Every woman I know who’s tried online dating has gotten all sorts of weird and sleazy messages from guys, from crude sexual come-ons (“sorry for being forward but id love to cum on your glasses :)”) to terrible “sexy” jokes (“So ay girl, you looking for a stud? Because I got the std, all I need is u :)”) to fetish-tastic examples of Too Much Information (“I WISH I WERE A DOG SO I COULD SUCK MYSELF OFF”). (No, guys, appending a smiley face emoticon does not make it ok to be a grotesque douchebag.)
You always wonder what guys like this are thinking. With the dog lover at the end, it’s clear he was trying to rattle a woman who hadn’t replied to two earlier messages of increasing creepiness. With the others, I suppose they think there’s always a tiny chance that some woman out there is as desperate and horny and undiscerning as they are.
What’s stranger are those who lead not with sexual come ons but with blatant misogyny. Do men really think that women melt at the thought of dating a man who hates half the human race? Or are they just looking for yet another chance to mansplain their Men’s Rights bullshit to the world?
Here are a couple of examples of this strange and unsuccessful approach to winning over women which I found on the delightful and disturbing blog The Ladies of OkCupid, which documents the quests of three women searching for love online.
Sometimes the misogyny sneaks up on you, as in this OkCupid profile from a “laid-back” slut-shamer (who was clearly not an English major):
This fellow, by contrast, launches into the misogyny right from the start, suggesting that the woman he’s writing is exceptional, simply because she’s not stupid and illogical like the rest of her gender:
This “edgy” fellow tries to break the ice with some lovely rape jokes:
But the strangest one I’ve seen so far comes from this dude, who uses his OKCupid profile as an opportunity to mansplain why feminism is eeeeeevil:
Oh, and that list keeps going; it’s one hundred items long.
As Jasmine from The Ladies of OKCupid writes,
Delusional and repulsive takes on a whole new level with this one, because I really don’t think he’s kidding. He has every social media outlet known to man with all the same crap, and his profile is HUGE. So either he’s attempting to become the ultimate Canadian troll, or he really thinks there’s a woman out there who exists like this AND would be interested in him, of all people. Really? He offers little more than a receding hairline and an outrageous sense of entitlement in return.
To paraphrase Animal House, delusional and repulsive is no way to go through life.
Happily for The Ladies of OKCupid, and the rest of those ladies seeking love online, not all the messages are like this. For example, take this message about a basic but delicious foodstuff:
Also, the woman who got the message above about that thinking-outside-the-box use for her glasses? She stayed on OkCupid, and is now in a happy relationship with a dude she met there who is not a shitlord.
Why do you care what we’re doing, JeanM? o_O?
Like it or not, those men are mostly full of shit. There’s a certain class of dude that thinks women who have any standards at all are too fussy. These are the guys who see “looking for 20-35” on a 25-year-old’s profile, are 50, and come in to rant at her about how unacceptably narrow-minded she is.
Yeah, there are some women out there with genuinely long annoying lists. I think they’re annoying too. But complaining about how all women do this makes about as much sense as complaining about how all women are named Natasha.
….
…You’ve got me there. I am now going to move to a cabin in the middle of an undisclosed location with lots of bears and wolves and no people. Of course, then I’ll probably get unnecessarily interested in what the bears and wolves are up to, when I probably shouldn’t be caring what they’re doing, either.
What is it with you and having zero sense of context or proportion?
Looking for “someone who likes horse riding as much as I do” and looking for “someone who shaves everywhere and is a very specific height and will perform like a pornstar in bed and has a hot mom and can take a punch”–NOT EQUIVALENT.
@Whatever-people whether male or female always have these lists and ideas about what they want. But real life is quite different and people have to settle on what they can actually get. It would be very rare for someone to get all that she wanted and even then after having it she may want something else.
NWO, women also die saving other people during crises.
Cliff, stop being obtuse. If you believe that someone’s list of qualifiations for a date are ridiculous then just ignore them.
Again, if you think this conversation is so ridiculous, I don’t see why you shouldn’t have to take the same advice and ignore us. Why is it not okay for the folks here to voice objections to something, but it’s totally okay for you to voice your objections to our objections? You’re being pretty damned inconsistent.
JeanM reminds me of the “criticism of someone’s speech is CENSORSHIP!!” types. No, actually, criticism also speech. Trying to stop criticism is censorship. o_O
Why do people like JeanM come here? Seriously, I have no idea. Will there be standard MRA ranting to follow, or did somebody just feel like being contrary today? Humanity baffles me sometimes.
Yeah, JeanM, why would anyone come to a blog whose entire purpose is mocking misogyny and mock something that is entirely mock-worthy and misogynistic? It just doesn’t make sense!
Cliff, I agree. I have a hunch they and other profiles which mirror the same misogyny are really just political (battle of the sexes) statements (rants). I highly doubt those men are really interested in finding a match. Their profiles are just a forum for them to try and spread their anti-women agenda. Like on the pof forums. Male posters who clearly write the most horrid things about women are there to spread hate, not date.
I believe those who complain that others have too high standards are really just annoyed they aren’t being picked.? It’s easier for them to look outward as the source of their troubles rather than inward. Her “list” ( however small or big) is an easy target for them to rant about .
@Whatever-perhaps that may be true in some cases but merely having a list of likes and dislikes does not mean that man hates women or has some axe to grind about how horrible feminism is.
JeanM, he outright says he has an axe to grind about feminism.
When someone’s “list of likes and dislikes” is clearly about a guy’s need to date a non-entity (yet somehow an independently wealthy non-entity with great self-esteem) that he can emotionally abuse, then that’s something that a blog about misogyny might want to talk about.
Jean, I’m not getting what you think you know about me and the lists I run into every now and then. Remember, you havent asked me many questions and ive shared very little. Already youre assuming all kinds of things about me. Don’t worry about me and the lists, I’m just fine.
Yeah, I’m pretty sure JeanM didn’t actually read the original post…
I… don’t think it’s that uncommon that people end up dating people who have the traits that they would like in people they date.
I mean, maybe it’s uncommon for Hundred Item List Dude, but that’s because he wants a sex doll who can pay for herself.
Cliff, having a list eerks some men who already hate women bc they think theyre privileged and suffer from princess syndrome. It’s a mixed bag. Definetly a woman’s list of preferences annoy those types of men. That profile was mocking women’s list, among other things.
I believe those who complain that others have too high standards are really just annoyed they aren’t being picked.?
That’s probably true in some cases. But let’s also remember that these are “dating” sites and dating in case you didn’t know it means sex. And to have sex you must be physically attracted to someone which is why there is so much about appearance on these sites. If you just want a penpal or something then I’d suggest staying away from these sites.
That profile was mocking women’s list, among other things.
Exactly. So why waste time over this.
Jean, u aren’t telling me anything new about the lists. It’s common sense. Those w huge lists likely won’t find each item met. Ever. I think more people have reasonable lists however. To misogynists, any list, whether 3 items or 100, annoys them bc it’s a “woman” w standards and preferences.
@Whatever- I don’t have the least interest in you.
JeanM, if we’re wasting time talking about a dating profile, well, you’re talking about people who are talking about a dating profile… what does that make you?
Jean, we are not wasting time. We are having a conversation. I’m cool. I can handle it. Are YOU ok?