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MRA theologian: “Mary Magdalene … f**ked an alien to get preggers and got Joe the carpenter to pay for it all.”

He looks just like his father.

Welcome, my friends, to the First Church of Misogynist Crackpottery. Today’s sermon will be delivered by The Very Extremely Reverend  AfOR, visiting from The Spearhead. He has many wise words on the topics of Mary Magdalene (Mother of God), space  aliens, and cunts.

Sorry, xtainity was always a crock of shit, and I have seen inside it deeper than most….

Today, in the 21st century, we can for the first time create a pregnant virgin, so 2,000 years ago “god” was an alien, or a figment of imagination.

2,000 years ago Mary Magdalene even if impregnated via test tube in the lab on the alien space ship, gave birth via the cunt, so no tight virginity there.

Ever since then, the holy trinity…

1/ God, an ethreal being that no-one ever saw, except jesus, so if he existed he was an alien ship doctor.. eg he was NOT human.

2/ Jesus, who was NOT human, even the biblical teachings stress this point, he was not a man.

3/ Mary Magdalene, the only human, and therefore the MOST REVERED human in the religion is a wimminz, who fucked an alien to get preggers and got Joe the carpenter to pay for it all and feed and house them.

“Chivalry” in the middle ages was literally based on worship of Mary Magdalen’s cunt, and the chivalric symbology and iconography is replete with cunt symbolism, right down to the order of the garter.

The only remotely male centric tenets of christianity were lifted wholesale from other religions and beliefs and incorporated in an early example of embrace and extend.

Christianity has NEVER been a man’s religion.

Hell even the pristhood, the highest echelons of the meme, were not allowed to fuck.

Thanks to scarletpipistrelle for pointing me to AfOR’s  wonderfully imaginative theological thinking.

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Rutee Katreya
12 years ago

Believing in a patriarchy primes you to believe in other ridiculous things.

>Dudes are disproportionately represented in positions of power
>Dudes on average make more money for the same work
>Dudes are given more truck in society
>But patriarchy is ridiculous.

Sounds like someone’s trying to turn the language of atheists against feminism. Good luck with that XD

ronalon42
12 years ago

About the tradition of the virgin birth: http://www.sacred-texts.com/bib/lbob/lbob07.htm this is from the apocrypha of the NT. I thought it was the Gospel of Thomas but it is the First Gospel of the Infancy of Christ. It was apparently painless and like giving birth to light. Probably had none of that icky blood or body fluids that human births typically have.

I know a lot about the Bible and Christianity, and though i am not one I actually really enjoy studying the history of the bible and especially the books that were left out. It’s just interesting to me.

The idea of the hymen always closes the vagina, or that not having it somehow makes vaginas less tight is silly. What makes the vagina less tight is being fully aroused and relaxed (and generally through aging though I have read conflicting studies about that). Virgins are likely to be more tense, and to not know exactly how to become fully aroused so they will be tighter. The hymen may or may not impede penetration. It does not tend to “break” so much as stretch. Often the bleeding from sex is from capillaries near the skin breaking and it can happen several times in a person’s life not just the first time. I think it is levels of fucked up to desire, and even feel entitled to, a very tight vagina that bleeds from sex. You might expect it given the experience of your partner, but your response should be to ease any discomfort as much as possible and desire their pleasure, not their pain and blood. In case it needed to be said.

Many girls I knew in middle/ high school refused to use tampons because they thought it would ruin their virginity. I think girls should practice penetrative masturbation before they have sex (if they want to) because it will only help them. The idea that their vagina is a sacred portal that being the first to cross is a gift to a deserving man is fucked on all levels. I have girls and I might just be that mom that gives way way way too much information on stuff like this.

Falconer
Falconer
12 years ago

“Mary Magdalene … fucked an alien to get preggers and got Joe the carpenter to pay for it all.”

Paging Dr. Cox … Dr. “Happy” Harry Cox to the white courtesy phone please ….

thebionicmommy
thebionicmommy
12 years ago

“If you ignore the emphasis some preachers put on girls to remain “pure” for their future husband, and to understand that “boys will be boys”,”

Except the idea is that girls have purity and are good, whereas boys are monsters just waiting to rape somebody.

