Every woman I know who’s tried online dating has gotten all sorts of weird and sleazy messages from guys, from crude sexual come-ons (“sorry for being forward but id love to cum on your glasses :)”) to terrible “sexy” jokes (“So ay girl, you looking for a stud? Because I got the std, all I need is u :)”) to fetish-tastic examples of Too Much Information (“I WISH I WERE A DOG SO I COULD SUCK MYSELF OFF”). (No, guys, appending a smiley face emoticon does not make it ok to be a grotesque douchebag.)
You always wonder what guys like this are thinking. With the dog lover at the end, it’s clear he was trying to rattle a woman who hadn’t replied to two earlier messages of increasing creepiness. With the others, I suppose they think there’s always a tiny chance that some woman out there is as desperate and horny and undiscerning as they are.
What’s stranger are those who lead not with sexual come ons but with blatant misogyny. Do men really think that women melt at the thought of dating a man who hates half the human race? Or are they just looking for yet another chance to mansplain their Men’s Rights bullshit to the world?
Here are a couple of examples of this strange and unsuccessful approach to winning over women which I found on the delightful and disturbing blog The Ladies of OkCupid, which documents the quests of three women searching for love online.
Sometimes the misogyny sneaks up on you, as in this OkCupid profile from a “laid-back” slut-shamer (who was clearly not an English major):
This fellow, by contrast, launches into the misogyny right from the start, suggesting that the woman he’s writing is exceptional, simply because she’s not stupid and illogical like the rest of her gender:
This “edgy” fellow tries to break the ice with some lovely rape jokes:
But the strangest one I’ve seen so far comes from this dude, who uses his OKCupid profile as an opportunity to mansplain why feminism is eeeeeevil:
Oh, and that list keeps going; it’s one hundred items long.
As Jasmine from The Ladies of OKCupid writes,
Delusional and repulsive takes on a whole new level with this one, because I really don’t think he’s kidding. He has every social media outlet known to man with all the same crap, and his profile is HUGE. So either he’s attempting to become the ultimate Canadian troll, or he really thinks there’s a woman out there who exists like this AND would be interested in him, of all people. Really? He offers little more than a receding hairline and an outrageous sense of entitlement in return.
To paraphrase Animal House, delusional and repulsive is no way to go through life.
Happily for The Ladies of OKCupid, and the rest of those ladies seeking love online, not all the messages are like this. For example, take this message about a basic but delicious foodstuff:
Also, the woman who got the message above about that thinking-outside-the-box use for her glasses? She stayed on OkCupid, and is now in a happy relationship with a dude she met there who is not a shitlord.
JeanM, he outright says he has an axe to grind about feminism.
I wasn’t referring to one person and was just writing in general.
I personally find this guy’s physical preferences hilariously mainstream. I mean, nearly everyone has some weird quirks in whom they like. They like big bellies or vests or hairy legs or thick eyebrows, or they have a weird aversion to blondes or round asses or femmes. But his is just Mainstream American Beauty Standard FTW (except possibly his fondness for AA cup women, except that even that is because they won’t sag).
It makes me wonder if his desires are less “this is the girl I want” and more “this is the girl that’ll make me look good around my friends.”
I don’t think you understand how comment sections work.
I used to like cotton candy. But I like it less now.
I think some people are right about some things and wrong about other things.
Just writing in general.
That’s what I said Cliff.
Cliff , what makes you think I would want a pen pal. I haven’t mentioned my experiences on those sites. I’m speaking about the men who ate annoyed at some women w too high standards (in their eyes). This isn’t about my person.
I think that the problem is that hundred list guy is going to send messages to various women with his unreasonable demands. I don’t mind if hundred list guy just sat around on his page like a big misogynistic spider in a web, but this guy is obviously sending his “qualifications” to other people in messages and expecting them to live up to it. It’s almost like these guys can’t be happy unless they’re actively making other people miserable.
Do I want to hear how insignificant/fat/unattractive/hairy/frumpy I am from some anonymous internet asshole? NOPE. Blockity block block block. But I would still have to deal with that initial unpleasantness even though I am very honest about what I look like/my likes and dislikes, so it would be obvious to anyone with two brain cells to rub together that I would not be a good match for their ridiculous 100 point list.
lolololol yeah we all secretly want to date Mr.I want living sex doll amiright? Criticizing /mocking means you seekretly want whatever you are mocking.
Though there is a huge difference between having high standards and looking for someone who doesn’t exist. That doesn’t matter to you I am sure. WE SHOULD ALL JUST LEAVE THIS OVERLY MISOGYNIST PRICK ALONE GOSH! Shut down the blog guys!
Are Jean and Whatever the same person?
Nana-do you ever receive Spam?
