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MRA theologian: “Mary Magdalene … f**ked an alien to get preggers and got Joe the carpenter to pay for it all.”

He looks just like his father.

Welcome, my friends, to the First Church of Misogynist Crackpottery. Today’s sermon will be delivered by The Very Extremely Reverend  AfOR, visiting from The Spearhead. He has many wise words on the topics of Mary Magdalene (Mother of God), space  aliens, and cunts.

Sorry, xtainity was always a crock of shit, and I have seen inside it deeper than most….

Today, in the 21st century, we can for the first time create a pregnant virgin, so 2,000 years ago “god” was an alien, or a figment of imagination.

2,000 years ago Mary Magdalene even if impregnated via test tube in the lab on the alien space ship, gave birth via the cunt, so no tight virginity there.

Ever since then, the holy trinity…

1/ God, an ethreal being that no-one ever saw, except jesus, so if he existed he was an alien ship doctor.. eg he was NOT human.

2/ Jesus, who was NOT human, even the biblical teachings stress this point, he was not a man.

3/ Mary Magdalene, the only human, and therefore the MOST REVERED human in the religion is a wimminz, who fucked an alien to get preggers and got Joe the carpenter to pay for it all and feed and house them.

“Chivalry” in the middle ages was literally based on worship of Mary Magdalen’s cunt, and the chivalric symbology and iconography is replete with cunt symbolism, right down to the order of the garter.

The only remotely male centric tenets of christianity were lifted wholesale from other religions and beliefs and incorporated in an early example of embrace and extend.

Christianity has NEVER been a man’s religion.

Hell even the pristhood, the highest echelons of the meme, were not allowed to fuck.

Thanks to scarletpipistrelle for pointing me to AfOR’s  wonderfully imaginative theological thinking.

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Seraph
Seraph
12 years ago

I have a loose memory floating around in my head of a certain tradition in which Jesus was actually born as a sort of gas cloud that reconstituted outside of his mother, an idea presumably developed to preserve Mary’s Total Virginity N Stuff, but I have no clue where to look this up and be sure I’m not just making it up. Anybody know anything about it?

I actually think that’s Catholic tradition, which says something like Jesus’s birth was “like light passing through glass”, though I don’t think it was supposed to be that literal. I think it was just supposed to mean that Mary, being without Original Sin, was not subject to Eve’s curse of pain in childbirth. That being the case, any subsequent births, even if they were the result of sex with Joseph (since sex with her husband would not only not be a sin, but an actual mitzvot), would also be painless.

ShadetheDruid
ShadetheDruid
12 years ago

Everyone knows that Jesus was really the God-Emperor of Mankind who went back into hiding after he “died”. He’s gonna come back in the 35th millenium in order to unite the warring factions of earth and go on a crusade to dominate the galaxy. – aworldanonymous

And then get eaten! Muahaha.

aworldanonymous
12 years ago

@ShadetheDruid

I thought he got stabbed by his son Horus, and had his body put in a giant machine to preserve his psychic essence.

ShadetheDruid
ShadetheDruid
12 years ago

aworldanonymous: Pretty much, though his followers are still trying to do the same thing and they’re all just going to get themselves eaten up eventually. Silly humans. 😛

(I’m a Tyranid fan. Om nom nom).

Naira
Naira
12 years ago

So…saying “Jesus H. Christ” or “Jumping Jesus on a pogo stick” is besmirching all of Christianity and insulting Christians.

I’m not wishing bad things on anyone, not even owly, but I do hope for at least enough consistency that he’s upset about this one too. Otherwise his rant a few posts ago goes from “pretty disgusting” mixed with “plain pathetic” to “all pathetic, all the time.”

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
12 years ago

I interpreted the “not a tight virgin” thing as meaning that they think giving birth makes the vagina huge, and what’s the point of a virgin if she’s a. not so tight that she’s cringing in pain as you fuck her and b. not totally untouched because the baby got to her vagina before you did, so you can’t plant your FIRST flag on her ass.

Maude LL
Maude LL
12 years ago

@ David

Thank you! Your blog is great, I really admire your capacity of staying sane dealing with MRAs on a daily basis. (and I thought having to read so much inanities studying political science was driving me crazy…)

RubyHypatia
RubyHypatia
12 years ago

Only a moron would think Christianity is anti-male/pro-female.

Unimaginative
Unimaginative
12 years ago

Instead, it’s aliens. Every conspiracy has an “it was aliens” sub-group though huh?

I LOVE Ancient Aliens. Every fucking thing in history was aliens. Humans before 1902 were WAY to stupid to have done anything complicated at all, so anything from Stonehenge to shoelaces were caused by aliens! And it doesn’t seem to matter that some of their theories contradict each other. Every new topic is a blank slate. An ALIEN blank slate.