No, the saying “boys will be boys” in this case is referring to the double standard, where boys get the long end of the stick. If boys have sex, then they’re just sowing their wild oats. When girls have sex, they get called sluts.

If YOU ignore that the Quiverfulls are a fringe group widely considered crazy by most mainstream people, including other Christians. They’ve twisted the religion to suit their own purposes. Anyone can twist anything to say what they want, that doesn’t mean that’s the intention behind it.

So, are you agreeing with me that the Quiverfull movement is patriarchal? While the Quiverfull groups are in the fringes of Christianity, mainstream evangelical churches oftentimes have some of the same teachings about men being the head of the household, and wives being submissive. They usually don’t acknowledge the existence of other types of families, except to call them sinful.

“If you ignore how few churches allow women to be priests or pastors,”

Because the idea is that women should not have to work. This is changing a lot now anyways.

That’s quite the reversal you pulled there. You’re trying to make it out that women are privileged by being shut out of those professions. What if women actually want to be priests or pastors in those churches? They’re not allowed to simply because they are women. Again, this is an clue that those Christian churches are patriarchal, because they keep women out of positions of power.

The churches that limit women’s authority usually rely on verses from the apostle Paul who said women can not lead or teach men. Paul told women to remain silent in church and to obey their husbands. Only in Opposite Land does that make women privileged over men.

pillowinhell
12 years ago

Creativewritingstudent

Yeah, well that girl can come and live at my great grandmothers house then, or one of several friends who to this day live and work just like the pioneers did.

Laundry that takes two hours to do for a family of four with a machine is NOTHING compared to laundry by hand where you have to boil water and chop wood. And the family size was much larger, plus any farm hands you might have for the field work. Gardening, today they are pretty little postage stamps. I know women that keep anywhere from one to three square acre kitchen gardens. That’s where an entire years worth of fruits and veggies grow for family consumption. And harvesting said garden to preserve it runs from late spring to early winter.
Cooking meals for men who will eat up to five thousand calories per day? I’m sure that girl will find it a breeze over an open fire. Oh, and wait til she finds out that Sunday is a day of rest, so Saturday means double work for cooking and baking and food preservation.

And lol!!! Is sure hope she LOVES spinning,weaving and sewing, because that’s what you do when you have an hour or two to spare. Well, that and mending. Lots and lots of mending. Darn darn darn!

Argenti Aertheri
Argenti Aertheri
12 years ago

“Well, that and mending. Lots and lots of mending. Darn darn darn!”

XD +1 internet for that pun

Leeloo Dallas Multipass

No, no, women in the old days just laid around being carried from place to place by their golden-eyed alabaster-statue boyfriends who all had superpowers and expensive sports cars.

Fembot
Fembot
12 years ago

“Because the idea is that women should not have to work. ”

Bullshit. Who made the fires? Who swept the ashes? Gathered wood from the forest? Peeled potatoes? Fed the chickens and collected the eggs? Who emptied the brimming chamber pots every morning? Who tended the garden, and picked the carrots? Who fed, washed, diapered, and watched the children so they didn’t fall down a well? Who took care of the sick and cleaned up their poop, pee, and vomit? Who made the family’s clothing and mended the socks? Who prepared the meals from scratch over a wood burning fire? Who took in other people’s dirty laundry to wash and make a bit of extra money for the family?

I could go on with this for hours. The only women who never had to work are the tiny minority of noble and royal blooded women. And even then, some of them became nurses, writers, and painters, or found some other means to work, because they were bored out their minds doing nothing all day.

Rutee Katreya
12 years ago

I could go on with this for hours. The only women who never had to work are the tiny minority of noble and royal blooded women. And even then, some of them became nurses, writers, and painters, or found some other means to work, because they were bored out their minds doing nothing all day.

In practic,e those women also were frequently administrators, so they’re at least as deserving of the claim of ‘working’ as their husbands. Seriously, not working isn’t really common *at all*, but erasing work sure as hell is.

pillowinhell
12 years ago

Hey Stephen, come back! I want to debate, ok list everything done in a day by women, so you can understand how much work got done. And I want to do it in great detail, because I’ve done much of it with family.

