New blog catalogs Men’s Rights awfulness!

“All of the blame goes to the rapist, and none of the blame should go to the victim.”

I agree thebionicmommy. So then a woman has much more to fear from her spouse or other family member than the guy jumping out of the bushes? So wouldn’t moving out and away from that spouse/family to a safer location make her safer?

I agree thebionicmommy. So then a woman has much more to fear from her spouse or other family member than the guy jumping out of the bushes?

Yes, a woman or any other person is more likely to be raped by a partner or relative than a stranger. That doesn’t mean people can’t trust their loved ones, though. That’s one of the bad things for survivors of date rape or incest rape is that the person they trusted betrayed them. That betrayal of trust makes them more likely to get PTSD after their trauma.

So wouldn’t moving out and away from that spouse/family to a safer location make her safer?

If a person is being raped or abused by a spouse or relative, it is ideal for them to move away. In reality, though, that isn’t always easy. What if the victim is too young to live independently? What if the victim is financially dependent on the abuser and has no friends or family to turn to for help? There are all sorts of ways for people to be trapped in abusive homes, so saying “Why doesn’t she just leave?” isn’t helpful. In fact, that is another way for people to blame the victim rather than the rapist or abuser.

So there must be thousands or maybe more living in the US in this situation. So what can be done to help these women?

First, I think it’d be helpful to learn some more of the facts and reality of rape and intimate partner violence. A good source for understanding rape is the site RAINN They have a lot of good information, ways to help, and news.

A good way to help victims of violence is to donate either money or time to a shelter, if you have one nearby. My city’s shelter has a resale shop, where people can either donate used clothing or buy used clothing at much cheaper than brand new clothes. That way someone can get back to school shoes for $2 while also helping support victims of domestic violence. A great website to visit is the National Coalition against Domestic Violence

I hope this helps to answer your question, and I am glad that you are looking to more sources on these problems besides the propaganda being pushed by so called mens rights advocates.

grampmk: Sharculese, you sound like someone who wants to regulate my opinion. In America we are guaranteed the right of free speech by the !st Amendment.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. No one is entitled to their own facts.

You can refuse to accept the study, that’s one thing, but you are saying it ought to be dismissed, out of hand. Sorry, but that’s not the way it works. The methodology is sound, as such the results are pretty much valid on their face.

You can deny them, but we are entitled to say you are wrong. we (unlike you) have more than just our personal opinion to support that view.

“I can understand consent misunderstanding with first time sex, but I’m a little confused by women being raped by men they had already had sex with , especially if they had been together for a fairly good period of time.”

Because consent isn’t permanent. It’s not even absoulute on things like looking at your spouse in the bedroom (see IN RE the MARRIAGE OF Jeffrey E. TIGGES and CATHY J. TIGGES

I can understand consent misunderstanding with first time sex, but I’m a little confused by women being raped by men they had already had sex with , especially if they had been together for a fairly good period of time.

That’s because it’s not a “consent misunderstanding.”

My ex, for example, did not “misunderstand” me when I said, “I do not want to do that.” Nor did he “misunderstand” when I said, “Please stop, you’re hurting me.” Or, “I’m serious, stop, please, please stop.” Or, you know, when I lay there crying. He was a smart guy, and those weren’t particularly challenging things to understand.

I wish we lived in a world where there weren’t a lot of people perfectly willing to ignore a partner saying those things. But we don’t, and there are a lot of people like that, and I’m not sure why you would think someone having had sex with those people before would magically make them incapable of being rapists – and frankly, I find the fact that you doubt it kind of offensive. I know you don’t mean it to be personal, but I’m one of those people who’s lived through sexual violence from an intimate partner, and when you say that the number of people reporting being sexually assaulted seems implausibly high, what you are necessarily implying is “some of those people must be liars.” And I’m not a liar, though I’ve been called one, like pretty much every other survivor of sexual violence. It happened to me. It happens to a LOT of people. And I’m really glad you’re asking what you can do to help, because the first thing you can do to help is to believe people when they say they’ve been victimized. It’s a great deal harder to get out a relationship where your partner is mistreating you when telling others what’s happening or asking them for help will only result in them telling you that you’re probably lying.

