Every woman I know who’s tried online dating has gotten all sorts of weird and sleazy messages from guys, from crude sexual come-ons (“sorry for being forward but id love to cum on your glasses :)”) to terrible “sexy” jokes (“So ay girl, you looking for a stud? Because I got the std, all I need is u :)”) to fetish-tastic examples of Too Much Information (“I WISH I WERE A DOG SO I COULD SUCK MYSELF OFF”). (No, guys, appending a smiley face emoticon does not make it ok to be a grotesque douchebag.)
You always wonder what guys like this are thinking. With the dog lover at the end, it’s clear he was trying to rattle a woman who hadn’t replied to two earlier messages of increasing creepiness. With the others, I suppose they think there’s always a tiny chance that some woman out there is as desperate and horny and undiscerning as they are.
What’s stranger are those who lead not with sexual come ons but with blatant misogyny. Do men really think that women melt at the thought of dating a man who hates half the human race? Or are they just looking for yet another chance to mansplain their Men’s Rights bullshit to the world?
Here are a couple of examples of this strange and unsuccessful approach to winning over women which I found on the delightful and disturbing blog The Ladies of OkCupid, which documents the quests of three women searching for love online.
Sometimes the misogyny sneaks up on you, as in this OkCupid profile from a “laid-back” slut-shamer (who was clearly not an English major):
This fellow, by contrast, launches into the misogyny right from the start, suggesting that the woman he’s writing is exceptional, simply because she’s not stupid and illogical like the rest of her gender:
This “edgy” fellow tries to break the ice with some lovely rape jokes:
But the strangest one I’ve seen so far comes from this dude, who uses his OKCupid profile as an opportunity to mansplain why feminism is eeeeeevil:
Oh, and that list keeps going; it’s one hundred items long.
As Jasmine from The Ladies of OKCupid writes,
Delusional and repulsive takes on a whole new level with this one, because I really don’t think he’s kidding. He has every social media outlet known to man with all the same crap, and his profile is HUGE. So either he’s attempting to become the ultimate Canadian troll, or he really thinks there’s a woman out there who exists like this AND would be interested in him, of all people. Really? He offers little more than a receding hairline and an outrageous sense of entitlement in return.
To paraphrase Animal House, delusional and repulsive is no way to go through life.
Happily for The Ladies of OKCupid, and the rest of those ladies seeking love online, not all the messages are like this. For example, take this message about a basic but delicious foodstuff:
Also, the woman who got the message above about that thinking-outside-the-box use for her glasses? She stayed on OkCupid, and is now in a happy relationship with a dude she met there who is not a shitlord.
but you’re not even judging him by his deeds, youre judging him by other peoples deeds! how does that make sense?!
@TheFirstJoe
Deeds like writing 1984? Or do you want me to go find more quotes of Orwell talking about how private property rights amount to slavery? I’ve got Google; I could do this all day.
I love how in the time you took writing this sentence, you could have typed “Marx on abolishing the state” into Google and checked for yourself.
See, there’s this thing that was invented roughly 5000 years ago called “writing.” By reading this writing you can learn about the opinions of people who are now dead. That’s how I know Marx wanted the final stage of Communism to be the abolition of the state, or that Orwell self-identified as a socialist.
Holy shit, are you denying that gender roles exist? Or that they have changed over time? It would be news to my grandmother that she could have been a soldier if it wasn’t for all these Frankfurt school academics making up stories.
Alright, three sexes. But we only need two words? How does that make sense?
Are there any other parts of my summary of your argument that are wrong, or is it pretty much spot on?
Yes, and the Crusades and the Inquisition were the direct result of the Sermon on the Mount. That Jesus guy has a lot to answer for. Otherwise, it might be that the power hungry and unscrupulous co-opted a particular philosophy to suit their own purposes. Nah, that could never happen.
What a thinker! Pay homage children, we stand in the presence of greatness!
@Sharculese – the book I told you to read was: “Homage to Catalunya”.
@Ugh – you are conflating english traditions that were bundled up altogether as “socialism” with Marxism. Orwell inherited traditions that were started by people like the Diggers, the Levellers, the Tolpuddle Martyrs etc. etc. English “socialism” is not, and has never been a pure Marxism, and the intellectual overlay was put in place over a grassroots sense of “this ain’t fair dealing” that goes at least as far back as the Anglo Saxon resistance to Norman dominion. We could remove Marx entirely from history and there would still be a struggle for fairness for the poor vs. the Assholes In Charge.
@Jumbofish – no transphobia here, quite the opposite. Go back and read the thread. You’re about twenty posts behind. When I say sex, I don’t mean “gender”.
@Joe
Today was apparently also the first day you heard of the Selective Service Act, or that Orwell was a socialist. I tend to think there are a lot of things you haven’t heard of before.
This thread is a lot more interesting than the paperwork I have to do, but I’d better get back to it or my boss will start to wonder.