Think women have it better today? Lords no. We work longer hours outside the house, we have fewer extended families to pool labour resources with and the standards of proper house keeping, entertaining, childcare (think attachment parenting) tutoring our children and keeping up with several individual and conflicting family sheduals ate up whatever free time was supposed to be created with machines.

The same happened to men in terms of longer working hours and being on call constantly, but men generally aren’t the ones in shit if the hearth, kith and kin aren’t maintained to modern standards.

Falconer
Falconer
12 years ago

anything from Stonehenge to shoelaces were caused by aliens!

The things on the ends of shoelaces are called aglets. Their true purpose is sinister.

Sir Bodsworth Rugglesby III
Sir Bodsworth Rugglesby III
12 years ago

@ Falconer “The things on the ends of shoelaces are called aglets. Their true purpose is sinister.”

I’d question that.

theyazata
12 years ago

@Fembot

Pfft…MRAs don’t consider any of that work. It’s just passing time between the bon bon eating and the watching of daytime soaps. That’s what women do, right? The homestead magically takes care of itself while she’s being lazy.

Real work is hunting mammoth…or working on your ass in a cubicle. You know, the glory stuff.

/s

Falconer
Falconer
12 years ago

ate up whatever free time was supposed to be created with machines.

Yeah, our productivity is through the roof in general, and people are still spending 60, 70, 80 hours at the office. And that’s at the office, where you generally don’t have to vacuum the floors after yourself, or clean the toilets.

The George Jetson future where you just press a button and the work does itself is never gonna happen.

Falconer
Falconer
12 years ago

I’d question that.

Question everything.

(I tried to find a clip from the Justice League Unlimited episode where he makes the claim about aglets, but I couldn’t.)

Falconer
Falconer
12 years ago

@pillowinhell: I belatedly realized my response about productivity could be taken as erasing the work homemakers do. That was an oversight on my part. Sorry.

pillowinhell
12 years ago

More people are spending way more time at work, that’s true. However, given the labor intensive crap that had to be done before the fifties, I don’t think our productivity has gone up so mauch as its been redirected to be more for the benefit of others/employers.

Hell, I’ve been in serious feminist discussions where the work of homemakers was largely ignored due to class issues. Its sometimes a little strange to me how often folks here catch themselves AND apologize before someone else has to point the issue out and argue for an hour.

Stephen Blue
Stephen Blue
12 years ago

@ Rutee Katreya:

>Dudes are given more truck in society

Are you insane? There is no law that prevents women from buying trucks! I don’t know of any statistics on who owns more trucks, but if men do own trucks, it’s just because they buy more trucks. It’s not like women can’t buy a truck if they’d rather have one instead of a sports car or a minivan.

WTF.

Stephen Blue
Stephen Blue
12 years ago

Also, nobody just “gives” you a truck. You have to buy one.

Sir Bodsworth Rugglesby III
Sir Bodsworth Rugglesby III
12 years ago

Stephen, please tell me that’s a joke.

Stephen Blue
Stephen Blue
12 years ago

@ Sir Bodsworth Rugglesby II:

Shouldn’t you say that to Rutee?

theyazata
12 years ago

‘Also, nobody just “gives” you a truck. You have to buy one.’ Stephen Blue

Trolling and purposefully misunderstanding? Or actually unable to comprehend modern slang?

You be the judge.

Fembot
Fembot
12 years ago

Ok. Stephen is just a troll. And a massive tool. Carry on.

Sir Bodsworth Rugglesby III
Sir Bodsworth Rugglesby III
12 years ago

The word “truck” has several meanings.

Stephen Blue
Stephen Blue
12 years ago

@ Gametime:

“People who resort to wild conspiracy theories to explain events are ridiculous! That’s why I’m sure these comments are all part of a big covert scheme to discredit us.”

Way to completely take what I said out of context!

Believing in government conspiracies is ridiculous. Believing some moron on the internet would take two seconds to make up a fake name for themselves to make the “opposing side” of their issue look bad isn’t ridiculous. It happens all the time.

That’s why terms like “sockpuppeting” (which btw someone here accused me of) exist, you imbecile.