I always knew there were assholes out there, but shit I get the impression 90 to 95 % of young guys today are total assholes.

I suspect this impression may be grossly exaggerated by the fact that the total assholes are the ones who shout the loudest.

Now I’m worried about my 17 year old granddaughter and her 9 year old sister. With so many assholes out there, I’m worried.

The most sensible thing you can do is make them fully aware of the dangers out there without resorting to paranoid exaggeration. For instance, by peddling figures like “90 to 95% of young guys today are total assholes”, which is clearly untrue.

grampmk: This is something you should have worked out by now – people with negative things to say will always be the most eager to say them. People who are happy rarely have a reason to go out of their way to make their pleasure known, unlike people who have had a bad experience who will be angry/annoyed and will need a place to vent.

The same goes for arseholes. The most obnoxious arseholes are the ones you see most because they’re the most obvious, and they drown out everyone else.

As an example of the former, i’ve only been hanging around here a year, but i’ve seen plenty of positive experiences posted in that time – the thing is, they’re usually only posted as counterpoints to negative generalisations.

@grampmk ; I just wanted to chime in and say that I don’t think that most young men are assholes, at least not to that degree. I have made the acquaintance of quite a few recently at university, and while many of them are, to be honest, not what I’d call very impressive, they certainly weren’t very MRA-like. Of course, they could be different in private, but I think it would be difficult to conceal that much hate for too long.

I think that on a site like this all this can be blown out of proportion. I also wonder if the MRM is primarily an American thing (even though I know there are also several prominent British MRAs).

I want to try to avoid saying “not everyone is like that” (even though it’s sort of unavoidable sometimes), because the phrase gets kind of shitty after the 500th time it’s used, but if you’re reading a lot of sites related to social issues then you’re probably getting an inflated snapshot of how many of arseholes there actually are. “X isn’t an arsehole” isn’t exactly a newsworthy story, after all.

That’s not to say that the world doesn’t have a massive arsehole problem, but there’s also a lot of good people (though i’m not one to say “people are generally good”, because i’m not sure I believe that), and people who’s outlooks are open to change.

Worrying about your loved ones is obviously perfectly natural. The chances of them running into an arsehole, though, are not quite that severe (obviously privilege comes into play here though, since perceived power enables arseholes), so being suspicious of everyone based on the arseholes you’re reading about isn’t exactly the best.

I think that’s just a factor of them being more obvious and people actually challenging them more now (which means they counter with more of the same, just louder), rather than them increasing in number. Plus there’s always the technology factor: the easier it is for us to communicate, the more views (both good and bad) get put out there.

It’s like with crime reporting. If you improve society where crimes are more easily reported and taken seriously, it might look like crime is increasing, but it might actually be the same as before (or less) and people are just reporting it more when it does happen.

And there have always been assholes, but the numbers may be on the rise.

As a history student, I always think statements like this are straight up hilarious. Prior to 1970, in every Western country it was legal for a man to beat his children and sexually assault his wife, and illegal for his wife or kids to leave him. In most places, it took years of debate to stop this. PEOPLE VOTED AGAINST MAKING IT ILLEGAL TO ASSAULT YOUR WIFE.

Also, look up “British concentration camps in Kenya,” “American military operations in Cambodia” and “Soviet Invasion of Afghanistan” to see just how enshrined a value assholery was in the world’s superpowers.

The main difference between then and now was that then, noone talked about how much of society was run by assholes, for assholes. That’s why there was so much pushback against movements that actually talked about it, like feminism.

Well since we have a greater population , that would lead to there being more assholes

Haha fair enough, sorry if I seemed a little harsh.