Every woman I know who’s tried online dating has gotten all sorts of weird and sleazy messages from guys, from crude sexual come-ons (“sorry for being forward but id love to cum on your glasses :)”) to terrible “sexy” jokes (“So ay girl, you looking for a stud? Because I got the std, all I need is u :)”) to fetish-tastic examples of Too Much Information (“I WISH I WERE A DOG SO I COULD SUCK MYSELF OFF”). (No, guys, appending a smiley face emoticon does not make it ok to be a grotesque douchebag.)
You always wonder what guys like this are thinking. With the dog lover at the end, it’s clear he was trying to rattle a woman who hadn’t replied to two earlier messages of increasing creepiness. With the others, I suppose they think there’s always a tiny chance that some woman out there is as desperate and horny and undiscerning as they are.
What’s stranger are those who lead not with sexual come ons but with blatant misogyny. Do men really think that women melt at the thought of dating a man who hates half the human race? Or are they just looking for yet another chance to mansplain their Men’s Rights bullshit to the world?
Here are a couple of examples of this strange and unsuccessful approach to winning over women which I found on the delightful and disturbing blog The Ladies of OkCupid, which documents the quests of three women searching for love online.
Sometimes the misogyny sneaks up on you, as in this OkCupid profile from a “laid-back” slut-shamer (who was clearly not an English major):
This fellow, by contrast, launches into the misogyny right from the start, suggesting that the woman he’s writing is exceptional, simply because she’s not stupid and illogical like the rest of her gender:
This “edgy” fellow tries to break the ice with some lovely rape jokes:
But the strangest one I’ve seen so far comes from this dude, who uses his OKCupid profile as an opportunity to mansplain why feminism is eeeeeevil:
Oh, and that list keeps going; it’s one hundred items long.
As Jasmine from The Ladies of OKCupid writes,
Delusional and repulsive takes on a whole new level with this one, because I really don’t think he’s kidding. He has every social media outlet known to man with all the same crap, and his profile is HUGE. So either he’s attempting to become the ultimate Canadian troll, or he really thinks there’s a woman out there who exists like this AND would be interested in him, of all people. Really? He offers little more than a receding hairline and an outrageous sense of entitlement in return.
To paraphrase Animal House, delusional and repulsive is no way to go through life.
Happily for The Ladies of OKCupid, and the rest of those ladies seeking love online, not all the messages are like this. For example, take this message about a basic but delicious foodstuff:
Also, the woman who got the message above about that thinking-outside-the-box use for her glasses? She stayed on OkCupid, and is now in a happy relationship with a dude she met there who is not a shitlord.
Well at least he doesn’t fall into the usual trap douchebags like that do, in that he doesn’t want to pay for things for a woman but doesn’t feel lesser if she makes money than he does so she can actually do that.
Though “make your own money so I don’t have to buy you shit” (and presumably, so she can buy him shit) isn’t exactly what i’d call an improvement.
The whole Paris Hilton/ Kim Kardashian hating by men and women annoys me a bit. While theyay have wanted to be famous, it isn’t something that can happen without public approval/effort. I know culture is cruel, but to make someone famous just to hate them seems horrible. I don’t care about either of them (I mean I vaguely wish them a good life as much as any stranger) so I don’t get why people vilify them. They aren’t forcing themselves on you, or harming you more than standard member of the 1%. If you like them, then sure follow them. If you don’t leave them alone and don’t pick on people who do. That sounds angrier than I mean it to. I just think (maybe wrongly) that they are pretty harmless
Sometimes I wonder if Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian aren’t a lot smarter than they’re usually given credit for. After all, they’ve managed to make a lot of money and become very famous for acting out pretty, shallow, stupid young woman role…
Yeah, I’m not fan of the hate-on for Hilton and Kardashians either.
That’s why I usually say I don’t care about Hilton/the Kardashians/etc. I don’t actively hate them; I’m simply not interested in their doings. Other people are, bully for them, not my thing.
I don’t know much about the Kardashians, but Paris Hilton definitely knows what she’s doing.
She was already rich–she had the opportunity to just rest on those laurels–and she went out and made her own name in the world. I respect her for that. Silly spoiled princess? That’s clearly just the character she plays.
Kim Kardashian’s done some good work; for instance, she’s worked to raise awareness of the Armenian genocide. I respect her for that if nothing else.
