Every woman I know who’s tried online dating has gotten all sorts of weird and sleazy messages from guys, from crude sexual come-ons (“sorry for being forward but id love to cum on your glasses :)”) to terrible “sexy” jokes (“So ay girl, you looking for a stud? Because I got the std, all I need is u :)”) to fetish-tastic examples of Too Much Information (“I WISH I WERE A DOG SO I COULD SUCK MYSELF OFF”). (No, guys, appending a smiley face emoticon does not make it ok to be a grotesque douchebag.)
You always wonder what guys like this are thinking. With the dog lover at the end, it’s clear he was trying to rattle a woman who hadn’t replied to two earlier messages of increasing creepiness. With the others, I suppose they think there’s always a tiny chance that some woman out there is as desperate and horny and undiscerning as they are.
What’s stranger are those who lead not with sexual come ons but with blatant misogyny. Do men really think that women melt at the thought of dating a man who hates half the human race? Or are they just looking for yet another chance to mansplain their Men’s Rights bullshit to the world?
Here are a couple of examples of this strange and unsuccessful approach to winning over women which I found on the delightful and disturbing blog The Ladies of OkCupid, which documents the quests of three women searching for love online.
Sometimes the misogyny sneaks up on you, as in this OkCupid profile from a “laid-back” slut-shamer (who was clearly not an English major):
This fellow, by contrast, launches into the misogyny right from the start, suggesting that the woman he’s writing is exceptional, simply because she’s not stupid and illogical like the rest of her gender:
This “edgy” fellow tries to break the ice with some lovely rape jokes:
But the strangest one I’ve seen so far comes from this dude, who uses his OKCupid profile as an opportunity to mansplain why feminism is eeeeeevil:
Oh, and that list keeps going; it’s one hundred items long.
As Jasmine from The Ladies of OKCupid writes,
Delusional and repulsive takes on a whole new level with this one, because I really don’t think he’s kidding. He has every social media outlet known to man with all the same crap, and his profile is HUGE. So either he’s attempting to become the ultimate Canadian troll, or he really thinks there’s a woman out there who exists like this AND would be interested in him, of all people. Really? He offers little more than a receding hairline and an outrageous sense of entitlement in return.
To paraphrase Animal House, delusional and repulsive is no way to go through life.
Happily for The Ladies of OKCupid, and the rest of those ladies seeking love online, not all the messages are like this. For example, take this message about a basic but delicious foodstuff:
Also, the woman who got the message above about that thinking-outside-the-box use for her glasses? She stayed on OkCupid, and is now in a happy relationship with a dude she met there who is not a shitlord.
Not only are you wrong, you contradict yourself. Even according to you, the word has meaning. You are wrong on what that meaning is, but it’s besides the point.
Still waiting on your analysis of structural disadvantages against white men, dude who can’t stick a flounce
I never tire of capitalists talking about Greece as an indictment of socialism.
Yes, tell me how the conservative, right winged majority that dismantled the civil service didn’t contribute to unemployment and also tell me how they didn’t basically pilfer EU Aid (standard for the poorer countries). Tell me how all of those things are the fault of socialism. I always can use a good laugh.
Also, Spain is *really* not doing that bad, unless Zaragoza is on its own planet or something. Which isn’t impossible.
As opposed to rich assholes, presumably like you, who magic their facts out of their ass?
@Rutee– yeah, Paul Krugman had a really good graphic the other day about social spending as a measure of GDP for the countries in Europe in trouble, and the ones who aren’t in trouble. Would it amaze you to know that the danged chart seemed almost as if it was the countries who were into cutthroat capitalism who were in trouble?
But for some reason the mainstream understanding of what’s going on doesn’t mention that little tidbit at ALL. I wonder why that is?
@Rutee
Yeah, in Portugal, where I’m from, we’re in trouble and we have our local Socialist Party to thank for that.
However. I don’t attribute the cause of our problems to Socialism, because the Socialist Party has been Socialist in name only for decades. They’ve shut down schools and hospitals, cut down funding for unemployment subsidies, pensions, disability subsidies, you name it, all while privatizing public companies and receiving enormous bonuses.
So when I see people saying that the problem with my country is Socialism, I have to laugh.
BAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWW
Joe is a fucking transphobic oppressive assface who should fuck off.
Aw, you mad?