Anathema
Anathema
12 years ago

I have a loose memory floating around in my head of a certain tradition in which Jesus was actually born as a sort of gas cloud that reconstituted outside of his mother, an idea presumably developed to preserve Mary’s Total Virginity N Stuff, but I have no clue where to look this up and be sure I’m not just making it up. Anybody know anything about it?

I vaguely remember that tradition too. I’m pretty sure it was a belief held by one of the early Christian sects, although I have no idea which one. And I think that it might have been just as much about emphasizing Jesus’s divinity as preserving Mary’s virginity. This would have been before Christians had come to the consensus that Jesus was both fully human and fully God, and I suppose that this tradition came from a group that thought he was fully God but not fully man. (Maybe this comes from one of the Gnostic texts?)

So I don’t really recall that much more about it that you do, but I’m pretty sure you’re not just making it up.

Freitag
Freitag
12 years ago

The misogynist theory of female virginity – the moment anything goes into or out of the vagina, you’re no longer a virgin*, and “virgin” means “tight”. Notice that how all of this is experienced by the person who the vagina is attached to is irrelevant, it’s all about how that vagina feels to a cock, and the idiot who it’s attached to.

The “once it’s been fucked vaginas become all loose” theory of the MRM puzzles me no end. I have a theory but it’s all wrapped up in shaming language.

Here it is anyway, shaming language and all. It seems like a lot of these guys are young to be so bitter and angry. The whole “you’re a virgin loser and can’t get sex” thing aside, some of them probably do have limited experience with real women. If most of your encounters are with a fleshlight or similar, well, they might actually loosen and wear out with repeated use (I do not know). If you haven’t been with too many actual real women, you might extrapolate the sex toy experience to real vaginas. (Obligatory Disclaimer: The preceeding post is 100% Freitag assdata.)

Cliff Pervocracy
12 years ago

Freitag – I don’t think it’s based on sex toys. (And it may or may not come from experience, since a lot of these guys have experience but also have bizarre interpretations of it.) I think it’s based on the idea that women lose value when they have sex, and trying to imagine there’s a physical representation of that loss of value.

It’s the same reason there’ve been a lot of guys on Manboobz claiming that a woman will look older in the face or have a “thousand-cock stare” if she’s had too many sexual partners. They can’t deal with the idea that a woman could have sex–with a guy other than them!!!–and come away still just as sexually attractive and capable as she was before. That would take away too many of their excuses to be controlling and insecure about female sexuality.

Freitag
Freitag
12 years ago

Thousand-cock stare? Lord take me now, I’ve seen it all.

I’ve usually chalked up their mixed feelings about sex-positive women as a mixture of jealousy and insecurity. Jealous because other guys are getting teh secks, and insecurity because if they ever got with one of those women then she’d have someone to compare his “performance” to. (Scare quotes because I’ve never thought of it as a performance. A piano recital is a performance.)

Stephen Blue
Stephen Blue
12 years ago

So this is how “tolerant” ManBoobz behaves when they don’t like someone! Is this person’s beliefs any more absurd than all the liberals and feminists who believe Stone Henge was made by aliens? Is it really? It’s strange but if it’s what he believes, isn’t he entitled to his beliefs or does being an MRA and a man take that way from him? Yeah, that’s what I thought! Personally, I don’t think this is any weirder than all the Holy Mother Goddess talk or “aliens killed JFK” talk that many feminists engage in.

Of course I don’t think he is right about Christianity being about worshipping Mary’s [expletive] but I do think he is right about Christianity being a female dominate religion. The idea is to make men support women by “working in the world” while simultaneously giving women power over the home, the relationship, and most every day decisions.

Bee
Bee
12 years ago

Among the many, many errors in everything AfOR said, neither Mary Magdalene nor the Virgin Mary is part of the Holy Trinity. The Holy Ghost is the third point on the triangle. I’ve heard it suggested that the HG is God’s courtesan, but the Bible refers to it as male many times, and it’s more often considered male or genderless.

Also, the HG is not a human either. Which means that Christianity is the religion of worshiping aliens, aliens, and more aliens. Pretty cool, eh?

creativewritingstudent
creativewritingstudent
12 years ago

Good sex would be an “experience” for both partners – something they both partake in and get something out of.
MRA-types, however, would only have sex be the experience for them. For their partners, it would be a performance, because their partners would not be permitted to fully participate in the sexual experience. They would be recipients rather than contributors.
At least, that was the impression I got…

hellkell
hellkell
12 years ago

I hope NWO’s over there and hopping mad about them calling his beloved Jeebus an alien.

Cassandra, of course tampons are misandry, probably because they’ve been closer to vagina than most of these dudes ever will be.