@whoever is wanging on about Jesus. I’m an atheist. Don’t get me started on the way religion has been used to justify all kinds of horrors throughout history. :@
….and now we can never cite anybody who ever read the Bible! Because fruit of the poison tree!
That’s your logic. Learn to love it.
@TheFirstJoe
I agree completely. Marxism was only one of many influences on Orwell and the Labour Party. However, obviously the same can be said of the Frankfurt School. Studies on society and classes go back to Roman days in Europe, and even farther in China. Gender awareness is even older. The influence of Marxism is just part of what modern social/cultural studies is.
To ask this again, what part of your argument did I misrepresent in my post? Or is it a fair representation?
Keep fucking that chicken you transphobic asshole.
@Ugh – there you go again! Socialism =/= Marxism. Not necessarily. I know Americans think so, but… nope.
Of course I knew Orwell was a SOCIALIST. I also know that he was ANTI-COMMUNIST. These two things can co-exist.
@whoever thanks to the link to the Orwell essay, I’ll read it later (eyes hurt from screen now).
@jumbofish – I am not transphobic. The entire point of what I have been saying here, if you actually bothered to READ what I said – instead of listening to the voices in your head – is that I think the use of “zie” etc. marginalises trans folks unecessarily.
So, fuck you asshole! for trying to put words into my mouth.
There was a reasonably civil discussion going on here before you came in and puked all over yourself.
@Joe
It was me that linked it.
Seriously, man, READING COMPREHENSION. British socialism was influenced by Marxism. I never claimed it was the same thing. This is pretty obvious because the word “socialism” was coined by Marxists. My point is, the Frankfurt school is also only partially influenced by Marxism. You can’t say one is the devil and the other great based on Marxism, because BOTH were influenced. I don’t think this is that challenging.
Also, your quote was that Orwell was anti-Marxist, which he demonstratably wasn’t.
One more time now:
Which part of your total argument did I miscategorize? Or do you stand by the multi-point summary I wrote above?
I think the use of “she” marginalizes women unnecessarily. If we just called everyone “he” and acted like everyone was a man, we wouldn’t have any discrimination because no one would know the difference!
…right?
Your faux concern is fooling no one. Calling someone by the pronouns that they want you to use is just basic respectfulness, it’s not marginalizing them or anyone else.
Or maybe you’re just confused on terminology. “Zie” is a word for people who identify as non-binary (neither male nor female, or both, or some other complicated situation), or for people whose gender is unknown/irrelevant.
Trans people who identify as male or female are “he” or “she” respectively. It’s true that a binary trans person shouldn’t be called by a different pronoun, but not all trans people are binary.
“I think the use of “zie” etc. marginalises trans folks unecessarily.”
As you can see, trans folk overall don’t tend to agree with you, so how do you justify ignoring their stated preferences?
Joe – I didn’t use ‘zie’ to denote trans people. I used it to refer to someone who’s gender was unknown. No one here would (I hope) refer to a person as zie despite knowing their PGP was different, however, some people have this as their PGP (including at least 3 people I can think of who post here). This is what you’re accusing people of and saying isn’t OK and this is why you are, in fact, a ninnyface and a transphobe.
Yes you are transphobic, you deny genderqueer folks using pronouns that feel more right than being called their assigned birth gender. You are denying their gender like so many other transphobic assholes do. Then you go spewing rude things about about trans people when you know jack shit boy. No spare me the “they changed their sex” crap because its saying that trans people are not really their gender.
You know what is more marginalizing? To fucking deny trans people their gender. Spare me your faux concern.
Also civilized? Go fuck off, the second you start spewing shit I am not going to fucking be “civilized” I am going to be fucking pissed. Tone troll.
Also, as Cliff said, “zie” is typically used when either the gender of a person is unknown or the person has stated that they prefer “zie”. No one is going around referring to trans people as zie when they’ve made it clear that that’s not their preference, other than trolls.
I understand that the brick wall in your head seems to be refusing any visitors but, please fake having an iota of reading comprehension. Zie /= trans
Is cisplaining already a word?
@Ugh – I’ve already addressed your point by point post. Including your insistent misrepresentation of what i’m saying about how many sexes there are. Male. Female. Intersex. That’s 3. And sex does NOT = “gender”. And I consider “gender” to be a spurious construct, whoever is pushing it.
You’ve latched on to “the life of Orwell” and definitions and influences of this and that, you’re trying to reframe the discussion, getting into the academic definitions of Marxism and what Orwell did and didn’t believe. All of these are minor side issues.
My point re: the Frankfurst School is that its critique – PC / cultural Marxism- was designed to be DESTRUCTIVE, specifically destructive of Western civilization. Look up what Yuri Bezmenov, a KGB defector ,had to say about PC and the West (you can find the relevant videos of the lengthy TV interview he gave on YouTube). Pay particular attention to what he says will happen to “useful idiots” (his term) once the West is collapsed.
The Soviet Union is gone, that doesn’t mean some of the stuff they created isn’t still dangerous.
Argumentum by YouTube, my favorite thing.