things to win your favor.
Or she finds someone else who’s not a complete asshole, and moves on.
Hence fanny pack is known as a bum bag in Australia…..
I’m trying to popularise “jilling off” as the female equivalent of “jacking off”.
I don’t mind “pussy”, but I don’t prefer it either. I, too, use “cunt” to refer to my genitals. Sometimes I use “ladyparts” because I find it hilarious to say. “Cooter” bugs me, though I’ll put up with it. I can’t stand “twat”, it annoys the hell out of me. Although if anyone uses those terms to insult me, I just end up laughing at them. There’s nothing inherently wrong with genitals and most people like them or are neutral toward them.
I do have a female client who says the word “vagina” in such a way that it irritates me. I can’t quite figure out why, I think it’s the way she emphasizes saying it. *shudder* Those days, I wish I could just hang up on her, but I can’t, because it’s relevant to my job.
And I do find “panties” to be creepy in reference to women’s underwear, only because I think of “panties” as little girl’s underwear. I like “undies” or “underwear”, and if I’m being silly about it, “unmentionables”. My inner 12 year old will always snicker at “boobies” and “knockers”.
starterlifesydney: Same here in the UK on both counts, though I suppose it’s not surprising that the UK and Australia share slang terms.
As an Englishman, I’ll call a man a cunt, but only if he’s being a cunt (unlike in certain areas of Scotland, where they’ll call any old cunt a cunt, even if he’s a nice cunt). But I wouldn’t call a woman a cunt, because it seems instinctively misogynist, and I wouldn’t call a vagina a cunt, because it seems like kind of an unpleasant word for it.
(Obviously it’s not cool to use ‘cunt’ pejoratively, regardless of gender, and I try not to do it. But these are my instinctive reactions to the word FWIW.)
One of my favorite US-UK culture clash moments involves an American friend of mine trying to warn an English friend against sitting in a puddle on the London Underground. The American, trying to sound a bit precious, screamed at the top of his lungs “Don’t sit there! You’ll get your fanny wet!”
Neither party was aware that the word meant two different things depending on your side of the Atlantic. Hilarity. It ensued.
No.
“Dude, “wank” is at least as unisex as “fap,” given that “fap” is onomatopoeiac for male masturbation.”
Yeh…I will use wank or masturbate for men or women, but the only term I find sexy (as well as funny!) is ‘jerking off’, which I also use for men and women. My boyfriend hates it for women and prefers ‘fingering yourself’ (!!!) which makes me want to vomit.
-MSN
There ya go.
I think fanny is a an awesome and not repulsive substitute for pussy 🙂
I hate nearly all words for vagina…’pussy’ is acceptable, but it still sticks when I try and say it! The word I generally use is ‘vag’, which I am comfy with, but it is very unsexy!
Yes yes yes yes yes! I think I have come from oral sex about twice in my life, after literally half an hour of trying and trying on both our parts, and this pretty much sums up my experience as well.
Things that work:
My own hand
Partner’s hand SOMETIMES and only with constant adjustments
Wand vibrator 30 second orgasm way better but not ‘real’ orgasms like oral sex waaaah o_o
blitzgal and Ozymandias42: You certainly do pick your battles wisely!
Says the guy who’s ranting about underwear.
Besides, why the fuck are you people whining about the word “panties”? It is a very sexy word and that’s probably why most women use it.
This is silly. It’s not a sexy word. It’s not even a sexy concept. It’s, at best, a sort of neutral word. The idea of “panties” you keep in your head might be sexy, but as a word it’s sort of infantile.
It’s likely a diminutive formation from either the British pants, or the American underpants. It’s not a pattern which has been used with mens’ undergarments. I don’t hate it, but I find it awkward and inelegant. I find itm because of that aspect of juvenalia, difficult to use; e.g. when a co-worker might care that her underwear has ridden up.
It’s not that she’s being in any way immodest, but, “your panties are showing” immediately calls to mind reproofs given to children, which seems inappropriate.
‘Fanny’ is a very childish word in my opinion, like everyone called a vulva a ‘fanny’ when I was five or six. Or ‘mini’, which is I think more acceptable… I don’t think I ever had a word for it =/ I knew ‘penis’ but I was never taught a word for vulva or vagina except ‘private parts’ I guess.
Also ‘knickers’ can totally mean thong (or ‘buttfloss’…urgh…) I love it, it covers male and female style briefs, string underwear and boxers for me 😀 ‘Panties’ I just get a visual of some terrifying sex offender saying it, but granted nobody says ‘panties’ over here so I am only exposed through creepy guys on films etc.
The idea of “panties” you keep in your head might be sexy – pecunium
No, my brain, that’s clearly the word “in”, not the word “on”.
“Panties” as a word for adult women’s underwear has made me cringe a little ever since I started hearing it used on tv etc. Panties sounds like something small children wear.
Then again, I’m in the UK and its all knickers and pants here…and knickers is pretty funny word.
Also, PUAs are crap in bed? Oh, is anyone suprised?
Oh yes, the old, “you’re wasting your time on such trivial issues when there are much more important things you should focus on” concern trolling. Yawn.
I’ve never heard of mini as a word for vagina before, and I’ve watched a lot of British television, as I imagine is usual for the commenters here, and even British films, although they may not have used the word back when Britain still made films. Does it imply vaginas are small?
For Russian we have, О вкусах не спорят (which looks a lot like the spanish, para gustos hay colores), though if one wanted to translate it, rather than use the language’s own aphorism, one has the closer, на вкус и на цвет товарищей нет “There are no friends in color or taste.”
For French I’d say, chacun à son goût
why are you such a fucking tryhard?
I’m going to start carrying around a picture of a Silence, so that whenever someone brings up that awful thing, I can look at the picture and instantly forget that the game was brought up.
… Wait, I think there’s a problem with this plan, but I can’t think what it is….
I started reading Xanthe when I was 17 or 18, so it wasn’t long before my taste developed to the point that I put it down. At the time, he was writing about kids my age dealing with their libidos, so it didn’t seem all that creepy to me. It was only later that I started to think, wait, how old is this guy?
And then I found Pratchett…. I’ve never looked back.
‘Mini’ is more of a children’s word, like ‘willy’ for penis.
Az ízlés, nem lehet vitás
I read my first Pratchett (Wyrd Sisters) aged about… nine or ten, I think.
A few years later I read it again, and pretty much went O_o as I realised what that running joke about the old duke’s great big hairy thing, which I had previously assumed to be minor and inconsequential silliness, was actually talking about.
Good times…