I don’t know about all of you, but I don’t really want to be “picked.” That makes me feel like I’m a banana in a grocery store or something. Attraction and relationships should grow from a mutual enjoyment of one another. It’s not 5th grade kickball, where everyone is desperate not to be picked last.
There is something weird going on in this comment section. [cloudiah puts down laptop and backs away slowly.]
@JeanM- The nice thing about spam is that it hangs out in my spam box and doesn’t have offensive subject lines like “I want to jam my cock down your throat and cum like a firehose” and shit like that. Spam isn’t blatantly abusive, humiliating or cruel. And it doesn’t stalk you and send multiple messages to you that get more and more violent until you’re getting death threats because you won’t meet up with their “nice selves” and pleasure their cock in the exact way they want.
Everyone gets spam. But spam is like junk mail. These guys are basically like hateful poison-spewing vipers who hang around looking to dig their fangs into people and then hold on all the while doing their damnedest to poison your day.
Cliff, I wouldn’t be at all surprised if they were.
Snowy – They came up at the same time, have similar writing styles (they’re both a few commas short), seem confused which one of them people are talking to, and seem to have the same difficulties with putting things into context.
But they’re also arguing with each other.
Something’s weird here.
Nana-but no one is forcing you to go onto any of these dating sites like OKCupid. I’ve never been on any of these sites. So you can avoid the whole problem of being “forcred” to see anything by just avoiding the site.
Wtf
They talk the same, show up at the same time, argue the same thing, mostly talk to each other.
SOCKTROLL
@darksidecat
“I’m listed as a bi woman on OKC, because it doesn’t have a third option, and I explain multiple times (once in all caps) that I don’t identify as a woman or as a man.”
Well they probably thought that was your style as far as a sense of humor. Since everyones born a man or woman and it’s real easy to tell, they probably just laughed.
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@Fembot
“Some men literally cannot see people except in terms of 1) do they have a penis? No, ok then 2) how will my penis fit inside of them and how soon can I make this happen?”
Hint; Don’t put something so incredibly stupid in your profile.
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@ozymandias42
“fatphobic”
Yaay! Another phobia added to the list. How many is that now in the victim cart?
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@Whateveritsjustme
“Their profiles are just a forum for them to try and spread their anti-women agenda.”
Has that been recently added to patriarchy theory?
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@Cliff Pervocracy
“When someone’s “list of likes and dislikes” is clearly about a guy’s need to date a non-entity”
That’s right up darksidecats alley, she identifies as neither man or woman, a non-entity if I ever heard of one,
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@ozymandias42
“I mean, maybe it’s uncommon for Hundred Item List Dude, but that’s because he wants a sex doll who can pay for herself.”
A sex doll that pays for herself is way better than a sex doll that doesn’t.
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Normally on these sites, women list what they believe are their qualities, which abound. Then they list the things they want in a man. If they deem a man worthy, he might be choosen to bask in all the qualities she believes she posesses.
Cliff, you may want to get a life and stop worrying about commas or who’s who. I write under my own name only.
This might be the stupidest thing you’ve said yet. OKCupid is a big social site. Telling women “if people are mean to you, don’t use it” is just completely unacceptable.
…If I’m mean to you here, will you stop posting?
uhuh and I am a unicorn dragon
I’m just saying, if women want to avoid street harassment, they can just stop going outside! We should take a little responsibility for our own actions.
Jeez, Jean, maybe women have reasons they want to use dating sites, just like men do. And maybe it’s reasonable that they should be able to do so without being harrassed, just like men (usually) can.
I thought Whatever’s comments were talking about misogynists complaining about women’s lists. Did I read them wrong?
Yeah Jean, because a guy whose 100 point list includes “qualifications” such as “you can take a punch” is totally normal. I’m so sad he’s not gonna “pick” me to take a punch from him.
And furthermore, I didn’t realise that this was some sort of private club where only a handful of diehard people are accepted and any outsider is shunned. This is a public blog and just because you may have wasted the last year 24/7 on it doesn’t make you or your narrow views or opinions important. The handful of you just write the same silly nonsense over and over again. And I have no idea how anyone of any substance or has a real life has the time to read OKCupid profiles.
No no, I’m not talking about that guys list. I mean other *real* lists w real women looking for real love. MEN who complain about women having lists are really just annoyed they aren’t getting picked.
Now this guy and his list that this post is about is not a real profile in the sense if a guy actively interested and looking for love. His profile list thingy is really a rant, a misogynistic dig at women. Not meant to be taken at face value. He’s making a statement (anti-women) about women. He’s likely annoyed at women and the lists if preferences they have for men bc he knows he can never meet any items. I’m sure there’s a million reasons why he hates women too. His list is a sarcastic mock of women’s lists. He ain’t looking for anything but a forum to vent his anger.