Unimaginative
Unimaginative
12 years ago

So this is how “tolerant” ManBoobz behaves when they don’t like someone!

It’s not that we don’t like him Stephen Blue, it’s that we’re mocking his misogynistic, very silly interpretation of christianity.

Is this person’s beliefs any more absurd than all the liberals and feminists who believe Stone Henge was made by aliens? Is it really? […] Personally, I don’t think this is any weirder than all the Holy Mother Goddess talk or “aliens killed JFK” talk that many feminists engage in.

Ummmm. Yeah. Aliens aren’t actually a regular topic of discussion amongst feminists. It just really doesn’t come up in social justice in general.

Of course I don’t think he is right about Christianity being about worshipping Mary’s [expletive] but I do think he is right about Christianity being a female dominate religion. The idea is to make men support women by “working in the world” while simultaneously giving women power over the home, the relationship, and most every day decisions.

You’re a very silly person. That is not how christianity generally works in the world.

VoIP
VoIP
12 years ago

Stephen Blue, are you MR AL?

The First Joe:

Hahahahaa!
There are so many levels of funny here.
I particularly like where peeps are gleefully correcting AFoR’s bizarro version of a fictional cult book as though it was actually For Realz.
Comedy gold!

Something doesn’t have to be “For Realz” for the truth value of statements about it ot matter. If I say Mr. Spock is a character in Star Wars, I’d be wrong.

thebionicmommy
thebionicmommy
12 years ago

Of course I don’t think he is right about Christianity being about worshipping Mary’s [expletive] but I do think he is right about Christianity being a female dominate religion.

No, Christianity is a male dominated religion. We’ve gone over that already

Freitag
Freitag
12 years ago

@creativewritingstudent, yeah that sounds about right. When they discuss it (I confess I don’t go to their sites very often) it seems to be all about getting laid as a right, goal, entitlement, whatever, for themselves and the vagina-owners as an obstacle to those ends.

Anathema
Anathema
12 years ago

So this is how “tolerant” ManBoobz behaves when they don’t like someone! Is this person’s beliefs any more absurd than all the liberals and feminists who believe Stone Henge was made by aliens?

I don’t know of any feminists who believe that Stone Henge was made by aliens. But the belief that aliens made Stonehenge is just as absurd as AfOR’s belief in aliens inseminating Mary. Whether you are a feminist or a liberal or whatnot is irrelevant: these are just plain silly things to believe in.

It’s strange but if it’s what he believes, isn’t he entitled to his beliefs or does being an MRA and a man take that way from him?

No, AfOR is entitled to his beliefs. MRAs are entitled to their beliefs. Men are entitled to their beliefs. Everyone is entitled to their beliefs.

But no one is entitled to expound on their belief without receiving criticism. AfOR is free to have his beliefs and those of us who disagree with him are free to criticize and mock those beliefs.

Personally, I don’t think this is any weirder than all the Holy Mother Goddess talk or “aliens killed JFK” talk that many feminists engage in.

I’m perfectly happy to criticize the beliefs of feminists when I think they are wrong. And I’m sure that there are plenty of feminists out there who believe really strange things (as people in general tend to believe in strange things). But I’ve never once come across a feminist claiming that aliens killed JFK. What sort of feminists do you talk to?

Of course I don’t think he is right about Christianity being about worshipping Mary’s [expletive] but I do think he is right about Christianity being a female dominate religion.

Most of the Biblical prophets are male. The Savior of Humankind was male. God the Father is referred to as male. The twelve apostles were male. Most pastors are male. The Catholic Church will not allow women to be priests; every pope has been male. Sin was brought into the world because Eve, a woman, was fooled. Paul wrote that women should veil their heads, submit to their husbands, and not have authority over men.

But Christianity is a female dominated religion. Right.

Stephen Blue
Stephen Blue
12 years ago

@VoIP

No and I have no idea who this Al person is.

@thebionicmommy

Except you knuckleheads analyzed it completely wrong. Not that I would expect otherwise from an echo chamber like this.

“If you ignore the emphasis some preachers put on girls to remain “pure” for their future husband, and to understand that “boys will be boys”,”

Except the idea is that girls have purity and are good, whereas boys are monsters just waiting to rape somebody.

“If you ignore the entire Quiverull movement, which describes one of its goals as establishing Christian patriarchy,”

If YOU ignore that the Quiverfulls are a fringe group widely considered crazy by most mainstream people, including other Christians. They’ve twisted the religion to suit their own purposes. Anyone can twist anything to say what they want, that doesn’t mean that’s the intention behind it.

“If you ignore how few churches allow women to be priests or pastors,”

Because the idea is that women should not have to work. This is changing a lot now anyways.