Steele once again cannot tell the difference between the righteous indignation of seeing somebody shit on the downtrodden and the feeling you get when somebody calls you vile for no reason.
Hey, Steele; when somebody is actively wielding tools of oppression on a minority, and you chirp in to side with the aggressor, and then you claim that your movement is for something good, not a hate movement? Well.
This is why people don’t take your movement seriously.
As I said, I have no patience for the butthurt of Boobzland regulars when they casually engage in their own vile misandry, bigotry and hatefulness far far more extreme than anything Joe ever said.
Varpole: As I said, I have no patience for the butthurt of Boobzland regulars when they casually engage in their own vile misandry, bigotry and hatefulness far far more extreme than anything Joe ever said.
Care to itemise any of that “far far more extreme” stuff?
Nah, probably not. That would be work, it might even require some critical thinking; comparing one piece of writing with another, and deciding (on the merits, not your ideological certainty) which is worse.
It might actually be reading the words of manboobz with the idea of challenging your understanding and comprehension.
Examples?
and yet you keep posting here when youre supposed to be working on the project you claimed made you too busy to keep stalking us…
FIRST OF ALL, it’s ‘u mad?’ learn to internet, dummy
second of all
no u
Why are you still here? Whenever I’m in nerd places that are more or less misogynist or racist, I try to actually correct those flaws in the community. You’re not even doing that.
Down in TExas this summer, we’ve having a huge increase in various insect populations — ants, grasshoppers, wasps of all types (also dragonflies and butterflies! YAY), and OMG SPIDERS!
Do you think the climate change (37th month in row of higher temperatures, not just in Texas, apparently all over) is causing an increase in trolls?
Because, wow, there are more and more climbing out of the woodwork and bouncing all over the place!
*considers whether to spray vinegar on them, or set baits (GINGERBREAD HOUSE MAH PRETTIES), or buy Cutter’s Troll Repellent…..*
You know, just because someone is using a word to describe your bad behaviour and you are ashamed does not make the word an example of shaming language. Whore, slut, etc.- shaming language because promiscuity is not inherently hurtful to others. Gaslighting and mansplaining- inherently hurtful.
I love how trolls who don’t read things come here and tell regulars who are well-read to read a book.
Also, Steele, I was wondering — what is it you wanted to write before Misandry affected you personally? Fiction? (I assumed fiction, but I actually have no idea.)
Vitamin D: You know, just because someone is using a word to describe your bad behaviour and you are ashamed does not make the word an example of shaming language. Whore, slut, etc.- shaming language because promiscuity is not inherently hurtful to others. Gaslighting and mansplaining- inherently hurtful.
Not, by your logic, if the words are being used to describe behavior.
But there is a flaw in your argument… whote/slut, etc. are being used to denigrate what you are calling, “promiscuous” behavior. Since the words are perjorative, on their face, it can’t be said they aren’t being used to shame. It’s just that you are arguing “promiscuity” is shameful.
I, too, would like to see Varpole’s examples.
For pretty much the same reason I read negative reviews on Yelp and Amazon. “1 star, that’s pretty bad … oh, but it’s because the vegetarian restaurant wouldn’t make you a burger and the server waited on other tables as well as yours. You’d give this book no stars if you could … oh, because the ‘narrorator’ is gay and you don’t understand why people are just hanging out in the mental hospital“
Though the real problem with that book is that, having been written by a man, it can’t possibly exist.
Also, Steele, I was wondering — what is it you wanted to write before Misandry affected you personally? Fiction? (I assumed fiction, but I actually have no idea.)
Indeed, I aspired to be a fiction writer. But that was a long time ago.
It’s good that you’re getting plenty of fiction-writing practice in, though.
@Steele
I have been writing the same novel since I was 16. I haven’t given up on it. You shouldn’t either. Follow your dreams, man 😉
that’s what we keep telling him! but he’d rather spend his free time screaming at us than honing his craft. it’s super frustrating!
Writing fiction is really a thing almost anybody anywhere can do.You have a computer and obvioulsy a lot of free time, so what are you waiting for? And since you have access to internet, asking for help and critic is extremely easy. Stop looking for excuses and blaming other people, if writing is something you want to do just do it.
@ pecunium- Nope, can’t say I am arguing promiscuity is shameful. Pretty much the opposite.