I’m listed as a bi woman on OKC, because it doesn’t have a third option, and I explain multiple times (once in all caps) that I don’t identify as a woman or as a man. I still get these guys.
I’ve gotten:
-a rape threat
-messages from homophobes that have it in public profiles/questions that they don’t like queer people or won’t date people who have had sex with members of the same sex
-a shit ton of messages that misgender me from the get go (“There aren’t many girls who like anime.” 1) I’m not a girl and 2) have you not seen the internet?)
Because when a cis hetero man is attracted to you, someone no matter how many times you say “bi genderqueer” he hears “cis hetero woman”.
Interesting how many of them seem to have become desperate for someone, anyone, to message them back.
You have no idea who is writing on these “dating” sites especially the free ones like Cupid.It may be some silly ‘tween.
And I don’t see anything wrong with people listing things that they like or dislike(like the poster above who doesn’t like Republicans) because it will save a lot of time and aggravation. If a man doesn’t like tall girls, non Whites or fat women over 130lbs. then why waste time with a lot of talk and bother.
Now some of these qualifications may be just plain silly but no one is being forced to respond to these people. For all you know none of these examples may have even received any reply.
They are making fun of women w what they think are too picky lists. Their anger for women seeps through in the writing. Funnily, they are bitter they can’t make a list FORREAL like women can.
OK, I could have this wrong…
BUT – is the rape joke guy Jade Michael? The same Jade Michael that plays in a band/crew of two???
Truth, JeanM. And here I was about to say that the problem with a guy who requires that his next girlfriend be able to take a punch and not mind at all when he dumps food on her head is that he has the gall to state his likes and dislikes. If a guy doesn’t like women who don’t want to be punched all the time, why should he waste his time with a lot of talk and bother?
Well, that’s told us, and no mistake. David, I reckon you’d best shut the entire blog down.
Some men literally cannot see people except in terms of 1) do they have a penis? No, ok then 2) how will my penis fit inside of them and how soon can I make this happen?
I try to stay away from these types, because there are a lot of great guys that see women as people and are capable of appreciating us for nonsexual reasons.
Yes JeanM, they are. That’s why people are making fun of them. What is your point?
“23) You douche thoroughly before anal”
@ ozymandias42, I saw that too and was like ‘huh?’ until I realized he probably didn’t know they were different. It’s funny, since his own head is so far up his ass you’d think he’d have tried an enema at some point point.
(sorry for the double word at the end of last post)
Some of them are oddly specific:
“41) You look good in a baggy t-shirt, that just barely covers you naked-ass, the morning after a long session of fornication”
“63) You are not lactose-intolerant or allergic to gluten”
“93) You have between 28 and 32 straight-white-teeth”
“94) You have excellent zygomatic bone structure”
Paraphrase of 99: Ears free of cerumen.
Number 94 and the one about pooping rainbows are the two that make me wonder if he’s a troll…zygomatic bone structure…really?!
Many uses you say?? How could anyone resist the charms of a woman-lover like yourself?
Oh, shit, yeah, this is all about how a very large number of women have hundred-item lists with things like “must shit rainbows” and “must be able to take a punch,” and they invariably (after breaking many Beta niceguy hearts) find men who meet all their qualifications.
You’re very perceptive.
DSC: have you gotten the guys (it’s always guys) who want to know whether you have a dick or a pussy?
Jean: I have a list on my profile of people I don’t want to date. It’s (a) only ten items long and (b) almost entirely personality- and interest-based qualifications that, in my experience, are directly related to having a happy relationship with me.
You’re perfectly free to say you don’t want to date fat chicks in your profile; I’m also perfectly free not to message your fatphobic ass.
Cliff, save your snark. I didn’t say this was all it’s about. It’s part of it. Like it or not. I’ve heard and read men gripe that women have too high standards and they make fun of the long lists of “wants” in a man.
Chill the fuck out wise guy.
That is exactly what I said so what’s the problem? You’re not forced to reply to someone who has qualifications that don’t fit you.
Fine. So you’re looking for someone based on interests and another person is looking based on appearance and other things.
Why would you even care then what other people are doing?
And I find myself thinking of this song….
Yeah, we get it NWO, you hate women. But I sincerely doubt those dead men would like you using their names to prove your petty point. So have some respect. And STFU.